I'm devastated after wife's affair.
- Thread starter TedyBareHeart
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zoii, adults CANNOT enter the teens chat room. However, they CAN enter the teens forum, and honestly sometimes it's a good thing we do. 
Sorry again to the OP for side-tracking this
D
I feel your pain and your anger. Time doesn't heal all wounds but what you choose to do with the time may or may not heal your wounds. There are a few things I suggest. The first would be reading up a lot on what the Bible has to say about forgiveness. I know that is the last thing you want to hear about right now, I've been there I understand. Forgiveness is the key that will set you free from the anger. Forgiveness doesn't make what she did right, and it doesn't justify it. What it does is free you. Forgiveness is also an ongoing thing sometimes even multiple times a day. When negative thoughts start to consume your mind you need to stop and pray Lord, please help me to forgive my wife. Try to focus on God throughout the day this will help keep the anger and pain at bay. I found printing out encouraging bible verses and hanging them where I could look at them often helped me keep my mind focused on God. I would also suggest the two of you find a really good Christian counselor, the reason I say Christian is because unless there is abuse involved a Christian counselor will help the two of you try to save your marriage most normal counselors consider divorce an easy answer. I pray you find healing and can think with a clear head.
G
Give the details. I want the facts. Paint a picture with your words for us, please.
NOT.
Adultery is adultery.
The provable is the physical side. Does not have to involve or include everything. Finding your spouse kissing another could be adultery.
Review some of the other threads people have posted. No sexual details. Read the story of David and Bathsheba, no details. Present it on that basis. It should be fine.
NOT.
Adultery is adultery.
The provable is the physical side. Does not have to involve or include everything. Finding your spouse kissing another could be adultery.
Review some of the other threads people have posted. No sexual details. Read the story of David and Bathsheba, no details. Present it on that basis. It should be fine.
Sorry to all. It's not easy to find time to sit in front of the PC and concentrate on writing while still at work. I'll try make it very brief.
We were married for 20 yrs,. 4 children (19,16,12 & 6). I'm an oil & gas worker in a neighbouring country working on 1 month rotational basis. She is a full time house wife (used to work during earlier yrs of our marriage). She is a born again Christian & I was a believer since childhood but not really following the bible teachings until 10 yrs ago where I devoted my self to God, start to bring my family with our growing up kids to church and that's the time my wife accepted Christ. Our marriage is considered a happy one.. yes sometimes we argue a lot, fight a lot but that's normal for any marriages. We have our ups & downs but I love her & my children very much.
On June 8th.(Sunday) 0200 AM I was woke up by a call from my 16 yr old son (I was on my work rotation ~ away from home) telling me that his mom hasn't back home yet since 1100 PM. The reason she went out as what she told him was to check on my eldest daughter who have been out with friends for a birthday party at one of the McD outlets in town.. but 30 minutes after my wife left, my daughter arrived home. My son called & text his mother to tell her his sister is already back home but she only replied by SMS at around 0100 AM telling him that she got flat tyre & some one is helping her fixing it....my son asked her location but there 's no more reply despite his repeated calls & text to her...he became worried about his mom's safety and well being, so he decided to call me @0200 AM.. I was in the state of shock as my wife never go out alone late like this before. I tried to call her hp as well but to no avail. I don't know what to do as I was not there for them and the idea of her being kidnapped or raped by bad people or a car thief makes me feel extremely worried and helpless... so I shouted.. "God!!..please save my wife, save my wife where ever she is right now..please God!!".. and I cried. I asked my son to call his cousin so they can go searching for her. I kept contact with my son while they were searching and I advised them to go the police station to report a possible car theft or hijack. I also text to my wife's hp saying that just hang on.. the police patrols are on their way looking for her.. (if it was a real car hijacking situation.. this action is stupid, but in the actual situation, it helps). At about 0400 AM, my son sms me telling that his mother have just text him, saying shes on the way home and that she is alright.. I was in great relief that she is ok. But when I called her later, I was somewhat not happy with her reasoning & explaination about what actually happened especially her un-responsiveness on the calls & msgs to her phone.
From there on, I tried to interrogate her but she kept telling me she when out to check on my daughter, got flat tyre and ended up having a drink at a 24 hours outlet some where in town..alone.. but her in-consistency about the whole thing made me un-convinced. Mid june I took 2 days off so I went home to sort things out.. Not satisfied with her story, I went to the 24 hours outlet where she claimed to be drinking.. and requested for the CCTV recordings on the date/time she said where she was, but clearly, she've never been there. I demanded the truth but she just kept quite and didn't said a word... I didn't continued to force her to tell me. That night, I didn't sleep at all.. Without her knowing, I installed a spy apps on her phone, something I quickly learned from the internet that evening. Next day, after reminding her that I will continue to investigate, I returned to my work place (2 hours drive from my house) and that night I checked on her hp online and walla!.. there was a her phone conversation (recorded) with a guy right after I left my house earlier.. frantically asking him to go the hotel where they were together that Sunday night to request the hotel to delete the CCTV footage that night because she worried that I might investigate all the hotels in town. She also reminded him to go to the other hotel where the have been together for 4 or 5 times in April (That was during my work rotation). Hearing the voice of my beloved wife talking to this man,.. I felt like the walls in my room came falling down on my chest.. They also send sms to each other on how to make up a story about what happened that Sunday night so that she can lie to me again.. I felt crushed, devastated, filled with agony ..I can't believe this..after we have been together all this years..finally she betrayed me.
We were married for 20 yrs,. 4 children (19,16,12 & 6). I'm an oil & gas worker in a neighbouring country working on 1 month rotational basis. She is a full time house wife (used to work during earlier yrs of our marriage). She is a born again Christian & I was a believer since childhood but not really following the bible teachings until 10 yrs ago where I devoted my self to God, start to bring my family with our growing up kids to church and that's the time my wife accepted Christ. Our marriage is considered a happy one.. yes sometimes we argue a lot, fight a lot but that's normal for any marriages. We have our ups & downs but I love her & my children very much.
On June 8th.(Sunday) 0200 AM I was woke up by a call from my 16 yr old son (I was on my work rotation ~ away from home) telling me that his mom hasn't back home yet since 1100 PM. The reason she went out as what she told him was to check on my eldest daughter who have been out with friends for a birthday party at one of the McD outlets in town.. but 30 minutes after my wife left, my daughter arrived home. My son called & text his mother to tell her his sister is already back home but she only replied by SMS at around 0100 AM telling him that she got flat tyre & some one is helping her fixing it....my son asked her location but there 's no more reply despite his repeated calls & text to her...he became worried about his mom's safety and well being, so he decided to call me @0200 AM.. I was in the state of shock as my wife never go out alone late like this before. I tried to call her hp as well but to no avail. I don't know what to do as I was not there for them and the idea of her being kidnapped or raped by bad people or a car thief makes me feel extremely worried and helpless... so I shouted.. "God!!..please save my wife, save my wife where ever she is right now..please God!!".. and I cried. I asked my son to call his cousin so they can go searching for her. I kept contact with my son while they were searching and I advised them to go the police station to report a possible car theft or hijack. I also text to my wife's hp saying that just hang on.. the police patrols are on their way looking for her.. (if it was a real car hijacking situation.. this action is stupid, but in the actual situation, it helps). At about 0400 AM, my son sms me telling that his mother have just text him, saying shes on the way home and that she is alright.. I was in great relief that she is ok. But when I called her later, I was somewhat not happy with her reasoning & explaination about what actually happened especially her un-responsiveness on the calls & msgs to her phone.
From there on, I tried to interrogate her but she kept telling me she when out to check on my daughter, got flat tyre and ended up having a drink at a 24 hours outlet some where in town..alone.. but her in-consistency about the whole thing made me un-convinced. Mid june I took 2 days off so I went home to sort things out.. Not satisfied with her story, I went to the 24 hours outlet where she claimed to be drinking.. and requested for the CCTV recordings on the date/time she said where she was, but clearly, she've never been there. I demanded the truth but she just kept quite and didn't said a word... I didn't continued to force her to tell me. That night, I didn't sleep at all.. Without her knowing, I installed a spy apps on her phone, something I quickly learned from the internet that evening. Next day, after reminding her that I will continue to investigate, I returned to my work place (2 hours drive from my house) and that night I checked on her hp online and walla!.. there was a her phone conversation (recorded) with a guy right after I left my house earlier.. frantically asking him to go the hotel where they were together that Sunday night to request the hotel to delete the CCTV footage that night because she worried that I might investigate all the hotels in town. She also reminded him to go to the other hotel where the have been together for 4 or 5 times in April (That was during my work rotation). Hearing the voice of my beloved wife talking to this man,.. I felt like the walls in my room came falling down on my chest.. They also send sms to each other on how to make up a story about what happened that Sunday night so that she can lie to me again.. I felt crushed, devastated, filled with agony ..I can't believe this..after we have been together all this years..finally she betrayed me.
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B
My heart hurts for you... I am so sorry.
I encourage you to ASK her again to come clean and simply say... I am certain this is not the truth... please give me the truth.
1) you have proof recording from her mouth... of her asking other man to "cover" for her. I would suggest you "hold" that information secret if you have not made it known already. And continue to keep it secret. There is no condition that says keeping the information "for now" means you have to USE it... you can just as easily discard it all later without ever letting on that you had the information.
2) Tedy, I am so FOR marriage and reconciliation but find myself being very ANGRY at what your wife has done, not by accident, not by weakness, but by intentionally choosing to disregard the myriad of "moral" barriers to pursue her sinful desire over a long period of time.
3) your anger, pain and RAGE are all quite legitmate responses to the situation... please remember your Lord GOD saw it all long before you were made aware. That is the only Balm I have for you right now... I am sorry I do not have more... I am stunned by your story, I will pray for you and about this.
I encourage you to ASK her again to come clean and simply say... I am certain this is not the truth... please give me the truth.
1) you have proof recording from her mouth... of her asking other man to "cover" for her. I would suggest you "hold" that information secret if you have not made it known already. And continue to keep it secret. There is no condition that says keeping the information "for now" means you have to USE it... you can just as easily discard it all later without ever letting on that you had the information.
2) Tedy, I am so FOR marriage and reconciliation but find myself being very ANGRY at what your wife has done, not by accident, not by weakness, but by intentionally choosing to disregard the myriad of "moral" barriers to pursue her sinful desire over a long period of time.
3) your anger, pain and RAGE are all quite legitmate responses to the situation... please remember your Lord GOD saw it all long before you were made aware. That is the only Balm I have for you right now... I am sorry I do not have more... I am stunned by your story, I will pray for you and about this.
Forget asking her again to tell you the truth. Obviously she doesn't want to and isn't going to. YOU play the recording that you have, to her and ask her to explain it. Tell her you have solid proof of her infidelities. Tape recordings and video doesn't lie. When confronted with the truth, she WILL have to 'fess up..
G
No need to be sorry.
I feel very bad for you.
Are you divorced? "We were married." Or did you mean, "We've been married."
If divorced, then that is understandable.
If not divorced, try to work with her and solve the problem.
Will pray for you.
What you went through and are going through is terrible and heartbreaking.
I feel very bad for you.
Are you divorced? "We were married." Or did you mean, "We've been married."
If divorced, then that is understandable.
If not divorced, try to work with her and solve the problem.
Will pray for you.
What you went through and are going through is terrible and heartbreaking.
B
I don't think so bluebug.... we are to conduct ourselves as "wise as serpents and gentle as doves", what you are suggesting is to throw all the cards on the table "which is a winning hand" and force the truth out of her.... that is not making room for HS to convict her or allow for OP to be led by HS to decide the "direction" he is going to take this scenario. I do not think controlling the issue by forcing "confession" puts anyone in a better "position" in terms of God's economy. I am not saying doing that would "spoil" everything... but what is lacking here is REAL INTEGRITY and how can the OP measure any new information from the wife as trustworthy... if he is the one who FORCED her to admit the truth?
Well she's not very forth coming about any of this, now is she? If she actually SEES that he has proof of what she's doing, then maybe she WILL confess all, and they can figure things out from there. She made this bed of thorns, now she needs to take responsibility for her actions. She is a liar and a cheater, that much we know for a fact. Liars and cheaters rarely come clean unless presented with proof of their dirty deeds. And how do we know that the HS WON'T be convicting her to come clean through the proof that hubby has?
G
Tedy,
I don't know how much anger and rage you feel. I do know anger. I do know rage, but I don't know what it is like when it stems from betrayal as you have experienced.
Talk it out. Talk out the anger and the rage. Tell it to your wife. Not that you plan to get enraged in the telling, but certainly don't hold back. Talk it out also with a counselor, with or without your wife. Preferably with your wife at some time. Talk it out with God.
Work it out. Use your anger energy to be constructive. Put it to use. Use it to exercise, to repair things, to help others.
Reason it out. You are a Christian. You love the Lord. Your wife cheated. But you are still with the Lord. No pain or sorrow or hurt can take that away. In 1 year from now, so much will have changed in your life. 2 years, 3 years, then those last years of your life these things will not matter at all. They matter now, but don't let them rule you. You have control over your reality. The betrayal against you is part of your earthly life, but it is not the fullness of it.
Read it out. Read the bible. Read again how the Lord was betrayed so many times. Read about Paul's suffering. Read about the promises of God. Read about His answering our prayers.
Define it out. It is not a sin how you feel. It is not a mystery as to what happened. It was selfish. It was sin. It was adultery. Your wife committed adultery. Period. That's the issue. If she doesn't acknowledge that and understand it, nothing much will change. She did not make a mistake, for she knew what she was doing. She broke her vows to you. She adulterated your covenant relationship you had with each other.
Wait it out. In time the anger will lessen. It will.
Praying for you.
I don't know how much anger and rage you feel. I do know anger. I do know rage, but I don't know what it is like when it stems from betrayal as you have experienced.
Talk it out. Talk out the anger and the rage. Tell it to your wife. Not that you plan to get enraged in the telling, but certainly don't hold back. Talk it out also with a counselor, with or without your wife. Preferably with your wife at some time. Talk it out with God.
Work it out. Use your anger energy to be constructive. Put it to use. Use it to exercise, to repair things, to help others.
Reason it out. You are a Christian. You love the Lord. Your wife cheated. But you are still with the Lord. No pain or sorrow or hurt can take that away. In 1 year from now, so much will have changed in your life. 2 years, 3 years, then those last years of your life these things will not matter at all. They matter now, but don't let them rule you. You have control over your reality. The betrayal against you is part of your earthly life, but it is not the fullness of it.
Read it out. Read the bible. Read again how the Lord was betrayed so many times. Read about Paul's suffering. Read about the promises of God. Read about His answering our prayers.
Define it out. It is not a sin how you feel. It is not a mystery as to what happened. It was selfish. It was sin. It was adultery. Your wife committed adultery. Period. That's the issue. If she doesn't acknowledge that and understand it, nothing much will change. She did not make a mistake, for she knew what she was doing. She broke her vows to you. She adulterated your covenant relationship you had with each other.
Wait it out. In time the anger will lessen. It will.
Praying for you.
I did hold the truth and continued to ask her questions (we communicated via whatsapp as I'm still on duty away from home) as if I still don't know the truth... to my disbelief she kept on telling lies and she even contacted and begged to one of her lady friend whom she befriended at a fitness center to become an actor in her next false story to proof that they were together at a different outlet not the one that I have checked (I can see all their sms online). After that she asked me to contact her actor friend if I wanted to know the real story... but I did not call the lady.(waste my time).. at first I feel like to hold it a bit longer. I want to play games with them... but I can't stand seeing my wife continue to tell more lies .. I decided it must stop.. so I told her I know everything. I told her about the phone recording, the SMSs, all the false story,.. she cried and cried and cried
.
P
You will find in the christian walk you have to have 2 things going on. 1) is your total sold out life to God. Thi is your 'real' life,your refuge,your safe place,where all life,energy and virtue come into your being.
The other is the natural walk.Wife,family,job,commitments,repairs,etc.
You have to apply this. It is not incidental,or automatic.It is your state of being,and state of mind. It becomes your inner constitution,or 'your center'.
Now,your immediate job is to forgive her. (seems impossible),but this is how you do it;
You say to yourself "I forgive her right now,even though it seems fake,i say to heaven,"Lord I do forgive her,now Jesus help make it real.Give me this superntural gift I need to be obediant and forgive."
You say it over and over.You make it your ammbition. God WILL HONOR your steps. He will see your heart.he will see your effort.
People are fickle,we all are. You just found out where to invest and where you must apply RESERVE. You don't ever put your total affection on any human.Even your wife. She could be gone tomarrow,and where are you? In the ditch!!!
Use this time to invest in your walk and make it such a walk that the devil and every humanoid be made lesser and Jesus rule every cell of your being.This is done through worship,meetings,and getting around anointed remnant believers.
The other is the natural walk.Wife,family,job,commitments,repairs,etc.
You have to apply this. It is not incidental,or automatic.It is your state of being,and state of mind. It becomes your inner constitution,or 'your center'.
Now,your immediate job is to forgive her. (seems impossible),but this is how you do it;
You say to yourself "I forgive her right now,even though it seems fake,i say to heaven,"Lord I do forgive her,now Jesus help make it real.Give me this superntural gift I need to be obediant and forgive."
You say it over and over.You make it your ammbition. God WILL HONOR your steps. He will see your heart.he will see your effort.
People are fickle,we all are. You just found out where to invest and where you must apply RESERVE. You don't ever put your total affection on any human.Even your wife. She could be gone tomarrow,and where are you? In the ditch!!!
Use this time to invest in your walk and make it such a walk that the devil and every humanoid be made lesser and Jesus rule every cell of your being.This is done through worship,meetings,and getting around anointed remnant believers.
T
Very sad story! Unfortunately this happens too often!
She did betray you and as a result she lost your trust forever!
What should you do now, spies all her moves or chain her at home???
Jesus did not blackmail his disciples but told them: Do you want to go away as well?
If she wants to go away let her go … If not then there is hope …
Praying for your family!
She did betray you and as a result she lost your trust forever!
What should you do now, spies all her moves or chain her at home???
Jesus did not blackmail his disciples but told them: Do you want to go away as well?
If she wants to go away let her go … If not then there is hope …
Praying for your family!