I'm devastated after wife's affair.
- Thread starter TedyBareHeart
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It does not seem to me that your wife is the least bit sorry for betraying the trust that you had in her. It is obvious from your posts that you will never be able to trust her again and this will be a constant source of anxiety for you. For you to heal from this devastating type of hurt you will need to put this behind you and start moving forward. Chances are that the betrayal happened before April. Make a phone call and let the process of healing begin.
B
ACK tourist!!!!
He COULD trust her again by the power of GOD healing and restoration COULD come, there has not been adequate TIME for the scenario to unfold to allow the OP to decide what course of action he is going to take... make allowance for that instead of making final condemnation upon the situation.
Every single time you put in your 2 cents on a marriage issue... it screams HOPELESSNESS! I really want you to STOP speaking death over these situations... TRY to speak life or please just say NOTHING!
Hopelessness is holding out hope that this marriage can be fully restored. God may help the OP to forgive his wife but there is a reason why adultery is the only biblical grounds that allows for divorce and possible remarriage.
It also seems likely that the OP has a suspicious nature and the unfaithfulness will always be a source of anxiety and despair.
You are correct in saying that he could trust her again by the power of God. It just seems improbable that the OP would be able to tolerate the pain to reach a point of reconciliation that may never come.
It also seems likely that the OP has a suspicious nature and the unfaithfulness will always be a source of anxiety and despair.
You are correct in saying that he could trust her again by the power of God. It just seems improbable that the OP would be able to tolerate the pain to reach a point of reconciliation that may never come.
G
Try to be honest about your wifes side of the story also. What led up to the cheating? Not that there is any excuse, but there may be problems that led up to cheating.
We all need to be honest about the role we play in situations like this.
Was and is your wife your priority in your family? Do you place work,kids,play,friends over your wife?
Most spouses don't just go out and cheat. And it is always good to do a self check and see the possibility that we may have played a role in the end result. Its no excuse for the cheating, but we need to be honest with ourselves if our priorities were right from the beginning.
Most men will place their work before their wife, it is in our nature. And if our work is placed above our wives........it usually doesn't go well for the men.
1. Jesus Christ
2. our right woman.
3.our family.
4. our work.
Was your wife you priority in your family?
We all need to be honest about the role we play in situations like this.
Was and is your wife your priority in your family? Do you place work,kids,play,friends over your wife?
Most spouses don't just go out and cheat. And it is always good to do a self check and see the possibility that we may have played a role in the end result. Its no excuse for the cheating, but we need to be honest with ourselves if our priorities were right from the beginning.
Most men will place their work before their wife, it is in our nature. And if our work is placed above our wives........it usually doesn't go well for the men.
1. Jesus Christ
2. our right woman.
3.our family.
4. our work.
Was your wife you priority in your family?
V
Oops! I spoke too soon. My dear Atwhatcost - I apologize as I'm the one who needs the restraining sock because I'm gonna use my "outdoor voice" right now:
IS EVERYONE KIDDING ME???????
Seriously, when I read TedyBareHeart's story, all I could see is that he's extremely controlling. He's putting spy apps on his wife's phone, running around town demanding security camera history, interrogating (his admits) his wife, I mean the man is policing his wife like she's a prisoner. It was actually frightening reading his story!
I don't for a minute believe that this supremacy over his wife only started the day he discovered her missing. Nobody becomes that controlling instantaneously. It seems things progressed to this boiling point over a period of time.
I am not blaming TedyBareHeart for his wife's behavior. She's accountable for what she does. I am addressing the fact that this husband is not trusting God when he is invading his wife's privacy, cross-examining her like a police sergeant, demanding she answer to him and even has their children in on surveying their mother's every move. This is insanity!
Where is God in this situation? We are not to control our spouse like that. We need to let them go free if that's what they want. "Let them depart..." If he wants this marriage to survive, he's going to have to get professional counseling rather than try to shackle his wife to their vows. Is this a prison sentence or a godly marriage?
They need professional help, maybe even legal help, but certainly not continue this frantic incrimination of his wife.
IS EVERYONE KIDDING ME???????
Seriously, when I read TedyBareHeart's story, all I could see is that he's extremely controlling. He's putting spy apps on his wife's phone, running around town demanding security camera history, interrogating (his admits) his wife, I mean the man is policing his wife like she's a prisoner. It was actually frightening reading his story!
I don't for a minute believe that this supremacy over his wife only started the day he discovered her missing. Nobody becomes that controlling instantaneously. It seems things progressed to this boiling point over a period of time.
I am not blaming TedyBareHeart for his wife's behavior. She's accountable for what she does. I am addressing the fact that this husband is not trusting God when he is invading his wife's privacy, cross-examining her like a police sergeant, demanding she answer to him and even has their children in on surveying their mother's every move. This is insanity!
Where is God in this situation? We are not to control our spouse like that. We need to let them go free if that's what they want. "Let them depart..." If he wants this marriage to survive, he's going to have to get professional counseling rather than try to shackle his wife to their vows. Is this a prison sentence or a godly marriage?
They need professional help, maybe even legal help, but certainly not continue this frantic incrimination of his wife.
B
Oops! I spoke too soon. My dear Atwhatcost - I apologize as I'm the one who needs the restraining sock because I'm gonna use my "outdoor voice" right now:
IS EVERYONE KIDDING ME???????
Seriously, when I read TedyBareHeart's story, all I could see is that he's extremely controlling. He's putting spy apps on his wife's phone, running around town demanding security camera history, interrogating (his admits) his wife, I mean the man is policing his wife like she's a prisoner. It was actually frightening reading his story!
I don't for a minute believe that this supremacy over his wife only started the day he discovered her missing. Nobody becomes that controlling instantaneously. It seems things progressed to this boiling point over a period of time.
I am not blaming TedyBareHeart for his wife's behavior. She's accountable for what she does. I am addressing the fact that this husband is not trusting God when he is invading his wife's privacy, cross-examining her like a police sergeant, demanding she answer to him and even has their children in on surveying their mother's every move. This is insanity!
Where is God in this situation? We are not to control our spouse like that. We need to let them go free if that's what they want. "Let them depart..." If he wants this marriage to survive, he's going to have to get professional counseling rather than try to shackle his wife to their vows. Is this a prison sentence or a godly marriage?
They need professional help, maybe even legal help, but certainly not continue this frantic incrimination of his wife.
IS EVERYONE KIDDING ME???????
Seriously, when I read TedyBareHeart's story, all I could see is that he's extremely controlling. He's putting spy apps on his wife's phone, running around town demanding security camera history, interrogating (his admits) his wife, I mean the man is policing his wife like she's a prisoner. It was actually frightening reading his story!
I don't for a minute believe that this supremacy over his wife only started the day he discovered her missing. Nobody becomes that controlling instantaneously. It seems things progressed to this boiling point over a period of time.
I am not blaming TedyBareHeart for his wife's behavior. She's accountable for what she does. I am addressing the fact that this husband is not trusting God when he is invading his wife's privacy, cross-examining her like a police sergeant, demanding she answer to him and even has their children in on surveying their mother's every move. This is insanity!
Where is God in this situation? We are not to control our spouse like that. We need to let them go free if that's what they want. "Let them depart..." If he wants this marriage to survive, he's going to have to get professional counseling rather than try to shackle his wife to their vows. Is this a prison sentence or a godly marriage?
They need professional help, maybe even legal help, but certainly not continue this frantic incrimination of his wife.
... nice of you to drop in a poop cynicism in all the right places... good SHOW!Violet is the ONLY one who has any discernment in the issue everybody.... we can all log off... she has it handled.
V
I'd be glad to stuff you in a sock... ... nice of you to drop in a poop cynicism in all the right places... good SHOW!
Violet is the ONLY one who has any discernment in the issue everybody.... we can all log off... she has it handled.
... nice of you to drop in a poop cynicism in all the right places... good SHOW!Violet is the ONLY one who has any discernment in the issue everybody.... we can all log off... she has it handled.
Boy, if it weren't for "poop and cynicism" (your words) ,you'd never have anything to post. I often wonder if you rejoice every time you find something to criticize.
No matter. TedyBareHeart needs to seek professional Christian counseling if he hopes to save his marriage. I pray that's what he does.
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J
Give the details. I want the facts. Paint a picture with your words for us, please.
NOT.
Adultery is adultery.
The provable is the physical side. Does not have to involve or include everything. Finding your spouse kissing another could be adultery.
Review some of the other threads people have posted. No sexual details. Read the story of David and Bathsheba, no details. Present it on that basis. It should be fine.
NOT.
Adultery is adultery.
The provable is the physical side. Does not have to involve or include everything. Finding your spouse kissing another could be adultery.
Review some of the other threads people have posted. No sexual details. Read the story of David and Bathsheba, no details. Present it on that basis. It should be fine.
