How are you as a man/woman first and are you stable ,not only as a christian first but as your own person .then you look at not only if you are attracted to the other but do you see who they are and not only do they say they serve God but actually do it in actions as well. That alone will tell you how they are going to treat you,not just on your dates but in everyday life because that alone should tell you how they will treat you in marriage.Because if you don't like how they are treating you in everyday life but you may be very attracted to what they look like. That alone should tell you if thay are right for you
Is it wrong that I'm looking for a girl like this?
- Thread starter dothackzero
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Vidy
Guest
Didn't read thee whole thread, but here's what I have to say-
Ok, let's say that there are three broad "categories" of things you look for in a girl... let's not use real features, but assume that looks is "factor L."
Would you rather have a girl with this-
A- 10
B- 10
C- 10
L- 0
D- 10
or this?
A- 7
B- 7
C- 7
L- 7
D- 7
or this?
A- 3
B- 4
C- 1
L- 10
D- 5
I myself would choose the middle option ~_o So yes, I think it's ok to deny someone based on looks. However, you should NEVER date based SOLELY on looks. I want my spouse to be attractive... Especially in the face, considering that's all I'm gonna see 99% of the time lol. But yeah, if a girl's fat and/or ugly, I know she can't help it, but I just couldn't do it, because physical attraction is just as important in a relationship as emotional attraction ~_o
Ok, let's say that there are three broad "categories" of things you look for in a girl... let's not use real features, but assume that looks is "factor L."
Would you rather have a girl with this-
A- 10
B- 10
C- 10
L- 0
D- 10
or this?
A- 7
B- 7
C- 7
L- 7
D- 7
or this?
A- 3
B- 4
C- 1
L- 10
D- 5
I myself would choose the middle option ~_o So yes, I think it's ok to deny someone based on looks. However, you should NEVER date based SOLELY on looks. I want my spouse to be attractive... Especially in the face, considering that's all I'm gonna see 99% of the time lol. But yeah, if a girl's fat and/or ugly, I know she can't help it, but I just couldn't do it, because physical attraction is just as important in a relationship as emotional attraction ~_o
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Harley_Angel
Guest
Let's face it, people don't date people they think are ugly, they just don't. Physical appearance is a part of what attracts us. Where it's wrong is when you date someone you know you are incompatible with just because they have a 'hawt bod' or something. If my husband looked like he just crawled out of some pit of dispair and body odor, I wouldn't have married him. As it is, he's probably one of the most attractive men I've ever seen, and it's mostly because of his personality...he's also got so much character and warmth and amazingness it's not even funny. Some girls dont' think he's cute because he's got the cutest big ears I've ever seen, other girls I have to give the evil death glare to because they ogle him so much. It comes down to taste. I never dated a guy shorter than 6ft, doesn't mean someone else won't.
Out of those 3 girls I'd choose...
A- 7
B- 7
C- 7
L- 7
D- 7
What do the letters stand for anyway, the only one I can figure out is L= looks...
btw, I'd probably also be happy if it was something like....
A- 7
B- 7
C- 7
L- 5.5-6
D- 7
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Harley_Angel
Guest
The whole category thing is absurd. You find out what kind of person you like by dating and being friends with different types of people. You never know if what's in your head really works in real life. Everyone has their "perfect partner" but you'll never, ever get that person, ever, because nobody is perfect. Despite them not being everything you want, you'l be suprised exactly who you fall in love with. Don't categorize it, dont' force it, and don't go into a relationship with pre-concieved idea of what you want that woman to be. You can't know what you like until you've experienced it.
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Vidy
Guest
Oh, the letters didn't stand for anything. They were imaginary "traits" that could range from characters to emotional stability to talents. Just the things you'd be looking for in someone basically ^_^
FALSE.
#1- You DO choose who you fall in love with. Thus people falling in love with people that are in a downward spiral in life that are unlikely to do anything productive anytime soon, if ever. It's sad really =(
#2- My girlfriend meets and exceeds ALL of my criteria. In fact, the ONLY thing I don't like about her is her desire to travel, but it's a minor problem that we're working our way around atm. She says she might get a job traveling, which I'm cool with (since Computer Science is in demand pretty much everywhere), but if not, we can just take planned vacations to places she wants to go =P
However, she is VERY beautiful (at least a 9 on most peoples' scales, though I'd prolly say 10 lol), she has a great outgoing personality, and she often keeps me in check with God when I tend to stray a little. She's not athletic at all, but hey, she doesn't really need to be lol.
I could just be in bliss, and I may not know everything I need to since faults are a little easier to hide in distanced relationships, but IMO she's as close to perfect a girl I've ever met ^_^
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Harley_Angel
Guest
No, I don't think you do get to choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes you are simply more compatible with one person than another, and you never know until you've given it a shot. There were several men in my life, including an ex fiance I thought I could be in love with, and in the end, I simply wasn't. I loved them, yes, but it wasn't the kind of love that a marriage needs. When I met my husband, he really wasn't in my "criteria" not only was he younger than me, which I vowed never to date someone younger than me, but he was blond where I prefer a darker haired guy, tan where I prefer paler, and there was the small fact he was already married (but in the middle of getting the divorce finalized). But despite him not being the kind of guy that fit my "category criteria" I love him more than I ever thought possible.
You can choose who you date, and who you stay with, and who you allow in your life, but you can't categorize the type of person you'll fall in love with. We each have deal-breakers and preferences and things we have to comprimise on, but just because you think you can't be with a person because they aren't 5 years older than you, dark haired, pale, and without emotional baggage, doesn't mean it isn't gonna happen.
If you want a perfect woman who fits in your little category and scores the perfect number in every sense, then you will be looking for a LONG time. You need to keep a relatively open mind before you figure out what is and isn't a deal breaker in a relationship.
You can choose who you date, and who you stay with, and who you allow in your life, but you can't categorize the type of person you'll fall in love with. We each have deal-breakers and preferences and things we have to comprimise on, but just because you think you can't be with a person because they aren't 5 years older than you, dark haired, pale, and without emotional baggage, doesn't mean it isn't gonna happen.
If you want a perfect woman who fits in your little category and scores the perfect number in every sense, then you will be looking for a LONG time. You need to keep a relatively open mind before you figure out what is and isn't a deal breaker in a relationship.
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Vidy
Guest
I don't need a perfect number, I just need a passing score ~_o And my current girlfriend is nearly acing the test, so to speak, and I thank God for that ^_^
And yes, you just proved that you CAN choose who you fall in love with. He didn't meet any criteria, and you chose to love him anyway ~_o Setting certain criteria and following them is definitely not infeasible... The only tricky part is getting them to love you back, which is difficult whether the other person meets your standards or not =P
You may not always choose you who get attracted to, though, like you said =)
And yes, you just proved that you CAN choose who you fall in love with. He didn't meet any criteria, and you chose to love him anyway ~_o Setting certain criteria and following them is definitely not infeasible... The only tricky part is getting them to love you back, which is difficult whether the other person meets your standards or not =P
You may not always choose you who get attracted to, though, like you said =)
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Harley_Angel
Guest
I didn't choose to love him, I just do. I didn't sit down one day and say, hmmm, from this list of people, Daniel I CHOOSE YOU! It was like I realized one day, when he hugged me, his arms felt like home and I never wanted to leave them.
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Vidy
Guest
lol, that sounded so much like Pokemon XD
But yes, believe it or not, you are choosing to love him. When you have a fight (which I'm sure happens every so often), why don't you just leave, or stop talking to him for weeks, or separate? It's because you CHOOSE to stay with him, regardless of your conflicts. I also realize that love is something that grows over time, and some can see it grow, and to some it just hits them one day.
And like you said earlier- You choose who you end up staying with. You are attracted to a variety of people, but YOU pick the ones you stay with. In fact, when you married Daniel, you did say "Daniel, I CHOOSE YOU." It's not as emotionless as just picking him from a list, but you chose him, nonetheless.
And you CAN set criteria for who you are attracted to, as long as said criteria are reasonable. Like you said, if you plan on finding someone who's a perfect 10 in EVERY aspect of their lives, you're never gonna find anyone. But setting standards, and only dating within those standards, is definitely possible. And even though you may find yourself attracted to a few people who aren't up to your standards, you do NOT have to choose to stay with and love them.
Do you see where I'm coming from?...
But yes, believe it or not, you are choosing to love him. When you have a fight (which I'm sure happens every so often), why don't you just leave, or stop talking to him for weeks, or separate? It's because you CHOOSE to stay with him, regardless of your conflicts. I also realize that love is something that grows over time, and some can see it grow, and to some it just hits them one day.
And like you said earlier- You choose who you end up staying with. You are attracted to a variety of people, but YOU pick the ones you stay with. In fact, when you married Daniel, you did say "Daniel, I CHOOSE YOU." It's not as emotionless as just picking him from a list, but you chose him, nonetheless.
And you CAN set criteria for who you are attracted to, as long as said criteria are reasonable. Like you said, if you plan on finding someone who's a perfect 10 in EVERY aspect of their lives, you're never gonna find anyone. But setting standards, and only dating within those standards, is definitely possible. And even though you may find yourself attracted to a few people who aren't up to your standards, you do NOT have to choose to stay with and love them.
Do you see where I'm coming from?...
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Harley_Angel
Guest
Yes, I see where you are coming from, and right now we are hitting the giant brick wall of semantics. I know what you are trying to say though, and unfortunately I don't have the words to put what my brain is thinking into text, but I'll try.
I didn't choose to love him. I fell in love with him because I did, not because I chose to. I did however choose to ALLOW myself to love him. I chose to marry him, I chose to live with him, and if the day ever comes that we fight, I will choose to make up. I do all those things because I love him. Does that make sense? I didn't pick him out to love, I just naturally and instictively do, but because I love him, I choose to show him I love him. You can love someone and choose not to be with them, or not to act on that love, but it doesn't change the fact you didn't decide one day to love them, it just happens.
I didn't choose to love him. I fell in love with him because I did, not because I chose to. I did however choose to ALLOW myself to love him. I chose to marry him, I chose to live with him, and if the day ever comes that we fight, I will choose to make up. I do all those things because I love him. Does that make sense? I didn't pick him out to love, I just naturally and instictively do, but because I love him, I choose to show him I love him. You can love someone and choose not to be with them, or not to act on that love, but it doesn't change the fact you didn't decide one day to love them, it just happens.
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HumbleSaint
Guest
Dothack you might just have to find yourself a chubby women untill you confidence starts to rise then work you way to a better looking women.
LOL, this reminds me of election talks.
Also, you can't choose who you love, as in the emotion. If you could, then break ups would be easy. Also, if you could, the lifetime channel would lose 50% of it's programing schuedule.
Also, you can't choose who you love, as in the emotion. If you could, then break ups would be easy. Also, if you could, the lifetime channel would lose 50% of it's programing schuedule.
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Vidy
Guest
Yes, I see what you're saying. And what I'm saying is that you will "just love" many people, and some will fit your criteria and some won't, as long as your criteria aren't unreasonable ~_o Saying that you will never find someone who meets your standards is wrong, though in some cases, like yours, it's not particularly wrong to choose someone who doesn't quite meet all the "criteria."
I think we're saying like the same thing here, just in different ways... Which is understandable, considering guys and girls probably have drastically different views on stuffs like this =P
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Shine
Guest
I really get pained by people labelling others as ugly, worse of all us christians. If we are all children of God made in his own image, why would he create something deemed not to be beautiful. That is why I believe that a person is not defined by physical appearance but what springs out from the heart. But in this day and age such conviction is easily derided by many.
The woman I wish to marry(by God's grace) would be someone who shares the same conviction.
The woman I wish to marry(by God's grace) would be someone who shares the same conviction.
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HumbleSaint
Guest
Amen maybe I shouldn't have said what I did about him first finding a chubby girl. I was just trying to though some humer in there.. I was debating as to whether I should put it in there or not. Sorry if I offended.
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Shine
Guest
I'm sorry to say that I think Vidy, my brother; this is a bit inconsiderate of you. I do respect your opinions as a human being like myself but as Christians shouldn't we set an example on eradicating stereotypical views. It's not like the Christian walk is a smooth sailing ride, it has got some very tricky thorns in its passage. And I believe that as a growing body of Christ, we should never pursue satisfaction of our own fleshly desires. Love should emanate from the heart unconditionally. Imagine if Jesus had classified the sort of people who could be cleansed of their sins from his sacrifice at the cross. There definitely would pandemonium in this world. Everything was done with unconditional love. This example may sound extreme but in your classification did you ever consider how a person who falls in the resented category feels. Who will we (Christians) be then, if we doom each other to a certain life based on looks.
Imagine if you hold to this thought line and the next day a tragic accident, which ruins your looks, befalls you. How would you feel having ladies, you currently classify as more "beautiful" than others, resenting you because of your looks. That's surely not being Christ like is it. Your heart defines who you are and not your looks. Everyone deserves to be viewed according to what their heart possesses. Is that not so, brother?
I always think that people who were born "without"(not entirely feasible though) defects (more appropriately consider themselves to be) forget to appreciate that God has a plan for everything. It doesn’t mean that one person is better than another in looks or whatsoever. Remember that can predict the future save for God so guarding against putting degrading labels on others is surely the safest option in life, Christian or non-Christian, as you might turn out to be what you have professed about others.
By the way this is my opinion too and would take any of your criticism. Maybe I'm too conscious of every person's struggles, whether thought to be lighter or heavy by others.
Jesus said go to the ends of the world and be fishers of men. How can we fish if we classify others as superior or inferior in our tastes? This is scary.
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Shine
Guest
I hope I didn't sound too sensitive such that I would scare you from expressing your mind. The big insight is that when you start to understand the “internal” suffering of people who are usually misguidedly labeled by the society you become conscious of what you sprout as a Christian. That is, you begin to think of the ramifications of your words and actions to others, as there is great power in the words of a child of God. This is epitomized by prayer where we use sanctified words as our weapons rather than physical armory.
If we don't guard our tongues we only subconsciously aid the devil in his quest against the kingdom of God. This would involve rotting the church inside out and stealing as many souls as he can.
With much love
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Harley_Angel
Guest
Fyi...no girl wants to be called chubby, even if it's true or if you are trying to tell her it's cute. I nearly castrated a boyfriend because he told me I was pleasantly plump one time when I was obsessing over my curves...just don't do it...ever...just...don't. If a girl brings it up, just tell her, you are beautiful and always will be...dont' add "even if you are curvy" "no matter how much weight you gain" "or even if you aren't skiny" in there...trust me.
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