My shield doesn't work

[lihle]

I come from a very traditional community, where there is a way of doing well things. When my husband passed away 2 years ago I had to go throu gh a mourning period for a year (it's traditional). Although I didn't wear black for the whole thing year ( also traditional ) because of religious beliefs and because I wore uniform at work, I still had to cover my head and ware long dresses for the whole year. After the mourning period was over, I was free to dress the way I used to dress before. It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

 

[Galahad]

I come from a very traditional community, where there is a way of doing well things. When my husband passed away 2 years ago I had to go throu gh a mourning period for a year (it's traditional). Although I didn't wear black for the whole thing year ( also traditional ) because of religious beliefs and because I wore uniform at work, I still had to cover my head and ware long dresses for the whole year. After the mourning period was over, I was free to dress the way I used to dress before. It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

Hard to give you advice. Different culture.

But if the men who are approaching you know that you are a widow and that 2 years have passed since your loss, they will not care about your covering and ring. They will see you as a single woman.

Advice? Just tell them you are not interested. If anyone of them continues to approach you and make passes, then report it to your employer and/or authorities.

Tell them you have AIDS. Maybe that will keep them away.

 

[atwhatcost]

I come from a very traditional community, where there is a way of doing well things. When my husband passed away 2 years ago I had to go throu gh a mourning period for a year (it's traditional). Although I didn't wear black for the whole thing year ( also traditional ) because of religious beliefs and because I wore uniform at work, I still had to cover my head and ware long dresses for the whole year. After the mourning period was over, I was free to dress the way I used to dress before. It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

Is it okay to wear a pin? You can customize one. Have it say "Still off the marriage market."

Why are you getting this attention? Surely people know what happened. You only need one person with a big mouth and nothing is faster than gossip.

 

[lihle]

That's is exactly the problem,people know what happened, and after a year the mourning period is over meaning you are allowed to have relationship or even marry again. In some cases a widow is married to the husbands brother ( this is a way to provide and to keep the widow in the family because of the bride price that was paid by the late husband). But because the times has changed, most families don't do that practice anymore. So after the mourning period was over, I was told that I can have relationship but I must be descreat hence I'm still the daughter-inlaw. So most men probably know that it is permitted for me to have relationship but the thing is I'm not interested, no one seems to get this.

 

[zoii]

I come from a very traditional community, where there is a way of doing well things. When my husband passed away 2 years ago I had to go throu gh a mourning period for a year (it's traditional). Although I didn't wear black for the whole thing year ( also traditional ) because of religious beliefs and because I wore uniform at work, I still had to cover my head and ware long dresses for the whole year. After the mourning period was over, I was free to dress the way I used to dress before. It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

Wow I appreciated your post - I identified with a lot in it. For me you raised the intense cringe I feel getting the attention of men when I don't want it. How do you stop it. I like how you shield yourself. Sometimes I wish I could wear a Burka. I also wanted to say to you how sorry I am that you lost your husband and I hope your life is good. TY for posting this and I'll be interested in what other women have to say on it
All the best
Zoii

 

[passing_through]

I deeply regret this unwanted attention you're getting, though I have no answer for you. Talk to the old mothers about it if you can, maybe they have overcome this problem.

 

[blue_ladybug]

1.) How you dress is NOT a "shield" in any way, shape or form.. It's been a year or more now so the men probably figure that you SHOULD be back on the market. Men's attentions are not thwarted by clothing..

2.) Still wearing your wedding ring really doesn't mean much, as far as trying to show men that you're unavailable. They know that your husband is dead, so there's no use wearing it, except for sentimental reasons..

 

[skylove7]

1.) How you dress is NOT a "shield" in any way, shape or form.. It's been a year or more now so the men probably figure that you SHOULD be back on the market. Men's attentions are not thwarted by clothing..

2.) Still wearing your wedding ring really doesn't mean much, as far as trying to show men that you're unavailable. They know that your husband is dead, so there's no use wearing it, except for sentimental reasons..

BLB you are a shield
My strong brave little bluebug
I love you very much!

P.S. forgive me
I have no idea what this thread is
But I saw the word shield and blueladybug lol
So I had to speak my heart

I love you all so so much

 

[lihle]

1.) How you dress is NOT a "shield" in any way, shape or form.. It's been a year or more now so the men probably figure that you SHOULD be back on the market. Men's attentions are not thwarted by clothing..

2.) Still wearing your wedding ring really doesn't mean much, as far as trying to show men that you're unavailable. They know that your husband is dead, so there's no use wearing it, except for sentimental reasons..

Well, where I come from the way you dress kind of tell your relationship status. Married women cover their heads and wear long dresses. So anyone can tell frm the way you dress even if they don't know you if you married or not. Although the tradition is slowly changing with times, win many places it still observed.

 

[Willie-T]

You really might consider enjoying the attention while you can. It will be just a blink of an eye, and no man will even notice an old lady shuffling along the sidewalk.

 

[lihle]

You really might consider enjoying the attention while you can. It will be just a blink of an eye, and no man will even notice an old lady shuffling along the sidewalk.

Thanks but no thanks, life doesn't revolve around men. There is more to life than just men.

 

[passing_through]

Sadly, some men doesn't realize that some women doesn't want to be reduced to an object of men's pleasure without her being interested and other factors being right.

 

[passing_through]

Thanks but no thanks, life doesn't revolve around men. There is more to life than just men.

and there is more to women than _________ too. You said it right.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Well, where I come from the way you dress kind of tell your relationship status. Married women cover their heads and wear long dresses. So anyone can tell frm the way you dress even if they don't know you if you married or not. Although the tradition is slowly changing with times, win many places it still observed.

As I said before, a wedding/ engagement ring has never stopped most men from giving a woman their attention. If alot of people there know that your husband is dead, they probably consider you "fair game" to pursue, regardless of whether or not you want them to. Tell them you're already in a relationship with God..

 

[zoii]

You really might consider enjoying the attention while you can. It will be just a blink of an eye, and no man will even notice an old lady shuffling along the sidewalk.

um.... ur timing is terrible Willie

 

[Willie-T]

um.... ur timing is terrible Willie

Hey, she's already three times as old as you are. The sun will rise and set a few times, and she will wake up one morning, an old lady. Life should be lived while we have it, not enshrined in a tomb because we lost a spouse years ago.

 

[lihle]

Hey, she's already three times as old as you are. The sun will rise and set a few times, and she will wake up one morning, an old lady. Life should be lived while we have it, not enshrined in a tomb because we lost a spouse years ago.

I don't need a man to live my life, somehow you don't seem to get that. I'm complete, I'm fearefuly and wonderfully made. I am all woman and don't need any extention, thank you very much

 

[blue_ladybug]

I don't need a man to live my life, somehow you don't seem to get that. I'm complete, I'm fearefuly and wonderfully made. I am all woman and don't need any extention, thank you very much

Good for you..

 

[Willie-T]

I don't need a man to live my life, somehow you don't seem to get that. I'm complete, I'm fearefuly and wonderfully made. I am all woman and don't need any extention, thank you very much

I never said you need a man. I said to enjoy the life God gave you with BOTH sexes. I hang with the guys, but I also love being with women. They think differently, react differently, and are so much fun to be around. (And, I am married to the most impressive and beautiful woman God ever made.)

If your idea of enjoying time with a man runs straight to ideas of having to entertain thoughts of marriage, then perhaps it is time to revise the thinking impressed upon you years ago.

 

[VioletReigns]

I come from a very traditional community, where there is a way of doing well things. When my husband passed away 2 years ago I had to go throu gh a mourning period for a year (it's traditional). Although I didn't wear black for the whole thing year ( also traditional ) because of religious beliefs and because I wore uniform at work, I still had to cover my head and ware long dresses for the whole year. After the mourning period was over, I was free to dress the way I used to dress before. It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

Maybe you are using the wrong shield. God is our shield of strength and truth. Be truthful to these men. Why don't you just tell them you are not available or interested? Since they already know you are single, trying to cover up the fact that you are no longer in mourning makes you appear vulnerable and afraid. Stand firm in Christ and tell these men straightforwardly, "I am not interested in dating at this time." Instead of cowering in fear and trying to hide, look them firmly in the eyes and let them know your position. Just say, "NO."