Seeking Godly advice for husbands porn addiction :( so crushed and hurt

[heartbrokenJ]

I think you both need help -- someone to talk with; a therapist, counsellor, pastor, close friend. You probably need a female to talk with -- you may find some assistance here, but I think in-person is best (although video-conferencing can help). He probably needs a male to talk with -- a Christian man who can walk with your husband.

You show that you understand that your husband's heart needs to be willing to change -- so be at peace with this knowledge; continue to pray. Addictions do not easily disappear -- not so quickly anyway. Be patient, and in the meantime, seek guidance from your local spiritual leaders/elders.

Focus less on your concern (the sins you see) and more on Love. Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13). Even Jesus, who died on the cross for our sins, did not point out the sins of those who crucified Him -- he prayed for their forgiveness (Luke 23:34).

33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left.34 Jesus said, “Father,forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”[c] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

Thanks for replying. We have chatted to a few people before.. And even a pastor about the porn. It's still hasn't really changed anything. Like everyone has been saying it's up to my husband. He has the key to change. I'm constantly loving and supporting. It's not easy though. It's difficult for a wife. I think there is nothing worse for a woman to know all what I know. It's also attacks my own weaknesses and struggles I face in my own life. I'm always trying to live by 1 Corinthians 13. Best thing for me to do is keep it all in Prayer and trust in God to work in the situation or to convict my Husband heart. We will see what happens. . .

 

[PeacefulWarrior]

Thanks for replying. We have chatted to a few people before.. And even a pastor about the porn. It's still hasn't really changed anything. Like everyone has been saying it's up to my husband. He has the key to change. I'm constantly loving and supporting. It's not easy though. It's difficult for a wife. I think there is nothing worse for a woman to know all what I know. It's also attacks my own weaknesses and struggles I face in my own life. I'm always trying to live by 1 Corinthians 13. Best thing for me to do is keep it all in Prayer and trust in God to work in the situation or to convict my Husband heart. We will see what happens. . .

Thank you for sharing! You show courage and desire to raise a Christlike family!

Where's your husband in all this? Does he know you're seeking advice here? Maybe he could join the conversation. What's his response, when you confront him about his addiction? I say this because I think I could offer better support to your husband, than I can you. Does he know how serious of an issue this is for you? Have you told him exactly how his porn-watching makes you feel?

It sounds like your struggle is twofold: On one hand, you want your husband to live as a Man of God. On the other hand, what you know (and what your mind worries about), concerning his struggle, creates additional anxiety and/or makes your struggles resurface or become more than you can handle. Does this resonate with you -- or am I completely off?



Luke 12:24 (NIV)

24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (God will take care of His own, just as He cares for the birds in the air. Trust in God and lean not on your own understanding.)

 

[shotgunner]

Omni you are wrong - the bible clearly states if a man looks at another woman with lust (sexual desires) he commits adultery in his heart. God is very clear about physical adultery and the heart. A union between man and woman is sacred and God's design. I'm just being brutally honest back with you... its also not about having the worldly fairytale marriage but rather they way God intended it to be!!!

What you mean by worldly fairytale marriage?

A couple of other questions please. This is in no way meant to shift blame on you but I feel I need to ask to help.

Are you comfortable with your husband showing strong desire for you?

Do you feel you both have a satisfying and fulfilling sex life?

Are you comfortable with your husband seeing your body?

 

[blue_ladybug]

Only GOD can help him. YOU can't. Only GOD can change him.. YOU can't..

 

[Willie-T]

Thanks for replying. We have chatted to a few people before.. And even a pastor about the porn. It's still hasn't really changed anything. Like everyone has been saying it's up to my husband. He has the key to change. I'm constantly loving and supporting. It's not easy though. It's difficult for a wife. I think there is nothing worse for a woman to know all what I know. It's also attacks my own weaknesses and struggles I face in my own life. I'm always trying to live by 1 Corinthians 13. Best thing for me to do is keep it all in Prayer and trust in God to work in the situation or to convict my Husband heart. We will see what happens. . .

You are SO correct here!

 

[blue_ladybug]

What you mean by worldly fairytale marriage?

A couple of other questions please. This is in no way meant to shift blame on you but I feel I need to ask to help.

Are you comfortable with your husband showing strong desire for you?

Do you feel you both have a satisfying and fulfilling sex life?

Are you comfortable with your husband seeing your body?

These questions ask for wayyyyyy TMI than we want to know about. :/

 

[shotgunner]

These questions ask for wayyyyyy TMI than we want to know about. :/

Maybe so. I felt they were important and I certainly didn't want any details. A simple yes or no. I would have sent a PM but that certainly wouldn't be appropriate either. We are already talking about a deeply personal and sensitive subject so I felt the questions could be asked. I am sorry if I made the OP feel uncomfortable or anyone else for that matter.

Even if the OP doesn't answer the questions I feel they need to be asked by her of herself. Any No answer shows a disconnect in the relationship and to reconnect may indeed help this situation.

 

[heartbrokenJ]

Thank you for sharing! You show courage and desire to raise a Christlike family!

Where's your husband in all this? Does he know you're seeking advice here? Maybe he could join the conversation. What's his response, when you confront him about his addiction? I say this because I think I could offer better support to your husband, than I can you. Does he know how serious of an issue this is for you? Have you told him exactly how his porn-watching makes you feel?

It sounds like your struggle is twofold: On one hand, you want your husband to live as a Man of God. On the other hand, what you know (and what your mind worries about), concerning his struggle, creates additional anxiety and/or makes your struggles resurface or become more than you can handle. Does this resonate with you -- or am I completely off?



Luke 12:24 (NIV)

24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (God will take care of His own, just as He cares for the birds in the air. Trust in God and lean not on your own understanding.)

He does know that I'm on here seeking advice. I told him the same day, I'm like that - keeping everything out in the open, like I said before no lies. he did mention that he would be interested in joining but sadly that was Wednesday and up to now Friday he hasn't, I'm being patient and praying that God will work in his heart. I really feel that him "talking" here can help as God can use anyone on here, that has gone through similar things, to share and encourage. he needs people that he feels comfortable to talk to and share without feeling judged.

his response to when we have spoken about his addiction is that he feels like he is messing up my life and feels really bad and ashamed, he is more irritated and frustrated in himself that he keeps failing and messing up. I have told him that I love him and that he can never mess me up as I'm also full of my own weaknesses that none of us are perfect and that we can work on this with God on our side. yes I do believe he is fully aware of how this issue makes me feel and the pain it causes me.

my struggle is definitely twofold, like I said before this is hard for any women to experience in their married life and the devil is using it against me in my own struggles I face in my life personally. you are right, I'm very open and honest with my husband about these things. he knows me very well in that way. that also makes it harder for him as he feels more guilty and ashamed when he messes up with his addiction.

I really hope in the near future he does join and has the opportunity to chat to you all. I think God can use u all in a big way in his life.

I thank you for ur scripture and thoughts, may God bless you

 

[heartbrokenJ]

What you mean by worldly fairytale marriage?

A couple of other questions please. This is in no way meant to shift blame on you but I feel I need to ask to help.

Are you comfortable with your husband showing strong desire for you?

Do you feel you both have a satisfying and fulfilling sex life?

Are you comfortable with your husband seeing your body?

what I mean by a worldly fairytale marriage is that the world and movies especially- make u think and believe- its all about riding off into the sunset and living happily ever after. there is nothing else than that. that every thing is peachy and perfect.

that's not the case work is required in marriage, especially in a Christian marriage where the devil is out to rob steal and destroy. this work is God being in the centre and allowing him to work in your life etc..

as for your questions - I have answered all those questions to myself and I don't see there being a problem there. I'm a woman who has to face and accept that my husband has a porn addiction and that comes with its own struggles for me personally, but I don't let that take away from him and I, I'm reading Gods word and seeking his face in all that I'm facing. its really hard but God has and is giving me the strength and hope to continue.

 

[heartbrokenJ]

Only GOD can help him. YOU can't. Only GOD can change him.. YOU can't..

I'm aware of this, I'm looking for encouragement and advice for myself. I'm aware that God can and will reveal to my husband what he thinks in his time, I wrote this for myself, I'm a woman and like I said before , its very hard to go through and I'm able to let it out here and not feel alone in this, as I have for so long. please understand that is where my heart is at and I'm fully relying on God and trusting in Him during all that I'm facing.

 

[shotgunner]

what I mean by a worldly fairytale marriage is that the world and movies especially- make u think and believe- its all about riding off into the sunset and living happily ever after. there is nothing else than that. that every thing is peachy and perfect.

that's not the case work is required in marriage, especially in a Christian marriage where the devil is out to rob steal and destroy. this work is God being in the centre and allowing him to work in your life etc..

as for your questions - I have answered all those questions to myself and I don't see there being a problem there. I'm a woman who has to face and accept that my husband has a porn addiction and that comes with its own struggles for me personally, but I don't let that take away from him and I, I'm reading Gods word and seeking his face in all that I'm facing. its really hard but God has and is giving me the strength and hope to continue.

Thank you. As I said in my first post this isn't your fault. That's not at all what I meant by my questions and I am sorry I had to ask.

I think you have the best attitude possible in this situation. I think that it is the love of God that will lead your husband to repentance. You seem to be giving him that even now. Just try to continue to encourage him into a deeper relationship with God but not as a solution to his problem. He may not even be willing to accept that it is a problem right now, and the sin judgment side of repentance may draw him even farther away. He needs to see how much God loves him even in his worst sin. That's the kind of love that will lead him to repentance.

 

[heartbrokenJ]

Thank you. As I said in my first post this isn't your fault. That's not at all what I meant by my questions and I am sorry I had to ask.

I think you have the best attitude possible in this situation. I think that it is the love of God that will lead your husband to repentance. You seem to be giving him that even now. Just try to continue to encourage him into a deeper relationship with God but not as a solution to his problem. He may not even be willing to accept that it is a problem right now, and the sin judgment side of repentance may draw him even farther away. He needs to see how much God loves him even in his worst sin. That's the kind of love that will lead him to repentance.

you didn't offend me, I know you are trying to help and I really appreciate it. please don't feel bad I understand where you were coming from, as much as I know its not my fault and its in now way a reflection on my attractiveness - id be lying if I said that I don't have bad days where my guard is down and a whole lot of things start filling my head. I am human after all with my own weaknesses and struggles. thank you for your encouragement and kind words. I wouldn't be where I am today without God and all glory and honor is his. He is definitely the one Leading me and I hope and pray I can continue to do all that u have suggested for my husband through this rough time.

once again I thank you and pray God blesses you for being so faithful and loving to his daughter and your fellow sister in Christ.