It wasn't until the 1920's when women got the right to vote. It wasn't until 1972 that women could no longer be discriminated against by employers. In the interim, there were a number of changes that allowed women freedoms that had hitherto only been given to men.
The reason there are more divorces now than there were in 1920 is because there are more people, and those peoples' attitudes to serious flaws in marriages are much less "grin-and-bear-it" than they were in the 1920's. There's no longer any pressurizing social duty to stay with an abusive partner; no longer any obligation to stay with an unfaithful partner; no longer any discernible social, legal or financial advantage to getting married.
I agree with these things. Marriage may have worked until the end back in the day, but there were incentives. With women being more financially independent, they do not have to stay with someone in order to just survive. Couples need incentives, which in this day is not going to come so much from societal pressures... You have to WANT to make it work.
Which, in my honest opinion, isn't necessarily a bad thing. My grandmother told me that my grandfather used to slap her if she "got out of line". "Back in those days, a woman just did what she was told". People don't stand for mild emotional abuse nowadays, much less serious physical abuse, and that can't be bad.
It isn't a bad thing becuase of this, definitely, but now that the incentives are fewer for both partners, marriage in some respects is actually more challenging in this culture, because we have been fed "get married to get happy." When one or both partners isn't getting what they think is due, then the whole marriage was a mistake... The reasoning many people take.
I think that men opt out of marriages because legally, marriage stands to at best financially burden a man, and to at worst financially destroy him; and women opt out of marriages because marriage has always been an institution which fundamentally limited women's social rights.
Opt out as in not getting married, yeah, I see this. I think some people break marriages because of stress, sex life got stale (yes, adultury does happen because one partner won't satisfy the other to their desire). It's wrong and low, but that's why
constructive communication is crucial. And actually, studies done on communication and effective practices in relationships have HELPED many couples.
Speaking of studies, Sirk, I can get a list for you. Any marriage and family textbook is littered with references to studies on martial relationships.
Young people by and large don't want a traditionalist marriage, and rather than get married and divorce, lots of people are just not getting married to begin with. A lot of people, myself included, think "if we have to legally bind ourselves in order to stay together, perhaps we aren't right for each other to begin with".
Well, in this society we have become very hedonistic about everything.
Young students want that dream job right out of college without working from the bottom.
People working at food joints feel above scrubing the floor, even though that's what they are paid to do, many do the bare min to avoid uncomfortable exertion. Ask about any American - a very clean and neat lobby to eat in is not common.
Taught the idea that if it's the right person, a marriage will just work and go smoothly. It seems pop culture really teaches young adults that hey, not happy? Get divorced! Don't work on it, because you deserve to be happy than be with the " wrong" person. Seriously, self-pleasures and instant gradification feuls this nation. Well, working through problems (that WILL at some point arise) isn't always fixed immediately. So, just ditch this marriage and go spouse huntung! There's much desire for lifelong faithfulness and love and care... but most people it seems want it without the tiedown.
I tend to think if someone will break a marriage frivously, they will enter one the same way. Vows, promises don't mean anything anymore, becuase in order to keep them often require sacrifice... but even though marriage isn't treated sacred it seems, the sacred vows are still used - for the warm fuzzies I suppose. :/
Marriage shouldn't even be tied to the gov. The divorce culture has been bad because of what all these lawyer fees do to the economy in how people spend their money and handle the division of assests. How it affects children's adjustments, which ultimately affects society.
Honestly, I think hedonism has more to do with the anti-marriage mindset in the State, than practically. Because a healthy, lifelong marriage doesn't just happen. You build it. You forgive one another. You sacrifice for one another and your marriage. And that's not in vogue, and just too hard and limiting.
Me, just living with someone and entering NO contract or ceremony whatsoever, I would be wondering if he will just up and leave when he feels like it. Like, what commitment is keeping him here? What reason does he have to stay if things aren't going well? I think marriage shouldn't be handled gov wise, but there should be some way to mark that commitment.
There's a reaon couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce - because the commitment wasn't part of the foundation - "my toothbrush is there, so why not?" or "Let's test our compatibility." The foundational mindset for living together is not based on permanency of the relationship. Not absolute, but one reason given why the conventional "testing" idea doesn't work as you'd think it should. (For example, sometimes couples who know they're not right marry anyway)
