Just Wishing to Run Away

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christianguitarist

Senior Member
#1
Mar 4, 2011
109
4
18
#1
I need help sigh , lately i met someone whom i dated for a while for a month or two and it was going well till things got physical and she was taking a lot of money from me and everytime i try to end the relationship she would try to humiliate me by going to my house or even going to my church to shout and things like that . I just wish to run away from all this and hide :( .
 
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skylove7

Guest
#2
#2
Oh my!

Sorry about your situation brother!

But for heaven sakes don't run and hide!
Call the police and get a restraining order.
I don't know the law in Singapore, but here in America...it is against the law for someone to stalk, harass and shout at you in church.
That woman is way over the line!
If you run away it will never stop.
Yes definitely take action by law.
I will pray for you.
Best of all on this
God bless!
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#3
#3
Yes, don't run away like Sky says. You have to be a man and tell her to knock it off! You need to confront her and tell her that it's over and that she needs to leave you alone. Don't give her any more money or else she's going to keep coming back to you.

Call the police and let them know. That's crazy! I'm sorry you have to go through that. This is why it's important to get to know people before you enter relationships with them. Next time, take longer in getting to know them.

I hope that you are safe and that you can solve this problem soon. God bless you!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Don't know that 'be man and tell her to knock it off' is the appropriate attitude. This isn't about being a man, nor is it likely just telling her to knock it off going to be effective. If she were that kind of person that such a thing would work she wouldn't be behaving this way to begin with.
You need to call the police Every time she does this. Hopefully this will send a message. If not then it will put her on the polices radar as a person known to be a problem. And as time goes on their patience with her will as well.
Theres potential that this girls mental stability is questionable. The sooner you start taking strong action the better chance of her walking away. The more you let it happen and give in to it the worse it can get. In situations like this it's not about begin a man. It's about your safety. But you still have to take a stand and not cave in to her behavior, but instead hammer her with real consequences.
Also any other contact she makes, emails, voicemails, etc... Where she is showing this behavior, save it all. The more you have to show the pattern of her behavior the stronger case you have against her and more easily you can get somewhere in getting her to stop.
 
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christianguitarist

Senior Member
#5
Mar 4, 2011
109
4
18
#5
she has personality disorder and that is what i'm afraid of that i she might do something to harm herself or by committing suicide
 
PeterJens

PeterJens

Banned
#6
Feb 24, 2015
13,204
168
0
#6
christianguitarist said:
she has personality disorder and that is what i'm afraid of that i she might do something to harm herself or by committing suicide
Click to expand...
You have to escalate this to the pastoral support or care teams etc. The fact you are personally involved is actually not the issue, you are the excuse for her behaviour which is out of control.

The problem with what you are describing is dependency and manipulation. She is using you and trying to get something she needs but in the wrong way. One way of approaching her if you see her, is her behaviour means nothing can progress between you or is helpful until she gets sorted out, and then it would only start from the beginning.

The emphasis must be on her sorting out her behaviour, and accepting she can be loved but this is no way to respond to such care and attention.

I hope this helps
 
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Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
christianguitarist said:
she has personality disorder and that is what i'm afraid of that i she might do something to harm herself or by committing suicide
Click to expand...
If she has personality disorder then all the more reason you need to get the police involved. It's good that you are concerned about her, but it's not your responsibility. She is now a genuine risk to you and your family. People with personality disorder have a potential for violence.
If she chooses to do something to hurt herself that is not your fault. If you reject her, refuse to give in to her, call the police on her that's you protecting yourself and your family. She has problems and her family should be the ones to ensure she is taken care of properly and getting treatment.
 
CatHerder

CatHerder

Senior Member
#8
Mar 20, 2013
3,551
79
48
#8
Ugly said:
If she has personality disorder then all the more reason you need to get the police involved. It's good that you are concerned about her, but it's not your responsibility. She is now a genuine risk to you and your family. People with personality disorder have a potential for violence.
If she chooses to do something to hurt herself that is not your fault. If you reject her, refuse to give in to her, call the police on her that's you protecting yourself and your family. She has problems and her family should be the ones to ensure she is taken care of properly and getting treatment.
Click to expand...
yep. What Ugly said.

Do they have restraining orders there?
 
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Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#9
#9
christianguitarist said:
she has personality disorder and that is what i'm afraid of that i she might do something to harm herself or by committing suicide
Click to expand...
Unless you're encouraging it, you're not accountable for that. Who is there that you can talk with about this?
 
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christianguitarist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 4, 2011
109
4
18
#10
wow this is all new to me , she keeps saying that her needs are geniune that she is in a abusive environment and thats why she keeps stocks of rationed food in her room . I'm quite confused as I'm not really sure what to do but i have spoken to my therapist and she told me that i have to make a police report if threats of suicide or even manipulation happens .
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#11
#11
Ugly said:
Don't know that 'be man and tell her to knock it off' is the appropriate attitude. This isn't about being a man, nor is it likely just telling her to knock it off going to be effective. If she were that kind of person that such a thing would work she wouldn't be behaving this way to begin with.
You need to call the police Every time she does this. Hopefully this will send a message. If not then it will put her on the polices radar as a person known to be a problem. And as time goes on their patience with her will as well.
Theres potential that this girls mental stability is questionable. The sooner you start taking strong action the better chance of her walking away. The more you let it happen and give in to it the worse it can get. In situations like this it's not about begin a man. It's about your safety. But you still have to take a stand and not cave in to her behavior, but instead hammer her with real consequences.
Also any other contact she makes, emails, voicemails, etc... Where she is showing this behavior, save it all. The more you have to show the pattern of her behavior the stronger case you have against her and more easily you can get somewhere in getting her to stop.
Click to expand...
I told him to tell her that because from what the OP said, is sounds like he hasn't attempted that yet. I think he should at least try to talk to her about it first before getting the cops involved.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#12
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#12
christianguitarist said:
wow this is all new to me , she keeps saying that her needs are geniune that she is in a abusive environment and thats why she keeps stocks of rationed food in her room . I'm quite confused as I'm not really sure what to do but i have spoken to my therapist and she told me that i have to make a police report if threats of suicide or even manipulation happens .
Click to expand...
I agree with your therapist. Its very sad she has mental problems but she could end up hurting you. She needs help and maybe reporting this to someone will get her the help she needs.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#13
#13
MollyConnor said:
I told him to tell her that because from what the OP said, is sounds like he hasn't attempted that yet. I think he should at least try to talk to her about it first before getting the cops involved.
Click to expand...
He did say every time he tried to end things she began harassing and embarrassing him. That is not the actions or mindset of a stable, rational person. That is controlling, manulative and a red flag for the likelihood of deeper problems. Which we found out was true. She shows a potential to become a stalker, just with the information given in the OP.
With my learned knowledge and people I've personally known who have been in similar situations I saw more than I wrote in my first post. She is a possible danger to him. He was trying to break up with her and she harassed him and pressured him into staying. She clearly had no concern for how she came across to others. Which part of this behavior suggests she's open and willing to listen to him telling her to stop? This is how she acts when he tries to break up with her, you think she'd listen to him telling her to stop?
 
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MollyConnor

Guest
#14
#14
Ugly said:
He did say every time he tried to end things she began harassing and embarrassing him. That is not the actions or mindset of a stable, rational person. That is controlling, manulative and a red flag for the likelihood of deeper problems. Which we found out was true. She shows a potential to become a stalker, just with the information given in the OP.
With my learned knowledge and people I've personally known who have been in similar situations I saw more than I wrote in my first post. She is a possible danger to him. He was trying to break up with her and she harassed him and pressured him into staying. She clearly had no concern for how she came across to others. Which part of this behavior suggests she's open and willing to listen to him telling her to stop? This is how she acts when he tries to break up with her, you think she'd listen to him telling her to stop?
Click to expand...
I guess. I've never dealt with people like that, thank God!

Although sometimes girls act crazy when they really aren't. They just want attention and it's kinda sad for them to act like they are mentally sick when really they are narcissists. Are narcissists considered mentally ill? I'm curious.
 
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chenly

Guest
#15
#15
Hi Mollyconnor, Narcissist is not totally mentally ill but belongs to Personality Disorder.
 
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chenly

Guest
#16
#16
This kind of person is suicidal. You better seek medical consultation especially Pschologist. They will teach u the best technique to handle this problem. It's her defense mechanism. You better talk her in a calm manner instead. Keeping away from her without proper closure will cause her too much anxiety. She might hurt herself or worst u and ur family. You better ask her family's help to solve this problem immediately. I hope u overcome this prob. I pray for you and your gf immediate recovery. God bless
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#17
Apr 18, 2013
9,589
2,666
113
#17
MollyConnor said:
I guess. I've never dealt with people like that, thank God!

Although sometimes girls act crazy when they really aren't. They just want attention and it's kinda sad for them to act like they are mentally sick when really they are narcissists. Are narcissists considered mentally ill? I'm curious.
Click to expand...
Psychology isn't really a hard science.
Definitions, categories, and labels seem to change around all the time.

People also have conditions like "narcissism" to varying degrees.

Psychology just isn't a hard science.
You may be considered "mentally ill" today, and then that definition changes next year, and you're fine.
But of course, nothing has actually changed.

Narcissism is really just a "collection of behaviors that often clump together".

There certainly are "narcissistic" people... but these labels are just not very scientific, and they just aren't horribly specific and concrete.

So to answer your question, "Are narcissists considered mentally ill?",
I would have to say, it doesn't really matter what they are "considered" this week.
Labels and classifications change all the time... and it's kind of irrelevant.

If somebody acts manipulative or dangerous, then deal with them accordingly... and be careful.
: )
 
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christianguitarist

Senior Member
#18
Mar 4, 2011
109
4
18
#18
she tells me that she has trichotillomania agoraphobia personality disorder and i'm making her fall even more sick .. but i'm not a doctor i've told her she needs to contact a professional immediately she has already attacked a few people already so far .
 
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christianguitarist

Senior Member
#19
Mar 4, 2011
109
4
18
#19
I called the police on her as thats the only thing i could do as she was talking about suicide
 
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