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“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." -Matthew 5:27-30 (ESV)
Hey DMurray... this is new testament stuff. Jesus says He'd rather you lose your eye than lust after a woman so... I'm thinking He's pretty serious about it haha. I think that that is our line right there... if it is an "activity" that causes you to lust, don't do it. So its going to be slightly circumstantial but I think for most of us, that rules out most "activities" past kissing.
I don't know if you know who the evangelist Clayton King is, but he was talking to all the men at this service I was at once and he said "Your girlfriend's body does not belong to you. It might say so on Facebook, and you may call her yours, but until you put that ring on her finger, she belongs to God. Her body is HIS temple. Don't you DARE defile what belongs to God."
I just thought that was a great way to look at it. Anyway I know temptations are difficult but when you decide ahead of time what you won't let yourself do I think it will be easier. Good luck buddy.
Hey DMurray... this is new testament stuff. Jesus says He'd rather you lose your eye than lust after a woman so... I'm thinking He's pretty serious about it haha. I think that that is our line right there... if it is an "activity" that causes you to lust, don't do it. So its going to be slightly circumstantial but I think for most of us, that rules out most "activities" past kissing.
I don't know if you know who the evangelist Clayton King is, but he was talking to all the men at this service I was at once and he said "Your girlfriend's body does not belong to you. It might say so on Facebook, and you may call her yours, but until you put that ring on her finger, she belongs to God. Her body is HIS temple. Don't you DARE defile what belongs to God."
I just thought that was a great way to look at it. Anyway I know temptations are difficult but when you decide ahead of time what you won't let yourself do I think it will be easier. Good luck buddy.
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That makes a lot of sense. Thanks 
laughing out loud at "and other activities", immediately, board games came to mind.
Of course, if you do it without lusting, it's ok.
Just kidding (that was a jab at people who say that sort of thing.
Any stuff before marriage is not good. Fully clothed sex is banned too.
Anything fun, basically.
Of course, if you do it without lusting, it's ok.
Just kidding (that was a jab at people who say that sort of thing.
Any stuff before marriage is not good. Fully clothed sex is banned too.
Anything fun, basically.
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Lust is a chrsitian problem as wella s a non christian...My relationship of nine months ended because all my christian boyfriend felt for me was lust...It happens to everyone, the church i go to has online sermons, so this weeks sermon about lust will be online sometime throughout the week, im not sure of exact days and times it shows...but it was a great sermon and helps show its a common problem, and that its something you have to control with the help of God...It's not easy, but it is possible.
I hope no one minds if I throw a little spanner in the works - I agree with everything here I have seen so far, there's just something I think is worth adding. I think that whatever it is you define lust as, and whilst dwelling on thoughts and circumstances that feed temptation to do what would be unholy for the present time is definitely out-of-bounds, one has to - somewhere in the background - also realise that desire - on hold - is ok.
It's a rude shock when you reach marriage and everything you've trained yourself to see as bad and sinful and no stay away from that, is all of a sudden not only ok but in fact what you're supposed to do. Everything has to be redefined and the results can be really messed up if you had a wrong view of sex in the first place.
Sex is not bad, evil, or even sinful to desire. It is a normal bodily drive given by God as a gift. It's a good thing. Sex..and other activities... outside of marriage is the unintended abuse of this gift, but this shouldn't be confused with sex being bad.
I'm reminded of something I've heard some friends of mine say to their four year old, which makes a good example. Occasionally, the kid observes his parents drinking coffee, and asks for some. They don't tell him "no, coffee is bad - yucky, you don't want coffee".. what they say, and I've often heard him repeat in his adorable little voice, is "coffee is for big hands".. and they compare hands.. "you've got little hands, see? Mummy and Daddy have big hands". When he sees coffee now he faithfully repeats "Big hands - I've got little hands, see?"
My point is that whilst avoiding tempation and emphasizing the reasons to do so are important, it's also necessary to make the distinction that the sentiment ought not be "No, that's bad. Don't want it." But rather "Not yet. I want it, so I won't spoil it".
I say this stuff not as one who has it together but as a complete hypocrit. But a hypocrit who knows the truth none the less.
Good luck. xx
It's a rude shock when you reach marriage and everything you've trained yourself to see as bad and sinful and no stay away from that, is all of a sudden not only ok but in fact what you're supposed to do. Everything has to be redefined and the results can be really messed up if you had a wrong view of sex in the first place.
Sex is not bad, evil, or even sinful to desire. It is a normal bodily drive given by God as a gift. It's a good thing. Sex..and other activities... outside of marriage is the unintended abuse of this gift, but this shouldn't be confused with sex being bad.
I'm reminded of something I've heard some friends of mine say to their four year old, which makes a good example. Occasionally, the kid observes his parents drinking coffee, and asks for some. They don't tell him "no, coffee is bad - yucky, you don't want coffee".. what they say, and I've often heard him repeat in his adorable little voice, is "coffee is for big hands".. and they compare hands.. "you've got little hands, see? Mummy and Daddy have big hands". When he sees coffee now he faithfully repeats "Big hands - I've got little hands, see?"
My point is that whilst avoiding tempation and emphasizing the reasons to do so are important, it's also necessary to make the distinction that the sentiment ought not be "No, that's bad. Don't want it." But rather "Not yet. I want it, so I won't spoil it".
I say this stuff not as one who has it together but as a complete hypocrit. But a hypocrit who knows the truth none the less.
Good luck. xx
Very well put, Ellie. I get so terribly sick of heart when I see so many Christians condemning sexual expression, in and of itself. I strongly believe that one of the reasons why the rate of teen sex is so high is because most parents condemn the practice outright (assuming they even mention it at all). For decades, sex has often been treated as the #1 "silent subject" in churches, especially in the United States. Pastors fear addressing it because they don't want to lose attenders, but meanwhile teens and young adults are "shacking up" by the millions...and not just out of rampant rebellion, either. Young people want genuine answers why they should wait, and largely the church doesn't give them any. The world preaches its "no boundaries" mantra 24/7, and without another option, many accept it from a desperate desire for love and intimacy. What are people to do, when they have these raging desires within them, and the church they're taught to trust favors silence and condemnation over anything else? What other option do they really have? It's like the old adage, "the best way to make a person want to do something, is to tell them they can't".
As Christians, one of our duties - among many, to be sure - is to go against the grain of religious tradition and teach people what the bible really says about sex. The Song of Solomon is one of the most erotic books ever written; that fact alone oughtta give you a fairly obvious hint of God's stance on the matter. For too long, the church has yelled, "SEX IS EVIL!!!" at the top of its collective lungs...and that has to stop. Parents and trusted adults need to quit being so scared of this subject, because that fear is the enemy's primary partner in spreading its horrendous lies. Kids need to be taught the true, medical terms (not just slang) for anatomy, and they need to know what really happens between a husband and wife who love each other. They don't need any visual examples obviously, but their questions must be treated with the utmost care, honesty, and respect. The so-called "sex talk" was left silent in my upbringing, and though I take responsibility for my choices, I still feel that void served as a catalyst for my now-conquered porn addiction.
As Christians, one of our duties - among many, to be sure - is to go against the grain of religious tradition and teach people what the bible really says about sex. The Song of Solomon is one of the most erotic books ever written; that fact alone oughtta give you a fairly obvious hint of God's stance on the matter. For too long, the church has yelled, "SEX IS EVIL!!!" at the top of its collective lungs...and that has to stop. Parents and trusted adults need to quit being so scared of this subject, because that fear is the enemy's primary partner in spreading its horrendous lies. Kids need to be taught the true, medical terms (not just slang) for anatomy, and they need to know what really happens between a husband and wife who love each other. They don't need any visual examples obviously, but their questions must be treated with the utmost care, honesty, and respect. The so-called "sex talk" was left silent in my upbringing, and though I take responsibility for my choices, I still feel that void served as a catalyst for my now-conquered porn addiction.
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Well, I know it should be saved before marriage and its a sin to before and blah blah, I've had sex, but that we before I was saved I'm a "born again virgin" So I find that the temptation is harder, because I have done it felt it, experienced it, and now all of a sudden I can't anymore, but I want to live by gods word, and I must say it's a struggle for me, as it is for EVERYONE, but it is easier than it has been, and this girl that I've been talking to, she hasn't experienced it or other activities I know, and I basically told her that stuff I'm not doing anymore until I'm married. The other night I did give into sin, we were talking and I lusted about her, and did things I shouldn't have and said things I shouldn't have, but I'm not perfect and I regret the things that I did say and do. But in response to what someone said earlier about once a relationship has sex in it then the relationship is basically over. I understand that now, that is what happened with my last ex, sex complicates relationships immensly. I now understand why you wait until marriage, not just because of STD s or pregnancy etc. but because it complicates things, that you should be best friends with the person etc. That was a bit off topic but that doesn't matter.
In answer to the "How do you have sex while fully clothed?" question--I was in a program at a public college that tried to advocate "safe sex" techniques like this, and yes, it actually is exactly what it sounds like--basically going through all the motions to get to a point of release while still being clothed so there is no supposed danger of a transfer of STD's and the like.
I heard a pastor sum it up pretty well though in a recent sermon:
"IF YOU HAVE TO ASK WHETHER OR NOT SOMETHING YOU'RE DOING OR WANT TO DO IS OK, THEN YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT."
Yeah, I know it doesn't sound like much fun on the surface (ha ha, no pun intended), but no one ever said being a Christian was easy!
I heard a pastor sum it up pretty well though in a recent sermon:
"IF YOU HAVE TO ASK WHETHER OR NOT SOMETHING YOU'RE DOING OR WANT TO DO IS OK, THEN YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT."
Yeah, I know it doesn't sound like much fun on the surface (ha ha, no pun intended), but no one ever said being a Christian was easy!
There is no need for us to condemn ourselves but we cant prevent the consequences either..Jesus says that there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in ChristJesus the old things have been washed away..we are a brand new creation..the remnant of a scar shows that we shouldnt indulge in sex before marriage..Dmurray the best thing you could do it that confess your sins with your ex and pray for each other..dont let satan condemn you anymore..yes,you are a born again virgin in the Lord..Jesus told the woman,"Go and sin no more"..ask the HolySpirit for prudence and He'l help you by giving you His discernment..