Spouse cheated

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Kefa54

Guest
#21
Mind reading is not a good point to counsel from. We have no clue what he thinks. Lets just help her make Godly decisions/choices.

Kefa


I agree completely. The guy cheats on her, shuts her off emotionally, and shows no remorse. He could not care less about the hurt he has caused. He then gets angry at her when she wants to discuss it. A weekend retreat to resolve these issues? I really don't think so.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#22
My husband cheated on me and wants to stay married, but shows no remorse or guilt. He gets angry if I try to talk about it. I don't feel like God has convicted him about it. He has no empathy or compassion towards me about the pain he has caused me. I keep praying that God will soften his heart but it just isn't working.
Is it possible that he IS bothered by it, but also too ashamed to own up to it? So every time you bring it up he has to face what he's done, face you with the knowledge that you're aware and reminding him, and so he lashes out, not because he doesn't care, but because he does care but doesn't want to face it? I've been that way to people.
Not saying that is the case for sure, but something to consider. Perhaps look into some counseling to see where he's really at.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,961
113
#23
God hates divorce. But he also hates cheating adulterers! He does not expect anyone to stay in a marriage where one person is having an affair, and doesn't seem willing to reconcile, or treat his wife the way the bible says a man is to treat his wife.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," Eph. 5:25

It doesn't sound like the OP's husband is treating her this way at all. I do think she needs to get counseling for herself, and for both of them if he will go. And pray for God to show her his will regarding whether she should stay with an unrepentant adulterer.
 
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LiJo

Guest
#24
My husband cheated on me and wants to stay married, but shows no remorse or guilt. He gets angry if I try to talk about it. I don't feel like God has convicted him about it. He has no empathy or compassion towards me about the pain he has caused me. I keep praying that God will soften his heart but it just isn't working.
Broken,

I'm sorry you're going through this, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. I've been in your shoes, my Ex apologized, but yet he was still angry and didn't want to talk about how we can work on our marriage or willing to go counseling. He couldn't understand why I didn't trust him and was often angry at me for it. I had 5 kids and didn't want my kids to have a broken home but in reality it was already a broken home, without their father being there for them physically or emotionally. I prayed about it and in the end I felt divorcing him was the right thing.

Divorce is scary, especially if you have children. May I suggest you find a support group to help you through this difficult journey. I attended Divorce Care and the support I received from them was wonderful. I will be praying for you and please feel free to PM if you need to talk.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,690
2,754
113
#25
God hates divorce. But he also hates cheating adulterers! He does not expect anyone to stay in a marriage where one person is having an affair, and doesn't seem willing to reconcile, or treat his wife the way the bible says a man is to treat his wife.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," Eph. 5:25

It doesn't sound like the OP's husband is treating her this way at all. I do think she needs to get counseling for herself, and for both of them if he will go. And pray for God to show her his will regarding whether she should stay with an unrepentant adulterer.
I think that's very sound advice.

Biblical pastoral counseling is needed.
 

epostle

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2015
660
15
18
#26
Umm, no..Just no. This is a catholic-based program, AND to do this weekend thing, they have to give a donation (PAY) for a program that claims it's "not a miracle cure". In other words, if it doesn't work for the OP, she's out of a lotta money.. :/ This is a very bad idea indeed. Hubby refuses to even TALK about his infidelity, so what makes you think he'd want to go on some weekend retreat with her?
Yes, I was quite upfront about it having Catholic origins, it said nothing about it being a Catholic based program, that's your assumption. Some of the retreats are held in hotels, and they are not free. I don't know where you expect couples to sleep on a weekend retreat. In the car??? Obviously you never met anyone who took the retreat and had their marriage healed.

And you are dead wrong about the cost. No one is denied because they can't afford it. I don't know about the Protestant retreats (which you overlooked). It so happens that I went on a Retrouvaille retreat years ago and the diocese picked up the tab, I was out of work.

Why must you be so mean spirited? Because Catholics want to see any troubled marriage healed but your prejudice comes ahead of helping this poor woman?
 
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Donleon26

Guest
#27
Hi,

Recently I've cheated on my wife and it's been devestating on my marriage. The pain I have caused has brought me to one of the lowest points in my life. At this point I been trying to reconcile but I am discouraged. How do I make this right? Anyone have any advice to give me.
 

epostle

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2015
660
15
18
#28
1) Confess and forgive yourself.
2) try to make amends as long as it doesn't hurt anyone
3) stay chaste
4) accept the fact that the damage may be permanent, mourn the loss in a way that is natural for you.

Repeat 1, 2, 3, 4 in any order as needed. It may take a few months to a few years for an inner transformation to take. She'll know.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#29
Hi,

Recently I've cheated on my wife and it's been devestating on my marriage. The pain I have caused has brought me to one of the lowest points in my life. At this point I been trying to reconcile but I am discouraged. How do I make this right? Anyone have any advice to give me.

Feel free to make your own thread, instead of using this one..
 
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Donleon26

Guest
#30
How post it as a blog?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#31
Yes, I was quite upfront about it having Catholic origins, it said nothing about it being a Catholic based program, that's your assumption. Some of the retreats are held in hotels, and they are not free. I don't know where you expect couples to sleep on a weekend retreat. In the car??? Obviously you never met anyone who took the retreat and had their marriage healed.

And you are dead wrong about the cost. No one is denied because they can't afford it. I don't know about the Protestant retreats (which you overlooked). It so happens that I went on a Retrouvaille retreat years ago and the diocese picked up the tab, I was out of work.

Why must you be so mean spirited? Because Catholics want to see any troubled marriage healed but your prejudice comes ahead of helping this poor woman?

First of all, "catholic in origin" means "catholic-based." I'm not being mean spirited at all, nor am I prejudiced. I never said the OP would be turned away if she couldn't pay. I SAID if it didn't work, she'd lose quite a bit of money. The program itself says that it is NOT a miracle cure, nor is it marriage counseling. Then in the next paragraph it says, that it is for "marriage HELP." The OP can get help through counseling, and Retrouvaille is NOT a counseling program. It admittedly doesn't give marriage advice, so how can this program possibly "help" the OP when it does NOT offer counseling, does NOT offer marriage advice, so therefore CANNOT truly offer HELP?? :confused: The program is good at telling us what it does NOT offer, but it severely lacks in telling us what it DOES offer. :/
 
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Donleon26

Guest
#33
How I'm new?
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#34

Ok, get out of this thread and go to the Family forum. At the top left of the forum, you will see the "post new thread" button. Click it, give the thread a title, and when you're done writing what you want, click "submit new thread" button at the bottom of the page. :)
 

jsr1221

Senior Member
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#35
Is it possible that he IS bothered by it, but also too ashamed to own up to it? So every time you bring it up he has to face what he's done, face you with the knowledge that you're aware and reminding him, and so he lashes out, not because he doesn't care, but because he does care but doesn't want to face it? I've been that way to people.
Not saying that is the case for sure, but something to consider. Perhaps look into some counseling to see where he's really at.

Counseling only is good if both people want it. If he's not willing to talk, chances are he's not willing for counseling.
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#36
It seems like there's much more that you want to say but either you're not used to speaking up or you're currently in a semi-confused state. I hope writing will help you process your feelings as you maybe take the time to put into more words what you think/feel about what you're going through.
Seek God! Learn what his word says about marriage, husbands wives, and divorce. Listen to him telling you want you need to know. He does that He told hubby to stay with her the first time she cheated on him. And the second time, same words in the Bible he heard leave. Pretty amazing how he does that for us.
 
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Broken2

Guest
#37
Thank you! I too was shocked at those immediately saying divorce!!
 
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Broken2

Guest
#38
I think you may be right that he wants it just to go away rather than face what he has done.
 
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Broken2

Guest
#39
Go to her and tell her you were wrong and pour out your heart to her. Pray without ceasing. I wish my husband that cheated would do that for me!
 
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Broken2

Guest
#40
He will not go to counseling.