Had a fallout with my 16yrold son.

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NoobSaibot

NoobSaibot

Member
#1
Sep 16, 2012
44
4
8
#1
Today My wife tells my son to do simple things, he reacts very angrily and un appreciative towards her. ( We have done everything to please him, do things with him, etc etc.) then I step in, lost my cool and he pulls his fists towards me. I said some silly words. My wife sticks up for him stepping in every time, I Tell him to go, leave. We have calmed down and he's doing the dishes with my wife. Find out hour later he's taken of, his older brother sneakingly picked him up. Without us knowing. I'm angry at myself believe me. I'm crying to God I feel I've failed as a parent. Im simply at a loss what to do. .

P.s My son sits in his room all day, has access to his phone n laptop. Comes out to eat when he wants. This goes on for weeks. We've done things for him, his sports, sat down talked with him, asked what are his passions what does he want to do in life. We take him out to dinner, buy clothes shoes etc for him. We are not rich we get by.
H.E.L.P
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#2
#2
16 year old buys are supposed to act up, and it's not abnormal for them to retreat to their own room.
They need space and should be given some.

That being said, if what he does goes against house rules it should have consequences
(you could for instance cut the internet connection ;) )
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#3
To begin with, STOP SPOILING HIM. Stop buying him things.. Cut off his access to the phone and laptop. Take the bedroom door off the hinges if you have to. Tell him that disrespecting you and your wife will NOT be tolerated, and if he wants to act violently, to go somewhere else and live. Tell him if he wants YOUR respect, HE needs to show respect.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#4
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#4
NoobSaibot said:
Today My wife tells my son to do simple things, he reacts very angrily and un appreciative towards her. ( We have done everything to please him, do things with him, etc etc.) then I step in, lost my cool and he pulls his fists towards me. I said some silly words. My wife sticks up for him stepping in every time, I Tell him to go, leave. We have calmed down and he's doing the dishes with my wife. Find out hour later he's taken of, his older brother sneakingly picked him up. Without us knowing. I'm angry at myself believe me. I'm crying to God I feel I've failed as a parent. Im simply at a loss what to do. .

P.s My son sits in his room all day, has access to his phone n laptop. Comes out to eat when he wants. This goes on for weeks. We've done things for him, his sports, sat down talked with him, asked what are his passions what does he want to do in life. We take him out to dinner, buy clothes shoes etc for him. We are not rich we get by.
H.E.L.P
Click to expand...
I'm not sure I am even reading this right. Who are the parents, here?
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#5
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#5
I got stupid enough to raise my fists to my step-father one time... (I was 16, too)... and one time, only. He let loose on me like a machine gun. AND MY MOTHER DID NOT INTERFERE.
 
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Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#6
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#6
blue_ladybug said:
To begin with, STOP SPOILING HIM. Stop buying him things.. Cut off his access to the phone and laptop. Take the bedroom door off the hinges if you have to. Tell him that disrespecting you and your wife will NOT be tolerated, and if he wants to act violently, to go somewhere else and live. Tell him if he wants YOUR respect, HE needs to show respect.
Click to expand...
AMEN to every single word of this.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#7
#7
NoobSaibot said:
Today My wife tells my son to do simple things, he reacts very angrily and un appreciative towards her. ( We have done everything to please him, do things with him, etc etc.) then I step in, lost my cool and he pulls his fists towards me. I said some silly words. My wife sticks up for him stepping in every time, I Tell him to go, leave. We have calmed down and he's doing the dishes with my wife. Find out hour later he's taken of, his older brother sneakingly picked him up. Without us knowing. I'm angry at myself believe me. I'm crying to God I feel I've failed as a parent. Im simply at a loss what to do. .

P.s My son sits in his room all day, has access to his phone n laptop. Comes out to eat when he wants. This goes on for weeks. We've done things for him, his sports, sat down talked with him, asked what are his passions what does he want to do in life. We take him out to dinner, buy clothes shoes etc for him. We are not rich we get by.
H.E.L.P
Click to expand...

I agree with the ladybug :) Cut the internet and phone,the clothes etc. Does he have allowance? Does he earn things by helping around the house? Work during the summer? He needs to start learning responsibility. And better start now because at his age you dont have a lot of time to make an impact.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#8
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#8
kaylagrl said:
I agree with the ladybug :) Cut the internet and phone,the clothes etc. Does he have allowance? Does he earn things by helping around the house? Work during the summer? He needs to start learning responsibility. And better start now because at his age you dont have a lot of time to make an impact.
Click to expand...
This is so true. It sounds like you are ALREADY about four or five years late on doing right by him..... but it may not be too late. But TODAY, not tomorrow.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#9
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#9
I recall, vividly, that my strongest years of "training" seemed to have started about the time I turned 9. By 7th grade, I was buying all my own clothes. (Yes, my parents gave me the opportunity to earn the money to purchase them, but they hardly ever helped beyond that point.... maybe some clothes as gifts for my birthday and Christmas.
 
K

Kefa54

Guest
#10
#10
I would stop beating myself up and take some time to rest in Jesus and his Grace. 16 is a tough age. Get focused and then possibly set up some new reasonable limits with him. Good luck and remember that respect is a two way thing.

Kefa
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#11
#11
NoobSaibot said:
Today My wife tells my son to do simple things, he reacts very angrily and un appreciative towards her. ( We have done everything to please him, do things with him, etc etc.) then I step in, lost my cool and he pulls his fists towards me. I said some silly words. My wife sticks up for him stepping in every time, I Tell him to go, leave. We have calmed down and he's doing the dishes with my wife. Find out hour later he's taken of, his older brother sneakingly picked him up. Without us knowing. I'm angry at myself believe me. I'm crying to God I feel I've failed as a parent. Im simply at a loss what to do. .

P.s My son sits in his room all day, has access to his phone n laptop. Comes out to eat when he wants. This goes on for weeks. We've done things for him, his sports, sat down talked with him, asked what are his passions what does he want to do in life. We take him out to dinner, buy clothes shoes etc for him. We are not rich we get by.
H.E.L.P
Click to expand...
One of my brothers at age 16 and my father had words once, and Dad told him to leave. He did. He never returned. They never talked it out either. My dad has dementia now. My brother has grandkids. How long are you going to wait?
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#12
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#12
Willie-T said:
I got stupid enough to raise my fists to my step-father one time... (I was 16, too)... and one time, only. He let loose on me like a machine gun. AND MY MOTHER DID NOT INTERFERE.
Click to expand...
Amen to this. My mother smacked me once and I laughed so my brother stepped in and slapped me, and I quit laughing right quick. Sometimes a good wack has its place.
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#13
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#13
NoobSaibot said:
My wife sticks up for him stepping in every time
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You and your wife need to have a serious talk. She's undermining your parental authority and it shows by your son's reaction towards you. Sorry you're struggling brother; I'll be keeping you lifted.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#14
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#14
Utah said:
Amen to this. My mother smacked me once and I laughed so my brother stepped in and slapped me, and I quit laughing right quick. Sometimes a good wack has its place.
Click to expand...
*gives a Gibbs smack up side Utah's head* For making me choke on my juice all da time.. :eek: *whack*

*Gibb's reference to NCIS* ;)
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#15
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#15
blue_ladybug said:
*gives a Gibbs smack up side Utah's head* For making me choke on my juice all da time.. :eek: *whack*

*Gibb's reference to NCIS* ;)
Click to expand...
Don't be fooled, Blue; I taught Gibbs everything he knows. :cool:

Ya know, maybe I should invest in paper towels stock. ;)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#16
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
113
#16
Utah said:
Don't be fooled, Blue; I taught Gibbs everything he knows. :cool:

Ya know, maybe I should invest in paper towels stock. ;)
Click to expand...
Yup, knew it.. Drinking coolaid, sho enough, starts laughing and spits it out. ;) If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to kill me with laughter. :eek: Or choking to death. Or both, lol..

*regards Utah with suspicion*

:)
 
B

breakup

Guest
#17
#17
I read the thread and had a couple of thoughts. A teenager is not an adult. Every house needs to have rules and both the father and the wife need to support those rules, without them the house falls. My own son was being bullied by his step-father, and at one point had enough, punched the step-father and knocked him on his ass. The bullying stopped after that. My son was already doing plenty around the house to help out, the bullying was not necessary. Of course I couldn't say how proud I was of my son, I had to tell his what he did was wrong. I was ready to punch the step-father several times myself.

Of course I grew up many years ago and things seemed to be different then. The lawyers and the courts weren't standing up for children's rights, they didn't need to, the adults were doing it.
 
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B

breakup

Guest
#18
#18
Kefa54 said:
remember that respect is a two way thing.

Kefa
Click to expand...
I would add that respect is earned, it doesn't come because it is deserved for some unexplained reason.
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#19
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#19
breakup said:
I would add that respect is earned, it doesn't come because it is deserved for some unexplained reason.
Click to expand...
I would say its both, deserved and earned. That said however, earned respect is better respect.
 
B

breakup

Guest
#20
#20
Utah said:
I would say its both, deserved and earned. That said however, earned respect is better respect.
Click to expand...
Yes, sometimes respect is deserved but there is usually a good reason for it. I did qualify that unexplained respect should be questioned.
 
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