To those who have lost loved ones, I'm so sorry. To those who have survived a suicide attempt...I am EXTREMELY grateful!!! Whatever you have failed in life, this is one thing I am forever glad you failed at!!!
You are loved. You are needed. If you need someone to call friend, I'm there. And I'm here. The following is my story:
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In 1989, after a difficult divorce, an attempt at college and a painful living experience, I tried to commit suicide. I would have left two small children behind. Two beautiful, compassionate and sensitive children that I adored. I wasn’t able to handle life on life’s terms…and in that, I felt they deserved something better. Something, I didn’t feel I had to offer.
I drove for four hours. It wasn’t a flip decision nor was it easy to carry out. I initially considered driving into a semi. At last end, I realized the nightmares of the driver forevermore. I bought razors and tried that…it didn’t work. I sat at the beach watching waves as my arm bled. Praying for forgiveness.
God gave me more than forgiveness.
I finally drove my car into a county ditch. Beat myself over the head with a tire iron.
Drivers-by found me there and took me to a hospital. I was treated for injuries and released. Afraid of the stigma, I lied about the circumstance.
Two other attempts ensued later. Both of those drug overdoses with prescription medications.
One of those was on my son’s birthday. In 1993, I began hearing voices. On this particular day, they started early to tell me to kill myself. Over and over and over and over again. I fought them as hard as I could. I have schizo-affective disorder and trust few now. Then, I trusted no one.
I once believed God was forgiving and love. That day, I believed God was punishing. I’ve learned the truth. I KNOW God loves me and wants me to live.
There was a moment when I considered it a fourth time…more than a moment...but another voice said no. We argued all weekend…until Monday morning when I caved in and Lived! He won. I won! I pray it benefited many.
My children are well. They still struggle with my dilemmas and some of the past, though they don’t share easily.
The note in my car the day of the first attempt read “Take care of my beloved children. I’m sorry…” No one ever read it.
I’ve started an organization for Suicide in my area, yet could not continue. I see the pain in the eyes of the family suffering and I can’t touch it. I am ashamed.
I think, for me, it really was only God who could reach me. If He had not come, and I firmly believe, had I not prayed as I did, He may not have, I would have carried it out eventually.
He walked with me, talked with me…crazy to some, lunatic to others…I am a living testimony to a living God. He helped me overcome many things and strengthen myself in the process.
My advice is this:
[FONT="]1. [/FONT] Practice reading the bible
[FONT="]2. [/FONT] Let it lead you to a relationship with the Almighty God.
[FONT="]3. [/FONT]Share your testimony and teach others to love.
[FONT="]4. [/FONT]Listen to the little children. They are not stupid. They have innate truths we need to hear.
[FONT="]5. [/FONT]Lead these children to God.
[FONT="]6. [/FONT]Remember rebellion starts at home. Give your child, your grandchildren an adult friend whom they trust; whom you
trust. Someone they can vent to when Mom and Dad are less than enough. It happens in every family.
Suicide is a message of rebellion. “I don’t like this.” “I’m hurt.” “I’m angry and I’m lost.” “Help!” “Please Listen to me!”
If you don’t hear it now, it may be too late later.
I work now to help those who have tried to commit suicide and failed. I’ve learned to let them know that it is the best thing they’ve ever failed at and thank God they failed!
If faced with a failed suicide, get them to talk to you. Listen closely to what they have to say. DO tell them you love them and do love them, no matter what it is they’ve done. Every child is precious in God’s eyes. They need to hear it from you. Sincerity is the greatest gift you can give another person.
Leave the “I told you so” at the door. Leave the “It’s your own fault” there as well, along with all the other criticism. These people – these children, these loved ones need understanding. Not condemnation.
Children rebelling don’t measure up. That’s the TRUTH. They won’t, for it is a society that is reckless in its practices. For example, You yelled this morning at someone to close the door, and You, yourself left it open.
A simple mistake…that door is a huge barrier to someone who doesn’t understand yet. A seed of rebellion is planted. Whether a door or an argument or any number of things…the more gentle you approach life, the gentler it returns your love.
God bless you! I’m so sorry for your losses. I wish I could have helped your loved one. Perhaps I can help you or someone you know understand. Then I know, I have not lived in vain. Jabez prayed, “Increase my territory that I might not cause pain”. My story is the same.
In living and in trying to die, I have caused pain. I’ve changed. Simplicity and gentility served with love. This is what I know now, what I try to do now. All based on faith in God.
Love -me
You are loved. You are needed. If you need someone to call friend, I'm there. And I'm here. The following is my story:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What the Notes Don’t say
I drove for four hours. It wasn’t a flip decision nor was it easy to carry out. I initially considered driving into a semi. At last end, I realized the nightmares of the driver forevermore. I bought razors and tried that…it didn’t work. I sat at the beach watching waves as my arm bled. Praying for forgiveness.
God gave me more than forgiveness.
I finally drove my car into a county ditch. Beat myself over the head with a tire iron.
Drivers-by found me there and took me to a hospital. I was treated for injuries and released. Afraid of the stigma, I lied about the circumstance.
Two other attempts ensued later. Both of those drug overdoses with prescription medications.
One of those was on my son’s birthday. In 1993, I began hearing voices. On this particular day, they started early to tell me to kill myself. Over and over and over and over again. I fought them as hard as I could. I have schizo-affective disorder and trust few now. Then, I trusted no one.
I once believed God was forgiving and love. That day, I believed God was punishing. I’ve learned the truth. I KNOW God loves me and wants me to live.
There was a moment when I considered it a fourth time…more than a moment...but another voice said no. We argued all weekend…until Monday morning when I caved in and Lived! He won. I won! I pray it benefited many.
My children are well. They still struggle with my dilemmas and some of the past, though they don’t share easily.
I’ve started an organization for Suicide in my area, yet could not continue. I see the pain in the eyes of the family suffering and I can’t touch it. I am ashamed.
I think, for me, it really was only God who could reach me. If He had not come, and I firmly believe, had I not prayed as I did, He may not have, I would have carried it out eventually.
He walked with me, talked with me…crazy to some, lunatic to others…I am a living testimony to a living God. He helped me overcome many things and strengthen myself in the process.
My advice is this:
[FONT="]1. [/FONT] Practice reading the bible
[FONT="]2. [/FONT] Let it lead you to a relationship with the Almighty God.
[FONT="]3. [/FONT]Share your testimony and teach others to love.
[FONT="]4. [/FONT]Listen to the little children. They are not stupid. They have innate truths we need to hear.
[FONT="]5. [/FONT]Lead these children to God.
[FONT="]6. [/FONT]Remember rebellion starts at home. Give your child, your grandchildren an adult friend whom they trust; whom you
trust. Someone they can vent to when Mom and Dad are less than enough. It happens in every family.
Suicide is a message of rebellion. “I don’t like this.” “I’m hurt.” “I’m angry and I’m lost.” “Help!” “Please Listen to me!”
If you don’t hear it now, it may be too late later.
I work now to help those who have tried to commit suicide and failed. I’ve learned to let them know that it is the best thing they’ve ever failed at and thank God they failed!
If faced with a failed suicide, get them to talk to you. Listen closely to what they have to say. DO tell them you love them and do love them, no matter what it is they’ve done. Every child is precious in God’s eyes. They need to hear it from you. Sincerity is the greatest gift you can give another person.
Leave the “I told you so” at the door. Leave the “It’s your own fault” there as well, along with all the other criticism. These people – these children, these loved ones need understanding. Not condemnation.
Children rebelling don’t measure up. That’s the TRUTH. They won’t, for it is a society that is reckless in its practices. For example, You yelled this morning at someone to close the door, and You, yourself left it open.
A simple mistake…that door is a huge barrier to someone who doesn’t understand yet. A seed of rebellion is planted. Whether a door or an argument or any number of things…the more gentle you approach life, the gentler it returns your love.
God bless you! I’m so sorry for your losses. I wish I could have helped your loved one. Perhaps I can help you or someone you know understand. Then I know, I have not lived in vain. Jabez prayed, “Increase my territory that I might not cause pain”. My story is the same.
In living and in trying to die, I have caused pain. I’ve changed. Simplicity and gentility served with love. This is what I know now, what I try to do now. All based on faith in God.
Love -me
