Should my husband be upset about this?

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A

Alfreda

Banned
#1
Nov 27, 2015
7
0
0
#1
I need some advice. I am new here but I have felt your advice is terrific to others.

I recently started a new job and my husband does not like the fact that I have been so busy with it. He feels I'm picking work over him.

I was told when I started there wouldn't be much travel. But I have been asked to go on a 2 day trip with my female boss.

He is very upset and uneasy about it. He said I thought we both agreed to not travel for work unless we bring each other. He works for himself so it's much easier for him to do that. M

I'm feeling very nervous because I don't know how to say no to this trip...

Should I say no? My husband is going to use this against me. He often threatens to go out with the guys and party when I say I have work obligations.

But he also says we need my income, so I can't just quit.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Sounds like your husband is controlling and manipulative.
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#3
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#3
Is it possible to take him along with you then for the trip? Perhaps this problem could be turned on its head to both of your benefit and ya'll could turn it into something of a mini-vacation. Just my initial thought on it.
 
A

Alfreda

Banned
#4
Nov 27, 2015
7
0
0
#4
Well not really because it's too late. He has work now and would flip if I told him now.

Plus my female boss is a workhorse. And my husband would interfere.
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#5
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#5
Alfreda said:
Well not really because it's too late. He has work now and would flip if I told him now.

Plus my female boss is a workhorse. And my husband would interfere.
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I see. Seems there's no easy answer then. You're just going to have to tell him eventually. Since he is your husband, ask him what he wants you to do in regards to this situation, and do as he counsels.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#6
#6
Alfreda said:
I need some advice. I am new here but I have felt your advice is terrific to others.

I recently started a new job and my husband does not like the fact that I have been so busy with it. He feels I'm picking work over him.

I was told when I started there wouldn't be much travel. But I have been asked to go on a 2 day trip with my female boss.

He is very upset and uneasy about it. He said I thought we both agreed to not travel for work unless we bring each other. He works for himself so it's much easier for him to do that. M

I'm feeling very nervous because I don't know how to say no to this trip...

Should I say no? My husband is going to use this against me. He often threatens to go out with the guys and party when I say I have work obligations.

But he also says we need my income, so I can't just quit.
Click to expand...

You cant commit to a job then dictate when you will work. Surely your husband is smart enough to know that. If you did not want to travel for work you should have told your boss that up front.It its fair now to refuse to do the work. Your husband sounds childish and immature.If you need the job you have no choice. Sit your husband down and tell him its time to act like a big boy. Ok maybe dont say that. But to use work against you is small and immature of him.Tell him you'll quit the job.If he says no then tell him you committed to do the work and you have no choice. If he has a better idea lets hear it.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#7
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#7
I say go if there are no other obligations that would be compromised. Let your husband care for himself for a couple days. Remind him that there are plenty of fast food joints around so he won't starve and you'll do the laundry when you get back. Your boss is female so what's the concern?

New on the job it's important that you make a good impression.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
B

blondieindahouse

Banned
#8
Jun 23, 2015
1,990
37
0
#8
Welcome to CC!

I agree with Kayla in that you need to do the job you were hired to do. Your hubby is putting you in a very difficult situation.
The agreement you two have about traveling with each other on the job is ridiculous. It reeks of control issues or perhaps honeymoon bliss but it is not reasonable! . You didnt take into account the employers opinions did you?

The fact that your husband is threatening to go out and party tells me he doesnt take his relationship with Christ seriously . Since when was your job an excuse to act as a heathen? Your husband is supposed to be head of household and he is acting like a little boy who needs a good spanking!! We follow Christ always and not just when we feel like it. You either do the job you were hired to do or quit and suffer financial difficulty. Would quiting in this circumstance be logical? Should you give in to unreasonable requests and threats? I would suggest bringing in a third party perhaps the pastor of your church or a marriage counselor.

Btw, Im assuming you two are reborn again in Christ. Are you? Does your life look like it ?
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#9
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#9
OP:

I could understand your husband's position if your boss was a male, and you had to travel alone with him.

However, this is not the case.

And the business trip is only 2 days.

My impression is that he is making a mountain out of a molehill.

Since a second income is needed to make ends meet, you will have to do what your employer tells you.

When God wants us to submit to authority, he also means to anyone in a leadership role. That does include your employer.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
42,722
17,183
113
70
Tennessee
#10
What Ugly said. Go on the business trip and earn necessary income. Welcome to CC.
 
A

Alfreda

Banned
#11
Nov 27, 2015
7
0
0
#11
Yes I agree. Thank you for responding and welcoming me.

The trip is Tuesday and I feel like I'm sitting on a time bomb.

He has actually threatened to divorce over trips in the past. I had told him I was trying to get out of this one and he thinks that's what happened

He is not going to be ok about this and I feel so awful, but this is a very important trip for my work.

He believes I put work ahead of him and that's not the case, but it's tough.
 
PreTribGuy

PreTribGuy

Moderator
Staff member
#12
Nov 7, 2009
42
1
8
#12
Regardless of your husband's (possible) actions in the future, the husband IS the head of the household. God ordained the family structure is this manner. If your husband says, "No", then the matter should be settled.

Now one may say, "Yes, but HE does xyz...and HE doesn't do abc..." But that response is completely irrelevant. God told the wife to be submissive to the husband (Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.) There is NO condition/qualifier in this command. Submitting to your husband is something done out of obedience to God's word.

And OF COURSE your husband is commanded to do the what is said in the following verse:
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

However, there is no "only if" in between those verses. They are separate commands, and one doesn't get to chose to disobey verse 18, if the husband disobeys verse 19. You just don't.

Peter tried a similar tactic with Jesus and that didn't work out well:

John 21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
 
G

GodIsSalvation

Banned
#13
Dec 18, 2013
6,733
45
0
#13
Alfreda said:
Yes I agree. Thank you for responding and welcoming me.

The trip is Tuesday and I feel like I'm sitting on a time bomb.

He has actually threatened to divorce over trips in the past. I had told him I was trying to get out of this one and he thinks that's what happened

He is not going to be ok about this and I feel so awful, but this is a very important trip for my work.

He believes I put work ahead of him and that's not the case, but it's tough.
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Money blows with the wind. Better to keep a marriage than a job. I cannot tell you to do something that might result in divorce. My only other suggestion is if you bring up the subject now, perhaps it be more favorable for you if he has the weekend to think about it.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#14
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#14
PreTribGuy said:
Regardless of your husband's (possible) actions in the future, the husband IS the head of the household. God ordained the family structure is this manner. If your husband says, "No", then the matter should be settled.

Now one may say, "Yes, but HE does xyz...and HE doesn't do abc..." But that response is completely irrelevant. God told the wife to be submissive to the husband (Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.) There is NO condition/qualifier in this command. Submitting to your husband is something done out of obedience to God's word.

And OF COURSE your husband is commanded to do the what is said in the following verse:
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

However, there is no "only if" in between those verses. They are separate commands, and one doesn't get to chose to disobey verse 18, if the husband disobeys verse 19. You just don't.

Peter tried a similar tactic with Jesus and that didn't work out well:

John 21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
Click to expand...
A good wife is great blessing from the Lord. Pr 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

I would be interested is seeing how to reconcile your position with the woman described in Proverbs 31.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
PreTribGuy

PreTribGuy

Moderator
Staff member
#15
Nov 7, 2009
42
1
8
#15
1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#16
Jul 3, 2015
62,104
31,076
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#16
Husbands are supposed to submit to their wives also...
 
PreTribGuy

PreTribGuy

Moderator
Staff member
#17
Nov 7, 2009
42
1
8
#17
Magenta said:
Husbands are supposed to submit to their wives also...
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Are you suggesting she disobey God's word because HE won't obey God's word? As I stated, the wife's obedience to God's word is not conditional on the husband obeying it. In fact, the verse I posted says this very thing:

1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

What part of that verse is so hard to understand? They wife is to be in subjection EVEN IF the husband does not obey the word. It's a pretty clear verse to me.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#18
Feb 21, 2014
70,939
9,691
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#18
Hubby sounds like a spoiled rotten, manipulative control freak who needs to grow up, stop acting so childish and immature, and get over himself. :/
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#20
#20
PreTribGuy said:
Regardless of your husband's (possible) actions in the future, the husband IS the head of the household. God ordained the family structure is this manner. If your husband says, "No", then the matter should be settled.

Now one may say, "Yes, but HE does xyz...and HE doesn't do abc..." But that response is completely irrelevant. God told the wife to be submissive to the husband (Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.) There is NO condition/qualifier in this command. Submitting to your husband is something done out of obedience to God's word.

And OF COURSE your husband is commanded to do the what is said in the following verse:
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

However, there is no "only if" in between those verses. They are separate commands, and one doesn't get to chose to disobey verse 18, if the husband disobeys verse 19. You just don't.

Peter tried a similar tactic with Jesus and that didn't work out well:

John 21:21 Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?22 Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.
Click to expand...


Here we go... This is why I have a problem with the poor teaching of submission.

Quote "If your husband says, "No", then the matter should be settled."

So they need the money,she says no and loses her job then where are they? Then he'll blame her for that. Thats utter nonsense. If he wants to have total say over her job she'll have to work for him.No boss is going to accept the excuse "my husband told me no." The husband is making ridiculous demands then punishing his wife for not being able to do what he wishes. She's not wrong,he is.
 
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