Hello All,
I have been listening to a Christian radio program some nights on the way home from work (I always seem to catch it in the middle, so I never get the speaker's name but they always address her as "Dr." such-and-such so I assume she's some sort of Christian counselor.)
The last two programs I listened to had to do with Christian marriages--this woman said there were times when she would try to get everything done that she felt needed her attention that day and would then try to have a quiet Bible study... but that God put it on her heart to go upstairs and spend personal time with her husband. She said her immediate reply was, "But God, I can only stare at the ceiling so many times!!" and went on to say that God was telling her this was a way to serve her husband.
On the last program I caught the other night, she again reiterated the fact that Christian wives serve their husbands by spending intimate time with them and it's part of the marital duties.
I understand this is all very Biblical, but I found it rather dismaying!!! Is that all sex is to be reduced to in a marriage, most especially, a Christian marriage?? Just another chore on the "to do today" list???
Now, I can certainly understand how it can get that way. I once knew a young woman who told me she was considering taking some sort of pills to help boost her sex drive because her husband was complaining about her lack of interest. However, after talking with her, it didn't take much to figure out why!!! They both worked full-time and yet her husband expected her to do all the household chores and care for their two children. The most he'd ever do is maybe cut the lawn, and that was rare. She was literally expected to do all the rest. I told her, you don't need pills, you need for someone to give your husband a wake-up call in common courtesy!!
I consider myself blessed in that my mother always talked to me in the context that sex with your spouse is a privilege and something fun, not an obligation or bargaining tool.
Having been married at one time myself, I always kept her advice in mind. Although our marriage did not work out, my then-husband and I, I would hope to say, had some very wonderful romantic times, mostly because of atmosphere. For instance, I can remember one time I came home with the groceries and he met me at the door, saying, "You've done enough, honey, let me do the rest," and proceeded to insist I go relax while he retrieved everything from the car and put it all away. We were both full-time college students with two and three jobs each, so I really appreciated all his efforts.
Another time we were talking about romantic themes in movies that we liked and I told him I always kind of like the story lines where some gruff guy gets assigned to protect some woman and he grumbles all the way, but winds up falling hopelessly in love with her.
He listened intently and said, "Ok, Baby, how about this... I could pretend to be some secret agent guy... and, what do you think--my secret agent name will be 'Flash Dashing'..." and he kept going on, carefully setting the scenario. He was being so sincere and charming and sweet AND sarcastic all at the same time... I just remember laughing so hard at the intense, but utterly silly expressions on his face... how could I NOT have immediately fallen into his arms?
Or, is it just the "good, chaste and humble" answer for a good Christian wife to state that she agrees to have sex with her husband out of duty and honor to God?
Is it actually ok to say one likes having sex with their spouse, and, seeming even more shockingly, admit it???
I went to a Lutheran school K-12th grade and there was no talk at all about sex except, "Don't do it and don't do anything even close to it and don't even think about it until you get married." How they expect people to have healthy sex lives within a marriage after all that "do not, do not, do not", I'm not sure.
Then, if you have the unfortunate situation of a divorce... guess what they tell you? "Don't do it and don't so anything even close to it and don't even think about it, and if you're going to date, wear a padlock at all times." (And of course, some Christians will say you also can never remarry... so if your husband leaves you for another woman when you're 25, apparently your life is over and you are destined, by the divine will of God, to be alone the rest of your life. And the good church people wondered why I fell into hopeless state of despair for so many years.)
What do all of you out there think, most especially the married Christians who can give us singles some advice?
Is sex a chore... or actually a fun time with the person you hopefully love more than anyone else in the world? And, as a Christian, are you free to publicly admit it?
Or is it best to put on the pious face of, "I am doing my duty before the Lord."
Am looking forward to your thoughts!!!
I have been listening to a Christian radio program some nights on the way home from work (I always seem to catch it in the middle, so I never get the speaker's name but they always address her as "Dr." such-and-such so I assume she's some sort of Christian counselor.)
The last two programs I listened to had to do with Christian marriages--this woman said there were times when she would try to get everything done that she felt needed her attention that day and would then try to have a quiet Bible study... but that God put it on her heart to go upstairs and spend personal time with her husband. She said her immediate reply was, "But God, I can only stare at the ceiling so many times!!" and went on to say that God was telling her this was a way to serve her husband.
On the last program I caught the other night, she again reiterated the fact that Christian wives serve their husbands by spending intimate time with them and it's part of the marital duties.
I understand this is all very Biblical, but I found it rather dismaying!!! Is that all sex is to be reduced to in a marriage, most especially, a Christian marriage?? Just another chore on the "to do today" list???
Now, I can certainly understand how it can get that way. I once knew a young woman who told me she was considering taking some sort of pills to help boost her sex drive because her husband was complaining about her lack of interest. However, after talking with her, it didn't take much to figure out why!!! They both worked full-time and yet her husband expected her to do all the household chores and care for their two children. The most he'd ever do is maybe cut the lawn, and that was rare. She was literally expected to do all the rest. I told her, you don't need pills, you need for someone to give your husband a wake-up call in common courtesy!!
I consider myself blessed in that my mother always talked to me in the context that sex with your spouse is a privilege and something fun, not an obligation or bargaining tool.
Having been married at one time myself, I always kept her advice in mind. Although our marriage did not work out, my then-husband and I, I would hope to say, had some very wonderful romantic times, mostly because of atmosphere. For instance, I can remember one time I came home with the groceries and he met me at the door, saying, "You've done enough, honey, let me do the rest," and proceeded to insist I go relax while he retrieved everything from the car and put it all away. We were both full-time college students with two and three jobs each, so I really appreciated all his efforts.
Another time we were talking about romantic themes in movies that we liked and I told him I always kind of like the story lines where some gruff guy gets assigned to protect some woman and he grumbles all the way, but winds up falling hopelessly in love with her.
He listened intently and said, "Ok, Baby, how about this... I could pretend to be some secret agent guy... and, what do you think--my secret agent name will be 'Flash Dashing'..." and he kept going on, carefully setting the scenario. He was being so sincere and charming and sweet AND sarcastic all at the same time... I just remember laughing so hard at the intense, but utterly silly expressions on his face... how could I NOT have immediately fallen into his arms?
Or, is it just the "good, chaste and humble" answer for a good Christian wife to state that she agrees to have sex with her husband out of duty and honor to God?
Is it actually ok to say one likes having sex with their spouse, and, seeming even more shockingly, admit it???
I went to a Lutheran school K-12th grade and there was no talk at all about sex except, "Don't do it and don't do anything even close to it and don't even think about it until you get married." How they expect people to have healthy sex lives within a marriage after all that "do not, do not, do not", I'm not sure.
Then, if you have the unfortunate situation of a divorce... guess what they tell you? "Don't do it and don't so anything even close to it and don't even think about it, and if you're going to date, wear a padlock at all times." (And of course, some Christians will say you also can never remarry... so if your husband leaves you for another woman when you're 25, apparently your life is over and you are destined, by the divine will of God, to be alone the rest of your life. And the good church people wondered why I fell into hopeless state of despair for so many years.)
What do all of you out there think, most especially the married Christians who can give us singles some advice?
Is sex a chore... or actually a fun time with the person you hopefully love more than anyone else in the world? And, as a Christian, are you free to publicly admit it?
Or is it best to put on the pious face of, "I am doing my duty before the Lord."
Am looking forward to your thoughts!!!
