6 Weeks before the wedding & now this...
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so, I'm here with a bad update. I don't think he's reading here anymore.
As I've mentioned before, he is controlling and emotionally abusive but I never thought he would physically hurt me. He swore he never would.
Well last night I went back for some belongings. He was angry and I began fighting with him ....and tried to leave the house. I had my make up bag in hand and he kept ripping it out of my hands. He was so angry he wasn't listening when I screamed that he had my fingers. He kept yanking.
He broke my hand and my finger is so twisted and deformed I need to have a plate put in it.
When he saw my finger as so deformed he raced me to the hospital. I'm having survey on Monday. He cries every time he looks at it and he's begging me not to leave him. He is so remorseful. He is scared that I will go to the police too.
I am in shock. I love him obviously and I hate to see him in this much guilt/pain. But I realize this is out of control. He swears that he will never fight with me again.
I am so terrified. I am disfigured. The surgeon believes that part will be fixed with the plate, but I will need 2 more surgeries over the next year. And I am in serious pain.
When I cry about it he says that it was an accident and if I didn't want that... I should have let go of my own bag and listened to him.
It's just tough... Because I am in deep pain and the appearance of my hand... I can't even look at.
As I've mentioned before, he is controlling and emotionally abusive but I never thought he would physically hurt me. He swore he never would.
Well last night I went back for some belongings. He was angry and I began fighting with him ....and tried to leave the house. I had my make up bag in hand and he kept ripping it out of my hands. He was so angry he wasn't listening when I screamed that he had my fingers. He kept yanking.
He broke my hand and my finger is so twisted and deformed I need to have a plate put in it.
When he saw my finger as so deformed he raced me to the hospital. I'm having survey on Monday. He cries every time he looks at it and he's begging me not to leave him. He is so remorseful. He is scared that I will go to the police too.
I am in shock. I love him obviously and I hate to see him in this much guilt/pain. But I realize this is out of control. He swears that he will never fight with me again.
I am so terrified. I am disfigured. The surgeon believes that part will be fixed with the plate, but I will need 2 more surgeries over the next year. And I am in serious pain.
When I cry about it he says that it was an accident and if I didn't want that... I should have let go of my own bag and listened to him.
It's just tough... Because I am in deep pain and the appearance of my hand... I can't even look at.
I did not believe a physical injury was possible with this man. Truly didn't. And even now... He tells me he didn't realize he had my fingers... And he would never purposely hurt me. He also told me if I would have stopped fighting for MY make up bag... This wouldn't have happened. (Partially blaming me). Although he has apologized a million times and still seems very sad about what he's done. His biggest concern is the fact that my ex husband didn't believe my hand was "slammed in a door accidentally". He's so mad because my ex is implying that HE did this to me. And he's also scared I will go to the police and report him and sue him.
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It's a sick & twisted, distorted thinking process, that makes you truly believe that the person really cares about you. You think the negative attention is good, because you think this means they really love you. You convince yourself that they only act this way because they care & that your love is rare...( I told you it was distorted...)
As I have posted on twice, and AnneNoel has posted the diagrams - you are caught in the Cycle of Abuse. He is only nice to reel you in so he can start abusing you again.
He is NEVER going to be a good person, never love you the way you deserve to be loved, and you are going to go through this cycle over and over, until either you leave, or one of you dies.
Please go to a victim services or a Women's abuse shelter and learn about this pattern you are repeating over and over. He is abusive, aggressive and does not love you. I question if you know who he is, or you would not be saying you love him. He is a cruel and selfish man, and now he has hurt you. If he feels any remorse, it is only for himself - because he is afraid you might press charges.
Please press charges. And do not go back without a police escort to get the reset of your belongings.
I worked with abused women for a year, and the stories I heard were just horrible. One husband escalated to shooting his wife with a gun. She was hurt but survived and he is in jail, divorced, and his ex-wife was in the abuse group to learn to identify the symptoms and signs, so she would not end up rebounding to another abuser.
I'm begging you to stay away from this man who is abusing you forever.
He is NEVER going to be a good person, never love you the way you deserve to be loved, and you are going to go through this cycle over and over, until either you leave, or one of you dies.
Please go to a victim services or a Women's abuse shelter and learn about this pattern you are repeating over and over. He is abusive, aggressive and does not love you. I question if you know who he is, or you would not be saying you love him. He is a cruel and selfish man, and now he has hurt you. If he feels any remorse, it is only for himself - because he is afraid you might press charges.
Please press charges. And do not go back without a police escort to get the reset of your belongings.
I worked with abused women for a year, and the stories I heard were just horrible. One husband escalated to shooting his wife with a gun. She was hurt but survived and he is in jail, divorced, and his ex-wife was in the abuse group to learn to identify the symptoms and signs, so she would not end up rebounding to another abuser.
I'm begging you to stay away from this man who is abusing you forever.
M
He he is not sorry though is he. If he was he would not be trying to lay the
blame of this on you.
More likely he is sorry about the possible consequences for himself, fear of being
reported, fear of the police, fear of being sued, fear of his damaged reputation,
fear of what others will think of him. That is why he is sorry isn't it - think about it.
Someone who is truely repentant does not try to blame others!
Dont not fall for this, REPORT HIM TO THE POLICE AND SUE HIM.
What if he does something worse next time either to yourself or another woman.
The argument was not about a make up bag, it was him trying to stop you from leaving,
after all why would he want to keep your make up bag for goodness sake! Unless of course
he is a cross dresser who likes wearing women's make up.
FOR GOODNESS SAKE START THINKING FOR YOURSELF AND IN YOUR OWN
BEST INTERESTS - NOT HIS, YOU DON'T OWE HIM ANYTHING. YOU CAN DO SO
MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. LEAVE, DONT LOOK, BACK, HAVE NOTHING MORE TO
DO WITH HIM
We can all pray our heads off and ask God to help you. But you also need to help
yourself.
I'm really sorry you have been hurt and I pray for a quick recovery for you. But please
please start thinking about your choices and make wise decisions.