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I just checked out the local Hallmark store (Cards! Gifts! Stationery and letter-writing supplies!) and library in this area for the first time!! I even got to pick my own library card design, featuring local wildlife!! And I came home with 5 books on my favorite subject, arts & crafts (making things)!!!
These are the things I get excited about. Yes, my life is just that exciting.
For those of you who've read my other posts of what's been going on lately in my life, all I can say is:
#BrazenHussy
#TruePlaya4Life
#ThisIsHowIRoll
These are the things I get excited about. Yes, my life is just that exciting.
For those of you who've read my other posts of what's been going on lately in my life, all I can say is:
#BrazenHussy
#TruePlaya4Life
#ThisIsHowIRoll
Your post made me realize how excited I get when I get new books
A
Speaking of books... I'm reading this really interesting book called "Seeking Allah: Finding Jesus" and I'm really enjoying it!
U
I don't share much about myself on here, so mostly people think of me as that blunt guy that blasts everybody. I try to convince people that i have more to me than that, but generally i get the impression that it doesn't phase people. So i am going to open up about something that i am currently Very vulnerable about. Very raw topic. And also show that i have more to me, and more depth and feeling than people know.
I will not be back for responses.
This is not a discussion topic.
It's not an advice topic. I do not want advice.
I don't want suggestions on what to do, nor your opinion on the matter.
Don't want your views on whether you believe she'll 'come around'.
Or even private messages expressing sympathy or support.
It is for you to read and absorb. Or read and ignore. Or whichever in between you pick.
This is a statement, an exposing of myself, so please move on if you don't care, or read it and see if it affects your outlook of me as something more than a guy that doesn't care and blasts people. As someone cold and harsh.
I have no idea what Exactly i'm about to say, only the topic. So this will be purely from the heart 100%.
I remembering over a year ago sitting in the Lounge in chats and noticing this particular avatar of someones picture. Immediately i felt something. Every time i saw her in the chats i opened her PM box just to look at her picture. Often times more than once a night. I knew i wanted to talk to her, but since i avoid PMing women in chats, i wouldn't say anything. This went on for a few months. Then one night i was shocked to see her PM box pop up with a hi. I was thrilled. I couldn't believe this beautiful woman was actually speaking to me, after wishing for her to talk to me.
I was shy. I was a bit worried i would embarrass myself in front of her. But the conversation became pretty annoying. I became irritated and by the end of it i was convinced i would never talk to her again. But for some reason whenever i logged on i would still check the chats for her. Hoping to see her. And that night she PMed me again i was happy, no wait, i'm not talking to her again. *hrmf! But i did. And it was like a repeat of the first conversation. So now that's it for sure. Next time this woman comes around i'm giving her a piece of my mind and telling her to move along. Except that didn't happen.
Actually two weeks went by before i saw her again. We chat a little, she annoyed me again. But somehow i gave up my Skype information. We logged on and i was thinking maybe a chat, but no. We typed in Skype a few minutes and she went to bed. Yet another irritation. Now for sure i had had enough. I've told off people for less and i wasn't going to give in this time. The next night i get a PM. And i told no one off. In fact it wasn't long before we hopped on Skype. Even as i'm putting in my password i could hear myself yelling 'why are you talking to her?! what are you doing?! tell her off!!'. I did not.
We spent the whole night chatting. And the next night. Within a few days we had a 25 hour skype session. Yes, 25 hours.We spent hours on Skype every night, all night. Next thing i know a month has gone by. We have an argument and decide to take some time away. Before the first day was up i missed her so bad i could hardly take it. I knew i had developed a crush on her, but what i was feeling that day was not a crush kind of missing. I actually felt off, like some part of me was missing. What was supposed to be a few days, or maybe even permanent didn't make it 48 hours.
Normally a more shy person that's reluctant to put myself out there romantically i messaged her and we got on Skype. I could tell by her tone she was still putting up the angry front. But i opened up and told her how much i had missed her. She had felt the same way. Two days later we began dating. Ironically i spent the past two weeks telling her i refused to rush into a relationship. But that one day showed me i couldn't afford to wait this time.
Jumping ahead she comes to visit. We have a great time. I go to visit and another great time. Everyone that knows us, and even some that didn't, commented on how happy we looked together. How well we fit together. There seemed to be this tone of 'yeah, these two are going to last' among everyone. I've never had that in a relationship before. Ever. There were many things i had never experienced in relationships, that i had while dating Cara. Positive things.
I knew i was good for her. She was very open about herself, her current life, her past and all that things she probably wishes she could forget. She hid nothing. Including the current and recent struggles, and her lifetime struggles. I knew being with her was not going to be easy. Even my counselor double and triple checked if i was sure i wanted to continue this, as she heard all the things i would have to contend with. Cara came with a lot of problems she dealt with. But i loved the idea of being with her and helping her through them. She struggled in ways that i am good at helping with.
And she was good in ways i struggled as well. We seemed to balance each other out well. I will say that to this day the ways the she helped me will stick with me and solidify my faith even more. At the very least i owe her gratitude for that.
Jumping ahead again, another visit, it started well, but something went wrong. Then she ended things. I didn't know what to do, what to think. While i have more answers now than i did then, i still don't know. What don't i know? I don't even know the answer to that. I have pour my heart out to her these past few weeks and now i have nothing left to pour out.
But i know two things, and though i have none of the answers i wish i had, i stick with the two things that have not changed at all. The first is that i am still in love with this amazing woman. I love her in a way i have never loved anyone. I gave myself to her, my heart. I knew i wanted to marry her. In all of her brokenness. All of the difficulties and challenges. Because i know deep down, beneath all the hurts, insecurities, confusions, fears and other things, she is special. Beautiful. Kind. Caring. Giving. Passionate. Compassionate. Understanding.
The second thing i know is that God put me with her. The more time i spent with her the more i believed God brought us together.The more i believed i would, and should, marry her. And anyone that knows me well knows that i don't state lightly at all that God has spoken to me. In fact i rarely, if ever, say such a thing. But even as the romantic side of our relationship is over, and as badly as i was hurt, i still want her back. It probably will never happen. But the love i feel and also that i believe God is still telling me to stay by her side, keeps me her friend. Her counselor. Her whatever she needs.
She will always have a place in my heart.
I have dated some wonderful women. I pretty much had to lie to myself to believe they were for me. Maybe wishful thinking. I did love them. But comparing what i feel for Cara makes me realize those past relationships, and what i believed was love, were just a foreshadow to prepare my heart for something i was not ready to feel before i met Cara. Something i did not think i was capable of feeling.
So now i end this post with a hint of regret. While we dated people just 'knew' how i felt about her. But i was always one that was shy about stating what was in my heart to others, but not to Cara. Though it is too late now, since we are just friends, i will make up for my failing when we were together and state these things i should have back then, for all to see. My declaration of love.
This is a woman who i value and admire. She has been through much, and is still going through much. And i know that there is a lot for her yet to deal with. But she has persevered. She has kept her faith. She has won battles. She is stronger than she sees. Smarter than she knows. Her worth is beyond what she can imagine. She captured my eyes, then my mind and finally my heart. I constantly regret the ways i have let her down or things i have done to hurt her, though i never meant to. She deserves better. Keep her in your prayers. And i will close with a line from the song i had hoped to use the day i proposed to her. "At your feet i lay her down, humbly before you i bow, she's a blessing, you've given to me, Father of Light'.
Actually i made a lyric video of the song for her. We were already broken up before i got to show it to her. She never knew the song existed until that moment. I kept i secret for that special day.
[video=youtube;aEQ4TT6zv2s]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEQ4TT6zv2s[/video]
I will not be back for responses.
This is not a discussion topic.
It's not an advice topic. I do not want advice.
I don't want suggestions on what to do, nor your opinion on the matter.
Don't want your views on whether you believe she'll 'come around'.
Or even private messages expressing sympathy or support.
It is for you to read and absorb. Or read and ignore. Or whichever in between you pick.
This is a statement, an exposing of myself, so please move on if you don't care, or read it and see if it affects your outlook of me as something more than a guy that doesn't care and blasts people. As someone cold and harsh.
I have no idea what Exactly i'm about to say, only the topic. So this will be purely from the heart 100%.
I remembering over a year ago sitting in the Lounge in chats and noticing this particular avatar of someones picture. Immediately i felt something. Every time i saw her in the chats i opened her PM box just to look at her picture. Often times more than once a night. I knew i wanted to talk to her, but since i avoid PMing women in chats, i wouldn't say anything. This went on for a few months. Then one night i was shocked to see her PM box pop up with a hi. I was thrilled. I couldn't believe this beautiful woman was actually speaking to me, after wishing for her to talk to me.
I was shy. I was a bit worried i would embarrass myself in front of her. But the conversation became pretty annoying. I became irritated and by the end of it i was convinced i would never talk to her again. But for some reason whenever i logged on i would still check the chats for her. Hoping to see her. And that night she PMed me again i was happy, no wait, i'm not talking to her again. *hrmf! But i did. And it was like a repeat of the first conversation. So now that's it for sure. Next time this woman comes around i'm giving her a piece of my mind and telling her to move along. Except that didn't happen.
Actually two weeks went by before i saw her again. We chat a little, she annoyed me again. But somehow i gave up my Skype information. We logged on and i was thinking maybe a chat, but no. We typed in Skype a few minutes and she went to bed. Yet another irritation. Now for sure i had had enough. I've told off people for less and i wasn't going to give in this time. The next night i get a PM. And i told no one off. In fact it wasn't long before we hopped on Skype. Even as i'm putting in my password i could hear myself yelling 'why are you talking to her?! what are you doing?! tell her off!!'. I did not.
We spent the whole night chatting. And the next night. Within a few days we had a 25 hour skype session. Yes, 25 hours.We spent hours on Skype every night, all night. Next thing i know a month has gone by. We have an argument and decide to take some time away. Before the first day was up i missed her so bad i could hardly take it. I knew i had developed a crush on her, but what i was feeling that day was not a crush kind of missing. I actually felt off, like some part of me was missing. What was supposed to be a few days, or maybe even permanent didn't make it 48 hours.
Normally a more shy person that's reluctant to put myself out there romantically i messaged her and we got on Skype. I could tell by her tone she was still putting up the angry front. But i opened up and told her how much i had missed her. She had felt the same way. Two days later we began dating. Ironically i spent the past two weeks telling her i refused to rush into a relationship. But that one day showed me i couldn't afford to wait this time.
Jumping ahead she comes to visit. We have a great time. I go to visit and another great time. Everyone that knows us, and even some that didn't, commented on how happy we looked together. How well we fit together. There seemed to be this tone of 'yeah, these two are going to last' among everyone. I've never had that in a relationship before. Ever. There were many things i had never experienced in relationships, that i had while dating Cara. Positive things.
I knew i was good for her. She was very open about herself, her current life, her past and all that things she probably wishes she could forget. She hid nothing. Including the current and recent struggles, and her lifetime struggles. I knew being with her was not going to be easy. Even my counselor double and triple checked if i was sure i wanted to continue this, as she heard all the things i would have to contend with. Cara came with a lot of problems she dealt with. But i loved the idea of being with her and helping her through them. She struggled in ways that i am good at helping with.
And she was good in ways i struggled as well. We seemed to balance each other out well. I will say that to this day the ways the she helped me will stick with me and solidify my faith even more. At the very least i owe her gratitude for that.
Jumping ahead again, another visit, it started well, but something went wrong. Then she ended things. I didn't know what to do, what to think. While i have more answers now than i did then, i still don't know. What don't i know? I don't even know the answer to that. I have pour my heart out to her these past few weeks and now i have nothing left to pour out.
But i know two things, and though i have none of the answers i wish i had, i stick with the two things that have not changed at all. The first is that i am still in love with this amazing woman. I love her in a way i have never loved anyone. I gave myself to her, my heart. I knew i wanted to marry her. In all of her brokenness. All of the difficulties and challenges. Because i know deep down, beneath all the hurts, insecurities, confusions, fears and other things, she is special. Beautiful. Kind. Caring. Giving. Passionate. Compassionate. Understanding.
The second thing i know is that God put me with her. The more time i spent with her the more i believed God brought us together.The more i believed i would, and should, marry her. And anyone that knows me well knows that i don't state lightly at all that God has spoken to me. In fact i rarely, if ever, say such a thing. But even as the romantic side of our relationship is over, and as badly as i was hurt, i still want her back. It probably will never happen. But the love i feel and also that i believe God is still telling me to stay by her side, keeps me her friend. Her counselor. Her whatever she needs.
She will always have a place in my heart.
I have dated some wonderful women. I pretty much had to lie to myself to believe they were for me. Maybe wishful thinking. I did love them. But comparing what i feel for Cara makes me realize those past relationships, and what i believed was love, were just a foreshadow to prepare my heart for something i was not ready to feel before i met Cara. Something i did not think i was capable of feeling.
So now i end this post with a hint of regret. While we dated people just 'knew' how i felt about her. But i was always one that was shy about stating what was in my heart to others, but not to Cara. Though it is too late now, since we are just friends, i will make up for my failing when we were together and state these things i should have back then, for all to see. My declaration of love.
This is a woman who i value and admire. She has been through much, and is still going through much. And i know that there is a lot for her yet to deal with. But she has persevered. She has kept her faith. She has won battles. She is stronger than she sees. Smarter than she knows. Her worth is beyond what she can imagine. She captured my eyes, then my mind and finally my heart. I constantly regret the ways i have let her down or things i have done to hurt her, though i never meant to. She deserves better. Keep her in your prayers. And i will close with a line from the song i had hoped to use the day i proposed to her. "At your feet i lay her down, humbly before you i bow, she's a blessing, you've given to me, Father of Light'.
Actually i made a lyric video of the song for her. We were already broken up before i got to show it to her. She never knew the song existed until that moment. I kept i secret for that special day.
[video=youtube;aEQ4TT6zv2s]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEQ4TT6zv2s[/video]
A
It helps me a lot to write in a journal when things in my heart get heavy or my mind gets full (happens). I blog sometimes, but knowing that it's read by the public limits the things that I can write, and sometimes I feel like I'm not myself. So while posting here helps you release, Ugly, if you haven't tried yet, writing freely on a journal or diary without the concern of other people reading it, will hopefully help. Subconciously, people read what they write from another person's perspective. But when you write something knowing it will never be read, watch how your heart can freely release more of the heaviness its carrying. Not an advice, ain't a suggestion either. I'm thinking out loud.
A
Nabeel Qureshi is good! I used to follow some of the Christian apologetics. There was a very good website which posted the debate videos. Sadly, I can't recall the link now.
M
When I was in my 12th grade, I shaved my eyebrows off. Why did I do that? *shrugs*
Never leave an 18yr old with a razor unattended.
Never leave an 18yr old with a razor unattended.
Yes, but you're not "extremely weird," just weird like the rest of us.
I have no idea, ZT! LOL I wear minimal makeup, but I've seen these women you are talking about. I guess that's just the style.
Well, some women don't have any eyebrows. Just saying - some of those women just don't have any eyebrows or they may be very thin and sparse. For example, my sister doesn't have any eyebrows. She never has. She just doesn't let it bother her, and she doesn't try to draw any on. One of my church members wears the penciled eyebrows. She draws them on very neatly. One day, I commented about how she able to do it so neatly, and she told me that she never had any eyebrows. They just don't grow, so she learned how to pencil them in.