In serious need of advice

[Love559]

Hi my parents are some pastors at a small church and this family bearly started coming and for some reason I don't like them at all.. I always ask god for forgiveness but it's just something about their presence .. I feel like it's the devil trying to make me a hateful person but it's the stuff they do. They have a daughter who is like 10 that sings in my church and sings absolutely horrible it's embarrSing and I just want to tell her the truth she's just making the songs sound bad and I feel so bad but she thinks she sings good and gets mad when I lower her microphone and the whole family gives me a dirty look when I'm just trying to do things better. In Sunday school her siblings talk behind my back and it gets me furious and my mom thinks I just don't like anyone and it's my attitude that makes them not like me and my family thinks I hate god but I don't I love him with all my heart it's just that things just test me and get me angry really fast like it's hard to explain like everytime my parents bring up that family it gets me furious because of all the things they have done. They do stuff to embarrass me and get me angry and they test my shyness infront of everyone in Sunday school .. For example when the lesson is about people who get angry fast the family just looks at me and laughs secretly and I don't know but I feel like I just want to leave my parents church and give up with god because I feel like everytime I beg him to change about how I feel he just ignores me and never listens to me I just want to answer me and tell me that everything is okay when I cry myself to sleep every night or when I cry in the shower I just want him to know that I need him more and to help me control my emotions

 

[Reborn]

I feel like I just want to leave my parents church and give up with god because I feel like everytime I beg him to change about how I feel he just ignores me and never listens to me I just want to answer me and tell me that everything is okay when I cry myself to sleep every night or when I cry in the shower I just want him to know that I need him more and to help me control my emotions

Never give up on God. : )
....when I went through tough times like that, He never gave up on me.

When we put our trust in Him, He always comes through.
Always.... and in all ways.

 

[Jimbone]

Well sister please, please, please don't let it turn you from God. The truth is you can't do anything to change them at all, but that doesn't mean you have to let their actions bother you. Also if you knew some of the things I did in my past Jesus love and sacrifice would amaze you even more knowing that He saved me.

All you can do is try to act in the way you think Jesus would want you to. He even tells us to love our enemies, I mean that can be very hard sometimes. Also try praying for them as well as the strength to change yourself. Also it the worst part of your week is to listen to their daughter sing bad then I'd say you had a pretty good week. I know it is so much easier for me to say this than it is for anyone to do it too. Trust me giving you advice on anger is real easy for me to do, but check me out while I'm driving, whew that is an area I could use a LOT of help in. Bottom line is just keep going to Him for the help and don't let anyone ever turn you from our amazing God. I will pray for you to find the peace in Him you seek and to be able to love this "hard to love" family. Good luck sister. 8^)

 

[santuzza]

What Jimbone said... Yeah, that's good advice!

Focus on your own walk with the Lord, your own service to Him and in pleasing Him. If you go through your life worried about what others are thinking/saying about you, you'll live in constant fear. But it will all come out in the end -- if you do your best to serve and worship God, godly people will recognize that and see the truth for what it is.

 

[sandtigeress]

hi,

you are allowed to not like some people !
god does not put to much burden on oneself, let them walk their way, with or without god.
And you walk your way with god.

Emotions can be intense and it is ok to have emotions.
God is love and he gives joy, those are emotions.
You should never hate people, but you can hate bad actions.

Jesus got angry, he drove all the sellers out of the temple.
Anger is not so bad and sometimes understandable, especially when
we feel misunderstood.

Forgiveness is something that takes time, but try to forgive the people
all the reasons for the tears you have spent. For God also forgives us.

 

[dalconn]

Living as Those Made Alive in Christ

Colossians 3

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practicesand have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Nothing helps us kill our flesh nature more than fasting

 

[cinder]

Hi my parents are some pastors at a small church and this family bearly started coming and for some reason I don't like them at all.. I always ask god for forgiveness but it's just something about their presence .. I feel like it's the devil trying to make me a hateful person but it's the stuff they do. They have a daughter who is like 10 that sings in my church and sings absolutely horrible it's embarrSing and I just want to tell her the truth she's just making the songs sound bad and I feel so bad but she thinks she sings good and gets mad when I lower her microphone and the whole family gives me a dirty look when I'm just trying to do things better. In Sunday school her siblings talk behind my back and it gets me furious and my mom thinks I just don't like anyone and it's my attitude that makes them not like me and my family thinks I hate god but I don't I love him with all my heart it's just that things just test me and get me angry really fast like it's hard to explain like everytime my parents bring up that family it gets me furious because of all the things they have done. They do stuff to embarrass me and get me angry and they test my shyness infront of everyone in Sunday school .. For example when the lesson is about people who get angry fast the family just looks at me and laughs secretly and I don't know but I feel like I just want to leave my parents church and give up with god because I feel like everytime I beg him to change about how I feel he just ignores me and never listens to me I just want to answer me and tell me that everything is okay when I cry myself to sleep every night or when I cry in the shower I just want him to know that I need him more and to help me control my emotions

Several things aren't clear in your summary of the situation. You talk about doing things like moving microphones and being in Sunday school (though it's unclear whether you are a teacher or student). How much are you officially responsible for and how much are you feeling responsibility for things that aren't your responsibility because your parents are leaders? And yes being the pastor's kid is definitely a tough spot to be in and puts all kinds of unfair expectations on you.

Another thing to consider is that a lot of what you say is very much based on perception rather than easily quantifiable events. So other than having a 10 year old who can't sing wanting to sing, what exactly do the people in this family do that makes you so upset? Maybe they are out to get you for some reason, but it's also possible that the dirty looks, dislike of you, secret laughter at you, etc is mostly in your mind. And it's quite possible that they aren't out to embarrass you, make you angry, test you, etc. in front of people, they may just have such different personalities and family culture that you clash. That's going to happen in life and you don't have to be best buddies with such people, but you do have to be able to be around them at times and treat them civilly.

So what can you do now? Leaving your parents church and finding a new one might not be a bad idea. I don't know if you have the ability and means to drive yourself to another church on Sunday, but there will come a time when it will be best for you to attend a church where you can stand or fall on your own and not based on the reputation of your parents. If it's impossible or highly impractical to leave, try stepping down and backing off of any ministry responsibility you have. It doesn't have to be your job to make everything perfect. Whatever you decide to do, do honor your parents as the scripture commands (I would consider that to be discuss things with them calmly and respectfully and listen to and try to understand what they have to say).

Ultimately, you sound like you've burned out on Christian performance. Do what you need to do to get a break and get some rest. And don't let anyone guilt trip you into continuing to burn yourself out. It is perfectly spiritual to recognize your own limitations and take care of yourself. And don't be too shy to remind people that you need just as much love and grace as anyone else in the church.

 

[Dan58]

If this family bothers you that much, it might be best to switch churches. Going somewhere else isn't turning your back on God, its turning away from that annoying family. If they really have you in tears, they're distracting you from the reason you go to church. Don't let anyone interfere, disrupt, or come between you and the Lord. jmo

 

[Depleted]

Hi my parents are some pastors at a small church and this family bearly started coming and for some reason I don't like them at all.. I always ask god for forgiveness but it's just something about their presence .. I feel like it's the devil trying to make me a hateful person but it's the stuff they do. They have a daughter who is like 10 that sings in my church and sings absolutely horrible it's embarrSing and I just want to tell her the truth she's just making the songs sound bad and I feel so bad but she thinks she sings good and gets mad when I lower her microphone and the whole family gives me a dirty look when I'm just trying to do things better. In Sunday school her siblings talk behind my back and it gets me furious and my mom thinks I just don't like anyone and it's my attitude that makes them not like me and my family thinks I hate god but I don't I love him with all my heart it's just that things just test me and get me angry really fast like it's hard to explain like everytime my parents bring up that family it gets me furious because of all the things they have done. They do stuff to embarrass me and get me angry and they test my shyness infront of everyone in Sunday school .. For example when the lesson is about people who get angry fast the family just looks at me and laughs secretly and I don't know but I feel like I just want to leave my parents church and give up with god because I feel like everytime I beg him to change about how I feel he just ignores me and never listens to me I just want to answer me and tell me that everything is okay when I cry myself to sleep every night or when I cry in the shower I just want him to know that I need him more and to help me control my emotions

You "always ask God for forgiveness" and yet...
1. It's always your family's fault.
2. It's the devil.
3. You're embarrassed by your ten year old's voice.
4. You manipulate even a micro to avoid how it affects you.
5. You want to leave because of how this affects you.
6. You talk about your family behind their back, and yet are annoyed because they tell you straight up you get angry fast.
7. You love God with all your heart and yet if God doesn't give you your way you'll leave him.

Nope. Not the devil. It really, really is you. This whole post was negative, and yet you spent most of it blaming others for what YOU've done.

Advice? In all honesty, you need counseling now. I've never heard of a parent being embarrassed by a ten year old for something like this. Most parents enjoy when they embarrass their ten year olds. (Not intentionally, it's just that ten tear olds embarrass easily.) This really is a very serious problem, and you need good Christian counseling.

 

[BillVass1961]

Hi. Just wondering if anyone can give some advice on a relationship issue i'm currently facing. Have been thru a terrible time the last few yrs losing my youngest brother, not to mention going thru 2 divorces. My relationship has been going for 2 months with a wonderful woman who has gone thru some very tough times with some partners who have verbally and physically abused her, and i'm in a situation where i'm a few hrs drivew away from her, and am having a "slight prob" with the missing her factor when i'm not there. Guess u could call it a long distance r/ship despite the fact it's only a few hrs drive. Pls help, cos i love this woman, and don't want to do anything silly like end the r/ship because i miss her when i'm not with her.

 

[ggs7]

Please don't give up on God. You don't want to risk losing your salvation.
Remember Hebrews 3:14 For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end.
Jesus is real and is listening to you. Think on this;
Jeremiah 17:10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings
Rev 2:23 I am He who searches the minds and hearts.
Just be patient and pray for those that persecute you.
Mat 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you
As for your shyness consider this;
1Pe 3:4 but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, the meek and quiet spirit, which is of great price in the sight of God.

 

[IDEAtor]

Thanks for sharing your pain with us. I am sure you are not alone in feeling "stuck."
Well, here are some ideas to consider. First, do you feel God wants you to stay at that church?
It is okay to go elsewhere, if God is open to it. If you cannot discern at the moment, then I suggest you start praising them BEHIND THEIR BACKS. In other words, count their blessings as your added joy, between you and God. If you practice praising God for their goodness, then you won't be as perturbed with their antics. Continue to pray for them, though.

I suggest writing a note that does not promise. "I will be here for you" begs failure. You might simply give them a note of appreciation: "You are appreciated " can work long after. Something else, honesty with them should be about building someone up in the long-run, not being right in the short. Consider the good lessons you learn by enduring awful singing, etc.: "God thank you for showing me where patience can improve."

Also consider that God will teach them in time. Instead of praying for the situation, pray for the people involved. "God is patient." Not only are we to be slower to anger, but we are to recognize that God is inherently patient. Often, He chooses to allow for repentance. But this is not a human right; it is a reward granted by God, at His discretion.

Finally, think about time. Do not think about how you suffer it. Think about how little time is in the face of eternity. Is bad singing an eternal matter? What about where one goes to church? What about following Christ's example? Obviously, that last one is Sunday school-ish. But it is accurate. We are to live with Christ in mind-- and people on heart. When someone else is eternally off, then that is opportunity to pray them on. Likewise, thank God for how others put up with your shortcomings or sins. Time is short, so do it now. Oh, and kids grow older, tending to move on. Can you endure possibly 8 more years? that's when the singing girl should be entering the workforce or college, thus, leaving that church.

--IDEA

 

[Imnezrider]

Hi my parents are some pastors at a small church and this family barely started coming and for some reason I don't like them at all.. I always ask god for forgiveness but it's just something about their presence .. I feel like it's the devil trying to make me a hateful person but it's the stuff they do. They have a daughter who is like 10 that sings in my church and sings absolutely horrible it's embarrassing and I just want to tell her the truth she's just making the songs sound bad and I feel so bad but she thinks she sings good and gets mad when I lower her microphone and the whole family gives me a dirty look when I'm just trying to do things better. In Sunday school her siblings talk behind my back and it gets me furious and my mom thinks I just don't like anyone and it's my attitude that makes them not like me and my family thinks I hate god but I don't I love him with all my heart it's just that things just test me and get me angry really fast like it's hard to explain like every time my parents bring up that family it gets me furious because of all the things they have done. They do stuff to embarrass me and get me angry and they test my shyness in front of everyone in Sunday school .. For example when the lesson is about people who get angry fast the family just looks at me and laughs secretly and I don't know but I feel like I just want to leave my parents church and give up with god because I feel like every time I beg him to change about how I feel he just ignores me and never listens to me I just want to answer me and tell me that everything is okay when I cry myself to sleep every night or when I cry in the shower I just want him to know that I need him more and to help me control my emotions

"I always ask god for forgiveness".
Just remember, it's not a one way thing. Hard to do sometimes, but it's gods will. Look up Bible alpha phrases on Google and find forgiveness. Then, you will find peace and a helpful lesson for the future.

 

[AmberJeanetteGardner]

Hi my parents are some pastors at a small church and this family bearly started coming and for some reason I don't like them at all.. I always ask god for forgiveness but it's just something about their presence .. I feel like it's the devil trying to make me a hateful person but it's the stuff they do. They have a daughter who is like 10 that sings in my church and sings absolutely horrible it's embarrSing and I just want to tell her the truth she's just making the songs sound bad and I feel so bad but she thinks she sings good and gets mad when I lower her microphone and the whole family gives me a dirty look when I'm just trying to do things better. In Sunday school her siblings talk behind my back and it gets me furious and my mom thinks I just don't like anyone and it's my attitude that makes them not like me and my family thinks I hate god but I don't I love him with all my heart it's just that things just test me and get me angry really fast like it's hard to explain like everytime my parents bring up that family it gets me furious because of all the things they have done. They do stuff to embarrass me and get me angry and they test my shyness infront of everyone in Sunday school .. For example when the lesson is about people who get angry fast the family just looks at me and laughs secretly and I don't know but I feel like I just want to leave my parents church and give up with god because I feel like everytime I beg him to change about how I feel he just ignores me and never listens to me I just want to answer me and tell me that everything is okay when I cry myself to sleep every night or when I cry in the shower I just want him to know that I need him more and to help me control my emotions

We sing to the Lord, and He doesn't care how we sound as long as it's from the heart. God will find it the most beautiful sound He's ever heard despite what any other human thinks. It's not about talent.

Have you done any research on what the Bible says about anger? This link is a good place to start. Topical Bible - Bible Verses by Topic

Proverbs 9:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.



Proverbs 16:32 Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

 

[ramx2016]

The OP hasn't been on in 4 weeks... I think this thread has kicked the bucket...

 

[AmberJeanetteGardner]

But do get out of any denomination/division and read your Bible for yourself

 

[tannerbrody]

My pastor told us a story about how the choir director told him when he was a kid not to sing during the recitals because it was distracting and throwing everyone off key. I would do the same, grow a pair and tell these people the truth about how you feel. Sometimes the truth hurts but its helpful at the same time.