Ah! Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about!
My mom is from the holiness movement (and after I got save, that's definitely the direction God pulled me). I believe very strongly that anyone who gets saved receives the Holy Spirit dwelling in them, but that the baptism of the Spirit, sometimes called "sanctification" or "Christian perfection" (notice, not "absolute perfection"!) or "heart holiness/purity," is a second work of grace after you first get saved in which God removes the pull to sin from your life. Like salvation, it's not written in granite -- you can still backslide -- but it brings your will into harmony with God's in a way that it wasn't before, so that your heart isn't pulled in two different directions like it was before. While this is always characterized by perfect love and the fruits of the Spirit, I do not necessarily believe that this work is instantly accompanied by gifts of the Spirit. The fullness of the Spirit, and the fruits of the Spirit -- with gifts being given as God chooses to bestow them, according to the individual's trustworthiness, faith, character, and the circumstances surrounding them.
My extremely brief experience with "speaking in tongues" in the popular form it takes to day was of zero benefit to me, and undoubtedly would have gotten me in a great deal of trouble had I continued in it. Nor has being in the presence of someone "speaking in tongues" ever proved of personal benefit.
I agree strongly that a great number of "tongues"-speaking churches seem to take an unholy pride in this, what they consider to be a gift, and sometimes treat other Christians unfairly or condescendingly because of it. I've met a number of nice people from that movement... but so often there was something that just seemed to be a little... off.