I just felt compelled to write out how I was introduced to Christ. I hope this encourages someone! This is not intended to make anyone feel sorry for me or to be self- righteous in any way.
This is me sharing the love I recieved in order to glorify our Father in Heaven.
in order to explain my journey so far I will have to take you back to my home. I grew up in a abusive, alcoholic, and drug abusing environment. My mother and step-father used drugs and drank every night. My mother told me I smoked marijuana when I was two years old and drank alcohol even earlier. Apparently, her and her friends found it humorous. That is just how my family was and still is. At least most of them.
We had my step-fathers' brother (uncle) living with us from the time he was thirteen until he was about eighteen. My uncle was only seven years older than me; around when I was six or seven is when he started touching me. I remember he would make me get naked and he would sit down staring; he would touch me and 'dry hump' me. I was afraid to tell my parents because I didn't think they would believe me and my uncle told me he would kill me if I told anyone. As a result I complained to my parents when they would go on their late night bar crawls to stay at a friends house or to not go because I did not want uncle babysitting my brother and I. I have always been forgiving naturally, so shortly after he turned eighteen he got a girlfriend and the babysitting stopped. I think about it now, I must have just put it in the back of my mind or thought he was allowed to do that to me.
So now we fast forward to when I was about eleven or twelve; at this point nothing really has shackled my curiosity, love for the outdoors, or my love for my family. Even under all the circumstances I still loved the people who provided for me despite what happened some nights.
One night I do not think I will ever forget... My mother, my aunt, and I were watching Bad News Bears; the new one with Billy Bob Thorton we were excited to see it. My step-father was working nights at Toys-R-Us and my brother was asleep. We were having a pretty normal evening; eating, and them drinking. I had school the next day so my aunt put me to bed and she went to sleep on the bunk bed with my brother. Nobody knows what my mom did, even to this day. I woke up and went to school; when I came home there was police officers in our house and my step-father crying on the couch. I asked him what happened and where my mom was, he told me we were moving to Oklahoma. Within the next week, we were packed and headed to Oklahoma. I rode in the UHaul with my aunt and brother. We still had no idea what was going on with our mom, and why the police were involved. We get to a little town in Oklahoma were my grandpa is and he enrolls us into school and takes on our guardianship. My aunt knew, my uncle knew... everyone seemed to know what was happening besides my brother and I. Six to eight months pass by and finally we see my step-dad and he says we are going to see mom. He explains on the way that she had an accident and may look a little different than we remember. We get to the hospital. I still remember the smells... and when I first saw what apparently was my mother. She was in a hospital bed with a red and yellow cage over her. I would not enter the room. I just stared. The room seemed to be getting larger and darker. We left and I remember knowing that something was seriously wrong with my mom. I had no clue what to think. A few days pass and we go up there again and she doesn't have the cage, but the room is different. I remember it being a soft blue tone everywhere. My mom had gained a lot of weight, had a patch over her eye, and a whole in her throat. In all honesty freaked me out. She was not awake, but my step-dad said "talk to her" "she can hear you." I did not speak all I could do was stare. We went back to my grandpa's and my brother and I continued school. One day we heard from my grandpa that mom and dad are coming home.
My mother at the age of thirty-one lost her eye sight. All I remember knowing at this time was that she had been in a coma for six months and had two strokes. I had no idea what either of those were at the time. I just knew my mother could not see anything. The first night of her being home she immediately smoked a cigarette and started drinking again. My mom has always been the helpful type, but she tried to help my grandpa make supper that night and accidentally knocked my brother over. This was probably the most intoxicated I had ever seen her. My step-dad told us to put a towel around our eyes and try to walk around the house; put ourselves in her position. It helped.
We moved to a little bit bigger town; this one actually had more than just a coop. My mother was in all of these physical therapy classes and my step-dad had to get a job to provide for my brother and I. It was extremely rushing days. I began to blossom! I had my first boyfriend at the age of fourteen to whom I also lost my virginity at the same age. We stayed together for about a year and a half. I was diagnosed with epilepsy for grand mal seizures. I hated going to all the doctors appointments, EEG's and MRI's. I would just take whatever medication they prescribed and sometimes I wouldn't.
I started hanging out with the "bad" kids. I went to my first party when I was fifteen and drank alcohol. I loved the feeling of just losing your mind and becoming confident. These friends taught me how to look slimmer and do my make-up. I started taking laxatives to lose weight, even though I was skinny enough. Heavy make-up and weekend parties became my life. I evolved into a "bad" kid. I started sleeping with a lot of men, taking prescription drugs, and smoking marijuana (only socially). We moved again, just across town to what people would call the ghetto part of town. Looking at it now, it's just a lot of crackhouses, not really anything else. Since my step-dad worked a lot and my mother was blind I was invincible. They both did drugs and drank a lot too, so I thought why can't I? and who cares if they confront me? I began to smoke weed every day before school and after school, I would steal it from my parents top dresser. When my step-dad was at work we would just smoke in my room. I got into a strange phase where I wanted to fit in more than I already did by what I wore and what I had. Since I had a job in retail I understood how some cameras worked and what devices would cause alarms to sound. My friends and I would get high after school and go shoplifting after school. We called it shopping, and we never got caught. I could've afforded anything I stole, but where's the excitement in that? I got so confident in shoplifting I would do it while on the job; I remember one particular day I would steal money from the register. I never was confronted by the managers.
Then I quit my job because it must have been too good and I was bad. I started drinking with friends every night. I would purposely get in school suspension because the teachers never paid attention and I could sleep. These days are foggy memories because of all the alcohol and drug use. I started selling my mothers prescription drugs for pain and muscle relaxers. I also sold ecstasy and oxy cotton. Sometimes I would steal my parents' marijuana, sell it, and buy a better kind; because my dealer was better than theirs. Lots of promiscuity these times as well. Jumping boyfriend to boyfriend while cheating on them. I was hot and I knew it. There was so many times I could remember where I could have gone to jail or overdosed... God really was watching and protecting me through these times.
My mom and my step-dad were going through a divorce. My step-dad had quit drinking and my mom would not. I left home because it hurt me that they were splitting up. Which of course caused for a lot of parties for my depression. I lived with five different friends my senior year of high school. Surprisingly, I graduated high school! Only one person came to my graduation out of my whole family... my biological father. My relationship with him was random visits growing up and him trying to buy the time he missed out on with me. I didn't spend much time with him the day I graduated because I had already started drinking and was ready to go to a party. I wish I would have given him a chance to actually see me, he drove almost 12 hours and I just took a picture with him and left.
I find out the summer after graduation that I was pregnant. My response? Get hammered drunk and punch myself in the stomach for a few days. I was living with my mom because I needed someone who would support my drinking habits. I told her I wanted an abortion. We called every clinic around Oklahoma because they do not do abortions in Oklahoma. Every where said it would be about $600.00 and I didn't have that. I tried convincing my doctor to write a letter explaining it would be dangerous for me to continue in the pregnancy because of the epilepsy. After many appointments, she wrote one. By that time I was 26 weeks pregnant, and the prices got higher and some clinics would not do it. I bought a pair of spanx to hide my stomach. Since I lived in a small town I didn't want everyone to think I was just another link in the chain of teenage pregnancies. I could not be a statistic!
I decided I would go to an adoption agency, pop the baby out, and go back to my "oh so glamorous" lifestyle.
God had other plans in mind.
I considered myself an atheist. I was a proud one too. I remember I thought Christians were so ignorant and naive. I would lash out at people online and publicly humiliate them in public, it always bothered me that I couldn't get anyone to question their faith. Of course I had a bunch of atheist friends who would help tend the flame burning in me, such hatred towards Christianity. I read up on plenty of evolutionary theories and would discuss them. I remember becoming so frustrated when I would see a post about prayer, Jesus Christ, God or anything of that nature. I did not believe in anything considered supernatural.
I started having these terrifying dreams of what I think was my mind's version of what hell would be like. In a cold cell, people screaming, and burning. I would wake up sweating and yelling. One day my friend Jess said to me "hey let's go to this church" I said "why" she said "because they pray demons out of people" I exclaimed "no!" We ended up going because Jess could get you to do almost anything, extremely persuasive. I did not want to go because having dealt with epilepsy and my little knowledge for Christianity, I was convinced I was going to see an exorcism. I remember thinking I was going to see people breaking their backs backwards and just terrible stuff. When we get there I do not think I was ever more rude in my life. I would not sit down, I was standing by the door, and I was trembling with fear. I could not stop crying. Then this lady comes up to me... She says "what is wrong?" and I said it... the thing that made me question what I had been believing all this time; I said "I do not need to see a demon to believe in God!" I sort of shouted it. It made me think... If I don't believe in any of this, then why do I believe I will see a demon?
She took me into another room and had me explain my fears. She told me it wasn't like that. Then she asked if she could pray over me. I remember thinking 'anything to get me out of here' so I agreed. We started praying and she laid hands on me. I felt knot or a ball of some sort, of heat building up and I felt it rising up my spine. I jumped away from her and looked at her. She asked what happened and I told her and she quickly said we need to keep praying. I let her continue and that ball went up my spine and released out of my neck... I had dry tears and was in awe.
I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior that night.
Everything became so clear; as if I had been wearing foggy glasses my whole life. What was important, my morals, and my goals. Life became very narrow instantly after I repeated the prayer. I trusted Jesus wholeheartedly and I could not explain why.
From then on came a lot of questions, doubts, backsliding, and everything Christians struggle with. I lost many, many friends by accepting Christ, but the gain was greater.
I gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Dec. 26th of 2012 and she is with her adoptive family. They are humble Christians and I love them. She is now 3 years old. We made it a semi-open adoption. We only agreed through the court 2 pictures a year, but they send them to me all the time. I will not officially meet my daughter until she is mature enough to understand the decision I made. She will know what I look like and who I am though, it won't be some surprise some day. I am in Bible college now and I am a year free from alcohol and 4 years free from drugs. I haven't even tried to borrow a pencil without asking. Haha, and God really did a 180 degree turn with my life. I will serve our LORD for the rest of my life. If you met me in person you would never believe that these past paragraphs were me.
Thank you and I pray this was encouraging. You are welcome to share it and comment.
Love you all and hugs in Jesus
This is me sharing the love I recieved in order to glorify our Father in Heaven.
in order to explain my journey so far I will have to take you back to my home. I grew up in a abusive, alcoholic, and drug abusing environment. My mother and step-father used drugs and drank every night. My mother told me I smoked marijuana when I was two years old and drank alcohol even earlier. Apparently, her and her friends found it humorous. That is just how my family was and still is. At least most of them.
We had my step-fathers' brother (uncle) living with us from the time he was thirteen until he was about eighteen. My uncle was only seven years older than me; around when I was six or seven is when he started touching me. I remember he would make me get naked and he would sit down staring; he would touch me and 'dry hump' me. I was afraid to tell my parents because I didn't think they would believe me and my uncle told me he would kill me if I told anyone. As a result I complained to my parents when they would go on their late night bar crawls to stay at a friends house or to not go because I did not want uncle babysitting my brother and I. I have always been forgiving naturally, so shortly after he turned eighteen he got a girlfriend and the babysitting stopped. I think about it now, I must have just put it in the back of my mind or thought he was allowed to do that to me.
So now we fast forward to when I was about eleven or twelve; at this point nothing really has shackled my curiosity, love for the outdoors, or my love for my family. Even under all the circumstances I still loved the people who provided for me despite what happened some nights.
One night I do not think I will ever forget... My mother, my aunt, and I were watching Bad News Bears; the new one with Billy Bob Thorton we were excited to see it. My step-father was working nights at Toys-R-Us and my brother was asleep. We were having a pretty normal evening; eating, and them drinking. I had school the next day so my aunt put me to bed and she went to sleep on the bunk bed with my brother. Nobody knows what my mom did, even to this day. I woke up and went to school; when I came home there was police officers in our house and my step-father crying on the couch. I asked him what happened and where my mom was, he told me we were moving to Oklahoma. Within the next week, we were packed and headed to Oklahoma. I rode in the UHaul with my aunt and brother. We still had no idea what was going on with our mom, and why the police were involved. We get to a little town in Oklahoma were my grandpa is and he enrolls us into school and takes on our guardianship. My aunt knew, my uncle knew... everyone seemed to know what was happening besides my brother and I. Six to eight months pass by and finally we see my step-dad and he says we are going to see mom. He explains on the way that she had an accident and may look a little different than we remember. We get to the hospital. I still remember the smells... and when I first saw what apparently was my mother. She was in a hospital bed with a red and yellow cage over her. I would not enter the room. I just stared. The room seemed to be getting larger and darker. We left and I remember knowing that something was seriously wrong with my mom. I had no clue what to think. A few days pass and we go up there again and she doesn't have the cage, but the room is different. I remember it being a soft blue tone everywhere. My mom had gained a lot of weight, had a patch over her eye, and a whole in her throat. In all honesty freaked me out. She was not awake, but my step-dad said "talk to her" "she can hear you." I did not speak all I could do was stare. We went back to my grandpa's and my brother and I continued school. One day we heard from my grandpa that mom and dad are coming home.
My mother at the age of thirty-one lost her eye sight. All I remember knowing at this time was that she had been in a coma for six months and had two strokes. I had no idea what either of those were at the time. I just knew my mother could not see anything. The first night of her being home she immediately smoked a cigarette and started drinking again. My mom has always been the helpful type, but she tried to help my grandpa make supper that night and accidentally knocked my brother over. This was probably the most intoxicated I had ever seen her. My step-dad told us to put a towel around our eyes and try to walk around the house; put ourselves in her position. It helped.
We moved to a little bit bigger town; this one actually had more than just a coop. My mother was in all of these physical therapy classes and my step-dad had to get a job to provide for my brother and I. It was extremely rushing days. I began to blossom! I had my first boyfriend at the age of fourteen to whom I also lost my virginity at the same age. We stayed together for about a year and a half. I was diagnosed with epilepsy for grand mal seizures. I hated going to all the doctors appointments, EEG's and MRI's. I would just take whatever medication they prescribed and sometimes I wouldn't.
I started hanging out with the "bad" kids. I went to my first party when I was fifteen and drank alcohol. I loved the feeling of just losing your mind and becoming confident. These friends taught me how to look slimmer and do my make-up. I started taking laxatives to lose weight, even though I was skinny enough. Heavy make-up and weekend parties became my life. I evolved into a "bad" kid. I started sleeping with a lot of men, taking prescription drugs, and smoking marijuana (only socially). We moved again, just across town to what people would call the ghetto part of town. Looking at it now, it's just a lot of crackhouses, not really anything else. Since my step-dad worked a lot and my mother was blind I was invincible. They both did drugs and drank a lot too, so I thought why can't I? and who cares if they confront me? I began to smoke weed every day before school and after school, I would steal it from my parents top dresser. When my step-dad was at work we would just smoke in my room. I got into a strange phase where I wanted to fit in more than I already did by what I wore and what I had. Since I had a job in retail I understood how some cameras worked and what devices would cause alarms to sound. My friends and I would get high after school and go shoplifting after school. We called it shopping, and we never got caught. I could've afforded anything I stole, but where's the excitement in that? I got so confident in shoplifting I would do it while on the job; I remember one particular day I would steal money from the register. I never was confronted by the managers.
Then I quit my job because it must have been too good and I was bad. I started drinking with friends every night. I would purposely get in school suspension because the teachers never paid attention and I could sleep. These days are foggy memories because of all the alcohol and drug use. I started selling my mothers prescription drugs for pain and muscle relaxers. I also sold ecstasy and oxy cotton. Sometimes I would steal my parents' marijuana, sell it, and buy a better kind; because my dealer was better than theirs. Lots of promiscuity these times as well. Jumping boyfriend to boyfriend while cheating on them. I was hot and I knew it. There was so many times I could remember where I could have gone to jail or overdosed... God really was watching and protecting me through these times.
My mom and my step-dad were going through a divorce. My step-dad had quit drinking and my mom would not. I left home because it hurt me that they were splitting up. Which of course caused for a lot of parties for my depression. I lived with five different friends my senior year of high school. Surprisingly, I graduated high school! Only one person came to my graduation out of my whole family... my biological father. My relationship with him was random visits growing up and him trying to buy the time he missed out on with me. I didn't spend much time with him the day I graduated because I had already started drinking and was ready to go to a party. I wish I would have given him a chance to actually see me, he drove almost 12 hours and I just took a picture with him and left.
I find out the summer after graduation that I was pregnant. My response? Get hammered drunk and punch myself in the stomach for a few days. I was living with my mom because I needed someone who would support my drinking habits. I told her I wanted an abortion. We called every clinic around Oklahoma because they do not do abortions in Oklahoma. Every where said it would be about $600.00 and I didn't have that. I tried convincing my doctor to write a letter explaining it would be dangerous for me to continue in the pregnancy because of the epilepsy. After many appointments, she wrote one. By that time I was 26 weeks pregnant, and the prices got higher and some clinics would not do it. I bought a pair of spanx to hide my stomach. Since I lived in a small town I didn't want everyone to think I was just another link in the chain of teenage pregnancies. I could not be a statistic!
I decided I would go to an adoption agency, pop the baby out, and go back to my "oh so glamorous" lifestyle.
God had other plans in mind.
I considered myself an atheist. I was a proud one too. I remember I thought Christians were so ignorant and naive. I would lash out at people online and publicly humiliate them in public, it always bothered me that I couldn't get anyone to question their faith. Of course I had a bunch of atheist friends who would help tend the flame burning in me, such hatred towards Christianity. I read up on plenty of evolutionary theories and would discuss them. I remember becoming so frustrated when I would see a post about prayer, Jesus Christ, God or anything of that nature. I did not believe in anything considered supernatural.
I started having these terrifying dreams of what I think was my mind's version of what hell would be like. In a cold cell, people screaming, and burning. I would wake up sweating and yelling. One day my friend Jess said to me "hey let's go to this church" I said "why" she said "because they pray demons out of people" I exclaimed "no!" We ended up going because Jess could get you to do almost anything, extremely persuasive. I did not want to go because having dealt with epilepsy and my little knowledge for Christianity, I was convinced I was going to see an exorcism. I remember thinking I was going to see people breaking their backs backwards and just terrible stuff. When we get there I do not think I was ever more rude in my life. I would not sit down, I was standing by the door, and I was trembling with fear. I could not stop crying. Then this lady comes up to me... She says "what is wrong?" and I said it... the thing that made me question what I had been believing all this time; I said "I do not need to see a demon to believe in God!" I sort of shouted it. It made me think... If I don't believe in any of this, then why do I believe I will see a demon?
She took me into another room and had me explain my fears. She told me it wasn't like that. Then she asked if she could pray over me. I remember thinking 'anything to get me out of here' so I agreed. We started praying and she laid hands on me. I felt knot or a ball of some sort, of heat building up and I felt it rising up my spine. I jumped away from her and looked at her. She asked what happened and I told her and she quickly said we need to keep praying. I let her continue and that ball went up my spine and released out of my neck... I had dry tears and was in awe.
I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior that night.
Everything became so clear; as if I had been wearing foggy glasses my whole life. What was important, my morals, and my goals. Life became very narrow instantly after I repeated the prayer. I trusted Jesus wholeheartedly and I could not explain why.
From then on came a lot of questions, doubts, backsliding, and everything Christians struggle with. I lost many, many friends by accepting Christ, but the gain was greater.
I gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Dec. 26th of 2012 and she is with her adoptive family. They are humble Christians and I love them. She is now 3 years old. We made it a semi-open adoption. We only agreed through the court 2 pictures a year, but they send them to me all the time. I will not officially meet my daughter until she is mature enough to understand the decision I made. She will know what I look like and who I am though, it won't be some surprise some day. I am in Bible college now and I am a year free from alcohol and 4 years free from drugs. I haven't even tried to borrow a pencil without asking. Haha, and God really did a 180 degree turn with my life. I will serve our LORD for the rest of my life. If you met me in person you would never believe that these past paragraphs were me.
Thank you and I pray this was encouraging. You are welcome to share it and comment.
Love you all and hugs in Jesus
