I dislike sayings like this because they're flip and they basically attempt to flatten out all the nuance of really challenging issues...like the issue of finding a compatible spouse.
If you just glance through the boards here you'll see about 758 philosophies of how it should be done: she should patiently wait, she should actively seek, she should subvertly seek, she should be her comfortable self, she should "gussy" up because men are eye-creatures, she should make a list of everything she wants in a man and pray over it each day, she should let go of lists and let God, he should pray and fast, he should hit the gym because his "temple" shows his true leadership, he should forget about externals and build an inner life with God, he should cultivate friendships with women, he should avoid friendships with women, he should be constantly dating until he gets the one, he should abstain from dating and let God reveal the one to him, there is no "one" get out there and meet people, etc., ad nauseum.
And here's the deal, ALL of these are true. There are people who have met their future spouses in ALL OF THESE WAYS. The problem with marrieds advising singles about how to be single is that they tend to generalize their way of spousing and apply it to everyone. So, if they "stopped caring about having a spouse," they'll presume that's the magical unicorn trick that motivated God to move on their behalf. If they "went out and sought" a spouse, they'll presume that's the key that opened the floodgates of the universe.
But the REALITY of most single people is much more complicated. There are no tricks. We might try all 758 philosophies and never get married. We might presume that we are the problem and devote ourselves to self-improvement and never get married. We might go zen and let it go and still never get married.
Here's why: God is not a magic Santa in the sky. You can't manipulate Him with your behavior or your thinking.
So, my best advice is to submit yourself to God's will for your life...whatever that is. For some of you it may mean slowing down and stopping a search, for others it may mean gearing up and starting one, for another it might involve taking uncomfortable social risks like blind dates, and for yet another it might involve taking spiritual risks that have nothing to do with dating like joining the worship team. I can guarantee that for pretty much everyone it will involve pushing your boundaries in some way. But then, the Christian life is about being fearless.
If you just glance through the boards here you'll see about 758 philosophies of how it should be done: she should patiently wait, she should actively seek, she should subvertly seek, she should be her comfortable self, she should "gussy" up because men are eye-creatures, she should make a list of everything she wants in a man and pray over it each day, she should let go of lists and let God, he should pray and fast, he should hit the gym because his "temple" shows his true leadership, he should forget about externals and build an inner life with God, he should cultivate friendships with women, he should avoid friendships with women, he should be constantly dating until he gets the one, he should abstain from dating and let God reveal the one to him, there is no "one" get out there and meet people, etc., ad nauseum.
And here's the deal, ALL of these are true. There are people who have met their future spouses in ALL OF THESE WAYS. The problem with marrieds advising singles about how to be single is that they tend to generalize their way of spousing and apply it to everyone. So, if they "stopped caring about having a spouse," they'll presume that's the magical unicorn trick that motivated God to move on their behalf. If they "went out and sought" a spouse, they'll presume that's the key that opened the floodgates of the universe.
But the REALITY of most single people is much more complicated. There are no tricks. We might try all 758 philosophies and never get married. We might presume that we are the problem and devote ourselves to self-improvement and never get married. We might go zen and let it go and still never get married.
Here's why: God is not a magic Santa in the sky. You can't manipulate Him with your behavior or your thinking.
So, my best advice is to submit yourself to God's will for your life...whatever that is. For some of you it may mean slowing down and stopping a search, for others it may mean gearing up and starting one, for another it might involve taking uncomfortable social risks like blind dates, and for yet another it might involve taking spiritual risks that have nothing to do with dating like joining the worship team. I can guarantee that for pretty much everyone it will involve pushing your boundaries in some way. But then, the Christian life is about being fearless.
