Random funnyness

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GodsTwilightPrincess

Guest
Okay...now randomness.
All you need is to be funny.

Example: *Jumps in pool filled to the brim with ice cream, fudge, and caremel sauce yelling "ICE CREAM!!! YUMMIE!!*

Do you get it?
 
What I'm not funny? Oh well it was worth a try. *walks away with hands in pockets*
 
When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.
I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.
I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.
I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.
When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, "I never saw anything like that before and I've been putting in septic systems for twenty years."
 
Okay...now randomness.
All you need is to be funny.

Example: *Jumps in pool filled to the brim with ice cream, fudge, and caremel sauce yelling "ICE CREAM!!! YUMMIE!!*

Do you get it?
Hallelujah and Amen

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say,
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"Hallelujah!"
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And the only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.
"Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
"This is great!" said the man. With a
"Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.
"Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Oh, no...
'Bible...Church!...Please Stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer...

"Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go
donk3.gif
off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name,
AMEN."

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
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"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
 
Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said,
"Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words."
Brother John said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed."
sleeper.gif

After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words, Brother John."
"Cold food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.
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On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."
"I quit," said Brother John.
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"It is probably best, you've done nothing but complain since you got here."
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PLEASE SCROLL DONT TO DO ONE AT A TIME!!!!
Are you the weakest link? Below are four (4) questions. You

have to answer them quickly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.


Ready?

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second

person. What position are you in?

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Answer: If you answered that you are first,

then you are absolutely wrong!

f you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are

second!


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Try not to mess up in the next question. To answer the second

question, don't take as much time as you took on the first

question.

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you

are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!


You're not very good at this are you?

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Third Question:

Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do

NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.

Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30..

add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.

What is the total? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

mathgirl.gif



Don't believe it? Check your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day.

Maybe you will get the last question right?


Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2 Nene,
3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?


Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary.

Read the Question again.
I will came more for your post, God bless all, laughter is good for the soul​
 
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