Please help, My dad is controlling my life

[LizHeartJesus]

Some people say i should be in a secret relationship, but what of my dad finds out? Others say i should loose contact with him that i can get over him. But we dont want to loose contact because not one of us has a friend that is close to God like we are, so we understand each other better

 

[LizHeartJesus]

As long as your dad pays he will control I'm afraid. Do you need a car? Can't you just rent a room in a house with people?
I paid 200 euro a month for a students' home and took a bike.

I need a car because my campus is 20km from my apartment. I own a cat so thats why i live alone

 

[Willie-T]

As long as your dad pays he will control I'm afraid. Do you need a car? Can't you just rent a room in a house with people?
I paid 200 euro a month for a students' home and took a bike.

Absolutely. As I have quoted before:

"Live today, like no one else does, so that tomorrow, you can live like no one else can."

 

[LizHeartJesus]

My campus is 15km from where i live. (Its on a wine farm) all the apartments are more expensive closer to the campus

 

[LizHeartJesus]

I need a car because my campus is 20km from my apartment. I own a cat so thats why i live alone

Sorry i mean 15

 

[Willie-T]

Thats the whole reason im not sure what to do.

Then, you make up your mind to simply WAIT for a couple of years.

The key is realizing you need to do the mature thing, and WAIT.

 

[Willie-T]

Sorry i mean 15

That's not even 10 miles. Very easy on a bike. Less than a half hour if you put in a little effort. Good time to listen to the Mp3 player.

 

[LizHeartJesus]

I just want to say it's really hard, because not one of us broke the other ones heart and not one of us did anything bad to the other one, i know God works on his time but we dont want to loose any contact as I mentioned before. We hold bible study together when we see each other. We only see each other like 2 times a week because we live in different towns. Its just sad cause my father is the reason we are breaking up. And sometimes i feel so bad because i should have known my dad would react this way and now I'm just pulling my bf in this whole thing

 

[LizHeartJesus]

That's not even 10 miles. Very easy on a bike. Less than a half hour if you put in a little effort. Good time to listen to the Mp3 player.

My campus is very professional and i have to wear a suit. I know i can maybe pit it in a backpack but then it has creases

 

[blue_ladybug]

Some people say i should be in a secret relationship, but what of my dad finds out? Others say i should loose contact with him that i can get over him. But we dont want to loose contact because not one of us has a friend that is close to God like we are, so we understand each other better

​Hiding your relationship is a bad idea, because if daddy doesn't already know about it, he surely WILL find out. Especially if he's as controlling as you say. You say your dad loves you and I don't doubt that BUT there's a difference between parental love, and a father's desire to control his child's life..

 

[blue_ladybug]

My campus is 15km from where i live. (Its on a wine farm) all the apartments are more expensive closer to the campus

​Can you try finding a room mate to help you with expenses?

 

[Depleted]

I'm from South Africa. I know this is a young age to get serious about who I want to marry, but I really feel like this guy is everything I want in a husband. The reason we get along so well is because we both love Jesus with all our hearts and Jesus is already the main focus of our relationship and were only dating for almost 3 months. The only big problem is that we are different ethnicities (he is coloured and I'm white) and my dad is totally against is. My dad is very controlling and wants to control my life. I'm currently studying (not in my home town) and I'm a second year now. My parents pays for everything for me at this stage (my apartment, car, every week they give me money for food, ect.) It's really hard for me that my dad is so controlling, the day I told him that I like this guy he told me he will kick me out of the house. I told my boyfriend everything and he understood everything, we didn't want to loose contact because we became really good friends and motivated and prayed for each other so much. We told each other that we are going to stay best friends. And that plan worked for almost 2 weeks and then we realised we didn't just want to friends because we love each other and it's to difficult to get over each other because bot one of us broke the other ones heart or did anything bad. I feel so bad because I'm basically lying to my parents about this. God sent both of us so many signals that we should be in a relationship, eg. I was off the weekend and I asked God that my boyfriend can get one half day that weekend (ps he barely get of, because the GM is very rude). and God gave him off the entire Sunday. That really showed God was for us, because I believe if God was against in He wouldn't have made that happen. Another example is when we haven't seen each other in a week and I told him that we will see each other that specific week, and God made it possible for is to see each other the Saturday night 21h00. The one thing I asked God is that I only have one serious boyfriend and I want to marry that one boyfriend. I just want to ask how can I get through this trial. Because now it feels like my dad is the forth person in our relationship and there should only be 3.

Excuse me. American here, so what you think is common knowledge isn't. So, got to find out:
1. Second year? Second year of what? Over here that means second year of college/university (same thing here, except universities are bigger colleges) working toward a two year degree, (which means this is your last year), a four year degree, (which, depending on which school we go to and what we want to be can take five years to get), and maybe even more schooling after that. So, really? "Second year" doesn't translate as much as you think it does.

2. Just a small requesting. I have old eyes. I can read what you wrote, but it's so small, it hurts to read. Mind increasing the size a bit? When you're writing, the menu above has "size" as an option. If I don't choose the font... well, I don't choose the font, so I'm writing in whatever font, but I usually highlight and turn it to size 3 so I can read what I'm writing.

3. I got your age. I didn't get BF's age. Age shouldn't matter, but that only becomes true when you're making your own way through life. At 20, if I met my husband then, he would have been 29 -- too old. I met at 24, so he was 33 and that was fine because I was making my own way in life. You aren't, so it matters.

4. "Honor your mother and father" doesn't have any clause that says, "until they become demanding, or I don't like their decisions." It really is "Honor your mother and father." Honestly, my husband wouldn't have been my husband if he saw me disrespecting my dad. That I felt Dad STILL had some say in my life even when I lived on my own, had my own apartment, and a job, told him everything he knew I'd be as a wife. I submit to Dad; I submit to him. That easy.

AND that hard. Let's face it, I was 24 and he was 33. You don't think that freaked Dad out? You don't think Dad was wondering if this guy was some kind of perv? (And, sorry. Again, I'm American, so if you don't understand some of my words, feel as free to ask me as I felt to ask you some of your words. English isn't quite as universal as we're led to believe. lol)

The rule was set early. (Quick relationship before we got married, so everything happened fast, but again I was able to live without needing Dad's help. That's a big difference.) To future hubby: "You have to ask for my hand in marriage with my Dad and he has to say YES."

He visited my old house and met Dad. He fell for one of Dad's repetitive jokes. (Let's just say, NEVER eat a tiny piece of hot pepper my Dad would give you on a first visit. It's mouth-burning hot.) Dad enjoyed his reaction. He enjoyed the reaction the second time. (The second time, I just thought future-hubby was smart enough not to do that twice. I was wrong. lol) And we kept visiting Dad until hubby had the guts to ask the big question. And, much to my surprise Dad said Yes despite the obvious problem with our ages.

That's honoring parents. That's your job. Change your Dad's mind by letting him get to know this creep-who-dares-date-my-daughter. All guys aren't good enough for Daddy's-Little-Girl, until Daddy's-Little-Girl and that guy prove one is. It might be the first time. It might be the 2000th time. BUT if this guy is all you say he is, he will wait and he will keep working to get your Dad's blessing.

That's submission at any age!

(And, BTW, because Dad finally didn't have a problem with me marrying an older man, Dad ended up marrying a woman my husband's age five months after we got married. lol)

 

[coby]

I need a car because my campus is 20km from my apartment. I own a cat so thats why i live alone

Yes but if you want to be independant you can't live like that and have him pay it all. It's a pity he's like that, but you can't expect your dad to let you live like that yet not interfere with your life. If you want him to see you as an adult try to not be dependant. A cheap moped maybe and I would look for something with roommates which is cheaper. Or do they only have that in Holland? We also had a cat there.
My brother lives with my parents because that's easy. Lol when he was 50 my dad said: he goes out every saturday but he doesn't tell me where he's going.
Well I guess it's none of my business. He's grown up hahaha.
Some parents will always treat you like a kid if you let them.

 

[Kayiw1]

My dad may be a control freak but i know he loves me. I really want to finish my studies because it will really help me in the future.

In what way is he controlling? It seems like you said before you are able to see your boyfriend about once a week. I know you hidding it from your father, which is probably wise, so in what way is he controlling you? I'm not trying to argue that he's not. I just would like a little more info ☺

 

[coby]

In what way is he controlling? It seems like you said before you are able to see your boyfriend about once a week. I know you hidding it from your father, which is probably wise, so in what way is he controlling you? I'm not trying to argue that he's not. I just would like a little more info ☺

It's in the OP. He doesn't want a non white boyfriend for his daughter.

the day I told him that I like this guy he told me he will kick me out of the house

Boy what was I ever complaining about my dad?

 

[ji]

I'm almost 20 (yeah

Most parents don't know how to express Love,that doesn't mean they are cold hearted.If you go with patience under your parent's roof, one day when you will become mature enough to the point where they will not stop you..

If you rebel and go out now,most probably you might be looted in many ways.
Patience is not easy....but you can see it in the Cross where Christ died.

 

[Xeano321]

My dad may be a control freak but i know he loves me. I really want to finish my studies because it will really help me in the future.

So what is your Dad upset about? Is it just ethnicity? You didn't really say why he's so controlling... Did you try asking him? What does your Dad want? Get some communication going. Not going to find out what's up otherwise.

Honor your parents. Read Ephesians 6:2. (Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise; ). Consider that for a second. Your parents are placed in your life to be a source of advice, information, and wisdom. Falling in love is awesome (congrats on God sending you a Godly man.) But you must remember to use wisdom to reign in the feelings. What is the wise decision that will benefit your entire life? What would Jesus do in your position?

-
Don't have a "secret" relationship. That's bad. Nothing good will come of it. Considering your financial situation, it would be wise to not tick off Dad... It's where you're at, trying to hurry and change it to get what you want will probably just screw up your schooling. Is it worth it? In the long run, it might cause problems, though it's mighty appealing in the short term.

I would discuss it with your boyfriend. If he doesn't want you to respect your fathers wishes, I would consider how much control you have over your emotions. God will hold you and him accountable for purposely dishonoring your parents just because you can't live without each other. (Not trying to be heartless, but the big picture) Is that worth it? In the end of it all, which choice will strengthen your relationship with God? What will draw you closer to him?

 

[Tommy379]

Just a thought, maybe your father is right. I'm not saying he is, but maybe. It reads like you are mad cause he doesn't want you with this guy. Sometimes, just sometimes daddies have a good sense about this. And yes he is paying for all your stuff, and maybe he has some care for your welfare. Don't let your heart lead you. Proverbs 28:26 "He who trust in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered"

 

[wolfwint]

I'm from South Africa. I know this is a young age to get serious about who I want to marry, but I really feel like this guy is everything I want in a husband. The reason we get along so well is because we both love Jesus with all our hearts and Jesus is already the main focus of our relationship and were only dating for almost 3 months. The only big problem is that we are different ethnicities (he is coloured and I'm white) and my dad is totally against is. My dad is very controlling and wants to control my life. I'm currently studying (not in my home town) and I'm a second year now. My parents pays for everything for me at this stage (my apartment, car, every week they give me money for food, ect.) It's really hard for me that my dad is so controlling, the day I told him that I like this guy he told me he will kick me out of the house. I told my boyfriend everything and he understood everything, we didn't want to loose contact because we became really good friends and motivated and prayed for each other so much. We told each other that we are going to stay best friends. And that plan worked for almost 2 weeks and then we realised we didn't just want to friends because we love each other and it's to difficult to get over each other because bot one of us broke the other ones heart or did anything bad. I feel so bad because I'm basically lying to my parents about this. God sent both of us so many signals that we should be in a relationship, eg. I was off the weekend and I asked God that my boyfriend can get one half day that weekend (ps he barely get of, because the GM is very rude). and God gave him off the entire Sunday. That really showed God was for us, because I believe if God was against in He wouldn't have made that happen. Another example is when we haven't seen each other in a week and I told him that we will see each other that specific week, and God made it possible for is to see each other the Saturday night 21h00. The one thing I asked God is that I only have one serious boyfriend and I want to marry that one boyfriend. I just want to ask how can I get through this trial. Because now it feels like my dad is the forth person in our relationship and there should only be 3.

Dear Liz, i understand you as well your father.
3 things i find importantt. 1. What wants God? 2. Honor and respect your parents ( believer ore not). 3. Love can wait.
Your parents are responsible for you. I suppose also they love you and want protect you.
My eldest daughter is 17 now. I would not allow her yet. I would say pray and wait. I am shure that the Lord will bless this.