I was a grown man (though still young) when I was finally baptized. And this little story I am going to tell you was made even tougher because I was fairly dependent upon the fact that I was a badass, and used it somewhat to be noticed and what I thought was, "respected."
Like most new Christians, I ran my mouth about my new-found "Christianity." I probably made people sick.
It was the end of a work day on a construction job, and unbeknown to me, the other guys had tacked together a cross, and erected it on the roof of a house we were working on. I was low man on the crew, so it was my task to collect cords while everyone else headed to their cars to go home.
I climbed a ladder to get a cord up there, and saw the makeshift cross. I just sat there on the roof, crying like a baby. Man to man, I would have known how to bluster my way past that. But alone, up there with everyone else driving out, jeering and honking... it just felt like a knife in my chest.
I must have stayed up there for a half an hour.
The only thing that got me through it was that while feeling sorry for myself and asking God, "Why?", I got the impression He gave me this in answer: "It was lonely for me too, hanging naked and bleeding up there on the real cross."
Somehow, from that time on, their words didn't seem to hurt as much. (and.... I also quit acting like such a religious big-mouth around them.)
Did they change? Not much. But, from that day forward, I began to understand that I had been looking for their acceptance........ and I didn't need it.
Don't know if this helps you any, but it made things easier for me to handle.
