Uneducated guesses

[ann81]

I hope everyone reads this post all the way through to fully understand what I am putting forth. Also keep in mind I live in Canada and this is my experience so not everything will apply to everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

My family is in need financially and spiritually. I will save you the long story of how we ended up in this situation as I am not here to ask for money. We are a good Christian family. Husband is a service member with a second job at a residential facility. I've been technically disabled for the last few years but, as we need the money, I work as many hours as I can in customer service. We have three amazing kids ages 10, 12 and 14. We lost our youngest son and against all odds it drew us closer.

Being a family in need we turned to our community for help. What we found instead was a lot of views and beliefs about assistance programs that didn't match reality. We were surprised that our 'Christian Community' who spoke so often of helping the less fortunate were reluctant to put those words into actions. I want to think it is that they are merely uneducated. I pray this sheds a little light for at least one person who in turn is there for another.

A lot of people don't qualify for assistance programs. The financial caps mirror the income of social assistance. *Should you work you often do not qualify. I can't count how many times we've been told to go on social assistance so these programs can help us.*It could be our undoing but we feel welfare is for people who cannot find work at all. Military programs are an even stickier situation. Seeking help in some cases can cost you your career. Between pay and commitments some soldiers are struggling and have been for a while.

Canada’s fighting poor are fighting mad - Macleans.ca

Hungry Heroes: 25 Percent of Military Families Seek Food Aid - NBC News

Programs like the food bank are donation based and are not getting the donations needed to help. The small amount the do have does not include things like milk, eggs, meats, fruits and vegetables - items essential for healthy growth and development of children. What a food bank can provide a family of five is enough to feed one person for three days. We don't have food stamps here either.

Food bank forced to close, others struggle with citywide shortage of donations | Windsor News - Breaking News & Latest Headlines | Windsor Star

When a family does not help someone in need, *often it is because they can't (ie. Fixed income ) not because they won’t. There is a*big misconception a person's family will always help unless you are bad news.*Churches too are not always able to help. We live in a small town with only a few ministries. We have their sympathies and prayers but that is all. Pope Francis Prayer Intentions for March 2016*
Universal:*Families in Difficulty: That families in need may receive the necessary support and that children may grow up in healthy and peaceful environments.*

Pope Francis to Church - Help the needy or pay taxes - Living Faith - Home & Family - News - Catholic Online

Retraining at school would solve a number of people's employment issues. Student loans and other loans just add more debt though and often individuals don't qualify for enough to cover living expenses as well.*Scholarships and busaries have even more specific qualifications and there are usually hundreds of applicants for a couple spots.

Banks will not help you with lowering your payments unless you are in default. *Paying all of your bills on time does not garner any goodwill. Interest rates are often fixed. I requested a higher interest loan be added to an existing lower interest one at the same bank. We would still be paying it off but at a combined lower interest rate. The answer I was given was we needed to make more money first.

Disability benefits do not help when the spouse still works. Being income based any monies brought in by the spouse is deducted from what the disabled person would receive. Families relying on that second income in these inflated times are left unable to meet basic needs let alone those of the disabled person. I personally took a long hard look at my life insurance as now I am worth more deceased than alive. I have no plans on harming myself but feel guilty for wanting to live instead of solving my family's problems in one decisive stroke.

Being in this situation causes people to really take a hard look at their finances. We cut out non essentials, sell what we can and work long hours to make ends meet. We appreciate the financial advise but we've already explored almost all of these options. The problem is we are often stuck in a vicious cycle and need a hand to break it.

I get people's concerns about scammers. They are on both sides and believe me I've seen my fill. I can't count how emails I've gotten from people offering loans as long as I sent them a 'transfer fee' first. A big reason people are turning to asking for help from strangers online is that they have exhausted all options in their communities. Desperation to provide for your family often outweighs the risk, shame and judgement of making your personal problems publicly known. I never understood that until we became an in need family.

We know we'll never be back to where we were. We know everyday will have challenges and we will have to work twice as hard as the other person. We're prepared to do the work. I don't know where we will be in a few years. With everything going on I don't even know where we'll be next month.
I just wish we could see some of those 'Christian Values ' to become more prevalent in real life and not just in words. Please help someone in your area who needs it and make that difference.

Again everything I mentioned above is taken from my experiences. I'm sure there are differences in every place. Also please do not read too much into it if I am unable to respond. I am working as much as possible and caring for my family. God bless everyone this Easter weekend.

Proverbs 19:17
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.

Matthew 25:35-40*
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ ...

Deuteronomy 15:11*
For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’

Galatians 6:2*
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Matthew 5:42*
Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Proverbs 14:31*
Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him.

Luke 6:38*
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Luke 12:33-34*
Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Hebrews 13:16
Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Proverbs 22:9*
Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.

Psalm 82:4
Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

Proverbs 28:27*
Whoever gives to the poor will not want, but he who hides his eyes will get many a curse.

1 John 4:7-8*
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 3:17-18*
But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Mark 12:31
The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Isaiah 25:4*
For you have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat; for the breath of the ruthless is like a storm against a wall,

Matthew 10:8
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay.

Acts 20:35-38*
In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.

Philippians 2:4*
Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

James 1:27*
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Mark 10:21
And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

Galatians 2:10*
Only, they asked us to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do.

Isaiah 1:17*
Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.

 

[ann81]

I do apologize for the stars that were somehow added when I posted.

 

[Depleted]

I disagree on a couple of points, but not for the reasons you think.

1. Most Christians are educated enough to know what's really going on, but they don't want to part with their money, so blame it on the poor person.

2. Trust God more than this. He might well get you back where you were. On our second anniversary, hubby was an HVAC mechanic making good money, and I had just discovered I'm really not the type of woman who wants to stay home to take care of our home. (I was working a minimum wage job that I hated when we first met, so he asked me to try it out. I did. I HATE taking care of the home. Still do. lol) Two days later, he broke his back. (The middle of the back, so he wasn't paralyzed.) God took care of us, (because NJ's worker's comp is so bad it still says a man who broke his back at work gets $5000 to live on for the rest of his life.) We did find a job both of us can do, and it gave us a place to live and "food" on the table -- group home parents. (And "food" is im quotes, because I still maintain a 10-pound pork roast should not take all day to cook requiring several trips out of the oven to dump the grease and then come onto the table a 2-pound pork roast. It was government food so not really food. We ended up paying for all the food for the six boys and ourselves, because no one should have to eat the crap they gave us to eat -- which also tells what happened to the money they gave us as pay. Well, that and the $5000 van we had to buy to transport the kids. We only got paid $2200 a month, quit after five months, but had to give two months notice, so we left without jobs, and spent most of the money we had on a down payment and first month's rent in an only-poor-people-would-rent-where-there-is-no-heat-on-Christmas dump, but God still provided.) And, after all that, in a mere 5-7 years we went back to middle-class normal people. So, don't dismiss God won't take you back to where you were. It's possible.

And, just as possible, he'll do what he did to us again -- twice! (The second time both of us became disabled within three years of each other, so we were back to flat broke. We recovered from that, because America does have Disability. And last November, hubby had a massive heart attack and he just got into rehab after that the beginning of this month, so our lives and finances are up in the air yet again.)

One big difference. We now have the experience that God is taking care of us, so we know what to look for to see him in action.

But, heads up on who to ask for help. And remember, this is experience talking. Ask poor people for help. Poor people understand what it is to be poor, so they're more willing to give. Middle-class and rich people are less likely. That includes Christians. It's more annoying with the Christians only because a lot of lip-service is given about helping the poor, but not wallet-service.

This isn't really a matter of being uneducated. It's a matter of people trusting their wallets before trusting God.

 

[ann81]

Well said Lynn.

 

[Willie-T]

Sorry 1,858 words was a little too long for me. I'll try to do better when the posts get shorter.

 

[Miri]

Hi Anne check out the following link.

https://www.capcanada.org

We have this organisation in the UK, they are brilliant, a CAP centre
was recently set up in my church.

They offer debt counselling and money management courses.
The larger main offices offer real genuine financial help, they sit
down with people work through all their finances and get as much
wtitten off as possible by contacting all your creditors. Then they
arrange a sensible achievable repayment plan to those left.

It's all supported through prayer and the churches.
They work with both Christians and non Christians, in the UK their
ministry has brought many from the brink of despair and to salvation.

The following image is from your Canadian website.
Even if you are not in debt but struggling financially, they can still
help you.

 

[ann81]

Reader's Digest Condensed version - we are a Christian family in need. We reached out to our Christian community who always speak of helping those less fortunate. We've been told they love us and will pray for us but have not received any help. Even a phone call would be nice. I understand it's frightening how easy it is to end up in a situation like ours. These were our friends who came to Sunday dinner at our home and watched our kids play soccer. They can't assume it is drugs or alcohol or whatnot, shake their heads and go back to singing hymns. So I thought it was that they were just uneducated. They just didn't know the lack of assistance available. I didn't either until I was here. What Lynn so eloquently said is the same as many private emails I've received. They all advise it's not a lack of understanding. It's what they call lip service. I really thought I was wrong. I mean how does someone know what is happening and do nothing? As bad as things are you'll still find my family in our regular pew near the stain glass window we donated during better times. We'll be praying for those Christians.

 

[ann81]

Thank you Miri for the suggestion. I have a very strict cash only budget. As I mentioned my husband's job does not allow for us to go through collections/bankruptcy. As scary as things are now I could not imagine where we would be if he lost his job. I will still give a call to see if they have contacts to places that can help. Thank you for that.

 

[Depleted]

Sorry 1,858 words was a little too long for me. I'll try to do better when the posts get shorter.

I love your humor considering I just read your post about how many books you read on your computer.

(I admit it. I'm old school. I can't read books on the computer. Something about screens and white space. I still prefer paper and printer. But post aren't books, although I have trouble reading long post because of my eyesight.)

 

[Depleted]

Reader's Digest Condensed version - we are a Christian family in need. We reached out to our Christian community who always speak of helping those less fortunate. We've been told they love us and will pray for us but have not received any help. Even a phone call would be nice. I understand it's frightening how easy it is to end up in a situation like ours. These were our friends who came to Sunday dinner at our home and watched our kids play soccer. They can't assume it is drugs or alcohol or whatnot, shake their heads and go back to singing hymns. So I thought it was that they were just uneducated. They just didn't know the lack of assistance available. I didn't either until I was here. What Lynn so eloquently said is the same as many private emails I've received. They all advise it's not a lack of understanding. It's what they call lip service. I really thought I was wrong. I mean how does someone know what is happening and do nothing? As bad as things are you'll still find my family in our regular pew near the stain glass window we donated during better times. We'll be praying for those Christians.

I consider it a blessing. I found out how many "friends" were really friends. We went from a couple dozen friends to three couples. (And, no. That wasn't measured by how much money they gave us. Actually, they could no more give us money then, then we could give them money. But they stuck by us.) The only problem now is we're the only ones who haven't moved since then.

I love those friends dearly. At least I know they're getting their happily-ever-after lives, knowing what they went through to get there.

 

[ann81]

I consider it a blessing. I found out how many "friends" were really friends. We went from a couple dozen friends to three couples. (And, no. That wasn't measured by how much money they gave us. Actually, they could no more give us money then, then we could give them money. But they stuck by us.) The only problem now is we're the only ones who haven't moved since then.

I love those friends dearly. At least I know they're getting their happily-ever-after lives, knowing what they went through to get there.

That is very true Depleted. My dear husband has been doing everything he can to keep me smiling. Yesterday was my birthday and he made me the most beautiful card

 

[Depleted]

That is very true Depleted. My dear husband has been doing everything he can to keep me smiling. Yesterday was my birthday and he made me the most beautiful card

Happy belated birthday! (Too late. It already was.)

Best Christmas ever was when we had no money, so we made stuff for each other. He made me a calendar. And I made him a crocheted blanket (that had some serious flaws, so he never used it. lol) So I get how much it means to get a homemade card from a hubby.

My birthday is in a couple of weeks. So, soon, I tell hubby what I want for my birthday.

I want to take him out for my birthday!

And, no, that doesn't sound quite like what it is. He's been laid up in bed for months. He has a wheelchair now, but they're still trying to get him acclimated to it. (He has a bedsore on his "sitter," so sitting hurts, but sitting is the only way he gets to walking again.) For my birthday, I want to take him outside of his rehab in his wheelchair to feel fresh air and spring.

The only times he's been out since last November was to be transferred from one place to another by ambulance. Seems like a stinky reason to go out all the time, so this is for fun.

 

[ann81]

Happy belated birthday! (Too late. It already was.)

Best Christmas ever was when we had no money, so we made stuff for each other. He made me a calendar. And I made him a crocheted blanket (that had some serious flaws, so he never used it. lol) So I get how much it means to get a homemade card from a hubby.

My birthday is in a couple of weeks. So, soon, I tell hubby what I want for my birthday.

I want to take him out for my birthday!

And, no, that doesn't sound quite like what it is. He's been laid up in bed for months. He has a wheelchair now, but they're still trying to get him acclimated to it. (He has a bedsore on his "sitter," so sitting hurts, but sitting is the only way he gets to walking again.) For my birthday, I want to take him outside of his rehab in his wheelchair to feel fresh air and spring.

The only times he's been out since last November was to be transferred from one place to another by ambulance. Seems like a stinky reason to go out all the time, so this is for fun.

Thank you Lynn! Happy early birthday to you! Your idea sounds wonderful. So many days when I was sick and the kids would tell me about their day I would dream of being with them. It's amazing what the warmth of the sun does to lift your spirits. I sneak out the side door at work on my breaks just to spend a couple quiet minutes in its glow. Have you ever considered writing? Maybe starting your own blog of experiences? Your blunt wit is refreshing. I know others would read and appreciate it. You've made me smile in the last few days, quite the hurculean task! We may be in the same financial situation but I definitely feel a little richer having met you. Stay the course my friend

 

[Depleted]

Thank you Lynn! Happy early birthday to you! Your idea sounds wonderful. So many days when I was sick and the kids would tell me about their day I would dream of being with them. It's amazing what the warmth of the sun does to lift your spirits. I sneak out the side door at work on my breaks just to spend a couple quiet minutes in its glow. Have you ever considered writing? Maybe starting your own blog of experiences? Your blunt wit is refreshing. I know others would read and appreciate it. You've made me smile in the last few days, quite the hurculean task! We may be in the same financial situation but I definitely feel a little richer having met you. Stay the course my friend

I am a writer with a blog, although the blog fed the writing, not the other way around. I haven't kept up with it in years though, because I was writing a novel. The blog and novel are related in that they're about my stuffed animals. (They have completely different storyline, so it's like watching at John Wayne movies -- same face, same personality, but different stories. lol)

If you're kids are still young, you might like to read it. It comes with photos of the stuffies for the storyline. PM me, if interested. (Don't worry if not. I'm fully aware I'm nuts about my stuffed animals but most aren't. lol)