Raising up a brat

[Ugly]

Do you have kids?

Not of my own. But i was in a long term relationship with a woman who had 3. During those years i read and learned about how to raise kids. I saw her mistakes. I learned a lot. My last relationship the woman had a son and she frequently came to me, and even now, though we aren't dating, still comes to me at times, asking for help. Because she recognizes i know what i'm doing and i am good at dealing with her son. During that relationship i looked back on my previous relationship to see what mistakes i had made then, so that i could learn even more.
I took from my own experiences growing up, from relationships i've been in with people who had kids, from friends who had kids, from reading and learning from professionals and have a pretty solid foundation. Many women, even some who were parents themselves, have told me i would be a good father. While i no doubt would still make mistakes, i have a good handle on what it is to be a parent. In fact much of what i've seen has come from single parents, who have it harder than a couple. So that gives me a perspective of that side of things too, and just how difficult raising a child can be.

 

[Justcallmetinman]

Just thought Id add in some of what God says about raising kids.
When I ws raising mine,I wasnt a dedicated christian in fact I was probably the laodecian kindof christian that confuses kids. I wish that I had been obedient when I was raising my kids. It probably would have made a difference.To say it wouldnt have ,is to say God doesnt make a difference. I encourage parents to raise the kids in church and with the Bible.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.


Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Deuteronomy 4:9
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Deuteronomy 11:19
Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Ill add: I dont feel responsible for the choices my son made. I didnt teach him to steal. I taught my kids to be honest and tell the truth. I just didnt always live on the ROCK. I know now where I went wrong and I do think it would have made some difference..

 

[Justcallmetinman]

Not of my own. But i was in a long term relationship with a woman who had 3. During those years i read and learned about how to raise kids. I saw her mistakes. I learned a lot. My last relationship the woman had a son and she frequently came to me, and even now, though we aren't dating, still comes to me at times, asking for help. Because she recognizes i know what i'm doing and i am good at dealing with her son. During that relationship i looked back on my previous relationship to see what mistakes i had made then, so that i could learn even more.
I took from my own experiences growing up, from relationships i've been in with people who had kids, from friends who had kids, from reading and learning from professionals and have a pretty solid foundation. Many women, even some who were parents themselves, have told me i would be a good father. While i no doubt would still make mistakes, i have a good handle on what it is to be a parent. In fact much of what i've seen has come from single parents, who have it harder than a couple. So that gives me a perspective of that side of things too, and just how difficult raising a child can be.

Whats long term?

 

[Ugly]

10 years. Her youngest was 1 years old when we started dating.

 

[Justcallmetinman]

10 years. Her youngest was 1 years old when we started dating.

I respect what you are saying.

 

[Ugly]

 

[Depleted]

Most people seem clueless? Where do you get your facts from?
......When I need my car repaired I hire a mechanic..........................

Amazing, isn't it? Mechanics -- people simply hired to fix cars -- need training. Parents -- people who are raising the generation that will run the world someday -- don't.

(And frankly, I never had kids but I admire the people crazy enough to have them.

)

 

[coby2]

Amazing, isn't it? Mechanics -- people simply hired to fix cars -- need training. Parents -- people who are raising the generation that will run the world someday -- don't.

(And frankly, I never had kids but I admire the people crazy enough to have them.

)

We have Supernanny.
I had a woman who helped me a few months. She had kids and worked with teenagers that were having problems. That was a real professional. You get that help for free here.

 

[coby2]

Those teachers in school with 30 small kids. I was talking to some moms how amazing that was. She just clicks with her fingers and they're all quiet. They never do that at home, one said.

 

[Depleted]

I sort of like Depleted comments that she likes rebellious kids. I raised 5 teenagers at the same time 13 to 19, and it was the one daughter (the rebellious one ) who, when she turned her life around, threw herself at Jesus the with the same depth she threw herself into sin and drugs.

My other more cautious children are all Christians also, but it is this daughter who is the Christian counselor, and leader of women's bible studies. She throws herself into worship and scripture. Journals about God.

Of course, when that daughter was at her worst, it was not exactly fun for me. In fact, it was downright scary.

A lot of comments have been made here about DNA, but I rate peer pressure very high no matter what the parents do.

When I was very young, I tried to go along with the crowd. It was boring. (Playing sandlot baseball or a free-for-all rotten apple fight gets boring in a hurry to me.) So I didn't bother.

I blame a lot of what I did on sheer lack of common sense and my never ending struggle of getting the purpose of rules.

-- Mom told me not to go to Bell Lake until I could swim, because if I fell in I could drown. Well, I logiced out if I fall in, I'm at the side of the lake, so I stand up, walk out, and wait to dry off before I go home.

-- After jumping off the garage roof, Mom told us it was stupid to jump off the garage roof. We could get hurt hitting the ground. So I didn't aim for the ground. I aimed for that pine tree right next to the garage roof. Sometimes I caught the branch I aimed at, and sometimes I bounced from branch to branch, until I grabbed one -- but I did grab one before I hit the ground, because hitting the ground could hurt me.

Mom said not to go very far because I could be late for dinner. Well, I made sure I had enough time to get home before dinner. A 15 mile bike ride isn't too far, right? We used to go 90 miles or even 150 miles to go to grandparents' houses, so what's 15 miles? I listened. I was home for supper. Only when I became an adult did I realize if I got hurt on those paths in the middle of the woods, no one would find me.

I think most parents try with their kids. I don't think anyone with common sense can ever predict how a young one with absolutely no common sense can take the rules.

And then there was that loaded rifle aimed at a party of teenagers who knew they shouldn't be there alone after dark without a lifeguard or drinking. (Still had to work hard at common sense into my teen years. Still not sure how good my common sense is now, but I'm working at it. The rifle was fired. Fortunately trees blocked anyone from getting hurt. THAT was the moment when common sense started mattering.)

 

[Depleted]

How rebellious?
I have a son who was in juvie and he went to prison because he was rebellious and still doesnt respect authority. Do you have kids?

Already answered when I made that statement.

I prefer rebellious kids, if they think it out for themselves instead of going along to get along. In this day and age, it would be nice if someone rebelled because too many think, "That's just how it is."

And really? "Do you have kids?"

Does that really work? Because I find that annoying. Same thing as, "You'll never know unless you were raped." "You'll never know unless you're disabled." "You'll never know unless..."

If we only cut it down to people who have just the right prim and proper experience, we'll never know because we can't talk about anything because the way it happened to me, even if it did happened to me, isn't exactly as it happened to someone else.

Sorry. I don't play PCism games, but I do explain exactly what I think, if you but care to read what I wrote.

(Besides, I both ministered in and worked with kids in juvie. Some poor kids got stuck in juvie for skipping school five times in one school year while their bunkmates raped a child. And I worked in drug rehab and a runaway shelter, so I truly do get where kids come from. Sometimes they got the short end of the stick, and sometimes they were the pointy end of the stick -- whether they end up in Rhaway or not. Do you really want to play that game with me? Because you keep coming across like you know all and the rest of us need only listen to your wisdom. Just sayin'. It gets worse when I get past annoyed.)

 

[Depleted]

Ill add: I dont feel responsible for the choices my son made. I didnt teach him to steal. I taught my kids to be honest and tell the truth. I just didnt always live on the ROCK. I know now where I went wrong and I do think it would have made some difference..

If you weren't responsible then how and why did you take the time to figure out what you did wrong?

Personally, I do think parents have some responsibility, but once the kid is up to the age of thinking it out, it's up to that kid to think rightly. aka

I prefer rebellious kids, if they think it out for themselves instead of going along to get along. In this day and age, it would be nice if someone rebelled because too many think, "That's just how it is."

Ultimately, it's the parents job to teach the kid to think. (Poor Mom and Dad. How often did they tap my forehead while saying, "Think!" That took a long time to get there. lol)

 

[Depleted]

We have Supernanny.
I had a woman who helped me a few months. She had kids and worked with teenagers that were having problems. That was a real professional. You get that help for free here.

We had parents, who had parents, who had parents, who all taught their kids how to raise their own kids. And each generation throws out the bad parenting of the previous parents, tries something different, and if it doesn't work, their kids throw that out when they become parents. (No being whipped by a crop for two generations now, but our parents still taught us that one to file under the "Doesn't work and way too painful" file.)

 

[Depleted]

Those teachers in school with 30 small kids. I was talking to some moms how amazing that was. She just clicks with her fingers and they're all quiet. They never do that at home, one said.

We did. We could be taken to mass at one years old and never made a fuss, (unless that was the first sign of getting sick), never needed crayons and paper, and did the stand/knee/sit thing just like everyone else.

When company came, we all politely shook their hand, hugged, if they were the hugging type, and even endured the cheek pinch weirdness with smiles on our face. Then off we went to our rooms to either play or do homework until bedtime and we all went to bed exactly at bedtime without anyone checking up on us.

We also, to this day, all use our dominant hand to eat, while the other hand stays in our lap, except for the occasional need to cut something with the knife. Even then, once it's cut, the hand is back in our lap before the food is in our mouth. (I didn't even notice that was how we ate, until a SIL laughed at us as we lined the side of a long table looking identical eating together. When she laughed, we all picked up our napkins at the same time, wiped our mouths, swallowed, and then chuckled. lol)

All that was taught before I had memories, and my first memory was 18 months, but those rules were already there.

It's that whole "the ground hurts you if you jump off roofs" thing I just didn't get. If the ground hurts, don't hit the ground.

Manners were transmitted before we even thought we could go against them.