Child Support Laws in the U.S.A....Your feelings?

[skylove7]

Ok ladies...
Before you get mad at me like I am taking up for the men here
Please let me explain....
It is not who takes sides...
It is fairness...
And yes I know in America, from knowing some AMAZING single dads.
This is my vent...


See...I do believe in fairness!
Because of my opinions ON fairness,... I have been often cursed by women...
But that's koo
Because I don't want a goldigging, diamond grubbing girl in my life as my emotional support as my best friend anyhow!
I speak this out...
Because I am curious how men and women both feel...

Please let me share my quick story...
And tell me...
What you think should change in America


Well...I was married at 19
Had a baby at 20
Divorced at 21...

I just wanted love
I failed to get an education at that time
I didn't BELIEVE in myself

I often worked 2 jobs
To give my daughter all she needed

Her dad was required to pay 65 a week
I never tried to up
The paymebt because he struggled

Now...
My problem is in America

Me ex knew...
His child support went to
Food clothes books etc...
Tho he was poor
He knew our child was taken care of. ..
But I remember at the time
Just rumours in the neighborhood....
This woman or that woman
Would get real excited for child support
To spend it on drugs alchohol or clothes for mom!
Child support is not for Moms recreational luxuries....

Oh yes there are bad dads out there
But there are good dads too...
I would gladly given my ex husband receits to show my daughters support didnt go to drugs or a new boyfriend...

My ex...
Tho divorced knew
I was wise with this small even...payment


So for the good dads out there
That work for the kids...
I know if your payments don't go to the children it is annoying


So my question is...
Since American laws do not require proof payments go to the child
What would you like to see done about it?


And
As we single parents have worked to help raise our children
Is their hope
For good dads out there I mean?
Just a random topic
That I was curious of....


Remember Americans
Most dads are amazing

But remember
Some men sit in jail
For lack of child support
When some women were going to use the support on drugs or wharever


Like I said
Im not picking on women here
To get cookies from the male gender lol
Rollseyes

I am just addressing the truth

Girls...
Especially strong femenists lol
Men are good too...


Lol
Thoughts?

 

[skylove7]

Btw...
I do know
That a person CAN change their life

If they strongly want to...
I am no shame to the struggle!

But I was a great mom...
I didn't make mistakes til my daughter was grown!
And thank God He is in my life!
And thank God my daughter says
" Mommy...I missed who you was growing up!"

My thread here is not to bash...
I struggle everyday!
But top priority MUST come first!
Mine is...
God Love Strength
And Hope!


I must add tho...
It is sickening when...
I see for my own eyes
That some children in the world suffer
Because parents won't take the chance...

Meaning...
For instance in my town...
I don't go out
But I do see

People can 'afford' their 40 dollar pills a day...
Then they feed their children
Dollar Value meals at McDonalds a day!

People feed their children poorly
But yet
They can afford their drugs daily!

That's when I say...
We need a change!

Lol
I am often bashed because I tell the truth in my society!
Lol
I don't care...
Life is a struggle...
But the struggle is often a crutch!

I want to be better!
I pray America does too!

We were born to be more than crap!
Praying people will see this...
Praying we will do this!

Amen

 

[skylove7]

I am just saying...
If someone can make money
For drugs
A day
And complain they are too.poor
To feed their children nothing but dollar menu

Time to get help!
That is how it is in my town!
That is why...
I don't go out!

 

[skylove7]

Keep praying!
All we can do is pray!

I don't follow politics AT ALL
I'm sorry...
I just pray for hope it's true!

But if Mr. TRUMP will be president

I pray he...
Makes change...
For our hungry neglected children...

Cracks down laws...
So hungry childrens bellies are filled
When some people use food stamps to drug dealers luxury for drugs


It's time to get help!
If someone wants meth pills or heroin
Over their children


Pray to keep God in the government!
Yessss!
Selah!

 

[skylove7]

Also ...
Bout !a year ago
I caught the news that...


A local city hotel
To help heroin addicts recover...
To survive
Was overfilled
Therefore...
People the news said
Was overdosing because the Government didn't have enough funds ro keep addicts alive!
While getting well!

It's sad and pathetic...
That our government
Don't offer rehab for free!

You have to have insurance to get rehab in America!
It's discusting!

Rehab should NOT cost a dime in America!
When a person wants to say...quit drugs in America!
When a person wants to be beautiful... for rehab...
They have to pay to get clean in America ?
Bull Crap!

My hard working taxes all my life...
Feed careless parents addictions over their babies?

Forget that

 

[coby2]

My feelings are that it's very unfair in the USA and Canada.
A woman can cheat, take another man and the dad can't see his kids anymore and can pay 'cause she's too lazy to work and steals his kids from him, although I think they don't have to pay when she remarries, dunno. Saw guys on another forum who could never see their own kids again for that reason.
Here because of feminism and equality a judge can force you to coparent. It was a gay man who came with that and I think it's fabulous. Force them to get along and take care of their kids. With drug addiction except pot the kids are taken away btw but even if a dad is a criminal and on drugs he may see his kids with supervision. It's not good here either, but it's getting better than it was, also with alimony. I have female collegues who had to pay the exwife who didn't want to work though. They force them to work now.

 

[sassylady]

At the very least she should have to be screened for drug use (as well as those who have a food card).

I know what you're saying, but there would have to be so many rules and changes put in place to regulate how the child support money was spent, it would cost more than it was worth. My child support was not directly put toward buying clothes, or food, but was put with my check so I could pay bills and buy what we needed. But I also never spent it on unnecessary stuff, I actually needed it.

 

[Angela53510]

I have no idea what the stats are on women who abuse drugs on their child support payments, but I would imagine it is only a small part of the number of women who get payments. Really, Sky, you are stereotyping women and poor women especially.

And whatever happened to alimony? If a woman has stayed at home to care for the children, as agreed upon by both parties, she has passed up educational opportunities, the chance for seniority, promotions and made it extremely difficult to enter back into the job market. Esp. if the husband walks out, why are more women not getting alimony who are in this situation? (Not if they kept their job, of course!)

And of course, there are deadbeat dads. They don't want to pay support, so they either skip town or stop working, so they don't have to pay child support. That is just the worst thing - how could you not support your own children and the mother of your children.

I guess divorce is a very complex issues. Did the husband leave for another woman? Or was he kicked out because he was abusive? Or was the wife the one who left to follow her star? Salaries and income also make a difference as to how much the custodial parent should get.

Personally, I think this post is much to general to address. Unless you know the specifics of a divorce, you should not be casting stones at either the wife or husband. Instead, we should be offering support, and helping people to recover in a way that is best for the children, and everyone concerned.

 

[Depleted]

Ok ladies...
Before you get mad at me like I am taking up for the men here
Please let me explain....
It is not who takes sides...
It is fairness...
And yes I know in America, from knowing some AMAZING single dads.
This is my vent...


See...I do believe in fairness!
Because of my opinions ON fairness,... I have been often cursed by women...
But that's koo
Because I don't want a goldigging, diamond grubbing girl in my life as my emotional support as my best friend anyhow!
I speak this out...
Because I am curious how men and women both feel...

Please let me share my quick story...
And tell me...
What you think should change in America


Well...I was married at 19
Had a baby at 20
Divorced at 21...

I just wanted love
I failed to get an education at that time
I didn't BELIEVE in myself

I often worked 2 jobs
To give my daughter all she needed

Her dad was required to pay 65 a week
I never tried to up
The paymebt because he struggled

Now...
My problem is in America

Me ex knew...
His child support went to
Food clothes books etc...
Tho he was poor
He knew our child was taken care of. ..
But I remember at the time
Just rumours in the neighborhood....
This woman or that woman
Would get real excited for child support
To spend it on drugs alchohol or clothes for mom!
Child support is not for Moms recreational luxuries....

Oh yes there are bad dads out there
But there are good dads too...
I would gladly given my ex husband receits to show my daughters support didnt go to drugs or a new boyfriend...

My ex...
Tho divorced knew
I was wise with this small even...payment


So for the good dads out there
That work for the kids...
I know if your payments don't go to the children it is annoying


So my question is...
Since American laws do not require proof payments go to the child
What would you like to see done about it?


And
As we single parents have worked to help raise our children
Is their hope
For good dads out there I mean?
Just a random topic
That I was curious of....


Remember Americans
Most dads are amazing

But remember
Some men sit in jail
For lack of child support
When some women were going to use the support on drugs or wharever


Like I said
Im not picking on women here
To get cookies from the male gender lol
Rollseyes

I am just addressing the truth

Girls...
Especially strong femenists lol
Men are good too...


Lol
Thoughts?

A friend of hubby's got the pointy end of that stick when he divorced. He was left with $60 every other week to live on while paying child support. Amazingly, he never grumbled about it. (He shacked up with a woman to make ends meet.) And that's $60 every two weeks when his annual salary was $50,000 a year. (Co-worker with hubby, so I knew they were paid roughly the same amount. Also this was back in the 1990's. No idea how that stacks up in today's money, because we don't make "today's money." lol)

And yet, when she ended up quitting her full time job to work part time in a convenience store, she tried taking him back to court for even more money. Fortunately, the judge was fair and told her that just because she got accustomed to her lifestyle didn't mean he had to keep up with what she was accustomed to. He was paying child support, not alimony.

And yet, when she handed over the kids to him, so he stopped paying her child support, she, again, tried to take him to court to keep the child support. That judge asked him if he wanted her to pay HIM child support then, but he graciously declined.

And then he still kept paying the same kind of child support directly to his kids. Why? Because he lived in Philly -- one of the crappiest school districts in the country -- and his kids came from Jersey. (Jersey, as a whole, is one of the lousiest states for education, but that's because the only large cities in the state are also some of the largest ghettos in the country. That, and if you live far enough south in Jersey, they seem to have this idea that they should only have to pay their teachers half of what the rest of the country pays their teachers.) As mediocre as Jersey education system is, when his first daughter started going to school in South Philly High, she changed none of her study habits and yet instantly rose from being a C student to being an A student. And in that one month time she was in our high school she was threaten with a knife three times by a gang of girls, so she refused to go to school there again.

So, hubby's friend sent her to live with her aunt back in Jersey so she could get an education without getting killed, and went right into paying the aunt the same money he paid his wife. And then did the same thing with his other three kids. STILL never asked his ex for a dime.

One other story about his ex. She decided another time she wanted more money from him, so she had her kids refuse to visit him every weekend, like they did from the moment of separation and then took him to court over getting full custody. They got the same judge they had for a couple other court visits over support and custody hearings. The judge listened to the children telling how afraid they were of their father. He listened to each one as far as the child wanted to talk. And when they were done, he looked at her and said, "You have managed to brainwash these kids into believing that crap. We will meet again one month from today, and I expect your kids to tell what a good father he is from your training again."

A month later, and sure enough the kids wanted to visit Dad again.

The laws for custody are fine. The judges that hear the story are usually intelligent men making common sense choices. This is just like "gun laws." The laws are fine. (It's been illegal to shoot someone with a gun since before this country was a country. lol) Now all we have to do is enforce them! Keep the intent and spirit of the law, not the emotional decisions of some outsider.

(But, you know me. I'm not opinionated one way or the other.)

 

[Depleted]

At the very least she should have to be screened for drug use (as well as those who have a food card).

I know what you're saying, but there would have to be so many rules and changes put in place to regulate how the child support money was spent, it would cost more than it was worth. My child support was not directly put toward buying clothes, or food, but was put with my check so I could pay bills and buy what we needed. But I also never spent it on unnecessary stuff, I actually needed it.

Really? So you think all single women with children are on food stamps AND drugs, therefore should be screened regularly? Something didn't come out right there, because you went on to say you did get support money, so you were a single mom.

(Color me confused.)

 

[Mitspa]

Women want things to be equal...lets forget all this nonsense about children being with the mother and women getting paid to be moms... let them get a job and be a man.

 

[Depleted]

Women want things to be equal...lets forget all this nonsense about children being with the mother and women getting paid to be moms... let them get a job and be a man.

Holy cow! Little did I know, I was a man from the time I was 16 to the time I was 44.

I wonder if hubby noticed my gender change after I could no longer work. He might not have, since I didn't even notice it.

(Oh, that was just too funny. I haven't heard anyone say that one in 50 years. lol)

 

[coby2]

Holy cow! Little did I know, I was a man from the time I was 16 to the time I was 44.

I wonder if hubby noticed my gender change after I could no longer work. He might not have, since I didn't even notice it.

(Oh, that was just too funny. I haven't heard anyone say that one in 50 years. lol)

Wish I would have known that. If you work you are a man. A pity our govt doesn't fall for that and doesn't just pay me.

 

[coby2]

Women want things to be equal...lets forget all this nonsense about children being with the mother and women getting paid to be moms... let them get a job and be a man.

It's evil if kids are forced to never see one parent. When mine were taken from me I understood why those dads were on meth.

 

[coby2]

I have no idea what the stats are on women who abuse drugs on their child support payments, but I would imagine it is only a small part of the number of women who get payments. Really, Sky, you are stereotyping women and poor women especially.

And whatever happened to alimony? If a woman has stayed at home to care for the children, as agreed upon by both parties, she has passed up educational opportunities, the chance for seniority, promotions and made it extremely difficult to enter back into the job market. Esp. if the husband walks out, why are more women not getting alimony who are in this situation? (Not if they kept their job, of course!)

And of course, there are deadbeat dads. They don't want to pay support, so they either skip town or stop working, so they don't have to pay child support. That is just the worst thing - how could you not support your own children and the mother of your children.

I guess divorce is a very complex issues. Did the husband leave for another woman? Or was he kicked out because he was abusive? Or was the wife the one who left to follow her star? Salaries and income also make a difference as to how much the custodial parent should get.

Personally, I think this post is much to general to address. Unless you know the specifics of a divorce, you should not be casting stones at either the wife or husband. Instead, we should be offering support, and helping people to recover in a way that is best for the children, and everyone concerned.

Why are those deadbat dads?
I had to pay alimony to my ex who stole my kids. I lied so I had to pay as less as possible. Pay when you may not see your own kids?? Go work yourself and give them back half of the time.

 

[skylove7]

Thank you all for the responses
Like I said...
I only brought the topic up, due to experience
I worked with several good fathers that often were sad, and expressed to me that, it wasn't fair that their support they knew for sure was going to their exes activities...not the children.
It was just a topic that I wanted an opinion on...in America as opposed to other countries.

Thank you all

 

[1ofthem]

I have no idea what the stats are on women who abuse drugs on their child support payments, but I would imagine it is only a small part of the number of women who get payments. Really, Sky, you are stereotyping women and poor women especially.

And whatever happened to alimony? If a woman has stayed at home to care for the children, as agreed upon by both parties, she has passed up educational opportunities, the chance for seniority, promotions and made it extremely difficult to enter back into the job market. Esp. if the husband walks out, why are more women not getting alimony who are in this situation? (Not if they kept their job, of course!)

And of course, there are deadbeat dads. They don't want to pay support, so they either skip town or stop working, so they don't have to pay child support. That is just the worst thing - how could you not support your own children and the mother of your children.

I guess divorce is a very complex issues. Did the husband leave for another woman? Or was he kicked out because he was abusive? Or was the wife the one who left to follow her star? Salaries and income also make a difference as to how much the custodial parent should get.

Personally, I think this post is much to general to address. Unless you know the specifics of a divorce, you should not be casting stones at either the wife or husband. Instead, we should be offering support, and helping people to recover in a way that is best for the children, and everyone concerned.

I agree with you, there are different circumstances in every relationship. I was married to an abusive man who became addicted to drugs and was always in trouble with the law. I remember cops kicking our door down several times looking for him. I had 2 sons by him and realized I didn’t want my children to grow up in that type of environment.

The Lord finally delivered me and my children from that situation. I didn’t want my children around him because he was dangerous so I told him I would not go after child support if he would sign his rights over to me and he did. I had to become mother and father to my two young boys. I worked 70 hrs a wk, came home cooked, cleaned, cut grass, weed eat, took care of the kids and done any and all work that needed done. But my children and I were happy and safe.

It was exhausting, but I always prayed for strength to do it. The Lord strengthened me and he was our support. I remember thanking God for blessing us and telling him how much I appreciated our little home, which was a small two bedroom mobile home. I said Lord, I know some people make fun of people who live in trailers, but I am truly thankful for my little home. It is pleasant, warm, and safe and I am thankful that you gave it to me. I said Lord I could never afford anything any better, but that is fine by me and I truly thank you for this place.

It was then the Lord spoke to me and said “I’ll give you a house.” I was surprised and said no Lord its ok I really am thankful with this place. What happened next was really unbelievable. The Lord blessed me with a nice 5 bedroom 2 story house that I don’t owe anything on. No mortgage or anything, it’s mine free and clear. He also gave me another job. I only have to work 15 hours a wk now and make just as much money as I did working 70 hrs at the other job.

The Lord has been my support. I don’t know why I shared all of that, but hopefully it will help someone else that is struggling.

 

[blue_ladybug]

There are alot of deadbeat dads in the world. Men who want to hop in the sack with a woman, but then when she gets pregnant, wants nothing to do with that child. IMO, if you don't want to pay for a kid, then use a condom and keep your wanker in your pants.. Either that, or stop hopping in the sack with women..

 

[ember]

the whole system is messed up

each case is different...I know of several, and blanket pay alimony or whatever is not the answer

let them get a job and be a man.

huh...my husband will be rather disappointed to know I have become a man

see? a one size answer really doesn't solve too much LOL!

 

[Sirk]

When you consider that divorce is the largest contributor of poverty in the US it says that the laws are jacked up. Complex world we live in and our choices have far reaching effects.