The "nice guy" or "nice girl" routine

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spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
How do you feel about someone playing the "nice guy" or "nice girl" routine?

This is regarding opposite sex friendships and dating.
 
If they're actually "playing" a "routine", then that's totally a problem. If they're pretending to be someone they're not in order to sway people's opinions of themselves or be manipulative, then of course that's not a good thing, but their true motives do have a way of coming through with time. Asking God for discernment about someone or something is always a great idea, IMO.

But people who are legitimately nice, kind, and polite? I don't see that as a negative thing at all. Sometimes nice people are looked upon with suspicion simply because true kindness is rare these days. People tend to wonder if their kindness is just an act. But I don't think a little suspicion is a bad thing, because sometimes kindness IS just an act. :p Just don't go overboard with cynicism, give people the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to prove who they really are.

I'm not completely sure that my response was on topic with the OP. Lol
 
PopClick said:
If they're actually "playing" a "routine", then that's totally a problem. If they're pretending to be someone they're not in order to sway people's opinions of themselves or be manipulative, then of course that's not a good thing, but their true motives do have a way of coming through with time. Asking God for discernment about someone or something is always a great idea, IMO.

But people who are legitimately nice, kind, and polite? I don't see that as a negative thing at all. Sometimes nice people are looked upon with suspicion simply because true kindness is rare these days. People tend to wonder if their kindness is just an act. But I don't think a little suspicion is a bad thing, because sometimes kindness IS just an act. :p Just don't go overboard with cynicism, give people the benefit of the doubt and an opportunity to prove who they really are.

I'm not completely sure that my response was on topic with the OP. Lol
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Your first paragraph is what I mean.
 
I used to be the nice guy. Now I'm the real guy. I still hold doors for people or help an old lady if she drops her groceries or accidentally kinks her air hose in the car door or gets her scarf wrapped around the electric cart wheel at malmart. Lol. It wasn't that I'm not authentically nice. It was that I cared too much about what other people thought of me and it slowly killed my soul. So ya....avoid those kind of nice people. They don't have any self respect.
 
You can only play "NICE" so long and then your true self will come out.... Give it time and true colors will show....

PS: I married a nice guy and his nice is still showing.....same as the day I met him.
 
spunkycat08 said:
Your first paragraph is what I mean.
Click to expand...

My first question would be how do you know it is a routine? Is he just really a nice guy perhaps? This is not a question that you need to give me the answer for, but it is something you need to ask yourself. Are you certain the nice-guy routine is just a routine?

If you do you have reason to believe it is just a routine, I would just follow the Bible suggestion and mark that person in your mind as somebody to avoid. Not really much else you can do about the situation.
 
Lynx said:
My first question would be how do you know it is a routine? Is he just really a nice guy perhaps? This is not a question that you need to give me the answer for, but it is something you need to ask yourself. Are you certain the nice-guy routine is just a routine?

If you do you have reason to believe it is just a routine, I would just follow the Bible suggestion and mark that person in your mind as somebody to avoid. Not really much else you can do about the situation.
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Nice girls or pretend nice girls who want to be big friends with your partner he either breaks contact with or not and you thank her 'cause that was not the right guy, except when you're married. Then you do effort not to slam her brain in.
 
So what we are saying here is I should stay the BLUNT GIRL! HAHAHAHAHA
 
i'm always nice to everybody.

usually.

most of the time.

except when i'm tired or hungry.

or frustrated.

hmm.

:o
 
I don't care if it's a routine if they're being nice. In general, fake nice may be better than the alternative lol. As for friendships/dating, I prefer girls with some attitude. :o So the nice girl routine wouldn't really get anywhere with me.
 
crosstweed said:
Define "nice guy/girl." I'm a little fuzzy on this definition.
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She means the try to steal your husband type.
My ex had such a nice lady too. She was so nice. Oh I really don't want to break your marriage up. Took me years before I could forgive her.
 
i think i know what she means by "nice" person.

i have a friend. we'll name him bob. bob and i have known each other for 20+ years. a new girl joined the group. we'll call her susie. bob became interested in susie. anytime the group went out to eat, bob was always willing to pay for her meal. he was always willing to do favors for her because he liked her. he was always doing nice things for her, including sending her good morning texts and God bless you texts.

bob and i are friends, right? and yet, he never did nice things for me. lol.
 
melita916 said:
i think i know what she means by "nice" person.

i have a friend. we'll name him bob. bob and i have known each other for 20+ years. a new girl joined the group. we'll call her susie. bob became interested in susie. anytime the group went out to eat, bob was always willing to pay for her meal. he was always willing to do favors for her because he liked her. he was always doing nice things for her, including sending her good morning texts and God bless you texts.

bob and i are friends, right? and yet, he never did nice things for me. lol.
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Ooooh, alrighty... the selectively kind white knight, then, yes?

[Formula for spotting actual nice person vs. selectively kind white knight: How do they treat their siblings/parents, esp. of the same gender?]
 
melita916 said:
i think i know what she means by "nice" person.

i have a friend. we'll name him bob. bob and i have known each other for 20+ years. a new girl joined the group. we'll call her susie. bob became interested in susie. anytime the group went out to eat, bob was always willing to pay for her meal. he was always willing to do favors for her because he liked her. he was always doing nice things for her, including sending her good morning texts and God bless you texts.

bob and i are friends, right? and yet, he never did nice things for me. lol.
Click to expand...
Bob is friendzoning himself. :rolleyes:

This video explains it really well... :)

[video=youtube;HcHBLx4dPog]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcHBLx4dPog[/video]
 
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