Newlywed Divorce

[Depleted]

Well I'm glad you are man and that your opinion does not count in life. Yay...

A. She's not a man. (Pink usernames mean females. Blue usernames mean male. I know. You're new, so didn't know.)

B. Come on! Surely you know they're telling harsh truth. If you disagree, then tell why. Don't lash out. You're going to be Mom in 8 months. You have a steep learning curve in how to act from now on, so lashing out is something you don't want to be teaching your child. The goal here is to raise your son/daughter to be better. If all you're going to do is lash out, then you raise your child to act like a child, which was the cause for all this in the first place.

Man up! (In a female kind of way.)

 

[Depleted]

I'm glad I posted on here. God is showing me just how ignorant you so called Christians are. Looks like you people need saving because all this judgment and none of you are Jesus! All you people are are pharisees. We all know what they did so I will continue to laugh at you hypocrites that think you know anything about God and how He works.

I hope you cool down. I'm going to stop reading, knowing somewhere along the line, you're going to have to cool off, pray, and then come back. That's what a woman does.

If you don't, then I misjudged you.

 

[hoss2576]

And it was never God's plan to have some huge fish be right there next to the ship when the sailors threw Jonah over? And it was not God's plan to have Jonah fester in 104 degrees of fish digestive acids corroding his skin to a pale pasty color with probably a couple of ulcers on it before the fish puked him out three days later onto the very shores of Nineveh?

"All things" means something, even when we rebel against God as his people. It's not pretty, but it's effective.

We are not talking about the same thing I don't think. If I understand you, yes, good can come out of bad even when we are disobedient. However, that does not mean that was God's plan. It means God can use whatever happens to His glory. I don't believe it is ever in God's will for us to sin, however when bad things happen and we lean on Him, then yes all things can come to good, not that there are good, but can come to good.

Remember also with Jonah, God's will was for Jonah to go to Ninevah without that whole side trip in the huge fish, but Jonah wasn't obedient. Yet, God had to make other accommodations for him.

 

[popeye]

Enough with the shoulda,coulda,woulda.

She needs a starting place.

The relationship is being "proven", tested.

All relationships go through this.

All of us are messed up.

My money is on "he just got the news",over reacted,and so did she.

The shock has to wear off,the storm bands subside,and God invoked into the fray.

Then we will see how it will go.

 

[Utah]

Enough with the shoulda,coulda,woulda.

She needs a starting place.

The relationship is being "proven", tested.

All relationships go through this.

All of us are messed up.

My money is on "he just got the news",over reacted,and so did she.

The shock has to wear off,the storm bands subside,and God invoked into the fray.

Then we will see how it will go.

Sometimes people are more in love with the notion of marriage than they are in love with the person they marry. Not saying that's the case here, but it does in fact happen.

 

[Born_Again]

Sometimes people are more in love with the notion of marriage than they are in love with the person they marry. Not saying that's the case here, but it does in fact happen.

Yea thats what I was getting at with my earlier post about "time is running out". Fantasy VS reality and practical decision making.

 

[kaylagrl]

You can't really believe that I posted my personal details on here. Laughable!

No, I cant believe you posted your details then snap at me for using YOUR OWN WORDS. You said you didn't know your husband.I agreed you rushed into your relationship, you said you met twice. And because I AGREED WITH YOU,you lost
it like a two yr old and said I through stones at you and judged you. I DID NOT,no such thing. And at this point Im not
buying your story. You're sniping back at me and you hardly sound broken hearted and devastated. You are either a troll
or you have one un-Christlike attitude.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

Well I'm glad you are man and that your opinion does not count in life. Yay...

Your fruit is showing.

You have repeated to anyone who sees your situation for what it is that you don't care what they think.

So why are you posting online for "man" again? Is it for nodding approval? Or for truth in love, that may bruise your ego (that if you're a Christian, you shouldn't have too much of anyway)? I suspect, like kayla, that it's the former and not the latter.

I would also like to add that pointing out sin or correcting someone isn't judging, and once again, that your sin is not God's will for your life. He wouldn't tell us to keep pure if you sinning was His will, and He doesn't need you to sin to accomplish His will. Jesus died so that you could be free from sin, not attribute your sin to the Father's will. That logically just does not make sense, and you need to see that.

 

[melita916]

I can't talk to my parents because I don't have a close relationship with them. I am in my 30s so it's not like they have a true say anyhow. I don't have his parents information and his parental situation is not a stable one either. As far as divorce goes, I don't believe in it and I did not come here for anyone to tell me to get one. I'm here because this is supposed to be a Christian support chat. Since when did Christians advocate divorce and such? Anyhow, I will continue to seek guidance from God and whatever happens must be His will. Thanks for your response and my hope is in the Lord.

i'm confused, so please help me understand. the first 3 members who replied to the OP didn't mention divorce at all (only one mentioned the probability of it working out was mostly unlikely), and here you asked since when christians advocate it.

so... wha?

 

[kaylagrl]

absolutely....but no room for self-righteousness

general observation...I have not read the entire thread and I don't have to...the op was enough...it's heartbreaking

if I didn't know my own sins and what I have been forgiven WHILE knowing the truth

anyhow....gotta go do stuff...hugs blue

I can't speak for others,only what I said. I told her that I also met my husband online and took my time to get to know him. Thats not self righteous or holier than thou,it took time,patience and a lot of nasty comments and pressure from family who said I'd never get married. It took a lot of lonely weeks when he wasn't able to come and see me and I had no car to go and see him.So sometimes it was a full month before I saw him again. Its not easy to take our time but it ends in a better result.

Now she said ,in her own words,that she did not know her husband. So I AGREED and said,yes you did rush it. I said nothing about sex at all,when she did or didn't have it,even though she put those details out there,I said nothing about that.So for agreeing with her I get blasted and now mocked. She said I "judged" her,I hear that a lot on here,apparently people don't know what the word means. I did not judge her,I agreed with the details she gave.

 

[spunkycat08]

Ok...

So what is really going on here regarding the OP's post?

 

[kaylagrl]

Ok...

So what is really going on here regarding the OP's post?

Good question. Careful how you answer,you might get a stone in the side of the head.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Ok...

So what is really going on here regarding the OP's post?

Either she's a troll jerking us around, or she's for real but wants rosy sugar coated truth instead of a dose of reality.. Anyone notice how she hasn't returned here since we gave her truth that she didn't want to hear? She sounds exactly like another user who came here, with a similar story, same crappy attitude, insulted us and got banned. :/ I call bull on this OP..

 

[melita916]

reminds me of a story my mom told me.

a lady from church told my mom she was going to divorce her husband. my mom asked why. based on the rearson, my mom advised her to work things out with the husband because the marriage could be saved.

the woman never spoke to my mom again. why? because my mom told her the truth instead of siding with her.

p.s. i'm not telling the OP to stay or leave her marriage. it just reminded me of how sometimes we don't like the truth.

 

[presidente]

Hi

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I assume you know the premarital sex was a sin. Is it possible your husband foolishly threatened divorce because he was angry in the moment, and he's not that serious about it? It's an awful and unethical thing, but some spouses threaten divorce when they get angry.

Does he claim to be a Christian? You can point out if he divorces you and sleeps with or marries someone else, that's adultery. You could also suggest pastoral counseling. You can also point out that it's wrong for him to leave you when you haven't done anything wrong, and that he's abandoning his baby. Be careful though with the arguments if you want him to stay. He just met you.

It usually takes some time for a man to get used to the idea of getting engaged or getting married. Usually, men ease into the idea over a number of months and by the time the wedding happens, they are fairly settled into the idea. Since it happened so fast, if he doesn't have strong Biblical morals, he may be convincing himself that it's not a 'real' marriage. Maybe his friends tell him that sort of thing.

I've heard people call so-called 'mail order bride' marriages 'sham marriages'. That doesn't sit well with me. If you commit to the marriage, you commit the the marriage, no matter what courtship rituals you went through first. Some people think that way.

Some people have no morals when it comes to marriage. If he's hanging around men like that who are bitter because they are going through divorces, maybe they are feeding him some bad thoughts about marriage. If you two reconcile, maybe you could help him find a new circle of friends. Have you started praying together or going to church together? Also, you both need to meet both sets of parents. That makes it seem more 'real'.

 

[ember]

Your words would hold water if you normally presented yourself in a gentle manner, but you're as aggressive and opinionated as they come. You experienced a similar situation as the OP and have a soft spot for her and now everyone is supposed to walk on eggshells because you say so. Put your money where your mouth is and soften your overall tone around here and maybe you'll be respected when asking others to take a chill.

LOL!

you are such a baby utah

if you had not jokingly asked me to marry you months back because you liked the way I posted

if you had not long ago given me a rep and stated that you really liked the humor I presented the truth with and liked numerous of my other posts

you have made jokes about women and basically, in my opinion, denegraded them more than once with your bathroom humor

you make fun of the gifts of the spirit and have done so in a bathroom humor kind of way...yeah you just can't stand me at all because I know what makes you tick

you will never help someone by whacking them with their sin...do I have opinions? of course I do...just like you do..which you express quite strongly..perhaps you just prefer your women a little less...intelligent?

 

[ember]

I have my own past I have dealt with. But at no point did I look for someone else to justify my mistakes, nor did I put them on someone else.

Honestly, ember. What did you expect us to do? "awwww, thats terrible. Go and sin no more" Forgiveness is between her and God. How can one learn from their mistakes if they dont first know what the mistakes were?

So often we respond with "You should pray" and give no sound advice. Prayer alone does not always fix things. You have to own your mistakes otherwise, you dont learn and make them again. When your parents pointed out your mistakes did you yell at them and say "mom, dad, you are not being very Christian"?

what did you expect HER to do is the question you should be asking

have any of you ever actually prayed over folks like this or counselled them and cried with them? I have...I'm not just whistling into the wind here

I do not come into this forum very often because the advice given, while there are good exceptions, is often harsh and almost ALWAYS posters end up fighting with each over the advice one or the other gives while forgetting the op..

do you think I am surprised at the reaction?

 

[Tinuviel]

Well, I could say a lot of things about making mistakes and I could do a lot of finger pointing, but that wouldn't help, would it? I just want you to know that I love you as a sister in Christ. I feel for you in your situation, I'm praying for you. More importantly, God loves you, and His love is perfect. He will not let you down if you are truly His child. I cannot tell you what his love will look like, because sometimes it looks so UN-loving our human minds cannot even grasp it. But hold tight to Him and he will work it out the way He thinks best for you and your child. Remember, He is eternal and can see everything. Even when we do not feel His love, or feel like He has been unloving to us, it is only a feeling.

 

[ember]

The church makes no impact because half the church aren't true believers. I am a sinner and believe me I have done everything in my life half backwards and stayed in sin. What woke me up was another Christian looking me straight in the face and saying I was wrong and a sinner. Hearing those words dropped me to my knees in repentance. Sinning against the Lord should bring everyone of us to our knees. Most Christians go around life saying "oh well i'm only human and God will forgive me." There is no conviction or no remorse whatsoever in them.

When I scold my son I am a bit forceful but he understands what he did was wrong. Then I remind him that I love him and will always love him. I didn't scold him out of hate but out of love because i wanted him to know he was wrong and to never do it again.

exactly the same happened to me at one point in my life after I had lived for God and ministered and done many things in His Name..then I went through a very messy divorce with a very abusive man and lost it

someone, after almost 2 years, sat me down and said I had to make a choice. I made that choice and left someone I loved as much as my own soul...so I get what sin is and how it destroys...but I have also been attacked by other so called Christians who like nothing better than pointing out others sins...not the person who spoke to me...they were real or I probably would have just left

while I was in sin. I FELT the prayers of people concerned for me...I felt the tug on my heart...I knew my time living as I was was limited

there is a pervasive attitude in these forums that a little self righteousness is a good thing...it isn't...it's filthy rags

in no way do I condone sin and I didn't then either....I was hurting so bad from the divorce and the lies that I just about did not care and when my ex was doing his best to injure me further, he could not because I was with someone who would have beaten the pulp out of him...so he stayed away

lovely story, eh? you know, I just do not know what a person has to do to get real...I am spilling my guts here...and I am a private person...but I mean what I say and I want God above all else...I always have...but I have a sin nature too...all I did was ask you guys to tone it down and the entire time I knew the guns would be trained on me instead

whatever

 

[ember]

That leaves the question, couldn't God have taught her this lesson WITHOUT bringing an innocent baby into such a mess? Hopefully next time, she won't do a repeat. :/ jmo

well there's the rub, eh?

did you notice she conceived before they were married...2 weeks before?

part of growing up before God, is taking responsibility for our own actions and the results they bring

yes...the baby is innocent...so what now...that just hurts