hey! a little birdie told me...and, to think i almost missed a chance to talk about the MBTI.
or grace-likes-chow_mein. ; p
so, i can mightily relate here. and, while i think you do display a lot of qualities of extroversion, i also there are a few other qualities in play. there is a reason why the MBTI preferences are based on poles. no one is really all of anything. you can have an extroverted preference, but only slightly. i would wager to say the rest of your personality type "EXXX" also reveals influence (preferences) that create what might be viewed as a less outgoing personality. this underscores the significance of the other preferences beyond the "E".
the mbti is a pretty complex evaluation. there are four (or five, depending upon who you agree with) that help people conclude whether someone is an extrovert or introvert, along with what KIND of extrovert you are. to give an example, you also don't strike me as much as a verbal processor, so that could make you a "less outgoing/talkative" extrovert. one of the preferences, called the "judging or perceiving" and often referred to as the "J" or "P" at the end will shed a lot of light on how interactive (or talkative) an extrovert (or introvert) is, and how they prefer taking in and processing information, such as being a "verbal" or "non-verbal" processor. i'd wager you're a J. Note: J doesn't mean you're judgmental--just speaks to how you perceive, and relate to the information you are gathering.
so, while it's common for people to use the E or I as a main divider of personality, it's a flawed one.
but understand that from all the time i've spent with you, it's clear that you are focused outward (people focused) and are often eager to ask questions, stimulate dialogue, and in general feel an obligation to maintain a conversation flow--especially towards those who don't talk. i would say you would be uncomfortable in a situation where everyone was sitting around and not talking, and would take the burden on yourself to begin the flow of activity/discussion. in fact, other qualities in your preferences can definitely encourage or discourage that intention. all of these preferences speak to a slant, or natural bias--but not necessarily an overwhelming bias. as you know, i am also "slanted in that way". all of this largely speaks to an "E" bias.
however, you can see others, who skew toward an more inward focus (introversion, but that can include a heavy "judging" vs "perceiving" focus) will often be the folks who are perfectly comfortable sitting in an environment, not saying a word. these people usually have an inward (not to be confused with selfish, btw) focus, and have a louder inner narrative. while some of us are talking and stimulating conversation, they are silent, yet, are often quite happy to stay in that inward thought process until they feel more obligated to speak. or a topic of great interest is tempting enough to encourage their participation.
it's possible that by your recognizing that you have an ease with extroverts you are relieved of the burden of carrying a conversation, asking questions, or maintaining something that you feel no desire or interest in discussing. or as i often say, it's the difference between getting to sit back, relax and socialize, or that you're sitting forward, and working at it.
as to your comment about "just wanting to relax", i definitely relate to this, and i think it probably takes a lot of things into account, far more than just "E". i'll use myself further, as an example.
so, yeah, i am often in the middle of a social gathering, love entertaining, and often find myself encouraging conversation. i love drawing out those folks who are pretty happy to sit quietly, don't see anyone they are comfortable talking with, or perhaps, just don't really know what to say. and, truthfully, in a lot of ways i enjoy this role, and my time socializing. but, it's very much ingrained in me far beyond my personality, it's what gives me a great deal of gratification. the mantle of hospitality is one i learned young, and was taught at my grandmother's knee. in fact i would say that i naturally have that bias, but the value of that gift is probably something that that i learned from my grandma.
i think you can relate to the notion that it's very important to me that everyone feels like they're welcome and "seen", because i hate the idea of folks feeling invisible and like no one cares about them. i get a lot of joy seeing folks who don't often reveal themselves share, and those who are loath to engage choose to do so. for me, that's wonderful.
so, we could call this drive a mingling of personality AND chosen obligation. i think you might recognize yourself there, as well. just a guess. ; p. having spent a decent amount of time with you, i don't think i'm wrong believing that you can relate to that.
so then, we recognize the obligation. even self-imposed ones. and guess what? sometimes i don't enjoy an obligation, even if i believe it's what i should, and want to do. i think sometimes i feel an obligation, and really want to do it, but resent it a little bit because right now, i feel selfish, tired, or just not like listening to people--if i am being honest. i think we all get that way, just some of us get there faster than others. this is when we need time to relax. : )
but that doesn't take away the pleasure of doing it, and too often, i won't feel like socializing, but then things get going and i am enjoying myself. kind of like exercise. : D .
but when i'm in a situation where i don't need to carry the conversation, and i can just chime in when i am bursting with ideas or something i want to share? that's great. i love that. otherwise, i can sit there, and chill out and let all the people talk about star wars or some other sci-fi goofiness that i couldn't care less about. more time for me to count all the ways that i love cheese or look at pretty pictures, or laugh at myself trying to pretend i'm not really eating my cold dinner about three hours past dinner time. that can be pretty fun. and relaxing. : D
at the end, i know that none of this is perfect. they are all preferences. but what i find really exciting is that we are (ideally) in a constant state of sanctification. and that can't be easily measured by a test. in fact, i'm not even sure where to put things like, spiritual fruit. i think they can give us ability, drive, tolerance, and an easy grace that will cover a multitude of things. i will also speculate that your uneasiness (lack of relaxation) could also belie a fear or lack of comfort related to something you might be anticipating or hoping to avoid. for example, someone who fears conflict could be the opposite of relaxed sitting in (probably any) chair on the jerry springer show. that wouldn't be relaxing. : )
good gravy that's long! if you made it to here, i'm sorry. truly. if i had more time, it'd be shorter. ; p
. Too worried about how other people are feeling and what you can do for them all the time. That nurturing tendency is very feminine and it's a good thing, but sometimes you just gotta chill. Ever try treating a gathering as a way to amuse yourself rather than trying to be a mother hen to everybody? Fun should be the goal of any non-professional get together. Me thinks you are cheating the people in your company out of the full Gracie experience
