I have this neighbor

Sirk · May 23, 2016

I realize this isn't really a family issue but I think it applies to family because how we interact with the world around us has a definite impact in our home life.When I moved into this house I quickly learned that everyone was fighting with my neighbor and what an a-hole everybody thinks he is.

My first interaction with him was when I was moving in was, I remember it was a really nice day for january in mt and I was excited about finding a place for me and my boy. So this neighbor comes over and is just negative right out of the gate. He wanted to see inside the garage so I let him come in and he immediately started tearing everything down. I kindly told him that I was having a really great day and that I wanted to maintain a positive attitude about everything. His wife was standing there and she said....come on lets go. Lol

The next time I saw him he came over in a huff because I had shoveled snow on his grass that is adjacent to my driveway. He shoveled it all back and then came over to chew me out for it. Lol. I just said to him, hey man, I understand, I'll find another place to put it next time and that I didn't mean to create more work for him. I think my attitude toward him surprised him.

The next time he came over he was about to start in on me about something and I kindly said to him.....I can see that you are upset but I have to say something first. I told him that I welcomed his criticism and that I only want to be a good neighbor but that I have boundaries too. I said that my rule is that 1 out of 3 times he comes over to visit with me he has to be nice to me....like we can talk about the weather or common goals etc. He seemed fine with that and we left on good terms.

Well saturday we had a big storm with hail and high winds and it blew this crappy little metal shed in his backyard.....I didn't know about it because it is behind my shop and couldn't see it. He was surprisingly nice to me about it and even offered to help me but that he had to leave for awhile. I told him I'd take care of right away which me and my boy did yesterday afternoon. The surprising thing to me was that he joked around with me, he told me he liked my dog and that she shut up when he tells her to stop barking. He told me that my band practice didn't bother him at all.When I was done taking the shed apart the neighbor across the street was watching and he called me over. Nice older fella named Jim. He asked me how things went I told him they were just fine. He said, man I hope you buy that house and stay here. Things have been more peaceful since you moved in the neighborhood.

Sirk · May 23, 2016

I had paragraphs but they went away....what gives?

blue_ladybug · May 23, 2016

Moral of the story: be nice to bullies, and you take away their power. Give in and they'll beat ya down every time..

Willie-T · May 23, 2016

Kris,

My usual story is below... I may see things a little differently than the Bug might.

What are people like here?

An old man sat quietly rocking on his front porch when a young couple approached him.

“Sir”, the husband said, “We’re thinking of moving to this town, and wondered if you could give us an idea of what the people are like here.”

“Well”, the old man replied, “What were they like where you came from?”

Both the husband and wife enthusiastically answered that they were friendly, outgoing, and always ready to lend a helping hand.

“Yeah, they’re pretty much the same way here.”, said the old gent.

A few hours later another young couple drove up and they too asked the same question of the elderly man.

“Sir”, the husband said, “We’re thinking of moving to this town, and wondered if you could give us an idea of what the people are like here.”

“Well”, the old man replied, “What were they like where you came from?”

Both the husband and wife snapped back that “those people” were very unfriendly, secretive and reclusive, and never seemed to care a thing about anyone but themselves.

“Yeah, they’re pretty much the same way here.”, replied the old gent.

blue_ladybug · May 23, 2016

Sirk said:

I see them..

Sirk · May 23, 2016

blue_ladybug said:

ok good. On my end it looks like a blob of text. Weird.

Born_Again · May 23, 2016

Thats really cool! Perhaps you changed his outlook on people in general. See what happens when we live out what we preach? Good job, sirk!

Willie-T · May 23, 2016

No paragraphs show up here.

Sirk · May 23, 2016

Willie-T said:

I reported my own post. Lol

Born_Again · May 23, 2016

Sirk said:

HAHAHAHA!!!

It happens lol

Sirk · May 23, 2016

I really like the way Posthuman put it in other thread. I'm sort of paraphrasing...but he basically put it like having our attitude towards others such that we search for the hidden treasure that lies within other people. Especially the ones that are difficult.

Rosesrock · May 23, 2016

I think everyone has a story and everyone has a bad day occasionally. I try to make even check out people smile if they're frazzled.

But sometimes I do have to stop among the busy-ness and acknowledge a neighbor. It's hard to be vulnerable.

Good job sir sirk

Sirk · May 23, 2016

Rosesrock said:

My parents went in on a piece of land with their friends at their favorite camping and fishing area. Of course me being the electrician in the family I have some work to do up there. I'm providing the labor for free because I am a good son...lol. It's interesting to watch the little things already building up. I've already noticed some unprocessed pain between the two of them coming out sideways. Lots of disregarding the other persons perspective thru sarcasm and such. What we have so far from what I can see is two perfectionists, one of which is an alcoholic and the other with a compulsive desire to control everything. Lol.

So last night I'm sitting at the table with the two "men", coming up with a game plan for next weekend and I saw the tension start to rise. So I confidently said...."are you guys getting a little touchy with each other?" To which they both simultaneously replied with a resounding "NO". Lol

Sirk · May 23, 2016

All that I have learned about conflict is that it typically arises out of one or both parties feeling misunderstood, threatened or disregarded. Most people don't have a clue about the underlying reasons for their anger. Anger is typically so immediate to the perceived threat that all we do is cause more damage to the relationship and further disconnection from the other person. That being said, most of the threads around here about how to go about sharing the gospel really fall short with me. The gospel isn't about getting people to know Christ in mass numbers....discipleship sure isn't. That is only about trying to put a feather in your own hat.

My personal take on the great commission is to first start within our own sphere of influence by gaining trust of people by how you treat them. If I was to go over to my neighbors house and share Jesus with him without having any previous action to back up what I say, he would just think of me as another religious nut job.....and there is no glory in that no matter what anyone says.

I'm praying for the day when I sit down with him on his back patio to have a beer and shoot the breeze and he asks me why I am different than the others in the neighborhood. In my view, that will have the best chance to make the gospel impactful to him.

Rosesrock · May 23, 2016

Sirk said:

All that I have learned about conflict is that it typically arises out of one or both parties feeling misunderstood, threatened or disregarded. Most people don't have a clue about the underlying reasons for their anger. Anger is typically so immediate to the perceived threat that all we do is cause more damage to the relationship and further disconnection from the other person. That being said, most of the threads around here about how to go about sharing the gospel really fall short with me. The gospel isn't about getting people to know Christ in mass numbers....discipleship sure isn't. That is only about trying to put a feather in your own hat.

My personal take on the great commission is to first start within our own sphere of influence by gaining trust of people by how you treat them. If I was to go over to my neighbors house and share Jesus with him without having any previous action to back up what I say, he would just think of me as another religious nut job.....and there is no glory in that no matter what anyone says.

I'm praying for the day when I sit down with him on his back patio to have a beer and shoot the breeze and he asks me why I am different than the others in the neighborhood. In my view, that will have the best chance to make the gospel impactful to him.

Exactly. And I think this exact post is what I was trying to put into words on another thread. Discipleship is a growing relationship in trust. I couldn't have said this better. I can't wait to hear to updates as your relationship grows.

Depleted · May 23, 2016

Sirk said:

I got blob text too, but liked the story enough to strain my eyes to read. (That isn't a sideways compliment. I really do have trouble reading size 2 font, but sometime the read makes it worthwhile.)

Depleted · May 23, 2016

Sirk said:

The nurses and nurse aides in John's nursing home/rehab come with multiple attitudes.

My philosophy is "maybe she's having a bad day, so I'll let her at it today." (There are hes too, but they're night shift and I usually see him in the day.) Two days though and something has to give.

But, I don't usually have to have at it with these nurses, because John can deal with this himself most the time. (It wasn't like that before he became conscious again.) If they start out nasty to him, he goes out of his way to make them feel good about themselves. He always says "Thank you," even if he has to shout it because they leave too quickly. But, if they're being particularly ornery, he'll thank them about something specific. "Thank you for helping me put on the socks. I know my feet are big." And he'll even go out of his way to tell me, "This is the nurse who got me out of bed all by herself. Watch out for her. She can probably take on Raphael." (Raphael is her boss, and a big guy, who also likes to joke around with the residents and staff.)

Within one week's time, he had every nurse telling me what a wonderful man he is. (Duh now! lol) I've seen them storm down the hallways mad at one person or another. Suddenly their whole personality changes when they walk in his door.

There are things he still hates about some of them. I'm his sounding board. But, because he keeps telling me the wonderful things they do for him in front of them, I can also remind him of those things too. One nurse's aid is OCD. There is only one way to do things, and it's her way. She keeps trying to make John do things he simply can't do yet, as if it's possible for him to do it, just because she's determined he will. BUT, because she always has to have her way, she got the entire staff on board that he has to have PT before they take care of his wound, simply because wound-care hurts so bad, he can't do PT afterward. In a world run by rules and regulations aimed at ease of life for the staff, that's big.

I've taken up his example and do the same thing. I keep quiet about the bad, (yeah! ME! Wow! Isn't God amazing getting me able to do that?) and praise the good.

Now we're the sweet funny couple. (I think the word "old" is just not mentioned.)

And, man! I look forward to getting him out of there before that nurse's aide gets her way about something John has to do. Last time she tried, she bruised him because he couldn't stand. (She yanked him up, leaving a bruise under his arm. Not so much abusing him.) He still can't do it! We're just impressed how much closer he is to the day he can. (And his therapist and boss knows she's like that, so they have been protecting him from her decisions most of the time.)

Oncefallen · May 23, 2016

Sirk said:

I'm not sure that I got your paragraph breaks where you intended them to be, but at least it's not a wall of text anymore.

Sirk · May 23, 2016

Oncefallen said:

That's much better. Thank you.

oldethennew · May 24, 2016

we've both been considered 'religious-nut-jobs' since our Conversion.,.
by most of our 'old-friends' and our 'families' and definitely our neighbors....
most just seemed to slowly disappear and fade out of our lives.,,that one hurt!
it took quite a while to learn how to live by Faith....many years of 'roller-coaster -
submission, repentance, burning, giving, selling, and literally a tearing-out of our 'old-man'.....

these many years have brought us untold Spiritual Gifts and Peace....we have been led to understand
the mystery of some 'things' and what they can do to a man or a woman...albeit, not without scars, but they
have no power over our new lives, which we live for Christ in our gratitude that will never end...,

I have this neighbor

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