Guys, What Are Your Thoughts On Feeling Protected Within a Relationship?

[Donkeyfish07]

Thanks for your reply and your open mindedness in considering what I wrote.

Bear in mind that many of these youths are "Christian", that is in name only. Christian because their parents may be of that origin. But not so in practice which is far more significant than merely calling oneself so.

As Imam Sam (the Minneapolis Muslim teacher who stopped the radical Muslims from their indoctrination of local disenfranchised youth) said - his religion, like that of all others, MUST embrace single men who, whether anyone believes it or not, definitely are the most vulnerable demographic in this society. It is single men who are the highest rate of drug users, alcoholics, suicides, crime victims, gang members, spend more time in prison for the same crimes that others spend far less time, and have the shortest life spans of any group. All this proves that it is they who are most vulnerable, contrary to popular beliefs or myths. Thus, it is they who are most in need of protection and strengthening.


On another thread (sorry, I forget which it was), a poster said her church has plenty of support groups for women. This is true of many churches. But how many do you know of that have support groups for single men? I don't know of any. As I wrote previously, if you want to end the evil presence of radical terrorists, of drug gangs, of hate groups, of suicide cults, or whatever, then you must protect those who are most vulnerable to these evil influences

Again, which social demographic is most vulnerable? Single men. Protect them more than any other group and we shall have a far more stable, ordered, and safer society.

The demoralization affects everyone though. Right now, kids get it the worst. They are being brainwashed with homosexual propaganda, we have 8 year old girls running around thinking they are boys and vice versa. We have large groups of women caught up in radical political movements, a disturbing number converting to Islam, large groups of women that can't find a husband because the men don't want to marry anymore, tons of single mothers working two jobs and barely has time to spend with the kids and counter all this indoctrination they get in school.

I mean the women and children are undeniably pretty screwed here. By comparison, we can live the easy life if we really want to. A lot of guys do these days. Get a small flat or build a cheap house. Save up the money, play xbox all the time. No wife, no children, no responsibilities. You can go fishing for two months if you want or backpack around the world. It isn't such a bad deal when you look at it that way. There is freedom in that mindset.

I wholeheartedly agree with the issues you brought up being issues, very important ones.....but the ladies and the children are way worse off IMO. We have a greater degree of control over our fate than they do right now.

 

[peacenik]

DF7,


the ladies and the children are way worse off IMO

Most people do as this is what they are taught to believe. But the cultists don't see it that way and that is what enables them to recruit and to cause such evils in our society. Thankfully, Imam Sam saw the real problem and cleaned up the mess. The entire USA owes him a great deal of gratitude for saving us from further terrorism. If he continues in this path, I will nominate him for the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

I mean the women and children are undeniably pretty screwed here. By comparison, we can live the easy life if we really want to. A lot of guys do these days. Get a small flat or build a cheap house. Save up the money, play xbox all the time. No wife, no children, no responsibilities. You can go fishing for two months if you want or backpack around the world. It isn't such a bad deal when you look at it that way. There is freedom in that mindset.

I wholeheartedly agree with the issues you brought up being issues, very important ones.....but the ladies and the children are way worse off IMO. We have a greater degree of control over our fate than they do right now.

So many interesting posts here. Yours reminded me of one of those rabbit trails that I fell through the other day, Donkey. It was a link I clicked from another page, which I had gotten to from another page, and so forth. Anyway, the article was about trans-men and women speaking out about how differently they are treated as the opposite gender. I wish I could find the article now because I found it fascinating.

Men who had become (as far as the world could tell) women told how much harder it was for them now. A writer shared about how suddenly articles he wrote - as a woman - were being turned down, when as a man they would have been accepted no-questions-asked. Their intentions (as women) were questioned on the job as never before. People didn't take them at their word. Every decision was met with skepticism where as men, they undeniably were given unconditional respect. Many scenarios like that.

As for the women-turned-men... they were shocked at how easy promotions came to them, how much confidence they were given without having to do a thing to earn it, etc. One woman said that (as a man) she could not believe how other men demeaned women, spoke to one another disrespectfully about women, and basically just had no regard for women in general. It was just very common. She heard men speaking casually about these things in ways that she had NEVER heard before because it was never done in her presence as a women.

I found this really very shocking to read, but person after person shared their experiences and the results were the same. Being a man automatically comes with respect, the benefit of the doubt, and a "brotherhood" mentality. Meanwhile, for women, all of these things must be earned, except that they are starting off well into the negative on the scale.

This was all in the U.S., and of course most of it involved the work-place. I've never been into feminism and I never really put a lot of stock into the claims that women were so hugely underpaid or mistreated, but now I really do need to re-evaluate. Transgender issues aside, this has opened my eyes to the unique situations they find themselves in - the ability to really view how different it is to be seen and treated as a member of the opposite gender. And what they found out wasn't pretty.

On a totally different note: Peacenik - I agree with you that young men are probably more emotionally vulnerable than anyone. You are right, IMO, that if we can strengthen men and give them a firm and godly foundation, most other areas in society would naturally improve.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Men who had become (as far as the world could tell) women told how much harder it was for them now. A writer shared about how suddenly articles he wrote - as a woman - were being turned down, when as a man they would have been accepted no-questions-asked. Their intentions (as women) were questioned on the job as never before. People didn't take them at their word. Every decision was met with skepticism where as men, they undeniably were given unconditional respect. Many scenarios like that.

As for the women-turned-men... they were shocked at how easy promotions came to them, how much confidence they were given without having to do a thing to earn it, etc. One woman said that (as a man) she could not believe how other men demeaned women, spoke to one another disrespectfully about women, and basically just had no regard for women in general. It was just very common. She heard men speaking casually about these things in ways that she had NEVER heard before because it was never done in her presence as a women.

I think there may be a little truth to that, but it's worth considering that very few guys will ever see a man to woman transgender as an actual woman. They are just perceived as mentally disabled/creepy perverts. People won't come out and say that in the work place for job security purposes and it's political incorrectness, but they won't really be accepted as a male or a female for most people. More like an it. It's impossible for them to really know what it's like to be treated like a woman.

I have seen butch lesbian women (not neccessarily transgendered) get accepted as one of the guys though and let in on guy talk. Guy talk is usually pretty harmless, what I do hear though that is disrespectful is almost always things about a lady's appearance.....especially if she is attractive. Beyond that I don't know what the author could have been talking about.

I would be careful allowing the opinion articles these days have to have too much influence on your world view. We are getting bombarded by all kinds of propaganda to make this transgendered/homosexual stuff normal. Normalizing pedophilia as an "orientation" is their next move apparently.

I’m a pedophile, but not a monster - Salon.com

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Most people do as this is what they are taught to believe. But the cultists don't see it that way and that is what enables them to recruit and to cause such evils in our society. Thankfully, Imam Sam saw the real problem and cleaned up the mess. The entire USA owes him a great deal of gratitude for saving us from further terrorism. If he continues in this path, I will nominate him for the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

It reminds me a lot of Prabhupada. The original leader of the Hare Krishna movement in the U.S. The Hare Krishna's of today are an insult to that guy, he was a really wise spiritual leader from India. He had some really good teachings. In this video he touches on that problem to a degree at about 2:15. People back then (1970's), the Church was not really getting people interested or keeping them interested. His success with his movement in the U.S. was pretty much entirely the single young man demographic. Got them to give up gambling, intoxication, illicit sex....things of that nature. He succeeded at a moment when Church leaders were struggling in instilling those basic moral values.[video=youtube;ezr3UNOryFw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezr3UNOryFw[/video]

 

[peacenik]

Grace,



Peacenik - I agree with you that young men are probably more emotionally vulnerable than anyone. You are right, IMO, that if we can strengthen men and give them a firm and godly foundation, most other areas in society would naturally improve.

It can be done. All it takes is for every bishop (the equivalent of an imam) to get together, do exactly what Imam Sam did, and make churches bachelor friendly homes. If this happened in every state, the USA would be well ordered and safe for all.

As is usual, the solution for society's problems are readily found in the Bible. All it take is for church people everywhere to actually practice​ what it teaches.

 

[cinder]

single men who, whether anyone believes it or not, definitely are the most vulnerable demographic in this society. It is single men who are the highest rate of drug users, alcoholics, suicides, crime victims, gang members, spend more time in prison for the same crimes that others spend far less time, and have the shortest life spans of any group. All this proves that it is they who are most vulnerable, contrary to popular beliefs or myths. Thus, it is they who are most in need of protection and strengthening.

One question that should be asked in this discussion and hasn't yet: are these problems that stem from the singleness or do the problems themselves cause singleness? The answer to that question shouldn't change our response to singles who are hurting one iota, but it should influence the way we think about men choosing singleness. Much more data is needed to draw meaningful conclusions beyond we should show love and support to everyone, even those it's easy to overlook.

Also, as a single childless 30 something Christian woman, those women's ministry events usually aren't doing much to meet my need for community either. It just tends to be a bit more socially acceptable for women to need to feel connected and supported, so I will concede that men have it tougher when reaching out for community, just because people are more likely to look down on them for needing it.

 

[peacenik]

One question that should be asked in this discussion and hasn't yet: are these problems that stem from the singleness or do the problems themselves cause singleness? The answer to that question shouldn't change our response to singles who are hurting one iota, but it should influence the way we think about men choosing singleness. Much more data is needed to draw meaningful conclusions beyond we should show love and support to everyone, even those it's easy to overlook.

Also, as a single childless 30 something Christian woman, those women's ministry events usually aren't doing much to meet my need for community either. It just tends to be a bit more socially acceptable for women to need to feel connected and supported, so I will concede that men have it tougher when reaching out for community, just because people are more likely to look down on them for needing it.

Based on my life long experience I would say that the problems stem from singleness. Unfortunately, many such men are too afraid of admitting to their needs and, as you suggested, society frowns upon them for showing weakness. I have known plenty of men who had those problems and they got all straightened out when they married and, especially, when they became fathers. Marriage and fatherhood combined do more good for troubled single men than anything else. Of course, the wife has to be one with a good head on her shoulders, one who is on his side, and who seeks to strengthen him. If is not that way than he will not become the type of dynamic person we all wish he would become and the marriage fails.


Also in my experience, men do not choose to remain single. Instead, it is a matter imposed on them. As a bachelor myself, I, along with others like me, reached out many times to women over the years only to be rejected. Thus, singleness was not a choice for me. It was imposed. I cannot honestly tell you of any man who ever chose singleness over marriage, except for those who had a terrible marriage and swore off women for the rest of their lives.

One thing more: in my many years there have been a few occasions where it was a woman who proposed marriage to a man. Each of these marriages all had two things in common: each was blissful and each was for life. Not one such marriage ever ended in a divorce or in a bad marriage. Note that the Bible shows us in Luke 4:1 that it is a woman who is supposed to ask a man for his hand and his name in marriage.

 

[cinder]

Based on my life long experience I would say that the problems stem from singleness. Unfortunately, many such men are too afraid of admitting to their needs and, as you suggested, society frowns upon them for showing weakness. I have known plenty of men who had those problems and they got all straightened out when they married and, especially, when they became fathers. Marriage and fatherhood combined do more good for troubled single men than anything else. Of course, the wife has to be one with a good head on her shoulders, one who is on his side, and who seeks to strengthen him. If is not that way than he will not become the type of dynamic person we all wish he would become and the marriage fails.


Also in my experience, men do not choose to remain single. Instead, it is a matter imposed on them. As a bachelor myself, I, along with others like me, reached out many times to women over the years only to be rejected. Thus, singleness was not a choice for me. It was imposed. I cannot honestly tell you of any man who ever chose singleness over marriage, except for those who had a terrible marriage and swore off women for the rest of their lives.

One thing more: in my many years there have been a few occasions where it was a woman who proposed marriage to a man. Each of these marriages all had two things in common: each was blissful and each was for life. Not one such marriage ever ended in a divorce or in a bad marriage. Note that the Bible shows us in Luke 4:1 that it is a woman who is supposed to ask a man for his hand and his name in marriage.

First off to clarify, when I talked about men choosing singleness I wasn't trying to imply that all single men have chosen to be single but rather that if a man chooses to be single we should not automatically assume that all of the other negative things are true about him or inevitable as a result of that choice.

Also please check your reference; I can't see any way that Luke 4:1 could be interpreted as a woman is supposed to do the asking. That certainly wasn't the norm in any culture the Bible was written in (though there are a couple examples of women pushing a guy for marriage), and it hasn't been the norm in the majority of cultures.

Only other thing I can say is that from the lady's perspective, it sure seems like a risky gamble to marry a guy with lots of problems in hopes that the responsibility of marriage will settle the guy down and magically make him a wonderful husband. I don't think many ladies would be wise to risk that.

And for all the guys saying they're reaching out to plenty of ladies and getting rejected and all the ladies saying that there aren't any good guys around them showing interest; I think either there are some serious communication problems or else "plenty of ladies" is the same small % that are considered most desirable by social standards and the rest of the ladies are being ignored. (And vice versa that sometimes I think women hold out for Mr. Perfect and ignore the large number of guys who could be Mr. Really wonderful even if he isn't quite perfect).

 

[DuchessAimee]

I protect other people, people don't really protect me. It's always been that way, and I've always been one to self protect. I would allow someone to protect me if I found them able to do so, or even willing. But I've found that most humans, once they find that I'm willing to protect them, aren't willing to return the favor.

 

[peacenik]

First off to clarify, when I talked about men choosing singleness I wasn't trying to imply that all single men have chosen to be single but rather that if a man chooses to be single we should not automatically assume that all of the other negative things are true about him or inevitable as a result of that choice.

Also please check your reference; I can't see any way that Luke 4:1 could be interpreted as a woman is supposed to do the asking. That certainly wasn't the norm in any culture the Bible was written in (though there are a couple examples of women pushing a guy for marriage), and it hasn't been the norm in the majority of cultures.

Only other thing I can say is that from the lady's perspective, it sure seems like a risky gamble to marry a guy with lots of problems in hopes that the responsibility of marriage will settle the guy down and magically make him a wonderful husband. I don't think many ladies would be wise to risk that.

And for all the guys saying they're reaching out to plenty of ladies and getting rejected and all the ladies saying that there aren't any good guys around them showing interest; I think either there are some serious communication problems or else "plenty of ladies" is the same small % that are considered most desirable by social standards and the rest of the ladies are being ignored. (And vice versa that sometimes I think women hold out for Mr. Perfect and ignore the large number of guys who could be Mr. Really wonderful even if he isn't quite perfect).

Re singleness, remember that the Bible says a wife is a gift from God which, again, negates the idea that it is volitional as some believe.

But yes, I have genuinely known a number of guys who say their wives were their salvation. Honestly, I knew a guy who was on the verge of suicide because so many things went wrong in his life, and surprise! A lady walked into his life, turned things around for him, and made him into a brand new man. I just could not believe the incredible change in this guy. Maybe God should be a little more generous in his distribution of blessings to others.

 

[peacenik]

men have it tougher when reaching out for community, just because people are more likely to look down on them for needing it

This reminds me of something a lady once told me. When growing up she had been terribly mischievous and always bothered her brother. When he tried to swing back their mother would always favor her by telling him, don't you ever swing back at your sister or some such stuff. The boy grew up terribly insecure and felt unloved at home. Then he got drafted into the army and was sent off to Vietnam. He came back emotionally shattered. He grew up so insecure among women and people that he never married, always remained completely friendless, isolated, and unsocial. Now this lady told me of the terrible guilt she felt in contributing to the emotional troubles her brother had but there was nothing she could do to reverse all the anguish he went through.

 

[peacenik]

Thanks for your reply and your open mindedness in considering what I wrote.

Bear in mind that many of these youths are "Christian", that is in name only. Christian because their parents may be of that origin. But not so in practice which is far more significant than merely calling oneself so.

As Imam Sam (the Minneapolis Muslim teacher who stopped the radical Muslims from their indoctrination of local disenfranchised youth) said - his religion, like that of all others, MUST embrace single men who, whether anyone believes it or not, definitely are the most vulnerable demographic in this society. It is single men who are the highest rate of drug users, alcoholics, suicides, crime victims, gang members, spend more time in prison for the same crimes that others spend far less time, and have the shortest life spans of any group. All this proves that it is they who are most vulnerable, contrary to popular beliefs or myths. Thus, it is they who are most in need of protection and strengthening.


On another thread (sorry, I forget which it was), a poster said her church has plenty of support groups for women. This is true of many churches. But how many do you know of that have support groups for single men? I don't know of any. As I wrote previously, if you want to end the evil presence of radical terrorists, of drug gangs, of hate groups, of suicide cults, or whatever, then you must protect those who are most vulnerable to these evil influences

Again, which social demographic is most vulnerable? Single men. Protect them more than any other group and we shall have a far more stable, ordered, and safer society.

Please note that I made an error above by incorrectly listing the name of the imam. His proper name is Abdisalam Adam. sorry for the error.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Please note that I made an error above by incorrectly listing the name of the imam. His proper name is Abdisalam Adam. sorry for the error.

As much as I can't stand Islam, any Imam that keeps people from going durka durka on everybody with suicide vests is ok with me

 

[peacenik]

As much as I can't stand Islam, any Imam that keeps people from going durka durka on everybody with suicide vests is ok with me

Please remember that Islam recognizes Jesus as Messiah, has the highest conversion rate in the world, and the vast majority of its adherents are for peace in this world. They were not the ones who started the two wars and instability that is taking place there. It is the West which invaded every country there, stole their oil and other resources, and killed off tens of thousands of its people.

There are far more people like Imam Adam than OBL in this world (thankfully).

 

[crosstweed]

Please remember that Islam recognizes Jesus as Messiah, has the highest conversion rate in the world, and the vast majority of its adherents are for peace in this world. They were not the ones who started the two wars and instability that is taking place there. It is the West which invaded every country there, stole their oil and other resources, and killed off tens of thousands of its people.

There are far more people like Imam Adam than OBL in this world (thankfully).

I object strongly to that statement. Some of them recognize Christ as a prophet, which is different entirely. If Islam recognized Jesus as the Messiah and Savior, they would be Christians and not Muslims by definition.

 

[peacenik]

I object strongly to that statement. Some of them recognize Christ as a prophet, which is different entirely. If Islam recognized Jesus as the Messiah and Savior, they would be Christians and not Muslims by definition.

Sadly, you did not read the Koran before you made that statement. Had you done so you would know Issa (Jesus in Arabic) is specifically identified as Messiah on the following Suras and verses:



3.45
4.157
4.172
and there are other references to him


A friend and former neighbor of mine is a Shiia Muslim and he acknowledges Jesus/Issa as Messiah.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Sadly, you did not read the Koran before you made that statement. Had you done so you would know Issa (Jesus in Arabic) is specifically identified as Messiah on the following Suras and verses:



3.45
4.157
4.172
and there are other references to him


A friend and former neighbor of mine is a Shiia Muslim and he acknowledges Jesus/Issa as Messiah.

And sadly, you do not seem to know that Islam is not Christianity. You seem to be looking to convert people to Islam, actually. And just because you have ONE FRIEND who acknowledges Jesus as the ONE true Messiah, doesn't mean that the rest of Islam does.

Because Allah is still a false god. Actually, he isn't a god at all. He's a demon. The bible calls all false gods demons. There is only one true God, and Allah isn't it.

 

[Born_Again]

Sadly, you did not read the Koran before you made that statement. Had you done so you would know Issa (Jesus in Arabic) is specifically identified as Messiah on the following Suras and verses:



3.45
4.157
4.172
and there are other references to him


A friend and former neighbor of mine is a Shiia Muslim and he acknowledges Jesus/Issa as Messiah.

Nice thread derail, everyone LOL

 

[crosstweed]

Sadly, you did not read the Koran before you made that statement. Had you done so you would know Issa (Jesus in Arabic) is specifically identified as Messiah on the following Suras and verses:



3.45
4.157
4.172
and there are other references to him


A friend and former neighbor of mine is a Shiia Muslim and he acknowledges Jesus/Issa as Messiah.

What the Koran says (which frankly gets VERY off the wall and weird xD) and what Muslims say/believe/do are frequently two very different things (and when they aren't... the effect is still yikes.). In fact, what Muslims say and what Muslims say can be two very different things... >.>

Did your Muslim friend read Sura 3:28, which says not to be friends with unbelievers (a.k.a, you), or else he shall have nothing of Allah?

Nice thread derail, everyone LOL

LOL Ikr... This level of derailment is what tends to happen when guys talk about #feelings xD