My family are pushing me too hard

[perlcookwriter]

I also used to attend an Independent Baptist. The reason it is "independent", is so that each congregation can think independently.

I understand what it's like to feel out of place, Fran. The only way to solve that is if you understand the reasons, that your mother wishing you to wear dresses, for example, and decide to think the same. There are reasons for all these things you don't understand. And you're just going to be fighting against them until you do understand.

If you want to make it simple you could have the reason be that you want to honor your mother, because you love her, so you do as she asks. Or maybe you trust her, because she is older and cares for you.

I also think it would be a good idea if your mum joined us. Sometimes parents just don't understand their kids because the child doesn't reveal themselves. Maybe if she at least read this she would understand you better.

 

[GraceRevelation]

Lol this gurl....I almost think your messin with us

 

[blue_ladybug]

What even makes you say that?

 

[cinder]

Careful blanketing a specific denomination. We're independent Baptist and don't believe that way.

I will admit to some stereotyping of baptists, some of it is good like knowing and being able to quote lots of the Bible. I will also admit that I don't know the difference between different flavors (types) of baptist. But in this case I'm mostly trying to get a feel for the environment the OP is in.

I also used to attend an Independent Baptist. The reason it is "independent", is so that each congregation can think independently.

There's value in that, but there's also danger. And while I'm sure that most independent Baptist churches are good places, what is to stop an independent congregation from becoming another Westboro Baptist? And that's related to this issue because I'm starting to wonder where extreme legalism ends and being cult like begins and which is the case in the OP's situation.

Oh and Fran, I do want to assure you that there is huge variety in churches, so when you get out and on your own know that you can find one that fits you much better than your current church, you can be a Christian and pleasing to God without fitting the perfect image that people are trying to mold you into now.

 

[Rosesrock]

I will admit to some stereotyping of baptists, some of it is good like knowing and being able to quote lots of the Bible. I will also admit that I don't know the difference between different flavors (types) of baptist. But in this case I'm mostly trying to get a feel for the environment the OP is in.



There's value in that, but there's also danger. And while I'm sure that most independent Baptist churches are good places, what is to stop an independent congregation from becoming another Westboro Baptist? And that's related to this issue because I'm starting to wonder where extreme legalism ends and being cult like begins and which is the case in the OP's situation.

Oh and Fran, I do want to assure you that there is huge variety in churches, so when you get out and on your own know that you can find one that fits you much better than your current church, you can be a Christian and pleasing to God without fitting the perfect image that people are trying to mold you into now.

What's stopping any congregation from becoming anything ?? Any church can display legalism or living by lists / rules and not liberty.
Again be careful with blanket statements.

 

[Messy]

What's stopping any congregation from becoming anything ?? Any church can display legalism or living by lists / rules and not liberty.
Again be careful with blanket statements.

Not the hypergrace churches. Impossible. Well at least you don't have to be afraid of hypergrace. Always look at the bright side.

 

[cinder]

What's stopping any congregation from becoming anything ?? Any church can display legalism or living by lists / rules and not liberty.
Again be careful with blanket statements.

Not especially trying to pick on baptists today, that was just the specific that came up. The point is checks and balances and accountability to someone are important for churches and church leadership. And if the OP's church is super independent then it is possible that they have become an unhealthy community that is too conformist and controlling (and I was thinking these things when she mentioned she didn't own a single t-shirt or pair of jeans, that seems super extreme to me, has nothing to do with being baptist).

 

[Rosesrock]

Not especially trying to pick on baptists today, that was just the specific that came up. The point is checks and balances and accountability to someone are important for churches and church leadership. And if the OP's church is super independent then it is possible that they have become an unhealthy community that is too conformist and controlling (and I was thinking these things when she mentioned she didn't own a single t-shirt or pair of jeans, that seems super extreme to me, has nothing to do with being baptist).

I think the major point is Frans umbrella of protection is her parents then God.
So what she wears, eats, watches Or breaths isn't anyone's business cause it's her parents choice.
Whether extreme or not.
And oh. I'm not being harsh. I wish you could hear my soft southern accent as I try to explain.
I do believe the enemy is distracting Fran from just building her faith in Christ.

 

[cinder]

Not the hypergrace churches. Impossible. Well at least you don't have to be afraid of hypergrace. Always look at the bright side.

Hyper grace churches have their failings too. There are a lot of ways to mess things up in church, and I won't be fool enough to claim I know exactly how to run a church and not mess things up. But maybe we should get back to the OP's life and situation and not debate about the good and bad points of each denomination.

 

[cinder]

I think the major point is Frans umbrella of protection is her parents then God.
So what she wears, eats, watches Or breaths isn't anyone's business cause it's her parents choice.
Whether extreme or not.
And oh. I'm not being harsh. I wish you could hear my soft southern accent as I try to explain.
I do believe the enemy is distracting Fran from just building her faith in Christ.

Not arguing the point that she should obey her parents while she lives with them. But if this is a truly unhealthy spiritual situation (and I say if because it hasn't been definitively proven one way or the other) then there's a good chance that being forced into a certain mold of Christianity is just as likely to be detrimental to her relationship with God as protective for her. Looking back over my own being raised in the church, there are issues I have that were exacerbated by what I was taught in church. The benefits far outweigh the negatives in my view, but there are some areas of struggle that were only increased by a Christian upbringing.

 

[Rosesrock]

Not arguing the point that she should obey her parents while she lives with them. But if this is a truly unhealthy spiritual situation (and I say if because it hasn't been definitively proven one way or the other) then there's a good chance that being forced into a certain mold of Christianity is just as likely to be detrimental to her relationship with God as protective for her. Looking back over my own being raised in the church, there are issues I have that were exacerbated by what I was taught in church. The benefits far outweigh the negatives in my view, but there are some areas of struggle that were only increased by a Christian upbringing.

As much as I agree. Fran doesn't need any more confusion to whats going on..
Her main job is to obey her parents bottom line. All else Christ will protect her from with the obedience and faith she gives.

 

[FranC]

My family, and especially my Mum and my sister, are giving me a really hard time.

I sort of messed up a few months ago, did some really stupid things which could have been really serious, and my Mum just freaked out.

So now I have changed schools (all girls, no boys) and we are all going to church every week and I am taking extra classes and bible study. I mean Mum and my sis always have, and I did when I was younger, but this is a new church and I don't really get a choice right now.

They have changed everything about me. My friends, my clothes, everything. I mean, I joined her cos it is just about the only place I am allowed to come online because our Pastor recommended it.

I'm sorry for what I did and I have learned from it, and I deserved some punishment, but this is too much, don't you think?

It's strange that your pastor recommended this site. Is he unable to offer you HIS adivce?
It's kind of dangerous to get advice from here. So many differing opinions - how to know which one will be right?

I think mine is right.
Your mother is trying to save your life.
She's trying to keep you healthy.
The world is not telling young kids the truth.
They're mixed up and don't know the consequences of what they do.
You're mom is older than you and has already walked the path you're on.
She knows what she's talking about.
Listen to her.
Life is long.

You say you have learned from your mistake.
There are plenty more where that one came from.
She's trying to keep you from those until you're a little older.

You have plenty of time to grow up in a healthy manner
and decide with more wisdom what you should do in a few years.
Don't be in a hurry...

Fran

 

[Fran123]

Our Pastor recommended the site to my Mum, because she wasn't letting me go anywhere else. He said it was a suitable environment but that I still had to be careful.

And I don't know what hyper grace is or any of those other things.

 

[cinder]

Our Pastor recommended the site to my Mum, because she wasn't letting me go anywhere else. He said it was a suitable environment but that I still had to be careful.

And I don't know what hyper grace is or any of those other things.

Well this site is better monitored than many, but yes always remember that there's no guarantee that any of us are who we say we are (and if you use the chat rooms be vary wary of men who private message you, better to just not reply if you don't know them). And don't worry about our little denominational discussion, you don't need to know those things especially not right now. Best thing you can do right now is dig into your Bible and who God is and ask him to reveal truth to you. That's what I had to do in my early teen years when it seemed like living God's way was too restrictive and everyone else was getting to have fun and nothing bad was happening to them. And God showed me that things were not the way they seemed. I pray he'll do the same for you.

 

[perlcookwriter]

It's strange that your pastor recommended this site. Is he unable to offer you HIS adivce?
It's kind of dangerous to get advice from here. So many differing opinions - how to know which one will be right?

I am glad somebody finally brought that up.

 

[Fran123]

Mum asked him if there was anywhere he would recommend as safe for me to learn more. He is quite open minded. Apart from the fact that he doesn't think women should wear trousers.

 

[perlcookwriter]

I also only wear dresses, Fran, so you don't have to feel alone. Many people do. And even more people wear their uniform in the grocery store. I see it all the time. : )

 

[kaylagrl]

We are Independent Baptists.

Ok I was thinking it might be United Pentecostal. The are very strict.

 

[Fran123]

I also only wear dresses, Fran, so you don't have to feel alone. Many people do. And even more people wear their uniform in the grocery store. I see it all the time. : )

Mum says I am sensitive and people who stare are just jealous.

 

[Fran123]

Ok I was thinking it might be United Pentecostal. The are very strict.

I don't think we have those.