How to deal with your wife when she blasts your faith

[rdbseekingafterhim]

I have been saved for a week now, but my wife tends to say things to me like oh you are just on a holy spirit high. You'll go back to the way you were. You'll spend a few days changed and only go right back to how you were. There's other things she does too. I try to talk to her about worship songs and she shuts me up. I try to talk with her about me praying for her and other family she brushes it off. I'm trying very hard to remain faithfull but all this negative feedback is making things hard on me. Plus to prove her point I said some things in avhurtful tone to her when she upset me the other day. She said see see I knew you would fall back to your old ways. I immediately got convicted and was brought to tears I repented and said I was sorry to her. She said it doesn't make it right she never said I forgive you either. I feel like I'm in a faith battle with her and the devil. I pray that she knows and feels Jesus's love as I do, but things don't get better. I need some advice on what to do. Help please.

 

[WarriorForChrist]

I have been saved for a week now, but my wife tends to say things to me like oh you are just on a holy spirit high. You'll go back to the way you were. You'll spend a few days changed and only go right back to how you were. There's other things she does too. I try to talk to her about worship songs and she shuts me up. I try to talk with her about me praying for her and other family she brushes it off. I'm trying very hard to remain faithfull but all this negative feedback is making things hard on me. Plus to prove her point I said some things in avhurtful tone to her when she upset me the other day. She said see see I knew you would fall back to your old ways. I immediately got convicted and was brought to tears I repented and said I was sorry to her. She said it doesn't make it right she never said I forgive you either. I feel like I'm in a faith battle with her and the devil. I pray that she knows and feels Jesus's love as I do, but things don't get better. I need some advice on what to do. Help please.

Welcome to the family. Since you are a new believer in Christ I would focus on reading the Gospels and prayer. I would continue praying for your wife but don't shove it down her throat. Let God work in your life and when she asks a question then you can start dialogue about your faith.

Her attacks on you is just the enemy trying to steal what you found. Remember this is a spiritual conflict and Satan is going to do everything he can to keep you from God. You will make mistakes like the rest of us do just don't let these mistakes define your relationship with God.

 

[azlightsout]

my best response is 'NO RESPONSE' ---- simply ignore her --- women hate to be ignored ---- the more of a relationship u have with Christ the easier it is to 'identify' people .... God has given u the power to either respond or ignore .... just like caller ID on your cell phone ...

 

[Ugly]

Much of the difficulty you are having in this is that you are too new in your faith to know How to defend yourself and what to say.

But don't let that, or her words, get you down. Becoming a Christian is all about being a warrior. Whether it's fighting internal battles, or the ones that come from outside us, we are rebelling against our own nature. And against the nature of those around us. You are going to get backlash from that.

A healthy thing to learn is the difference between guilt and conviction. Guilt is what satan puts on us, or maybe we put on ourselves, but allows for satan to manipulate. Guilt feels bad. It feels so bad it freezes you up. And instead of change, you focus on how bad you are. You have trouble letting go. It brings you down and causes you to feel worse and not take action. This is not of God.
Conviction, on the other hand, is God's Spirit showing us our errors, putting that regret within us, but then helping us to learn from it and grow and move past the bad feelings. Because God has forgiven us, so learn to forgive yourself as well. Gods standards are way higher than yours, but He is able to forgive you. So see, it, feel it, change it, move on from it and become better. Or at least let it motivate you to begin working towards becoming better.

Lastly, you Are going to screw up. Period. We all do. Take the greatest preacher you can imagine. Take any of the 12 Apostles, and you know what you'll find? People screwing up and struggling with sin. But, again, we are warriors, so we fight it. We may not end all of our mistakes while we're alive, but we can lessen them. And some maybe we will be able to overcome eventually.

So when your wife gets on your case, just know that yes, there's a good chance you will mess up again. But that you are no longer giving in to your mistakes, but fighting them and learning from them. THAT is what living out being a Christian is all about.

As far as your wife, just do your best. Over time she will see a real change. It may take weeks, months or years. But if you are committed to Christ, she will see it when her hearts ready. Nothing you can do to rush that.

 

[rdbseekingafterhim]

Thanks for the advice I'm not pushing him on her. I stopped talking to her about Jesus but over time she will see a change I know it. I know it's a battle and struggle too I was just curious if I needed to do more than just prayand show hrher Christ through me. I am trying to figure out the armor of God and how to "put it on" I am blindly walking forward trying to seek after the Lord I pray for guidance and help and change in my heart and soul. I need a HPS. heavenly positioning system I pray to God to recalculate my path so to speak.

 

[Willie-T]

Did someone tell you that just because you made a decision (that is REALLY what "repent" means), that you would wake up a whole different person with a halo on your head?

 

[WarriorForChrist]

Thanks for the advice I'm not pushing him on her. I stopped talking to her about Jesus but over time she will see a change I know it. I know it's a battle and struggle too I was just curious if I needed to do more than just prayand show hrher Christ through me. I am trying to figure out the armor of God and how to "put it on" I am blindly walking forward trying to seek after the Lord I pray for guidance and help and change in my heart and soul. I need a HPS. heavenly positioning system I pray to God to recalculate my path so to speak.

I would also get into a good Bible Study at your Church. Even though we are saved we still have to struggle with our flesh. Like I said before you are going to be attacked spiritually. Stay in prayer daily and read the scripture daily.

 

[Dan58]

I have been saved for a week now, but my wife tends to say things to me like oh you are just on a holy spirit high. You'll go back to the way you were. You'll spend a few days changed and only go right back to how you were. There's other things she does too. I try to talk to her about worship songs and she shuts me up. I try to talk with her about me praying for her and other family she brushes it off. I'm trying very hard to remain faithfull but all this negative feedback is making things hard on me. Plus to prove her point I said some things in avhurtful tone to her when she upset me the other day. She said see see I knew you would fall back to your old ways. I immediately got convicted and was brought to tears I repented and said I was sorry to her. She said it doesn't make it right she never said I forgive you either. I feel like I'm in a faith battle with her and the devil. I pray that she knows and feels Jesus's love as I do, but things don't get better. I need some advice on what to do. Help please.

Leave her alone and stop trying to force feed her your new found belief. She hasn't changed, you have, so why would she want to partake in worship songs or engage in prayers with you? Your making her an obstacle and then say your in a faith battle with her? There's no battle that your not forcing upon yourself, she is a nonbeliever, accept that fact and you'll get along fine.

Christianity isn't something you can talk someone into, if she resist and is unwilling to accept it on her own volition, leave it alone. Your wife has likely observed many people who have found religion, gone overboard, and then gave it up. Its a turn-off to see someone turn into an over zealous Jesus freak and then start pushing their enthusiasm onto others. You already let her know that your a Christian, so don't push her, leave it alone, its enough. Her lack of interest shouldn't effect your faith in the least.... jmo

 

[Sirk]

Maybe this has already been said but you probably should just shut up about it and just live it out. There are so many religious anecdotes and vocabulary that Christians pick up and say that are nauseating to people. A changed life is the evidence she needs to "hear" and that is gonna take some time. Words are cheap.

 

[Ariel82]

Go the extra mile and love her anyway. Even when she is being difficult and hurtful.

 

[Sirk]

Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean you should make everyone else be like you nor does it mean you can't be fun.....in fact....you should really be the "fun captain" of your domain. Make life fun...someone who is easy to be around is attractive....be that.

 

[rdbseekingafterhim]

To be clear I have never once made her listen to my music. I have never forced her to pray. I have not forced her to attend church with me. I have however, said I'm praying for you. When she asks what I'm doing I tell her. I don't force her to do anything. Now as for me saying I'm praying for you part I'll cut that out if need be. I finally found out why she thinks this is just an act for me. I have tried to change time and time again for almost 2 years now. We love each other but before I got saved I basically was a jerk with the tendency to yell scream cuss etc all my previous attempts lasted no more than a week at best. The key point in that is I was not saved at that time. This time change is coming from God. I have told her that He is changing me.

 

[Ugly]

To be clear I have never once made her listen to my music. I have never forced her to pray. I have not forced her to attend church with me. I have however, said I'm praying for you. When she asks what I'm doing I tell her. I don't force her to do anything. Now as for me saying I'm praying for you part I'll cut that out if need be. I finally found out why she thinks this is just an act for me. I have tried to change time and time again for almost 2 years now. We love each other but before I got saved I basically was a jerk with the tendency to yell scream cuss etc all my previous attempts lasted no more than a week at best. The key point in that is I was not saved at that time. This time change is coming from God. I have told her that He is changing me.

What I would say is don't go out of your way all the time to talk about your faith. But make sure you don't go out of your way to hide it from her either. God is a part of your life now. Just like work, marriage and anything else. If you have something to say about your life that happens to be in your faith then speak it. If you have nothing to say about it, then don't make up a reason. Just like you do in all other areas. Basically, quit trying so hard. Let it become a natural part of your life and speech.

Also there are some accusatory and hostile responses here. Don't worry about those people. People like that exist everywhere. You are trying to figure things out with something that's new to you, and very important to you. It takes time. Don't let the bitter and self righteous people make you feel put down for trying to learn and grow and seem good counsel. Sounds to me like you are right on track and have nothing to apologize for.

 

[rdbseekingafterhim]

I just now thought of something Job had his friends and family basically run his faith down the road and all. I should read Job to see how he handled the situation. The bible has a reference for every problem we face it seems.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

You say you have tried to change several times over two years.
Did you tell her "I've changed" each of those times too?
if you've told her you've changed a couple of hundred times, it is natural for her not to trust you.
If trust has been broken, words are not enough, that's where works come into the picture

 

[Ariel82]

As you walk and grow with the guidance of the Holy Spirit you will learn to respond with patience, love and gentleness instead of react with anger and hurt.

 

[Rosesrock]

Pray pray pray. God can change her heart.

 

[Sirk]

Don't put more chains on yourself like so many Christians do. That you have to be a certain way, act a certain way, speak a new language etc. Sure, there are things in your character that need to be crucified but in the end Jesus still likes you for you. In fact, relationship with Him demands that you are the real you. Not some preconceived notion of what you are supposed to be placed on you by men.

 

[Ariel82]

If you can find a strong Christian married man (preferably married for over 20 years) to mentor you, it would be great.

He can listen, tell you how he deals with anger and other issues and maybe help you feel not so alone.

 

[JosephsDreams]

Embrace the diversity. And furthermore, if you have kids, raise one a Muslim, another a Buddhist, and the third (assuming you have 3 of them), just let him decide what he wants to be.
Isn't that what the educated, elite PC police tell us?

Seriously, accept her as she is and pray, pray and then pray some more about it.