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V
Hmmm i have tried it once before but it wasn't to far he lived. But it ended up not working out and i believe that God didn't want us to be together. Also it is really important to get to know someone face to face. I don't think it is a good idea to live far away and be "dating someone" If you are thinking of marriage you have to see each other a lot
B
That was the blessing woth my last relationship, she lived a couple hours away, and it made your time together 100 times more special, it took away the risk of immorality, and it really checked our motives, I mean, some couples go to church because of each other, when that's not an issue, I think it really helps out. Thanks for your response carljoe.
i'm not sure an hour or two could count as long-distance? but i guess i still get what ur saying. I personally don't think I would like a long-distance relationship...especially when it comes to the person being 7+ hours away. If i met a person in my town and then they moved for college or something I might handle it. However, if I met them on here I wouldn't likely decide to date them.
A
I'm glad you brought this up. Long distance relationships are a big thing now for (at least in my view) are two major reasons. First of all, there's the Internet. Now, I'm a big fan of Internet dating, but I only contact guys that live within... I think I had a 100 Km radius. Whatever it was, it turned out to be a bit large because guys would pop up from the States (dating someone with whom you can't live indefinitely in the same country is very complicated. I've done it before and wouldn't necessarily recommend it because I kept thinking he wanted me to pull a CS Lewis*) Anyway, when I was doing internet dating I'd get a lot of e-mails from men in other countries, especially countries that have a much lower human development index than Canada. I suspect that they send the exact same e-mail to all other women on such sites that live in Canada and other countries that have long lines for immigrants. BUT that's not what we're talking about here is it? I'd also get lots of e-mails from guys in my own province or in nearby states (I trust their motives more, I don't think many Americans are desperate to get into Canada unless they're trying to get out of going to Iraq... or if they can't get health insurance) who had genuine intentions. Now, I understand that it can be frustrating when you feel like you've exhausted your local options and are tempted to expand their net, but I think that has problems. I'll tell you about them after dinner.
*By "Pull a CS Lewis" I mean that he married a woman that he just liked as a friend because she was an American expat and by marrying her he gave her and he wanted to give her the benefits of his British citizenship. There was a movie made about it called Shadowlands. If you haven't seen it go rent it right now. It doesn't matter if you get the BBC version or the Richard Attenborough one with Anthony Hopkins, they're both excellent. Anyway, this guy I dated who was only here on a one year work visa and he wanted to marry me so he could stay in Canada. I'm like "Why won't a marry you? How about because our church teaches that marriage is something that 'All should revere and no one should lightly undertake.'" There's a book at my library on how to get married after 35. I'm thinking "It's easy to find a guy to marry you. All you need to do is find a man who really wants to get into your country." I mean, not that that's advisable of course.
*By "Pull a CS Lewis" I mean that he married a woman that he just liked as a friend because she was an American expat and by marrying her he gave her and he wanted to give her the benefits of his British citizenship. There was a movie made about it called Shadowlands. If you haven't seen it go rent it right now. It doesn't matter if you get the BBC version or the Richard Attenborough one with Anthony Hopkins, they're both excellent. Anyway, this guy I dated who was only here on a one year work visa and he wanted to marry me so he could stay in Canada. I'm like "Why won't a marry you? How about because our church teaches that marriage is something that 'All should revere and no one should lightly undertake.'" There's a book at my library on how to get married after 35. I'm thinking "It's easy to find a guy to marry you. All you need to do is find a man who really wants to get into your country." I mean, not that that's advisable of course.
A
See, this is why I'm not keen on being approached on-line for the purposes of dating by guys who live more than an easy drive from me (and I'm willing to be pretty flexible with my definition of "easy drive") a little... I don't want to say "irritating," I don't really know what word I'm looking for. The barometric pressure is falling and I feel really yucky. Anyway, when I'm approached by (or I approach) a guy on-line for the purposes of dating, this is how I see things playing out. We e-mail back and forth a few times and then we get together for coffee, then... we may or may not see each other again, and if so, we may decide to be friends or maybe we eventually decide to be more than friends, and if we are more than friends we might end up in a serious relationship which might lead to courtship then engagement. However, if someone lives really far away, and they want to date me, then I wonder how they see things playing out. See, I firmly believe that you don't really know someone unless you've met them in person. This is why I'm only interested in a few casual e-mails before I actually meet a guy. Furthermore, I believe that relationships (ie romantic relationships) require a lot more in person interaction than a friendship, ESPECIALLY if you want it to lead to marriage. See, I just.. I don't know, I just... think there's so much more to a person than what they can put in an e-mail. So anyway, like I said, I wonder how they (guys who live far away who have approached me on-line for dating) see things playing out. I imagine it's the following: we e-mail back a forth for awhile and if it works out we may meet in person and eventually he expects me to give up my job and move to where ever he lives just so I can be near a virtual stanger. Does that sound weird to anyone else but me? See, when I'd get e-mails from guys who lived far away, unless they just wanted to say hi, I'd never respond very enthusiastically (although I was always polite). Either they just wanted to be friends, in which case we were looking for different things, he'd expect me to (I mean eventually, if we hit it off on-line) move to him, or he'd be willing to move to me, and I have my doubts if I could respect a guy who'd be willing to move somewhere just because he likes a girl who lives there.
I'm going to post this.
I'm going to post this.
A
See, I've mentioned in other posts that some people (or many people) God wants us to take an active step in finding the right person to marry. However, I also believe that God puts us where He wants us. In 2007 a friend of mine was in a relationship with a guy she met on a Christian dating site. He lived in another city about an hour and a half away, then he moved about 4 hours away to a job where he had a two year contract. She told me at the time that she thought he was great and everything but she was unwilling to leave her job and move to him. Well, she changed her mind because last week they got married. Now, this girl is one of the strongest, most respect, mature Christians I know. So while her situation is not one that I would hope to find myself in, I acknowledge that this is what God wanted in her life.
A
I define long distance as if they live further than an "easy drive." Maybe there are people who consider it no big deal to drive over an hour for a date, so they see their significant other a lot. I mean, two mornings a week I drive almost an hour with traffic and the location I drive to technically in another city (although in the same metro area). I guess I could see myself driving that far for a guy.
But I'd consider long-distance where a couple has to rely heavily on Internet and long distance phone calls for interaction. My sister and brother-in-law were long distance for 6 months when they were dating. They'd be a couple for over a year when my bro got an internship in Bangladesh. They were very, very thankful for e-mail. However, I don't really consider that a long-distance relationship in the context that we're talking about here because they'd been a couple in the same city for a long time, and he was only there temporarily. It's when there isn't plans to live in proximity to each other in the foreseeable future is when things get complicated.
But I'd consider long-distance where a couple has to rely heavily on Internet and long distance phone calls for interaction. My sister and brother-in-law were long distance for 6 months when they were dating. They'd be a couple for over a year when my bro got an internship in Bangladesh. They were very, very thankful for e-mail. However, I don't really consider that a long-distance relationship in the context that we're talking about here because they'd been a couple in the same city for a long time, and he was only there temporarily. It's when there isn't plans to live in proximity to each other in the foreseeable future is when things get complicated.
A
Here's a brief history of me and long-distance relationships: I met my first boyfriend at my church youth group. His family lived in a near by town. So, even though he only lived about a half hours drive from my house, (29.6 Km, to be specific) when you're 14 and you can't drive that's almost long distance. So I saw him at least twice a week, at church, at youth group, and sometimes more if we could talk are parents into driving one of us to the other. I envied my classmates who's boyfriends they'd see every day at school. I was a big city girl that liked small town boys, so that rules out dating guys from school. My next boyfriend I met through a family connection and he lived almost 200km away. That was safely considered long-distance. We did a lot of e-mailing, but when his family moved even further away (2000 km) distance really took it's toll and we ended up breaking up for a year. To make a long story short, there have been other guys, and one of us moving away has led to long-distance and that is eventually the undoing. So, I'm yet to experience a break-up where there was no distance involved. This is why when I was contacted by guys on-line who wonder I'm so closed to a possibility of a long-distance relationship I'm like "Because I'm 27 and I'm yet to have a relationship that didn't involve some kind of long distance at some point. Just once in my life, I'd like to be in a relationship where distance is not a factor!!" I mean really, I would like to know what it's like to be really into a guy and then get into a relationship with him and not have that "this is never going to work because you or I am moving soon." Forgive me, I'm ranting.
So, in a nutshell, that is why I would not involve myself in a long-distance relationship.
So, in a nutshell, that is why I would not involve myself in a long-distance relationship.