Soulmate Lost

[BurlyCarl]

I am having trouble getting over.

I had a good friend almost four years ago. We were really close. We spent two wonderful years together. Wonderful isn't even the beauty of the word I am seeking. She ended up married to another man. After the her wedding. I got a harry potter email from her husband loaded with why I am never to see her or talk to her again. I walked away. I personally have not gone out of my way to speak to her out of respect. I really found my soul mate more or less. I think about her often. It has been four years since I have spoken to her. I was truly head over heels for my best friend. She knew and we expressed it. In passing sometimes at the store or out in public. When her husband is not around she will conversate with me. Maybe after a few mins always ends in her apologies. The past two running into each other. I have to avoid it her all together because I can not handle it. However she makes a point to chase me down. I have been on dates but nothing too promising. Nothing that has lasted more than a few months. I am not going to ask someone to break Gods vows to be with me. It really messed me up since those two years because I cant find someone to mirror it. I occupy my time with Church and activities and self improvement. Never seems to fail to be wishing on someone else's star. Lately I just try to keep myself busy. Just saying needed to get it off my chest. Seems the thought likes to visit me a few times a year and I pray about it. Thought like to beat me up now and then.

 

[blue_ladybug]

There is no such thing as soul mates. The two of you really cared about each other, that's all. She's married, and obviously he's insecure/jealous of you, or he wouldn't have sent a letter warning you away from her. You need to get your stuff together and move on. She's not yours and never will be. God will send you the woman HE has in mind for you. But it's not THIS woman.

 

[BurlyCarl]

I don't see how someone can say their is no such thing as a soulmate but ok. I don't completely agree with what you said but ok.

 

[HisHolly]

Souls can knit together like David and Jonathan.
2 can become 1 when married.
God makes helpers who will be suitable..
You found companionship is my take on it. To long for her when she's decided to move on is cheating yourself..
It's unfair to women and you to compare everyone to her. If she was so great she'd still be around.

 

[BurlyCarl]

Souls can knit together like David and Jonathan.
2 can become 1 when married.
God makes helpers who will be suitable..
You found companionship is my take on it. To long for her when she's decided to move on is cheating yourself..
It's unfair to women and you to compare everyone to her. If she was so great she'd still be around.

You don't get it either. I don't know why I posted this. No one understands a breaking heart or when your in it.

 

[kaylagrl]

You don't get it either. I don't know why I posted this. No one understands a breaking heart or when your in it.

I don't know if this is prying too much, but how did you lose each other? You were in love,so what prevented you getting married? There's not much information as to what happened between you.

 

[tourist]

It's time to accept that she has moved on with her life and now you must do the same. She is not the only starfish in the sea. I would have no further contact with her as this would only result in harm to her marriage and cause you emotional turmoil. If you are lonely and desire a relationship you should pray to God to find someone suitable for you if you have not done so already. Don't be discouraged, just remain positive and vigilant.

 

[BurlyCarl]

I don't know if this is prying too much, but how did you lose each other? You were in love,so what prevented you getting married? There's not much information as to what happened between you.

Really it came down to this guy just showing up one day. A relationship formed between them. Though many times between that time. She sure did express her feelings towards me. I just strikes me as odd. When bumping into her in public. The apologies are her apologizing for marrying the wrong person Apparently she is not happy from what she tells me. But I am not going to be the one to end it or get between them. Their is nothing I can do about it. What prevented me? It wasn't my choice. She choose him. But I am reminded by her personally. How she made a mistake. Its frustrating. As much as I like to avoid it. It she and the situation wont leave me alone. People must participate in their own rescue and from my Christian point of view. I am not going to be the scapegoat to break it.

 

[kaylagrl]

Really it came down to this guy just showing up one day. A relationship formed between them. Though many times between that time. She sure did express her feelings towards me. I just strikes me as odd. When bumping into her in public. The apologies are her apologizing for marrying the wrong person Apparently she is not happy from what she tells me. But I am not going to be the one to end it or get between them. Their is nothing I can do about it. What prevented me? It wasn't my choice. She choose him. But I am reminded by her personally. How she made a mistake.

Well she may well have made a mistake,but you are right not to get between them. If she's a Christian she has no right to divorce him except for abuse or he is cheating on her. Something seems odd to me. Maybe because I'm a woman,or I just may be wrong. I dont know her the way you do. Just be sure she isn't playing you for a fool. One foot in the door and one out. You know what I mean? It just seems very odd that she choose another man out of the blue and now is saying she regrets it. But having her in your life can only be making you feel worse? If she has no reason for divorce then you're kind of hanging around for no reason. If there is no chance to be with her, there is nothing more you can do. The hurt can't be healed if the wound is still open. I feel for you,there is nothing more painful than not having the one you love or loved. But as hard as it is you'll have to find a way to put her in your past. She's committed to her husband,as she should be. It just seems that seeing her is rubbing salt in your wound. And if she really loved you,even as a friend, she would let you move on and not act like she is trapped. She made the wrong choice,but it was her choice. Frankly,she's not worthy of you. There is someone out there that would totally be faithful to you only, not quick confessions behind her husbands back. If she cared about you she would keep her problems to herself and encourage you to find someone to make you happy. Just from my view,that's what I'm seeing,that she is working on your sympathy. I think you deserve a lot better.

 

[Ariel82]

It seems so sad.

There was a moment while my husband and I broke up before we were married and I remembered the pain and heartache.

I don't understand why she chose to marry someone else if she was really in love with you.

If she really loves you, then she should help you move on with your life or leave her husband.

I believe in soulmates. However I am also practical. If she was your soul mate, she should never have married and have sex with another man.

She needs to stop stalking you and work on her marriage.

If you truly love her, you will remind her of her choice and goes to God.

Unless the guy abuses her or sleeps around. He deserves a loyal wife.

You have rose colored glasses, but take them off. I am speaking to you as I would my brothers if the told me their feelings.

Her heart is fickle and she is playing games because you give her power by putting her in a pedestal.

She is your goddess and she likes your worship.

You need to repent of you idolatry because she is not perfect. If she does have romantic feeling for you, then she is commuting adultery in her heart.

If she doesnt, then you are deluding yourself because it's not a connection if it's one sided...it's an obsession.

I can't imagine marry another guy if I really thought I had found my soul mate. I would rather be alone.

 

[BurlyCarl]

Well she may well have made a mistake,but you are right not to get between them. If she's a Christian she has no right to divorce him except for abuse or he is cheating on her. Something seems odd to me. Maybe because I'm a woman,or I just may be wrong. I dont know her the way you do. Just be sure she isn't playing you for a fool. One foot in the door and one out. You know what I mean? It just seems very odd that she choose another man out of the blue and now is saying she regrets it. But having her in your life can only be making you feel worse? If she has no reason for divorce then you're kind of hanging around for no reason. If there is no chance to be with her, there is nothing more you can do. The hurt can't be healed if the wound is still open. I feel for you,there is nothing more painful than not having the one you love or loved. But as hard as it is you'll have to find a way to put her in your past. She's committed to her husband,as she should be. It just seems that seeing her is rubbing salt in your wound. And if she really loved you,even as a friend, she would let you move on and not act like she is trapped. She made the wrong choice,but it was her choice. Frankly,she's not worthy of you. There is someone out there that would totally be faithful to you only, not quick confessions behind her husbands back. If she cared about you she would keep her problems to herself and encourage you to find someone to make you happy. Just from my view,that's what I'm seeing,that she is working on your sympathy. I think you deserve a lot better.

Thank you. I am definitely tired of the salt in the wound.

 

[BurlyCarl]

It seems so sad.

There was a moment while my husband and I broke up before we were married and I remembered the pain and heartache.

I don't understand why she chose to marry someone else if she was really in love with you.

If she really loves you, then she should help you move on with your life or leave her husband.

I believe in soulmates. However I am also practical. If she was your soul mate, she should never have married and have sex with another man.

She needs to stop stalking you and work on her marriage.

If you truly love her, you will remind her of her choice and goes to God.

Unless the guy abuses her or sleeps around. He deserves a loyal wife.

You have rose colored glasses, but take them off. I am speaking to you as I would my brothers if the told me their feelings.

Her heart is fickle and she is playing games because you give her power by putting her in a pedestal.

She is your goddess and she likes your worship.

You need to repent of you idolatry because she is not perfect. If she does have romantic feeling for you, then she is commuting adultery in her heart.

If she doesnt, then you are deluding yourself because it's not a connection if it's one sided...it's an obsession.

I can't imagine marry another guy if I really thought I had found my soul mate. I would rather be alone.

Thank you

 

[Ariel82]

You have so much love to give. Maybe find some folks who you can love would be nice. Maybe not romantically but you know where God calls you.

I volunteer at school, church, nursing homes. So many lost and unloved folks who need a hug and mind word.

Wait and let God work. You may be ready for someon, but God may still be working on the woman He means for you to be with.

I am reading Francis Chan "you and me, forever" you can download the book for free.

I love the video and the main message is that for a successful marriage we need two healthy people in love first with God and committed to a life together.

Maybe it will help you see what God wants us from our romantic relationships.

The singles in here are great too. Full of humor and encouragement.

 

[kaylagrl]

Thank you. I am definitely tired of the salt in the wound.

You should be. Before we ever met,my husband had the same type of relationship with a woman. My husband is easy going,big hearted, and would do anything for a person,even if they treat him disrespectfully. People take advantage of his goodness. I suspect you are the same type of person. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it. But it's making you unhappy and depressed. Her needs are up to her husband to fulfill. But who's fulfilling your needs? You really need to find someone who can be fully yours,someone to come home at night to. You deserve happiness in your own life. I hope you do.

 

[BurlyCarl]

You should be. Before we ever met,my husband had the same type of relationship with a woman. My husband is easy going,big hearted, and would do anything for a person,even if they treat him disrespectfully. People take advantage of his goodness. I suspect you are the same type of person. Maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it. But it's making you unhappy and depressed. Her needs are up to her husband to fulfill. But who's fulfilling your needs? You really need to find someone who can be fully yours,someone to come home at night to. You deserve happiness in your own life. I hope you do.

I agree. I appreciate the advice. I do what I can to avoid this woman. Similar in ways but not all. I do need to ask those questions^ more often.

 

[Rosesrock]

I'm so sorry. But I'm a little mad at her. She knows how you feel and should leave you alone. Its actually cruel for her to ever reach out to you because of your connection and to say she married the wrong guy. How selfish is she ? No. I'm sorry that's Not a soul mate. So disrespectful to her husband also Ugh. I'm terribly sorry.

 

[Sirk]

Tell her to leave you alone. If that doesn't work....tell her she looks like she got set on fire and put out with a golf shoe. That oughta do the trick.

In all seriousness tho...this lady is crossing all kinds of boundaries and needs to back off and leave you alone. If it were me I'd say...look...were done...you're married....go away.

 

[Depleted]

Really it came down to this guy just showing up one day. A relationship formed between them. Though many times between that time. She sure did express her feelings towards me. I just strikes me as odd. When bumping into her in public. The apologies are her apologizing for marrying the wrong person Apparently she is not happy from what she tells me. But I am not going to be the one to end it or get between them. Their is nothing I can do about it. What prevented me? It wasn't my choice. She choose him. But I am reminded by her personally. How she made a mistake. Its frustrating. As much as I like to avoid it. It she and the situation wont leave me alone. People must participate in their own rescue and from my Christian point of view. I am not going to be the scapegoat to break it.

This sounds creepy both ways. This isn't soulmate. This is too people leeching on to each other even after supposedly moving on with their lives. You spend your life obsessed over her. She spends her life enticing you to hold on and seeing how long she can pull your strings. I strongly suspect this was never a healthy relationship, and it still isn't. Get counseling. Something is very wrong. It's four years later. Even if it took a long time to get over it, it should have been over years ago.

 

[JosephsDreams]

I am having trouble getting over.

I had a good friend almost four years ago. We were really close. We spent two wonderful years together. Wonderful isn't even the beauty of the word I am seeking. She ended up married to another man. After the her wedding. I got a harry potter email from her husband loaded with why I am never to see her or talk to her again. I walked away. I personally have not gone out of my way to speak to her out of respect. I really found my soul mate more or less. I think about her often. It has been four years since I have spoken to her. I was truly head over heels for my best friend. She knew and we expressed it. In passing sometimes at the store or out in public. When her husband is not around she will conversate with me. Maybe after a few mins always ends in her apologies. The past two running into each other. I have to avoid it her all together because I can not handle it. However she makes a point to chase me down. I have been on dates but nothing too promising. Nothing that has lasted more than a few months. I am not going to ask someone to break Gods vows to be with me. It really messed me up since those two years because I cant find someone to mirror it. I occupy my time with Church and activities and self improvement. Never seems to fail to be wishing on someone else's star. Lately I just try to keep myself busy. Just saying needed to get it off my chest. Seems the thought likes to visit me a few times a year and I pray about it. Thought like to beat me up now and then.

I am sorry to hear you are in pain and anguish. I pray God will speak to you in a way that will comfort you. It can't be easy. Try your best to focus and get on with your life. Keep your eyes on God as best you could. This may sound a bit harsh but you need to try your best to move on. Your doing good to pray for her and her husband. Be the good Christian. God will reward your faithfulness and love.

 

[ImperfectlyForgiven]

Did you pursue her or let her know that you wanted to have her hand in marriage during those two years of friendship? Maybe she was waiting for you to make a move, but you didn't. When another man woos her and wants to marry her, she will think that he loves her a lot. Get all those lovey dovey feelings and dream of starting a fulfilling family. Maybe she didn't know that you loved her a lot too.

I find it odd that her husband emailed you right after the wedding warning you not to speak to her. Was it finally after the wedding night that she felt that she made a mistake? That the one she really loves is you?

I don't know why she apologizes but it could be that she knows it would be wrong to start a close relationship with you after making the choice to marry another man. She understands her position as a married woman and doesn't do more; otherwise I think she'll do more than chat with you only when she bumps into you.

After all these years, you are feeling regret, that you lost the chance to be with someone that you thought you could spend your life with, possibly because you never got to express your love for her completely. There's no use telling her now because as you have said, she made the choice to be with someone else. And you are right for not getting involved with a married woman. You two will never be together as marriage partners, only brother and sister in Christ on earth and in heaven. However you may feel like you lost something, you may want to change you thinking and accept that maybe she was never part of God's will for your life. Maybe He has someone else planned for you, but you must first give up your desires for her first.

What you can do is pray. Tell God how much you love her and ask God to take away those feelings away from you. To break any unhealthy soul ties that you have with her so your heart can be prepared to love the person God has for you and who deserves your love.