REMARRIAGE

[shanaynay-deleted]

I keep seeing people use this verse:


Matthew 5:32 (King James Version)


32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Is this to say that even if the woman is a victim of adultery, since she was married and then gets divorced, she can not remarry?



Whats your view on a woman remarrying after her husband cheats on her? What if he leaves her before the sexual acts with the other male/female begin? Sexual acts meaning more than kissing or holding. When is adultery really significant enough to leave a mate? Internet porn? Internet mates? Physical acts?


Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

When is it justified that a person is free of a bond with a person who did not fulfill the promise?

 

[HarpyEagle]

Matthew 5:32 (King James Version)


32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Is this to say that even if the woman is a victim of adultery, since she was married and then gets divorced, she can not remarry?


This states that it will be fine for the woman to get re-married if her husband committed adultery and this is legal/Godly grounds for divorce. He is still in adultery if he divorces first then commits adultery/fornication.

 

[flyboy01]

Matthew 5:32 (King James Version)


32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Is this to say that even if the woman is a victim of adultery, since she was married and then gets divorced, she can not remarry?


This states that it will be fine for the woman to get re-married if her husband committed adultery and this is legal/Godly grounds for divorce. He is still in adultery if he divorces first then commits adultery/fornication.

Harpy, I'm sorry but this does not state that it will be fine for the woman to get re-married, it states that it's fine to divorce.

 

[HarpyEagle]

Yes, but it states that if someone should marry a woman who is divorced and there was no adultery involved ..adultery is committed between her and her new husband.

And also since it's Godly for her to get divorced on the grounds of Adultery, it only goes to show that there can't be adultery.. if she get's remarried because of adultery in her marriage. Otherwise it would be stated clearly that she was not allowed to remarry whatsoever.

 

[grace]

I did not answer your poll because although some of the answers technically apply to me...they are more complicated than that (as they often are with most people)

I am divorced (unfortunatly).

We were married in Jan. of 2001. He was never really ever commited to our marriage. From early on he was very distant and gone a lot and emotionally detatched.

Of course I did not find this acceptable or what I dreamed of for marriage. I had us in counceling numerous times from the beginning. He would initially go, but then quit...for no real reason sometimes and at other times would say it was because the problem was me and not him...and yet other times he would say there was no problem at all.

There would be days, that would often turn into a week or more that he would just not come home. I would never know where he was. He would not (or could not) hold down a job. Financially things were always quite stressful due to this.

In Sept. 2006, he informed me that he was filing for divorce. I will be honest that I was shocked, because although we did not have any semblance of a marriage, the guy had it made. Whenever he did come home, there were always meals for him and clean clothes in his dresser and closet. His lunch was always made for himand ready for him by the door for when he would leave for work, tolietries always purchased and ready for him to use.
It drove my friends crazy that I still *served* him despite his treatment of me and not helping with the children and total UNinvolvement in our lives etc.
But, I believed that I was still his wife despite what he did. Scripture did not tell me that I was to fulfill my roll as his wife ONLY if he fulfilled his roll as a husband. The instructions given to me (and all wives through scripture) were how we were to be a wife and do ALL things as unto the Lord. (sooooooo NOT easy!!)

I am not a dumb girl...I knew deep down inside that he had not been faithful in the marriage, although I did not have proof until after I was served with divorce papers.
Once served with the papers, I had some really, really tough choices to make. Everything in me as a human had thoughts of "this is my way out"...."he wants to leave, so now I can move on." BUT, I believed that the word of God instructed me that my vows were not something to be shelved just because I did not "feel" them towards this man. That my roll as his wife was to cease because he showed no receptiveness to wanting me as his wife any longer. The word of God told me to cling to the cross even more and extend Grace that he does not deserve just as God does for us everyday. (again, sooooooo not easy!)

With that all being said, I contested the divorce. You should have seen my friends uproar now lol They would continually ask me why I would put myself in a position in any way to stay in the situation when he clearly wanted out. Again, I would repeat to them that I was not responsible for what he did, only for how I reacted to it. I had a roll to fill as his wife, and as long as I was married to him....that roll was going to be filled and I was going to fight.

Noone understood where I was coming from. I think they all thought I went off the deep end. lol It saddened me deeply acctually because these were all people from christian circles I belonged to. How did they stray so far from the gospel when it comes to marriage...? How could they be giving me advice to leave and take care of myself, (ie: be selfish), when scripture says just the opposite. I was quite alone in that journey.

With that opposition from christians, along with their constant comments of; "your young, you will meet someone else and get married again." etc....I was like, wait...I AM MARRIED NOW! Why are you saying these things to me..? Are you not giving God any room here to work at all..??? It was such a hard place to be in all alone.
Since I was faced with these things (almost forced to face them)...I felt like I had better figure out what scripture says about divorce and remarriage etc. And then figure out how that fits for me.

I studied a lot myself...then I consulted some people I really trust that were very mature in their faith and who I felt like the fruits of their life matched what they were telling others to live.

This is what I ended up concluding. (as it applies to my situation and situation similiar):

He was the one that was unfaithful in the marriage. (adultery)
He is the one that left the union (emotionally and legally)
I was the one that held on and stood on my faith and followed through with what I promised him in Jan. of 2001 before God.

The state I live in will grant the divorce anyway even if one person does not want it. That is what ended up happening in our situation..I contested it for so long that the judge finally just signed off on it to get it out of his courtroom. (reason being living seperate and apart for 12 months or greater).

I believe that I would be allowed to remarry another man, as long as these criteria were met; that he a: was never married, b: widowed, or c: divorced, BUT only because his wife was unfaithful and she was the one to leave.

I know MANY dissagree with me on this. But I feel at peace. Some might dissagree because they think you can remarry under any circumstances...or some may dissagree because they think once divorced, single you should remain. And that is fine...I will respect that they feel this way. I did not come to these conclusion lightly, or selfishly.

I know I went on a bit...but I wanted to give some background as to what brought me to this place in my life and the current stance I hold.

 

[Sharp]

You're a good woman Grace.

 

[HarpyEagle]

I'm with you 100% Grace.

 

[glenwood74]

I like how grace went through the process of bringing her issue to the Lord with prayer and study. I think that is a process that should be taught to all believers for answers to questions that the world seems to be ambiguous about. Ultimately, I think we all have a personal relationship with Jesus and we should seek His desires for our lives and forget all the religion that tries to hinder and judge us. God bless you all.

 

[ever1]

since your are talking about the law and u want to fulfill the law,here is my advice you wont have peace in you if u want to live by the law bad news besides Jesus no one have fulfill the whole law i hope u don`t misunderstand this.For by grace we are safe but this is not for us to go out there and sin willfully but i know for sure that God does not punish us the way we punish ourself,with this i`m not saying all of u who are marry go ahead and divorce, no!not at all but for those did fight for their marriage but did not work out anyway and now are divorce u don`t have to be so hard on yourself but next time before you go that far give yourself sometime and let the holy spirit lead your way.
For those who are looking for someone blame for their mistakes to be honest that does`t look good and i don`t think God likes that,i believe that when u come before his presence saying u know what God i did`t do it,he or she was the one who pushed this to the limits,does`t work that way come on you both agree to get married and not both of u are divorce now if i asked have u been marry ?what would u say,did u divorce?thats it faithful is God and his mercy is with us everyday be humble and ask for forgiveness,Job wanted to justified himself before God and it did`t happen.when u commit adultery in your heart u still have forgiveness and if u want to judge that in the spirit i believe once u ask Jesus for forgiveness u are free of that bond.Jesus knows when u truly repent for what u did.

 

[OreoSoleil]

Grace -- I did that with my ex. I now have a peace -- that it is beyond me. But I will do whatever God asks -- I know I have to. I fought so hard and prayed, then I saw -- I can't carry this burden anymore -- and it isnt mine to carry anyway -- Jesus wants to.

 

[HarpyEagle]

You are both such great examples of longsuffering, patient, meek women..

 

[Ashton]

Is this to say that even if the woman is a victim of adultery, since she was married and then gets divorced, she can not remarry?

Well, in Jesus' time and according to God's laws the spouse who committed adultery would be killed. So if your husband committed adultery against you he should be killed according to God's laws. Can you remain in a relationship with someone who is dead? I've heard some people claim that you have to treat that person as dead. Whether or not you can remarry after your spouse dies should be researched according to the Scriptures. I think that at least Ruth had a husband who died and yet she married an Israelite who would have been observant to God's laws and neither of them were stoned.

I honestly don't have a definitive answer for you and would do some more research on the matter if I were you. Because your ex-husband still lives it makes remarrying questionable if you want to live according to God's will. And what relationship can stand that is in opposition to his will? I'm not saying to go out and stone him... Please don't misunderstand me. But marrying and remarrying should be things taken very seriously, and I'm glad you are taking them seriously.

 

[Ashton]

Noone understood where I was coming from. I think they all thought I went off the deep end. lol It saddened me deeply acctually because these were all people from christian circles I belonged to. How did they stray so far from the gospel when it comes to marriage...? How could they be giving me advice to leave and take care of myself, (ie: be selfish), when scripture says just the opposite. I was quite alone in that journey.

With that opposition from christians, along with their constant comments of; "your young, you will meet someone else and get married again." etc....I was like, wait...I AM MARRIED NOW! Why are you saying these things to me..? Are you not giving God any room here to work at all..??? It was such a hard place to be in all alone.
Since I was faced with these things (almost forced to face them)...I felt like I had better figure out what scripture says about divorce and remarriage etc. And then figure out how that fits for me.

Very nice. I'm glad you held on to God's laws according to your conscience. Your adulterous ex-husband, on the other hand, has some serious issues he needs to resolve. So, too, do those Christians who were counciling you to divorce him.

 

[thais]

my parents are separated but not divorced, thanks to God for that! He promised me I'm gonna have my parents together again in a short time. I think they can remarriage again! they married at a catholic church, so it would be awesome if they marry at a christian one. LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING IT!

 

[grace]

Grace -- I did that with my ex. I now have a peace -- that it is beyond me. But I will do whatever God asks -- I know I have to. I fought so hard and prayed, then I saw -- I can't carry this burden anymore -- and it isnt mine to carry anyway -- Jesus wants to.

Yes, after it was all said and done...it was such an odd sort of grief that I did not expect to come. Once I dealt with that, I just had to come to the place one day of telling myself that these circumstances will NOT define the rest of my life, God will.

 

[imoss]

Grace I think this is the best thing I've read in so very long & thank you. I just know God will bless you with happiness with someone who's situation mirrors your own. You are right about the scripture and there are those who would see all of scripture erased in the name of the grace of our Lord but I disagree... I think there are reasons why God instructed on these matters and you are absolutely a wife of nobel charactor. How amazing to me are the wives of nobel charactor who's husbands dont deserve it because it makes it increase in nobility! I know our works and following Gods laws in no way make us worthy of Gods grace but his grace makes God's will the pursuit in the heart of the believer.

 

[dmdave17]

The scriptures are pretty definitive on this subject. God hates adultery! But He isn't too fond of divorce, either. In Mark 10:9, Jesus said "What God has joined together, let no one separate.". In Luke 16:18, He went even further, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.".
I believe that God wants us to try to overcome the devastating effects of adultery, and salvage our marriages if at all possible. (Remember, the era of "no fault divorce" has only been with us about the last forty years or so.) This requires a repentant adulterer and a forgiving spouse. It requires hard work, but it can be done. And you can be sure of God's support throughout the process.
However, if reconciliation is impossible, God made provision for that also. Recognizing that we were all sinners, He sent his Son to die on the cross so that our sins could be forgiven. I would suggest a lot of sincere prayer on the subject. To honor God's will, divorce should be treated as a grave matter with serious consequences; not as a weekend "chore" that you take care of as quickly as possible.
God bless you and guide you in your decision.

 

[kathyncali]

I agree! I Wish you the best of Luck!

 

[sensitive]

I thought this verse meant that if the unbeliever whether husband or wife left the marriage you were free?

1 Corinthians 7:15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.
I know you were hurt by your Christian friends but maybe they were looking at it under the guide of this scripture?

 

[sensitive]

I'm not trying to bring any offense to anyone here but to me 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 states that we don't have to be chained to an unbelieving spouse that commits adultery? To me they are acting as an unbeliever does. Even if they say they are christians they are acting as an unbeliever by their fruit.