So I lived with my mom for the past 3 months.
She has her ups and downs, when its up, shes not even happy, but as happy as she can be, but still depressed mindset.
when she is down, she cries every 2 minutes. She drinks 2 beers everyday, and smoked weed.
It was weird, but i had to move in somewhere, cause i just stopped with art school.
10 days ago, i started gymnasium,
i never lived anywhere on earth, besides this little island where i grew up, its nice and peaceful.
but now im in the main land of denmark. And it's diffucult.
Also diffucult with school, or it isnt, maybe im the diffucult one..
I'm social, and i have my own room, in a house with 9 other people, each their own room.
But I havent been much in school, I have BAD days.
Maybe i need a shrink, or maybe god, or pills.
I do read a lot of the bible, so much that I skip and cutt classes for that. But its not good i can get thrown out, sometimes thats what i want, sometimes not.
I have this weird fantasy in my head, that i want to just take a break from everyone, and from society. Just go into the woods, with my guitar. But is that an escape for myself?
Tuesday, I drank 5 beers.
Wednesday I drank 7.
Thursday/yesterday, I cant remember how many i drank.
I should know, drinking isnt good for me, it only brings me down. and im not gonna make excuses for what i do.
But a little explination for my action is that I couldnt take all the one night stands, talk about sex, college-life. I needed a break..
So today I skipped school again.. And took a long walk, and a bus, to get away, i ended up in another city.
And it was crowded, people coming and walking, and i just sat on a bench, and didnt feel good, mentally.
I just made up stories where they were from, and said "these people have experienced more than you do, and they're walking to something. You're going to school for free, ****ing be ashamed that you're not going to school, when you have the oppotunity." and things like "People die poor, and pray to God for what I have, going to school, ****ing idiot"
I made myself cry, i dont understand why im not going to school.
I just sit and write poetry, and look at the clouds using my imagination, reading the bible.
I think if a painter were to paint my life, he would do it in cubism style, and paint nothing but an empty look, with 10.000 voices.
I've been left alone my life, that's why I have these thoughts.
I do really hate myself, I say online "oh my dream is so leave society, to look at clouds and walk on past mountains that has crumbled to sand" yet, maybe what i'm really saying.. Will someone help me? Guide me through life. I do like to smile, but I dont trust any people really. not even my family.
and I care about my looks, cause im insecure, yet im angry and dont understand why i'm insecure, cause i dont wanna go up in my looks.
I read the bible, cause I need someone, more than ever, to say "No matter what, i'm here for you, and with you"
Im such a spoiled brat, who cries over not getting my moms love, though there is so much love in this world, i choose to look at the hate.
Im such a spoiled brat, who just talks and been on drugs, just to be more sad, im pathetic.
I dont know how to move on.
This poem, I just wrote.
There are weeds in my flower bed,
although it I well know.
see my wondering eyes have tendency,
to the ancient moon with dementia.
The words I find hard to swallow,
the thoughts I find it hard to grasp.
The actions I do not know if I can ,
Maybe not in this sense.
There is a text did you get my message?
you can rely on its credibility ?
Dandelion child in the cold living ,
takes nourishment to you by poor soil .
She has her ups and downs, when its up, shes not even happy, but as happy as she can be, but still depressed mindset.
when she is down, she cries every 2 minutes. She drinks 2 beers everyday, and smoked weed.
It was weird, but i had to move in somewhere, cause i just stopped with art school.
10 days ago, i started gymnasium,
i never lived anywhere on earth, besides this little island where i grew up, its nice and peaceful.
but now im in the main land of denmark. And it's diffucult.
Also diffucult with school, or it isnt, maybe im the diffucult one..
I'm social, and i have my own room, in a house with 9 other people, each their own room.
But I havent been much in school, I have BAD days.
Maybe i need a shrink, or maybe god, or pills.
I do read a lot of the bible, so much that I skip and cutt classes for that. But its not good i can get thrown out, sometimes thats what i want, sometimes not.
I have this weird fantasy in my head, that i want to just take a break from everyone, and from society. Just go into the woods, with my guitar. But is that an escape for myself?
Tuesday, I drank 5 beers.
Wednesday I drank 7.
Thursday/yesterday, I cant remember how many i drank.
I should know, drinking isnt good for me, it only brings me down. and im not gonna make excuses for what i do.
But a little explination for my action is that I couldnt take all the one night stands, talk about sex, college-life. I needed a break..
So today I skipped school again.. And took a long walk, and a bus, to get away, i ended up in another city.
And it was crowded, people coming and walking, and i just sat on a bench, and didnt feel good, mentally.
I just made up stories where they were from, and said "these people have experienced more than you do, and they're walking to something. You're going to school for free, ****ing be ashamed that you're not going to school, when you have the oppotunity." and things like "People die poor, and pray to God for what I have, going to school, ****ing idiot"
I made myself cry, i dont understand why im not going to school.
I just sit and write poetry, and look at the clouds using my imagination, reading the bible.
I think if a painter were to paint my life, he would do it in cubism style, and paint nothing but an empty look, with 10.000 voices.
I've been left alone my life, that's why I have these thoughts.
I do really hate myself, I say online "oh my dream is so leave society, to look at clouds and walk on past mountains that has crumbled to sand" yet, maybe what i'm really saying.. Will someone help me? Guide me through life. I do like to smile, but I dont trust any people really. not even my family.
and I care about my looks, cause im insecure, yet im angry and dont understand why i'm insecure, cause i dont wanna go up in my looks.
I read the bible, cause I need someone, more than ever, to say "No matter what, i'm here for you, and with you"
Im such a spoiled brat, who cries over not getting my moms love, though there is so much love in this world, i choose to look at the hate.
Im such a spoiled brat, who just talks and been on drugs, just to be more sad, im pathetic.
I dont know how to move on.
This poem, I just wrote.
There are weeds in my flower bed,
although it I well know.
see my wondering eyes have tendency,
to the ancient moon with dementia.
The words I find hard to swallow,
the thoughts I find it hard to grasp.
The actions I do not know if I can ,
Maybe not in this sense.
There is a text did you get my message?
you can rely on its credibility ?
Dandelion child in the cold living ,
takes nourishment to you by poor soil .
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