Chronic depression

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Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#1
Jan 26, 2013
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#1
The title of this thread is depressing. I know many here suffer chronic depression. I have a couple people that I care very much for that do. They have good day's and bad day's. One in particular complains a lot. That's tough for me, I know that sounds selfish, but I used to be like that and it took a lot of work for me to not do that anymore.


These folks I'm talking about go to therapy and take medication. I don't ever say stop being a Debbie Downer or pull out of it to them, I know you can't just pull out of it. If you could there wouldn't be as many depressed people as there are now.

I do pray for them, but how else do I help? When I know someone is clinically depressed I just listen a lot. Is that helping or am I enabling them? I know that doesn't sound right but I don't know how else to put it.

I also know people who complain about a lot of stuff just because it's a habit, they don't put themselves in the other persons position they just complain. That makes me angry.

How do I help someone with chronic depression?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,892
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#2
Show them my depression thread, and suggest that they do something constructive that occupies their mind, like I did by making my faith book.. :)
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#3
#3
You can't help everyone. You shouldn't try. Some people are beyond the help anyone other than a medical professional and licensed therapist can tackle.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#4
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#4
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
You can't help everyone. You shouldn't try. Some people are beyond the help anyone other than a medical professional and licensed therapist can tackle.
Click to expand...

I know, my Brother is one of the people I'm talking about. He lives across the country now so I don't talk to him as much as I used too. When we do talk and he's angry, depressed, sad or whatever I worry, I cant stop at his apartment and make sure he's still alive. That's the hard part.

The hovering younger Sister gets knots in her stomach and worries when I know he's going through a bad spell. My other Brother and his wife live near him so he's not entirely alone.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#5
Aug 2, 2009
24,640
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#5
Fenner said:
I know, my Brother is one of the people I'm talking about. He lives across the country now so I don't talk to him as much as I used too. When we do talk and he's angry, depressed, sad or whatever I worry, I cant stop at his apartment and make sure he's still alive. That's the hard part.

The hovering younger Sister gets knots in her stomach and worries when I know he's going through a bad spell. My other Brother and his wife live near him so he's not entirely alone.
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I used to be very depressed and suicidal for a long time. The one thing that really helped is when someone let me know they cared. You might not know it but you're probably helping these people a lot more than you think, Jen.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#6
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#6
I hope so Zero. I guess I just don't know what to say. That's the hard part for me. My friend Dolly who died a couple of years ago would go through depression spells. Sometimes I'd just pick her up and have her walk with me and the kid's. To get her out of her own head. I've been depressed to the point I needed medication before, I know you can't just snap out of it.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2009
24,640
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#7
Oh and I believe that the main thing that kept me in depression was a lack of hope (along with all the stuff I was dealing with). If these people can find hope in life, in themselves, or in whatever is keeping them down.. it will do wonders for their depression.

Sometimes hope seems lost, especially if one is in a lot of pain and there's no relief in sight... and it doesn't have to be physical pain. It can be emotional pain. Often its both. In my case, I found hope by turning to God (I as agnostic before). I still am very fragile emotionally though and it doesn't take much to trigger depression and suicidal thoughts, but now I remind myself about things like forgiveness and how God sees and keeps a record of everything people do, and scriptures like 'It is to one's glory to overlook an offense' (Provebs 19:11) and 'Anger resides in the bosom of fools' (Ecclessiastes 7:9).
 
GandalfTheWhite

GandalfTheWhite

Senior Member
#8
Jan 25, 2015
9,213
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#8
My brother committed suicide about five years ago. He was gay, HIV+, on drugs, clean from drugs and on drugs again. When his health deteriorated to a point where he became physically weaker he hanged himself in a wooden shed. The police told us not to go and say goodbye because he hanged for two days before they found him and his face was unrecognisable. Depression is real and even though I never experienced it before I have seen how it can influence people. The sad thing is we offered to take care of my brother but he never wanted to be a burden to anybody.

Today, I miss him after reading this thread :(
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#9
Aug 2, 2009
24,640
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#9
Fenner said:
I hope so Zero. I guess I just don't know what to say. That's the hard part for me. My friend Dolly who died a couple of years ago would go through depression spells. Sometimes I'd just pick her up and have her walk with me and the kid's. To get her out of her own head. I've been depressed to the point I needed medication before, I know you can't just snap out of it.
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Yea I know one can't just snap out of it. I wish I could slap people that tell that to someone who's depressed. To me that is like telling someone with a painful cut or bruise to just stop hurting. I found that emotional pain is just as real as physical pain, and just like physical pain, you have to be careful with what you try to treat it with... you can put salt on it which will make the pain much worse, even unbearable... or you can gently clean it and dress it with care..
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#10
Aug 2, 2009
24,640
4,298
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#10
GandalfTheWhite said:
My brother committed suicide about five years ago. He was gay, HIV+, on drugs, clean from drugs and on drugs again. When his health deteriorated to a point where he became physically weaker he hanged himself in a wooden shed. The police told us not to go and say goodbye because he hanged for two days before they found him and his face was unrecognisable. Depression is real and even though I never experienced it before I have seen how it can influence people. The sad thing is we offered to take care of my brother but he never wanted to be a burden to anybody.

Today, I miss him after reading this thread :(
Click to expand...
That's so sad. I'm sorry for your loss.
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#12
Apr 22, 2013
13,435
8,959
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#12
The truth is we live in a broken, fallen world. We were never designed to deal with depression, apathy, disease, anger, hatred,sin, death, etc..

I have been in the pit before and I KNOW there really wasn't anything anybody could have said to get me out, but I still thank God for their love and support, and believe the Lord put them there for that purpose.

Just being there, loving them, encouraging them has effects that aren't always immediately visible.

Praise God you are there for them.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#13
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#13
GandalfTheWhite said:
My brother committed suicide about five years ago. He was gay, HIV+, on drugs, clean from drugs and on drugs again. When his health deteriorated to a point where he became physically weaker he hanged himself in a wooden shed. The police told us not to go and say goodbye because he hanged for two days before they found him and his face was unrecognisable. Depression is real and even though I never experienced it before I have seen how it can influence people. The sad thing is we offered to take care of my brother but he never wanted to be a burden to anybody.

Today, I miss him after reading this thread :(
Click to expand...
Oh Gandolph, I'm so sorry. I wish I could take that pain away from you and you're family. I can't even imagine how painful that would be.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#14
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#14
zeroturbulence said:
Yea I know one can't just snap out of it. I wish I could slap people that tell that to someone who's depressed. To me that is like telling someone with a painful cut or bruise to just stop hurting. I found that emotional pain is just as real as physical pain, and just like physical pain, you have to be careful with what you try to treat it with... you can put salt on it which will make the pain much worse, even unbearable... or you can gently clean it and dress it with care..
Click to expand...

Yeah I learned a long time ago that there are somethings you don't say and if you don't know what to say, then don't say anything, I guess.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#15
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#15
PennEd said:
The truth is we live in a broken, fallen world. We were never designed to deal with depression, apathy, disease, anger, hatred,sin, death, etc..

I have been in the pit before and I KNOW there really wasn't anything anybody could have said to get me out, but I still thank God for their love and support, and believe the Lord put them there for that purpose.

Just being there, loving them, encouraging them has effects that aren't always immediately visible.

Praise God you are there for them.
Click to expand...

You our know I remember this particular time I was going through a really deep depression. I slept a lot, I didn't eat, I was in a fog, like my brain felt clouded and heavy. I went through the motions and would sometimes come home and burst into tears. I haven't been through anything like since and I'm so grateful. That was awful.
 
GandalfTheWhite

GandalfTheWhite

Senior Member
#16
Jan 25, 2015
9,213
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#16
Fenner said:
Oh Gandolph, I'm so sorry. I wish I could take that pain away from you and you're family. I can't even imagine how painful that would be.
Click to expand...
Thank you, my mother was not ok for a long time after his death. She still gets emotional when we talk about him.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#17
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#17
zeroturbulence said:
Oh and I believe that the main thing that kept me in depression was a lack of hope (along with all the stuff I was dealing with). If these people can find hope in life, in themselves, or in whatever is keeping them down.. it will do wonders for their depression.

Sometimes hope seems lost, especially if one is in a lot of pain and there's no relief in sight... and it doesn't have to be physical pain. It can be emotional pain. Often its both. In my case, I found hope by turning to God (I as agnostic before). I still am very fragile emotionally though and it doesn't take much to trigger depression and suicidal thoughts, but now I remind myself about things like forgiveness and how God sees and keeps a record of everything people do, and scriptures like 'It is to one's glory to overlook an offense' (Provebs 19:11) and 'Anger resides in the bosom of fools' (Ecclessiastes 7:9).
Click to expand...
Yeah and anxiety on top of it doesn't help. Emotional pain and stress can make you sick, physically. It's not good and I'm lucky enough to not have ever had chronic physical pain.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#18
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#18
GandalfTheWhite said:
Thank you, my mother was not ok for a long time after his death. She still gets emotional when we talk about him.
Click to expand...
I'm sure I wouldn't be okay for a long time if my child died. It has be like walking through hell on earth.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#19
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#19
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
You can't help everyone. You shouldn't try. Some people are beyond the help anyone other than a medical professional and licensed therapist can tackle.
Click to expand...
I don't see it that way. I think we should always try to help... but just not get the idea that our magnanimous contribution of coming to the rescue has to be the suddenly redeeming force that transfigures their lives. Give.... hopefully and expectantly, but don't insist that YOUR efforts have to see results.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#20
#20
A well-placed whisper can alter the course of a person's entire life, so I think people ought to be really careful about helping those people who are already in an unsteady emotional state. I'm convinced one of the only reasons I haven't tried to suck-start my Glock is because I stay away from people, whose idea of helping is to say things like "what have you got to be depressed about" or other insensitive things that completely minimize my situation.
 
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