Why did you have children?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#1
#1
I've been thinking about something the past few days, and I'm curious enough to ask the question.

Why did you have children? Also, why did you want to have children, if you did consciously want them? Was it something biological? Did you feel a need? Did you do it because of your family's or society's expectation? Was it all just kind of an unplanned surprise you had to adapt to? I'm just curious about people's reasons for having kids.

Why do I ask, and why do I care? Good questions.

I was an "oops baby". I wasn't supposed to be. My Mother was told from the time she was a teenager that she would never be able to have children, and she accepted it so deeply that she never wanted them. My Dad already had 3 kids from a previous marriage, and he didn't want any more. I was unplanned and, as I found out from my Mother when I was a small child, not a welcomed addition to her life. I was also told that having me convinced both of them to not take the chance on having another child, so I got to grow up not only an only child, but grow up with the knowledge that I was in existence only because my Mother was too scared to get an abortion or put me up for adoption.

So, having internalized all that by the time I hit puberty, I had cemented my feelings about children firmly in the NO category. To the point where I was unwilling to take part in the act that can produce them, and if I could not avoid the act, I would take every precaution available to me to ensure it never happened (yes, I got snipped). I'm curious though why people want to have children. Colleagues and acquaintances I have known over the years have started families, and I have wondered why. I've never gotten a straight answer or one I can understand.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
42,732
17,196
113
70
Tennessee
#2
It just sort of happened. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. I don't regret it though as I have a wonderful daughter, 3 grandchildren and twins on the way.
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#3
#3
My parents had me "unexpectedly"
They really didn't want a kid lol

I've always thought from when I was little that I would want to have a child when I got older so I could give them a better life then my parents gave me, and to get the chance to raise a person into a respectful, polite young lady or man.
Because let's be honest there are not enough people like that
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#4
#4
As a young girl I babysat a lot and loved babies and young children! When I got married, I planned our first child because I longed to embrace a tiny perfect child and call it my own. The other two were not planned but their daddy and I were ecstatic about it just the same. Those were some of the best years of my life, watching them grow up and learn about life. My kids blessed my life more than I could ever imagine! In fact, they still do and so do my four grandsons.
 
4

49

Guest
#5
#5
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I've been thinking about something the past few days, and I'm curious enough to ask the question.

Why did you have children? Also, why did you want to have children, if you did consciously want them? Was it something biological? Did you feel a need? Did you do it because of your family's or society's expectation? Was it all just kind of an unplanned surprise you had to adapt to? I'm just curious about people's reasons for having kids.

Why do I ask, and why do I care? Good questions.

I was an "oops baby". I wasn't supposed to be. My Mother was told from the time she was a teenager that she would never be able to have children, and she accepted it so deeply that she never wanted them. My Dad already had 3 kids from a previous marriage, and he didn't want any more. I was unplanned and, as I found out from my Mother when I was a small child, not a welcomed addition to her life. I was also told that having me convinced both of them to not take the chance on having another child, so I got to grow up not only an only child, but grow up with the knowledge that I was in existence only because my Mother was too scared to get an abortion or put me up for adoption.

So, having internalized all that by the time I hit puberty, I had cemented my feelings about children firmly in the NO category. To the point where I was unwilling to take part in the act that can produce them, and if I could not avoid the act, I would take every precaution available to me to ensure it never happened (yes, I got snipped). I'm curious though why people want to have children. Colleagues and acquaintances I have known over the years have started families, and I have wondered why. I've never gotten a straight answer or one I can understand.
Click to expand...
Wow, Jon. It amazes me there are/were children such as you were that are not wanted. Sad really.

Have 2 biological children, 3 step-kids raised from toddlers, a grandson and another on the way. Did not plan them, and did not reject them. They are in my life, and wouldn't have it any other way :).
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#6
#6
I wasn't like other kids, and my folks couldn't handle it. I didn't like the same things, want to do the same things, behave the same way, or follow any particular progression they could read about in some silly secular child-psychology book. I frustrated my folks as I grew up. Not much has changed. I still frustrate people.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
9,699
113
#7
I didn't, thank God. Having a cat is bad enough. Adding a kid on top of that would put me in the loony bin..lol
 
L

LiJo

Guest
#8
#8
Growing up I didn't like babies, mainly because I was afraid of them. I never wanted kids or to get married, but my ex husband was a good salesman, he sold himself, marriage and kids...lol

All my kids were planned, although I didn't plan on twins!! (God has a great sense of humor!)

I totally fell in love with my first child from the moment I laid eyes on him and as God blessed me with each child after him. They have enriched my life and I can't imagine life without them. Even though my marriage to their dad ended, I never regret the marriage because of my children. I don't have any grand children yet, but looking forward to it when the time is right.
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#9
#9
Interesting. I've heard from quite a few people that they fell in love with their children when they first saw them or first held them. The whole falling in love thing is beyond my experience, but I think maybe I can somehow understand why a person would speak about their children in terms like that. I've only held a baby a couple of times, and it just felt terribly awkward to me, and the babies hated it.
 
Angela_grace

Angela_grace

Senior Member
#10
Jan 3, 2016
196
10
18
#10
Well, when the child is yours it's probably different. I like kids but I have always been scared to hold an infant. But when my niece was born that changed. I held her when she was just hours old. She's so precious. And I'm never scared of holding her. It's always a joy to hold her

my sister did say that when my niece was born she don't love her as much as she does now that she can see her personality and character. Sooo...she didn't fall in love the moment she saw her.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#11
#11
I love kids and babies and even adults that still find joy in the world like kids.

Both of my kids were "unplanned" in that we didn't try nor did we use prevention. My husband knew before the pregnancy test that I was pregnant...not sure how.

We had a deep appreciation for life and loved both kids while they were still moving around in the womb.

Saddens me that your parents didn't value and love you as the previous gift from God that you are.
 
M

MyaView

Guest
#12
#12
I never planned on having children. I thought the world was going to hell in a handbasket by the time I was 25 years old and had worked for two companies where the top executives were committing fraud and one of them went to prison. I did not want my children to be as disillusioned with life as I had easily become at such a young age being in the workforce.

However, God had different plans for me and I ended up pregnant anyway. The whole idea scared me to death! I prayed like I never prayed before and asked God to take control over the whole situation (even asked Him to make sure I never regretted it. Ha!) He has answered every prayer. My child is awesome, has brought me much joy, more love than I ever thought I could feel for someone, and didn't break me financially (yet). I thank God every day for giving me a good child who didn't make my life (or her own) as difficult and stressful as I feared! But make no mistake, kids think they know EVERYTHING, which can be very frustrating at times even under the best of conditions!

God Bless!
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#13
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#13
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I've been thinking about something the past few days, and I'm curious enough to ask the question.

Why did you have children? Also, why did you want to have children, if you did consciously want them? Was it something biological? Did you feel a need? Did you do it because of your family's or society's expectation? Was it all just kind of an unplanned surprise you had to adapt to? I'm just curious about people's reasons for having kids.

Why do I ask, and why do I care? Good questions.

I was an "oops baby". I wasn't supposed to be. My Mother was told from the time she was a teenager that she would never be able to have children, and she accepted it so deeply that she never wanted them. My Dad already had 3 kids from a previous marriage, and he didn't want any more. I was unplanned and, as I found out from my Mother when I was a small child, not a welcomed addition to her life. I was also told that having me convinced both of them to not take the chance on having another child, so I got to grow up not only an only child, but grow up with the knowledge that I was in existence only because my Mother was too scared to get an abortion or put me up for adoption.

So, having internalized all that by the time I hit puberty, I had cemented my feelings about children firmly in the NO category. To the point where I was unwilling to take part in the act that can produce them, and if I could not avoid the act, I would take every precaution available to me to ensure it never happened (yes, I got snipped). I'm curious though why people want to have children. Colleagues and acquaintances I have known over the years have started families, and I have wondered why. I've never gotten a straight answer or one I can understand.
Click to expand...


I knew when I was young I eventually wanted my own children. I was the youngest of six kid's. My oldest Sister is 14 years older than me, my oldest brother is 12 years older than me. I was very loved by my parents and siblings growing up. My Sister and I are very close. I actually wanted a big family like my parents had. I wanted to be a stay at home Mom.


I actually hate the term stay at home Mom, I'm a Mother period. My Mom was called a housewife then someone probably got offended and changed the definition. I was taught how to cook and clean. I was cooking sauce with my Mom on Sunday's from the time I was about 9. I had fun cooking with my Mom.

My sister had her first child, my oldest nephew when I was 7. He was and still is like a little brother to me, but we all helped. I couldn't babysit at 7 but I fed him and changed diapers sometimes. He was at our house a lot, I helped watch him and then my Niece came a long a couple of years later and it was the same thing. In a big family you all help. It was the way it was.

I got married at 29. I didn't want to wait to have kid's, my Husband did. I had my son when I was 35 and my Daughter was the surprise baby less than a year later. I had 3 miscarriages prior to that and it was difficult.

My family always made and still makes a celebration when a new baby is coming, it's a joy to all of us. Even when my Nephew got his girlfriend (now wife) pregnant their senior year of high school, of course my brother and his wife were shocked and it was scary but once that shock wore off and I think even before it wore off, that child was considered a blessing and he and his younger brother are very loved by all of us.

I've always loved Babies and kid's. I babysat most of the kid's in my neighborhood. I had fun with them. There was never a time when I thought about my future that I didn't want kid's. If I had started younger I would have had more at least 4, but I love my two more than I can express in words. They're my life.


I asked my Mom if I was an accident? She told me, you were all accidents. She said they didn't plan then, she got married at age 17. When she told me she was pregnant when she got married I wasn't shocked. My Dad was a cradle robber he was 22. I'm sorry your parents treated you like that YIG. I have friends who tell me that they weren't really wanted by their parents. I don't get that. My family wasn't perfect growing up, there were problems sometimes but I always knew I was loved. I feel lucky for that.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#14
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#14
I wanted to out breed the muslims.
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#15
#15
Fenner said:
I knew when I was young I eventually wanted my own children. I was the youngest of six kid's. My oldest Sister is 14 years older than me, my oldest brother is 12 years older than me. I was very loved by my parents and siblings growing up. My Sister and I are very close. I actually wanted a big family like my parents had. I wanted to be a stay at home Mom.


I actually hate the term stay at home Mom, I'm a Mother period. My Mom was called a housewife then someone probably got offended and changed the definition. I was taught how to cook and clean. I was cooking sauce with my Mom on Sunday's from the time I was about 9. I had fun cooking with my Mom.

My sister had her first child, my oldest nephew when I was 7. He was and still is like a little brother to me, but we all helped. I couldn't babysit at 7 but I fed him and changed diapers sometimes. He was at our house a lot, I helped watch him and then my Niece came a long a couple of years later and it was the same thing. In a big family you all help. It was the way it was.

I got married at 29. I didn't want to wait to have kid's, my Husband did. I had my son when I was 35 and my Daughter was the surprise baby less than a year later. I had 3 miscarriages prior to that and it was difficult.

My family always made and still makes a celebration when a new baby is coming, it's a joy to all of us. Even when my Nephew got his girlfriend (now wife) pregnant their senior year of high school, of course my brother and his wife were shocked and it was scary but once that shock wore off and I think even before it wore off, that child was considered a blessing and he and his younger brother are very loved by all of us.

I've always loved Babies and kid's. I babysat most of the kid's in my neighborhood. I had fun with them. There was never a time when I thought about my future that I didn't want kid's. If I had started younger I would have had more at least 4, but I love my two more than I can express in words. They're my life.


I asked my Mom if I was an accident? She told me, you were all accidents. She said they didn't plan then, she got married at age 17. When she told me she was pregnant when she got married I wasn't shocked. My Dad was a cradle robber he was 22. I'm sorry your parents treated you like that YIG. I have friends who tell me that they weren't really wanted by their parents. I don't get that. My family wasn't perfect growing up, there were problems sometimes but I always knew I was loved. I feel lucky for that.
Click to expand...
Your family sounds lovely and I bet you are a wonderful mother... :)
 
Y

Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#17
#17
TemporaryCircumstances said:
Well, it was bound to be posted eventually
Click to expand...
Yeah. How unfortunate.

Well, that wraps this thread up as far as I am concerned. It was fun while it lasted. Thanks to those of you who contributed.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#18
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#18
It's good enough reason to have children as any. Be fruitful and multiply.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#19
#19
Hubby's first wife almost died when their son came along. Sh'es a tiny woman and the space a baby takes up inside her squished her gall bladder badly that she was in agonizing pain for months until the son was viable and could be c-sectioned out. Add to that, the pain was so terrible, they gave her percocet after the surgery despite it clearly saying she was addicted to it before. That landed her in a mental hospital (that was paid by the doctor who gave her the percocet, in lieu of being sued), so hubby got the joy of working 12-24 hours a day (winter time and he was a heating mechanic), as well as trying to take care of his new son and his young daughter and running over to see his wife when he could.

So he snipped-snipped too. And several years later the marriage was over. And a couple of years after that I came along.

His wife (who is insane -- literally) won the house, the car, and the kids, much to my husband's great heartache. And she trained those kids to hate him every single week, so he spent half the weekend proving to them that he wasn't the monster their mother told them about. And the other half convincing them they did want to go back to her. It tore him up and wasn't easy on the kids, so he broke all ties with them for their sanity.

For me, he had the surgery to unsnip the snipsnip. With the surgery, he had a 10% possibility of having children. I was 24 when we married, so wanted kids immediately. He didn't really for obvious reasons but he braced himself to give me what I wanted. I wanted kids because he lost his and someone should continue his family name.

I took a pregnancy test one month, and back then there was little difference between positive and negative. We were both trying, so we read it as a positive. I was so excited, picturing the little tyke growing in me, planning on all the things we would need when he came along. He would be John Jr., since John's son is not a Jr.

And then my period came. I cried. He cried with me. But in about 1-2 days I laughed. I told him I only wanted the baby for him. He told me he only wanted it for me. Once that came out I laughed because I figured out I never wanted a baby. I raised my little brother as his godmother, and it brought me no joy yo be in his mother's role. (He's my favorite brother, but I always hated be in the mother role.)

When hubby saw me laugh, he laughed. He didn't want to be a dad again. Whew! reality we were doing it ony for the other and the other never really wanted kind.

It's okay not to want kids. They are optional, but just because you Mom didn't want you doesn't have to mean you don't want kids either. I can't say I like your parents but we don't have to carry their garbage with us. Don't make their stupid decisions your decision. You aren't them. If you want children, find yourself the wife. And if you find that wife, find out if she wants them and then why.
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#20
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#20
I always wanted children. They are grown, but i still enjoy them. Raising them was fun. Three boys. Now enjoying two grandaughters and two grandsons too.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.