I am in a difficult pickle

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jsr1221 said:
That's why I compared to what Scripture says about confronting someone in the church that sins. First you go privately. If the person doesn't listen, then you bring someone. If still doesn't listen, then you go to the church. I believe it relates to his situation in that he has the choice to confront his sister, telling her she needs to tell his friend. If she doesn't, and she still continues seeing this other guy behind his back, then Blain has the obligation on going to his friend that is being cheated on. By not doing so, he's as guilty as his sister and other friend because he is essentially encouraging them to carry on with the cheating.
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Maybe that could be applied here. However, I don't think he is encouraging it to continue. Telling his sister to tell him is one thing but I'm not so sure that tattling is the answer and will provide anything but brokenness between him and his sister. Sometimes it is wise to let people fall on their own. They actually learn something that way. Lol
 
jsr1221 said:
It's still cheating, no matter how she or even you try to rationalize. You say people are going to get hurt. They are going to get hurt a lot more the longer this plays out, especially if he finds out you knew and kept it from him.
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I know it is still cheating I don't even look at girls on t.v. with their boobs hanging out because in my mind that is the same as cheating on stephanie.
But when I say people will get hurt I mean James will brutally attack either my sister my friend or both and honestly if it is revealed I feel it should come from my sister not me
 
Blain said:
I know it is still cheating I don't even look at girls on t.v. with their boobs hanging out because in my mind that is the same as cheating on stephanie.
But when I say people will get hurt I mean James will brutally attack either my sister my friend or both and honestly if it is revealed I feel it should come from my sister not me
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This is a pretty good example of why people shouldn't definitively say one way or the other of how someone should handle a situation on an internet forum. It's a tough situation Blaine and my advice is that time is your friend and the situation will resolve itself. You aren't responsible for the fall out of other peoples actions. The boyfriend being cheated on is playing his role too.
 
Blain said:
I know it is still cheating I don't even look at girls on t.v. with their boobs hanging out because in my mind that is the same as cheating on stephanie.
But when I say people will get hurt I mean James will brutally attack either my sister my friend or both and honestly if it is revealed I feel it should come from my sister not me
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People are going to get hurt one way or the other. You can't control how he reacts. You can control, though, how long this continues.
 
Sirk said:
But why would he want to be in control of that?
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Because these are three people that he cares about. He's worried that his sister and or other friend is going to get hurt. It's going to be worse if it stays more of a secret longer. I just know if I had a family member come up to me and say "Hey, I'm cheating on your friend" I would have a hard time living with that, especially if I'm around said friend and the friend goes on and on about how great my family member is. I just know I couldn't be able to keep that, especially if I had given my family member numerous of opportunities to come clean and yet she is still continuing to cheat on him. That's not a true friend, in my opinion.
 
You should pray about it, and impress upon your sister the need for HER to tell James. And tell her that it's not fair to put you in the middle. Sorry you're in this mess. :(
 
Don't tell him yourself - it is not your secret to tell, but hers. Encourage HER to tell James.
 
jsr1221 said:
Because these are three people that he cares about. He's worried that his sister and or other friend is going to get hurt. It's going to be worse if it stays more of a secret longer. I just know if I had a family member come up to me and say "Hey, I'm cheating on your friend" I would have a hard time living with that, especially if I'm around said friend and the friend goes on and on about how great my family member is. I just know I couldn't be able to keep that, especially if I had given my family member numerous of opportunities to come clean and yet she is still continuing to cheat on him. That's not a true friend, in my opinion.
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Tattling doesn't allow God to have His time to work things out.
 
Just to add a little brevity to your op. Invite them all over for dinner.....at the same time...don't tell them.....then just sit back and watch. Could be somewhat entertaining. Lol
 
Sirk said:
Tattling doesn't allow God to have His time to work things out.
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Then why does the Bible say to bring it to the church if the one in question doesn't stop sinning? Isn't that tattling, like you just put it?
 
Just peaked in for a moment and saw this. Blain, I would explain to my sister the situation she has put me in and give her a deadline to come clean, explaining that it should come from her but if she won't do it you will have to.

God bless you brother
 
RickyZ said:
Just peaked in for a moment and saw this. Blain, I would explain to my sister the situation she has put me in and give her a deadline to come clean, explaining that it should come from her but if she won't do it you will have to.

God bless you brother
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This, I was going to say deadline it. Give her opportunity to fess up but make it known it won't stay a secret for long.
 
Sirk said:
I don't think this is a church issue.
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It's not. But as I said earlier, the concept (someone sinning) can be compared to his situation (his sister cheating on his friend with another friend, and not wanting to stop). The going to the church would be him going to the friend that has no clue on what's going on. It's different if she is willing to stop. But the fact that she isn't shows me trying to encourage her won't do the bit of good. Sure you still try, just as you try to encourage the member to church to stop. But if refusal takes place? Well, the Bible is clear on what to do next.
 
I still think it would be kinda entertaining to get them all together in the same room and watch them squirm. One has to realize that I sort of thrive on awkwardness tho. Lol
 
I would tell her to tell him first or you will. I HATE it when people keep quite about cheating. It's so disrespectful and awful. especially in this case because you know there's a good chance she won't leave him, so what then he stays with a cheater and doesn't know? It should be his choice. Violent or not, he should get to choose if he stays with a cheater or not. And you owe him more right then your sister because she's the one who chose to her him and mess it up so she shouldn't be the one who gets the loyalty from you.

Also, if he is violent can you imagine in he didn't find out and then later on found out that she cheated? I think that would be worse. And like you said if he found out you hid it. It's best to just deal with it now and have her tell him, if she doesn't then you need to. And sister or not, if she's not willing to tell him then she's not a very good person and someone you probably shouldn't have much respect for.
 
Blain said:
so I need advice on what to do in this situation. You see my sister has been dating this buddy of mine James for four years but she has been wanting to break it off for a while now yet never does I think she still has feelings for James. I also have another close friend who lives with me and my sister has been coming over for a few days and he and her get along great. But she came to me yesterday and told me she cheated on James with my friend and is thinking of leaving James for him but knowing her she isn't ready to leave James.

Now in this situation I have contemplated on what to do about this, I feel James deserves to know but at the same time not only do I know the chaos it would bring if I tell him but also I don't know if it's my place to tell him. If I go the latter route and let things happen and if he finds out and asks me if I knew I will be honest and tell him yes but on the other hand if I tell him honestly nothing good will come of it both my sister and James are very violent people.

But I want to do what is right the issue is I am not sure what it right
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Your sister cheated on James? How bout start with letting her know that's wrong to your sister for her to do that to James and that she should break it off with James because if he asks you any questions you won't lie to him...

As far as going and telling James I don't think I'd do that as your sister should take responsibility and break it off with him then he'd know from the person who should tell him. In fact she should have broken up with James before the cheating and if the cheating is what I think it is she shouldn't do that either as there is that relationship with God that is more important....

You are just a witness or aware of the goings on it isn't your place to disclose or inform unless criminal events then inform the proper authorities.... You would be the one to catch the backlash in the end from your sister or your friend.... Your sister will still have to answer to God for her actions as we all will for our own actions someday....

We live in such a messed up world because if your sister really cared about James she would not have cheated on him to start with...Oh, what a tangled web we weave.....sinning is complicated.... I know I've done my share of it not proud to say...
 
jsr1221 said:
People are going to get hurt one way or the other. You can't control how he reacts. You can control, though, how long this continues.
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I keep telling people this....you can't control anyone or anything, but you only can control yourself.

Blain, I know this is really going to be a bitter pill for you to swallow. Tell your sister not to be with either guy and leave it alone. You really do need to stay out of this as its not your problem and by you getting in the middle is one of the worst decisions you could make and you could potentially cause problems between you and them that could never be fixed....but other than that just pray for your sister that her eyes are opened
 
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