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dalconn
Guest
We can choose our actions but we can't choose our consequences....you two are destroying your children
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WeightedWords
Guest
Ashby
We've all heard that love is patient and love is kind, for these are some of the greatest words in the Bible. How many of us remember "Be Kind, Rewind"? Yes, If you are old enough to remember VCR tapes from the library you might have seen that prominent red on white sticker that reminds us all to think of the other person before filing away that video without rewinding it back- the way you found it.
Marriage for women (and probably men) is like a video tape. We as women have memories that play back at the best and worst times and we play them over and over again, whether it's when we are stewing about that awful thing our husband said or whether it is to replay in our minds the "happy days" that we think are long gone. After 8 years of marriage happy days don't have to be archaic. You just have to remember that marriage is about growing with your spouse, not leaching happiness out of your spouse.
You say you don't find your husband attractive. Obviously you are talking about physical attraction, because in the same paragraph you said he was a great dad and that he really loves you. Has that stopped counting for something? When you first met your husband were you looking for that sublimely handsome and sexy guy to marry who could be the worst jerk in the world, or were you looking for a man that you saw as good/great father material who would love you even though you fight with him? It's all about priorities, isn't it? You obviously liked him at least a little if you have kids, right? You weren't afraid to have kids with him because, at the time, you valued his character and manliness and probably love and leadership in your home.
When did YOUR priorities change? Do you WANT to be the good/great wife and mother in your home, or do you want to be that woman that is so focused on artifice and externals that you ruin your own testimony before your kids and your church. Is indulging in the fantasy of other men's externals worth the angry and selfish persona that your discontentment has created?
If you WANT to love your husband again, why don't you sit down and take a few steps in an effort to change yourself? Sit down and watch the movie called "Fireproof" together. It's interesting. Then look into a study called "What Did You Expect" by Paul Tripp. After that, why not just take regular time together to figure out what you both want- not to see how screwed up things are, but to remember why it was you two made it 8 years with kids. You chose to marry the man... now chose to be a godly wife to him.
We've all heard that love is patient and love is kind, for these are some of the greatest words in the Bible. How many of us remember "Be Kind, Rewind"? Yes, If you are old enough to remember VCR tapes from the library you might have seen that prominent red on white sticker that reminds us all to think of the other person before filing away that video without rewinding it back- the way you found it.
Marriage for women (and probably men) is like a video tape. We as women have memories that play back at the best and worst times and we play them over and over again, whether it's when we are stewing about that awful thing our husband said or whether it is to replay in our minds the "happy days" that we think are long gone. After 8 years of marriage happy days don't have to be archaic. You just have to remember that marriage is about growing with your spouse, not leaching happiness out of your spouse.
You say you don't find your husband attractive. Obviously you are talking about physical attraction, because in the same paragraph you said he was a great dad and that he really loves you. Has that stopped counting for something? When you first met your husband were you looking for that sublimely handsome and sexy guy to marry who could be the worst jerk in the world, or were you looking for a man that you saw as good/great father material who would love you even though you fight with him? It's all about priorities, isn't it? You obviously liked him at least a little if you have kids, right? You weren't afraid to have kids with him because, at the time, you valued his character and manliness and probably love and leadership in your home.
When did YOUR priorities change? Do you WANT to be the good/great wife and mother in your home, or do you want to be that woman that is so focused on artifice and externals that you ruin your own testimony before your kids and your church. Is indulging in the fantasy of other men's externals worth the angry and selfish persona that your discontentment has created?
If you WANT to love your husband again, why don't you sit down and take a few steps in an effort to change yourself? Sit down and watch the movie called "Fireproof" together. It's interesting. Then look into a study called "What Did You Expect" by Paul Tripp. After that, why not just take regular time together to figure out what you both want- not to see how screwed up things are, but to remember why it was you two made it 8 years with kids. You chose to marry the man... now chose to be a godly wife to him.
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Amazing-Grace
Guest
The reason you don't find your husband attractive is because of all the bickering. True love is not about first love and the way you make each other feel at the beginning of a relationship, true love is deeper than that - it's mutual respect, a caring attitude, your mutual goal to raise God fearing children and building a home. The best thing you can do for your marriage is pray together and invite God into it - a family that prays together stays together.
That book seems like a good bet also.
Bring back that connection by giving him grace and understanding. Stop fighting him because he is not the enemy. Focus on improving yourself, maybe you can own your part of the problem. Pray for your husband, you don't want to lose him to the real enemy.
Maybe he's unhappy with you and that's why he doesn't look after himself. Maybe he feels unloved and tbh, if you've been pushing him away when he tries to love you, it's gotta hurt him deeply.
I think a separation for a while would be good. And it's unfair to him that you're stringing him along.
Separating is not good. That's just an invitation for divorce. People that separate usually divorce. The bible says in 1 Corinthians 7, that a woman is not to leave her husband.
well, rather often it's the husband that leaves the marriage. Why is it okay for them to leave, but the wife can't?
And my name isn't "woman".. lol
That's not what we were taking about. I was saying if she leaves she'll loose the word worthwhile in her marriage and life. You can't quit, or be unfaithful and have a worthwhile life. I mean honestly, he really loves her, and is a great Dad. In her words. What stinking brat! Maybe she's the problem. Calls him names and is looking at other men. So no doubt she's rejecting him in the most personal and sacred place.
If she overcame herself she could say it was worthwhile and give glory to God, instead of another Christian casualty to invalidate her faith to her family.
She's not leaving him. She's going away on a holiday to pray for her marriage and gain clarity and wisdom from God in how to fix her marriage.
What if her husband worked abroad, that separating too.