Not attracted to husband

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A

Ashby

Guest
#1
#1
I have been married for eight years. We have two kids together and he has a child from a previous relationship.
We have always bickered back and forth, but over the last few years our fights have gotten really ugly. Name calling and threats of leaving are a weekly occurrence.
The past year has been the worst and I do not find him attractive at all. I feel like every other man that I see is bettering looking than my husband.I know that some of those things cannot be helped but there are many that can be done and he chooses not to do them.
At this point you might be wondering why I haven't left yet? Well my husband is a great dad and I know he really loves me. I do want our marriage to work and I do not want our kids to grow up with divorced parents.
What should I do?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
9,701
113
#2
First of all, you both need to stop acting like babies when you fight. Name calling is juvenile high school stuff, and empty threats of one or the other of you leaving, are just plain childish. You and your husband need counseling. You're setting a very bad example for your kids, as to how married people are supposed to act. Get your acts together before you screw up your kids' lives the way you've messed up your own.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#3
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#3
Well it sounds like you guy's aren't communicating and have a lot of distance from each other. Of course that can drive a huge wedge in a marriage. What I recommend is you go to couples counseling and try to communicate in a way without fighting and using hurtful words. Attraction in a marriage can sometimes come and go. When my Husband is rude I don't find him attractive, I love him but I don't want him to touch me. We had to work on communication and sometimes we still do. I think we kind of tend to think that person has to know what I'm feeling, but reality is, they don't.


I have found in my own marriage that I must be direct in what I'd like and how something makes me feel. My Husband is a very logical thinking not emotional person. Meaning I don't think he knows to show emotion very well. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get him to share feelings. 98 percent of the time when I'm thinking he's upset or mad at me or sad or something, and I'll ask what's wrong? He sort of gives me a blank stare and says nothing, and he means it. What I've learned though and finally somewhat broken through to him is that communication is a major key in keeping a marriage together. He's much better at sharing feelings with me now. Seek counseling and try to talk to him.
 
J

Jeshuvan

Pastor
Staff member
#4
Apr 15, 2012
221
2
0
#4
Ashby said:
I have been married for eight years. We have two kids together and he has a child from a previous relationship.
We have always bickered back and forth, but over the last few years our fights have gotten really ugly. Name calling and threats of leaving are a weekly occurrence.
The past year has been the worst and I do not find him attractive at all. I feel like every other man that I see is bettering looking than my husband.I know that some of those things cannot be helped but there are many that can be done and he chooses not to do them.
At this point you might be wondering why I haven't left yet? Well my husband is a great dad and I know he really loves me. I do want our marriage to work and I do not want our kids to grow up with divorced parents.
What should I do?
Click to expand...
The Bible states your war is not with flesh and blood=husband,its with satan.You need to get right with God,For yours and the childrens sake.Repent,get u and him in prayer,Gods word=Bible,Church with the children,how can u have a loving relationship with anyone if u dont have one with God.Repent,Grow up and show these children a good Godly example of a mother.You can do this,use this experience as a stepping stone and not a stumbling block.Gods love towards u is without conditions and so should yoursto your family includes husband.God Bless you.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#5
Jun 30, 2015
25,825
13,964
113
#5
To the OP...
Ask the Lord to convict you of your own sin. Repent of every sin which the Holy Spirit brings to your attention. Invite Him into your heart, and welcome the changes He brings about. He can restore your love and attraction for your husband, and can wash away the ugliness that causes the strife. Encourage your husband to seek the Lord's conviction also.

May the Lord be gracious and patient with you both. His love is enough for this situation. :)
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#6
#6
Where is God in your relationship?

Would you choose the love of your husband or the lusts of your flesh?
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#7
#7
Ashby said:
I have been married for eight years. We have two kids together and he has a child from a previous relationship.
We have always bickered back and forth, but over the last few years our fights have gotten really ugly. Name calling and threats of leaving are a weekly occurrence.
The past year has been the worst and I do not find him attractive at all. I feel like every other man that I see is bettering looking than my husband.I know that some of those things cannot be helped but there are many that can be done and he chooses not to do them.
At this point you might be wondering why I haven't left yet? Well my husband is a great dad and I know he really loves me. I do want our marriage to work and I do not want our kids to grow up with divorced parents.
What should I do?
Click to expand...
Were you attracted to him when you married? Have you sought counseling? Do you have a church you attend? Sorry but there are a few blanks that you haven't filled in.
 
A

Ashby

Guest
#8
#8
I was attracted to him in the beginning. It just seems like when we got married he felt that he didn't need to try in all aspects, appearance and relationship. After eight years of not trying it is starting to take a toll. I go to church every Sunday, he will go but I can tell that he gets nothing out of it and doesn't really want to be there. That's another issue. He converted to Catholicism before we got married and I don't think he really wanted to in his heart he just did it because he knew that it was important to me.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#9
#9
Ashby said:
I was attracted to him in the beginning. It just seems like when we got married he felt that he didn't need to try in all aspects, appearance and relationship. After eight years of not trying it is starting to take a toll. I go to church every Sunday, he will go but I can tell that he gets nothing out of it and doesn't really want to be there. That's another issue. He converted to Catholicism before we got married and I don't think he really wanted to in his heart he just did it because he knew that it was important to me.
Click to expand...
Do you think talking to your pastor could help? If you could find a Christian counselor near you it could help if you're both willing to work on your marriage. After years of an unhappy marriage you forget what made you fall in love in the first place. If you have children it is worth it to try and work things out before you decide to walk away.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#10
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
272
83
#10
What helped me years ago was when we began praying together (even for 5 min.) for our children, work issues, family matters and for God to bless each other. If only you could begin there, it really works to begin a new intimacy. And God meets you at that time and seems to slowly bring love back into your hearts. You both are vulnerable when praying for each other.

I certainly hope this works out for you.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#11
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
339
83
#11
Ashby said:
The past year has been the worst and I do not find him attractive at all. I feel like every other man that I see is bettering looking than my husband.

At this point you might be wondering why I haven't left yet? Well my husband is a great dad and I know he really loves me.
What should I do?
Click to expand...
A great Dad and he loves you.. What should you do? Stay, and stop focusing on the superficial things, beauty is only skin deep. If he was attractive enough for you to marry, stick with your decision and stay married... jmo
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
42,732
17,196
113
70
Tennessee
#12
All things considered I believe that you must pray for peace in your marriage. Also, ask God to let you find your husband attractive to you. Perhaps one reason that you don't is that you may be overlooking any attractive qualities he may have as a husband besides physical appearance. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
A

Ashby

Guest
#13
#13
Thank you Joidevivre
 
A

Ashby

Guest
#14
#14
Thank you tourist
 
D

debRed70

Guest
#15
#15
Have you read Love & Respect?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#16
#16
Ashby said:
I have been married for eight years. We have two kids together and he has a child from a previous relationship.
We have always bickered back and forth, but over the last few years our fights have gotten really ugly. Name calling and threats of leaving are a weekly occurrence.
The past year has been the worst and I do not find him attractive at all. I feel like every other man that I see is bettering looking than my husband.I know that some of those things cannot be helped but there are many that can be done and he chooses not to do them.
At this point you might be wondering why I haven't left yet? Well my husband is a great dad and I know he really loves me. I do want our marriage to work and I do not want our kids to grow up with divorced parents.
What should I do?
Click to expand...
Remember you're supposed to be a Christian, seek God, and act like he wants you to act through his strength, instead of doing what you've been doing.
 
H

HisChild

Guest
#17
#17
You need to invite God into your marriage. When both couples love God first, they will love each other better. I suggest you both seek marriage counseling. Perhaps your pastor can recommend someone.

Fighting unfairly can damage a marriage or any relationships for that matter. I'm married, when we both argue, we give each other some space and ALWAYS resolve our issues before bedtime. God gives us grace and we must do the same for others. Try to put the other person before yourself. When both parties practice this, you will have a happier and healthier marriage.
 
C

Camelot

Member
#18
Jun 15, 2016
71
10
8
#18
Ashby said:
I have been married for eight years. We have two kids together and he has a child from a previous relationship.
We have always bickered back and forth, but over the last few years our fights have gotten really ugly. Name calling and threats of leaving are a weekly occurrence.
The past year has been the worst and I do not find him attractive at all. I feel like every other man that I see is bettering looking than my husband.I know that some of those things cannot be helped but there are many that can be done and he chooses not to do them.
At this point you might be wondering why I haven't left yet? Well my husband is a great dad and I know he really loves me. I do want our marriage to work and I do not want our kids to grow up with divorced parents.
What should I do?
Click to expand...
I hear you, I myself am dealing with serious battles however I would NEVER encourage ANYONE to divorce other than if someone feels their life is endanger. Having said that I would say really really try to come together and reason together while you can. It might be difficult to get him to see where you're coming from but try and talk over and over and over again until you guys get "it" because when it actually comes to it (separation, divorce) the crap is from the devil lol it is NOT fun. For you, him or the kids. I am one that hates divorce and would tell anyone to do everything you guys can to stay. But hey, that's coming from someone going through it himself.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#19
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#19
Ever consider how in-attractive you were to Jesus?

1Jo 4:10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Ro 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Learn about real love that is not based on physical attraction.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#20
Aug 20, 2016
542
15
18
#20
Dan58 said:
A great Dad and he loves you.. What should you do? Stay, and stop focusing on the superficial things, beauty is only skin deep. If he was attractive enough for you to marry, stick with your decision and stay married... jmo
Click to expand...
Yes. Don't forget about the fact that you chose an unequally yoked relationship. This is what it looks like. Divorce is forbidden except for the two A's, adultery or abandonment. You're looking on other men BTW.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
1Pe 3:1*-‬6 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/1pe.3.1-6.NKJV

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Eph 5:33 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/eph.5.33.NKJV

You're responsible for your part,regardless of what he does or doesn't do. Quietness, not contention. Not silent treatment, quiet and gentle sprit.
 
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