Let go and let God...

[seapanda]

Thanks for your,prayers and blessings.

What are the crossroads, if you care to share, that you feel that you are standing at?

Personally I have decided to take a step more towards ordination but I want to make it in God's time,and will and not my own.

Plus I enjoy this time of rest study and family. Ministry is a battlefield I am not sure i am equiped or ready for yet.

I took up a position as Head of Department 2 years ago. It's a difficult department to work with but I've managed to do so over the two years. However, we recently had a new Head of School (I work at a university) who is not only struggling to deal with the School (it has 3 departments) but seems to have condemned all of us as being thoroughly incompetent. I had a few run ins with her and she has kinda blamed me on those occasions for not doing things "properly". I don't think I was wrong but the way she said it made me feel like she thought I was incompetent. I feel like I should set the record straight, but to do so, I need to point out what she did was wrong, i.e. that she was overreacting.

Specifically, I went out to ask for funding for an end-of-year exhibition that the students are organizing. They under-estimated the funds they can raise and so ended up $10K short. The people I know are the older bosses who are now semi-retired, and the firms are run by younger people whom I don't know so well. Anyway, the older guys passed the request to the younger guys. One of them had a previous meeting with the Head of School and had told her that he'd like everything to go through him as far as requests from the School is concerned. He took exception to the fact that I went to the older guy first. He basically told me off (he had actually said the same thing to me earlier) and then wrote, I think, to the Head of School to say the same thing.

She then told me off about it. Firstly, she reminded me that she had told me (and the rest of the management team) that from now on we need to approach industry in a more structured manner. However, she didn't tell me that she had visited this particular firm nor what happened during the visit. Also, she didn't identify who is the point of contact from the School side. She also said that the as email I wrote was embarrassing, begging for money.

Thinking it over, I took a calculated risk writing to the older guys because we had been working together and they had been very supportive. So, I knew them well enough, I thought, to speak from the heart. Did I do wrong here? I do have a tendency to just speak straight from the heart and not watch over every word. I had the students at heart, they had worked hard to raise funds and it was understandable that they over-reached. I wanted to help them. To be honest, I don't regret doing so.

My problem now is how to mend bridges with the Head of School. To defend myself, I have to point out that she should have told me about her visit more specifically and told me who is representing us at the School level. I don't think she will be receptive to me. She hasn't been in the past. Even when I asked her, when she was telling me off, who should I work with, she wasn't able to say. I don't know how to move forward. I work with industry and I need to meet with them. But, if the School is not organized, I have to work on my own. She can't be jumping everytime she gets an unhappy email from them.

I am not good at talking to emotional people. I tend to give in and say sorry to help the situation. Also, she hasn't been receptive to me. So, I don't know if she will listen if I try to talk to her.

I don't know where I stand with her. I don't know if she wants me to continue as Head of Department. I don't know how best to talk to her. I'm worried that I might make the situation worse. It doesn't help that we have staff who are unhappy and disagree with what I'm doing or how I run the department. I feel I am undermined by my staff as well. I wonder if I'm being paranoid. I feel like I should do something but I don't know what to do.

 

[Ariel82]

I would pray. Say your sorry if needed and ask,her to clarify the chain of command or the channels she wants you to go through before contacting industry.

Perhaps she would like someone to read and review communications or only have one point of contact with industry.

Show that you are willing to work with her boundaries, if she clearly states her expectations. Explain to her your reasoning....you had a good working relationship with the older gentlemen and was just trying to help the students raise the needed funds to accomplish their goals.

It is a noble motive. It sounds like you stepped on toes and hurt pride is coming into play. The younger man and your new boss seem unsure of their position and authority.
.they probably want respect and are frustrated at not receiving it.

My advice is to show that to respect them, even if you don't always agree with their decisions and ask her what her solution to the problem would have been. It will give you insight into her thinking and help you understand how,she would have handled it.

Workplace politics are hard. Pray and do the best you can. Will pray that God touches hearts and builds a friendlier work environment for you.

Maybe have an open honest staff meeting and get their input and thoughts? I don't know. Will pray God helps you see a solution. I just know that listening and showing them you care and value their opinion means a lot.

 

[seapanda]

I would pray.

That's a given.

Say your sorry if needed

I have. But, I've said sorry before and it's getting to the point where I am feeling incompetent. When she first arrived as Head of School, we met and I wanted to discuss with her some of the programs I have planned. She didn't talk to me about it but instead, we discussed something else, some internal politics. She is not the most friendly person around, and seem rather impatient when I try to talk to her. I'm wondering if our relationship is not on good grounds. I don't know if saying sorry will help anymore. I think she thinks I'm incompetent and not fit for the job. And, there are other people around who is feeding her the same story (or maybe I am being paranoid). To some extent, her style of management seems to be for us to go ahead and run our departments as we see fit and then react negatively when things go wrong, or not the way she expects, and blame us for it.

and ask,her to clarify the chain of command or the channels she wants you to go through before contacting industry.

I did. She said it's up the us as the management team. She's not a dictator.

Perhaps she would like someone to read and review communications or only have one point of contact with industry.

I asked, and she didn't say what I should do (implying that I should know) and didn't tell me who is that point of contact (she's not a dictator).

Show that you are willing to work with her boundaries, if she clearly states her expectations.

I think she expects the departments to be running smoothly and that her role is much more about 'leading' rather than 'managing'. For example, her expectations are clear: we need to be more structured in the way we work with industry. The question is how? Answer: That's for us to sort out. Just don't embarrass her. (After all, we are the Heads of Department, aren't we? At least, that's how I think she feels.)

One of the difficulties we have in the School is that we are working under increased pressure to perform better and have a healthier bottom line. But, as you might expect, most of the staff feel that they are already working to their max and that the University needs to hear their side as well. So, most management meetings do not get to a conclusion but become whinging sessions where they "push back".

Explain to her your reasoning....you had a good working relationship with the older gentlemen and was just trying to help the students raise the needed funds to accomplish their goals.

I didn't get the chance. Maybe I should write her an email to do so. Should I?

It is a noble motive. It sounds like you stepped on toes and hurt pride is coming into play. The younger man and your new boss seem unsure of their position and authority. They probably want respect and are frustrated at not receiving it.

Yup. And I am working on that. But she has told me not to try and mend bridges. So now, what do I do?

My advice is to show that to respect them, even if you don't always agree with their decisions and ask her what her solution to the problem would have been. It will give you insight into her thinking and help you understand how,she would have handled it.

I do. But I can't seem to even make an appointment to talk to her. It has to be vital that we talk, and then, it's not what I went there to talk about.

Workplace politics are hard. Pray and do the best you can. Will pray that God touches hearts and builds a friendlier work environment for you.

Ya. That's why I avoid these positions until now. I'm over 60 yrs old and I thought I might as well put my experience to good use. I thought I could contribute and alleviate the situation that many universities are now facing - accountability. We used to be totally government subsidized and less bottomline orientated. For example, research in the old days mean tackling difficult questions like the origin of the universe. For which there is little funding and which takes a long time to get good results. So, many academics could just do their work, comtemplate these difficult questions and live a generally sedate and intellectual life. Many universities today are more bottomline oriented. How many students do we have, what is their retention rates, how well are we doing in the ranking, etc? And most academics are fighting back. I think we're fighting against the tide. I want to help the university move forward and embrace the future. Find better solutions to how we teach and so on. I'm not interested in promotion (or I wouldn't have chosen the academic life). But I find myself caught in the vortex.

Maybe have an open honest staff meeting and get their input and thoughts?

Been there. Done that. But, the staff and I don't necessarily see eye-to-eye. Just because I get their input doesn't mean I have to follow them. And I guess some of them don't like the direction I'm heading. Especially staff who likes the 'old ways'. Interestingly, there are young staff who are fighting for the old ways. I thought they'd be supportive of new ways. Also, I do get tripped up by bureaucracy and red tape. I am really bad at administration (I even miss emails). So, if you're out to get me, there're lots of ammunition lying around.

I don't know. Will pray God helps you see a solution. I just know that listening and showing them you care and value their opinion means a lot.

Yes, please do. I need all the prayer and help I can get. As a Christian, I want to do what's best for the university. For everyone. I believe that there are solutions that can work for everyone - the university, the staff and the students. But I keep getting tripped up by things like this. Situations where I don't know what to do and where I feel inadequate or incompetent.

At the end of it, I have accepted that if I have to step down, I will. And I will do my best to help the next person who will be stepping into my shoes. I have even accepted that if she thinks I'm incompetent, so be it (although my wife tells me it's career suicide to do so). My wife thinks I should fight back, stand up for myself. But I worry that it might make things worse. What's God's will?

 

[torus]

@seapanda, and anyone else who'd care to read this, I've lost count of all the times I failed. Been down, depressed, asked God to take me immediately. Just keep trusting. Strangely, I've learned it is our choice to practice joy whatever our circumstances. I know this may sound crazy but I have experienced it. I Chose to worship. I chose to praise. Listening to good preachers also helped. 2 Pet 3:18 tells us to grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ ( how nice to be able to look up verses online. Like having an accessible concordance). Listen top preaching about God's grace. It always helps to know God is not punishing us. That we ar not condemned, that we can expect better things. To keep believing God's promise. That is our battle. Our fight of faith. It is against our human nature that always, like Norse Mythology, expects bad to happen in the end. In contrast, God's promises to us, His children are amazing and wonderful, or wonderfully amazing, or amazingly wonderful. Regarding planks, I have my share of them, maybe bigger than yours. I see them when study scripture. Knowing I have them is humbling and makes me all the more grateful for His grace. All things on earth are temporary, even pain and suffering. Grace and peace to you all.

 

[seapanda]

Dear torus, thank you. And I hear you. I'm sorry that you've been so down as to ask God to take you. That's a really tough place to be. But thankful that you not only survived but managed to make the choice for joy. That's hard. I know that God is not punishing us. Despite the fact that we are both inadequate and prone to sin. Our God is loving, hallelujah. You give good advice, and strangely enough, we keep coming back to that - our battle of faith. At the end of the day, we do what we think is right. We do our best. And leave the rest to God. I agree with you. Our God is merciful and amazing in His love and grace for us. I want to always walk by His side. It's just that sometimes, I feel like I'm lost and He's not there.

There's this amazing story about God talking to a soul in heaven about footprints in the sand. God showed him the journey of his life and that wherever he walked there were two sets of footprints. And then, when times were hardest, he saw only one set. So, the soul asked God, "Where were you when I was going through those hard times?". God said, "I was carrying you. The footprints you see are mine." It's a really wonderful story, isn't it? At those times when we are most lost, and most desperate, God is actually carrying us.

Maybe He is carrying me now. Guiding my every action. I won't know until it's over and I look back. God bless you in your walk.

 

[torus]

Dear seapanda, you are very welcome. I'm sure you know we are only able to comfort others because we ourselves received comfort. All the good I have and am is for and by God (I should know, I have some idea of my flaws!) I know what you mean. I feel lost myself, many times. Good thing we don't have to rely on our feelings or we'd be really lost. This being lost is only a feeling. We believe scripture above all. Someone said we are believers, that's who we are, that's what we do.

I love that story. It's scriptural truth has comforted me time and again. God, since He is your Father, cares so deeply for you. He is to us what we need Him to be.

Hessed (grace) and shalom (nothing lacking, nothing broken) to you.

 

[seapanda]

Dear seapanda, you are very welcome. I'm sure you know we are only able to comfort others because we ourselves received comfort. All the good I have and am is for and by God (I should know, I have some idea of my flaws!) I know what you mean. I feel lost myself, many times. Good thing we don't have to rely on our feelings or we'd be really lost. This being lost is only a feeling. We believe scripture above all. Someone said we are believers, that's who we are, that's what we do.

I love that story. It's scriptural truth has comforted me time and again. God, since He is your Father, cares so deeply for you. He is to us what we need Him to be.

Hessed (grace) and shalom (nothing lacking, nothing broken) to you.

I really like this: being lost is only a feeling. What wonderful words. And so true. We are not lost. We may feel we are, but we are not. That is so comforting.

 

[seapanda]

OMG. You won't believe this but it just got worse. There was an important review panel meeting yesterday and the Head of School postponed her trip to be part of the meeting. The panel took a long time deliberating and lunch was delayed. She asked me to tell her when the panel is ready and I said I will. I FORGOT!!! She missed both lunch and the final discussion with the panel. Can you believe that? OMG. I screwed up monumentally. Of course, I apologized immediately. But now, it's confirmed I'm incompetent.

 

[oldethennew]

God's chosen and elect never consider themselves as 'average joes', they are special,
chosen to act in place for Him whenever He asks or leads...

 

[Ariel82]

Why did you have to tell her when the panel is ready? Why wasn't she sitting in on the panel meeting, since she delayed her trip for it. You aren't her Secretary....

All I know is documentation seems important.

I will continue to pray...try and not take on extra tasks and you won't feel incompetent?

 

[Ariel82]

Dear Heavenly Father, please comfort our brother ...help him make wise decisions for Your glory and the good of the university and students. Help him know what traditions to keep and which need to be changed to help the university keep up with the modern world that focuses more on the bottom line then pure academic pursuits. Help him know how to allow both parties to find a good godly solution. Dear God uncover any corruption that might be hidden, any embezzlement or lies. Protect your children. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

 

[seapanda]

Why did you have to tell her when the panel is ready?

Because the panel needs to deliberate and discuss amongst themselves.

Why wasn't she sitting in on the panel meeting, since she delayed her trip for it. You aren't her Secretary....

Hmmm. Maybe I need to explain this better. We have an external visiting panel who is reviewing the program that we are teaching. There is an initial discussion with us after which the panel get together amongst themselves and write a report. We go back to our offices to wait for the panel to finish so that we can meet up with the panel again and receive the report. The panel took much longer than the time provided to them to discuss and write the report. So, she came up from her office to ask me to call her when the panel is ready for us. The panel is sitting outside my office and her office is several floors away. So, she won't know when the panel might be ready and I am the best person to know this. Her secretary is also several floors away and won't know either.

I will continue to pray...try and not take on extra tasks and you won't feel incompetent?

It's not really up to me to determine how much work I need to do. I can try to delegate and so on, but it's for me to manage. But, really, please continue to pray for me.

 

[torus]

OMG. You won't believe this but it just got worse. There was an important review panel meeting yesterday and the Head of School postponed her trip to be part of the meeting. The panel took a long time deliberating and lunch was delayed. She asked me to tell her when the panel is ready and I said I will. I FORGOT!!! She missed both lunch and the final discussion with the panel. Can you believe that? OMG. I screwed up monumentally. Of course, I apologized immediately. But now, it's confirmed I'm incompetent.

Well, beating yourself up won't help. Stop declaring you are incompetent. Say you have an area you can grow. Do not keep expecting negative things. Think solutions (like say , tying a thread on your finger or sticky notes.), not self condemnation.

 

[Ariel82]

Why wasn't everyone called back after they finished discussing and before they presented their results?

Was the review positive?

If it was positive, it will be easier to forgive not hearing it first hand.

Either way it's a new day. God tells us to forgive and move forward.

 

[seapanda]

Why wasn't everyone called back after they finished discussing and before they presented their results?

Not everyone were needed. Only me and my team. Actually, she needn't be around.

Was the review positive? If it was positive, it will be easier to forgive not hearing it first hand.

As positive as might be expected. Not everything was perfect, but it was good enough. No complaints.

Either way it's a new day. God tells us to forgive and move forward.

Yup. My wife actually saw it as a chance for me to make up to the Head of School. The thing now is, I am so totally in the wrong, that my wife suggested I take this chance to apologise and offer to buy her lunch. I actually thought it was a good way for me to kinda mend bridges and see if we might be able to get off on a better footing. If she accepts, then all's well that ends well. Maybe, it's God's answer?

 

[Ariel82]

I would listen to your wife. She sounds like a wise woman. Will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hopefully your boss will listen to God and forgive the trespass of yesterday.

 

[seapanda]

I would listen to your wife. She sounds like a wise woman. Will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hopefully your boss will listen to God and forgive the trespass of yesterday.

Ya. I agree. It does sound like a good way out. It's funny how things can happen for the best. Bless her. Bless you. And thank God. Thank you so much for being there for me.