My Marriage

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Torn001

Guest
#1
#1
Good day

I would like to seek for advice regarding my marriage. My husband has been lying to me about his salary for 2 months and I feel very hurt by it. I have also heard stories about him and another women when I was gone for a weekend. My kids have been suffering because of this. We argue and fight all the time and there is no more love and peace in our home. I don't know what my next step should be. I'm broken and torn apart. Please advice.
 
IDEAtor

IDEAtor

Senior Member
#2
Aug 15, 2012
827
19
18
#2
I wrote a lengthy reply.
But it was too much, too fast, and it may have confused readers.
I am praying for better advice, from others and the Lord.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#3
#3
I really appreciate it. Thanks
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#4
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#4
Talk to him when you are both calm. No blaming, no nagging and no demanding. Tell him that you are hurt. Invite him to be honest and to open up. If he admits and is guilty of adultery, then you decide on what you both really want. If you want to fix it or if its divorce, then you both decide. GBU.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you so much for the advice. I would also just like to mention that he confessed about cheating on me 6 years ago for the first time last Saturday and now I'm thinking that he might just do that again confess after a long time. The woman in question is also pregnant now and he says its not his baby. I'm so confused.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#6
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#6
He just disrespected you in the worst manner. I feel you still want to forgive him and fix your marriage but if he is not willing, what can you do? You have a choice not to live with disrespect.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#7
#7
I want to walk out of this marriage but don't want to regret it because I'm scared that I might be wrong about the other woman.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#8
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#8
Torn001 said:
I want to walk out of this marriage but don't want to regret it because I'm scared that I might be wrong about the other woman.
Click to expand...
The fact that he is lying to you about his salary, something is clear. He is lying. Lying is the same as cheating. He cannot be trusted.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#9
#9
I feel the same way hey. I just don't trust him anymore.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#10
Jul 3, 2015
62,302
31,271
113
#10
It would add up to spending money on the other woman, that he does not have to
account to you for since he is not claiming in it your presence. Since the money
is a secret and she is(/was) a secret, the fact that she is pregnant not being a secret
seems suspicious. It is his back door. (Honest people use the front door.) People
rarely lie about one thing at a time, which is why it is called a tangled web. He
is caught in it and has made you a victim of his infidelity and dishonesty, for
which I am very sorry, knowing the pain of such a situation. God is our refuge, the
most beautiful pair of arms to wrap themself around you to make you feel safe.
Walk in His direction and you cannot go wrong even if you falter. God bless you!
May the good Lord watch over you and your children and especially your husband.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#11
#11
Thank you so much this is really opening my eyes right now and I think that I have to stop being the victim and start taking control of my own life because I need to do what is best for myself and my kids. He has made his bed so it is time for him to lay in it. Thanks so much for everything it is highly appreciated.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#12
Jul 3, 2015
62,302
31,271
113
#12
You are welcome. You need to make a choice of what is best for you and your children
and live one day at a time while making plans for the future and taking steps to ensure
your safety and the emotional well being of your children. This is not to say that you and
your husband may never reconcile, but since he has broken trust more than once and now
on multiple issues including the money, it is up to him to convince you of what it is he truly
wants. He may be a coward and not be able to tell you honestly, and there may even be
a redeeming quality in that if he is desirous of not hurting your feelings. However, if he is
again cheating on you and has another woman pregnant (which he has as much admitted to
though obliquely) then it is a bit late for him to be concerned about your feelings. Keep in
mind that no matter what comes of your marriage, he is responsible for the other woman's
child financially until it reaches adulthood if it is his, unless she marries someone else, in
which case he may still want to be a part of that child's life.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#13
#13
That is what I'm planning now to take one step at a time and to make proper arrangements to make sure my kids will be safe and cared for financially for the future. I will start making plans now to stabilize myself and to not be dependent on him anymore. I need to start looking forward and to look after my own well-being.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#14
#14
Congratulations. Once again CC marriage advice has done what the forlorn spouse wanted it to do -- confirm that you are golden with the decision you already made before asking for the advise. You wanted to walk away, and now you have strangers confirming that choice. It's like a Magic-8 Ball or Ouija board. Say the right thing and the game confirms the answer you wanted.

No God required.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#15
Jul 3, 2015
62,302
31,271
113
#15
Depleted said:
Congratulations. Once again CC marriage advice has done what the forlorn spouse wanted it to do -- confirm that you are golden with the decision you already made before asking for the advise. You wanted to walk away, and now you have strangers confirming that choice. It's like a Magic-8 Ball or Ouija board. Say the right thing and the game confirms the answer you wanted.

No God required.
Click to expand...
Who has told her to leave him? You have no God in your reply, that's for sure.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#16
Jul 3, 2015
62,302
31,271
113
#16
If things do work out between you and your husband, and he remains part of the
child's life, that means the other woman will be probably more than a peripherally
involved influence on your marriage for many years to come. Are you able to contact
her at all? Not that you may trust her, either, but you could at least ask her some basic
questions and maybe eventually befriend her. It is not as impossible as it might sound.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#17
#17
Yes I can contact her and I have asked her a few things. She denies having anything on with him but the weird part is that she did not once mentioned her pregnancy and both their stories is different. I stopped talking to her as I have left several messages on her WhatsApp and she never replied.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#18
#18
Since your idea of bringing in God is to confirm rumors about people you don't know in circumstances that weren't even detailed, then we're about even.

She wanted out, and you cushioned that decision for her by telling her what she wanted to hear.

I'm still going with "No God required" because both she and her "advisors" never really brought him up, except as the escape hatch. There was no need to, since obviously it is better to confirm rumors to point in the direction of a door (really doesn't matter if it's the front or back door), so she can leave.

Same old CC. Works like a charm -- literally.
Magenta said:
Who has told her to leave him? You have no God in your reply, that's for sure.
Click to expand...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#19
Mar 13, 2014
42,744
17,204
113
70
Tennessee
#19
Torn001 said:
Thank you so much for the advice. I would also just like to mention that he confessed about cheating on me 6 years ago for the first time last Saturday and now I'm thinking that he might just do that again confess after a long time. The woman in question is also pregnant now and he says its not his baby. I'm so confused.
Click to expand...
Considering all that you have posted perhaps it is time for a change of direction in your life. A man that loves his wife does not cheat on her. A man that has cheated on his wife will invariably do it again. Sorry that you are going through this but you are not alone in your suffering. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
 
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Torn001

Guest
#20
#20
Thank you so much, I already feel welcome.
 
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