getting ready to make a break for it i can not deal with the abuse anymore!!!!

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Jenniferand2...Don't get distracted from what you know you must do. Especially by silly replies from those who do not know. Stay in the word and prayer EVERY DAY. His Word is a lamp to your feet and a light to your path. Not a law book, but a love story. And He loves you so very much. Praying that He will guide you and keep you safe.
 
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jenniferand2 said:
right now all my courses are on line so changing schools i do not have to do yet if i have to i can go to a different community college here that will take my transfer credits.. we have a joint account but we never really put money into it we have our monthly ssd payments go to separate cards.. we only use joint account to pay bills. I do have a friend that may help me with the dogs for a little while although i feel safer with them being with me.. my plan right now is to go and see if i can get help getting an apartment away from him where I can bring my dogs for medical reasons I can get papers from my doctor to state they are used for depression and anxiety which is not a lie at all they do comfort me a great deal.. other wise I am just slowly putting together a plan my phone I have is in my sisters name so all I have to do is have her change the number... insurance will be the same i have medicare and medicaid to cover me so no worries there.. everything seems that to me will fall into place my biggest worries will be him trying to play guilt trips on me through family etc... we do have a daughter together and she is not going to want to cut her relationship off with him and I do not expect her to as of yet i do not see her being in any danger as he is very much the a different person with her he loves her the right way and spoils her and never even try to correct her when she is wrong etc.. she does no wrong in his eyes... if i feel like it changes though I will pull her from meeting with him.. I know he is an ass hat to me and treats me very very badly but i really do not see him doing much other then trying to get me back when i do leave. He knows he has a lot to loose if he messes with me the wrong way... SO i have things now i can hold over him if he decides to go way off the board with his behaviors. I am not being so unworried that I am not watching my back when i leave though that is for sure. I will have security covered when i leave. I will have people go with me places and I will have people check on me often. I will have people he does not know watch my house etc.... I am not going into this blindly but I am honestly feel the worst he will do is try to get me to come back by crying and trying to make me feel bad..
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I've been stalked. (Well, technically, it wasn't me, but I was the one between the crazy guy and the 14 year old girl he wanted, but since she didn't live with me, I was stalked kind of thing.) It's nerve racking 24/7, and in my case it only lasted weeks. It's like being stuck on low-volt electricity asleep or awake. And, in my case, all he wanted out of me was her address. She lived far enough away that she was never in danger, and I was never going to be stupid enough to tell him where she lived. (Nor was he nuts enough to beat me for the info, but I'm talking just-out-of-the-psych-hospital nuts.)

He'd come day, night, weekends, holidays (first day happened to be Easter, so that's literally holidays), slap the door long enough that the only thing that stopped him was us calling the cops and the cops finally getting there to get him to bug off. I was a college student in apartments mostly occupied by other students, so we had friends across the street/parking lot we'd call when someone knocked on the door to find out if it was him. You don't get that.

You get him slapping the door days, nights, weekends, and holidays without you even knowing when he will show up to pull that. You have a class in half an hour and he shows up. And he stays forever slapping that door and bemoaning life without you. We had an upstairs apartment (stairs inside the apartment), a living room, hallway and door to the bedroom, yet we could still hear him slapping that door. With your bad back, you'd probably go for a first floor apartment. With your finances, probably a studio. That scene at your front door could last for years.

How determined is he? Would he try to break the door down? Guaranteed you'll hear every plea. If he's held onto you this long, how sure are you that you won't cave in? At least my stalker wasn't after me. He was after my dad's gf's daughter.

Staying in the same county? NOT a good idea, even if you have a daughter. Staying in the same state? Maybe, but only because you don't live in a dinky state. When Mom left Dad she traveled 14 hours away (where her family lived), and Dad still came at odd times to try and snatch us back. One time we were called to the principal's office only to find out Dad was in the parking lot ready to take us home, but Mom's brother showed up to talk him out of it. At least, Mom had family to help her.) Had she lived closer, he would have come every night and on weekends. (Hey! He worked. It's what kept him where he lived. lol)

This is the prepared I worry you're not taking. Yeah. Really. You have a control freak and a daughter. Either make plans for getting away and staying away long enough that you learn to dig in your heels and NEVER go back, or don't go. Because this is going to cost you dearly. It will cost you emotionally, physically, (you can't have that kind of stress without it costing your body even more), and it may well cost your relationship with your daughter for years to come. Take her, and she will hate you for taking her away from an easy life. Leave her, and she will hate you for deserting her.

This isn't as easy as simply finding a new place to live. Brace yourself for that, if you must go. And honestly? I think you must. And you know me by now. I don't think most marriages should be dumped, but do think yours should. But if you're not ready for the onslaught of what will happen, don't go. Because this will just make him worse if you go back to him. He wins. And by now that's all it is with him -- winning what he wants.

One other thing. Since you've talked about this so often on this site, take the computer/gadget you use to come here with you because simply wiping the cache doesn't necessarily cover your tracks, if he knows anyone with IT experience.
 
MessageOfTheCross said:
Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. John 12:24 KJV

Look at the process. From death comes life. But notice, something has to die. You are not new until you are dead (I am not talking about a physical death). Many Christians want a new marriage, new finances, a new relationship, a new house, a new car, or etc. The bible tells us how to get the new. You are not new until you are dead.

So why is death necessary? 2 Corinthians 4:8-12 ERV says God gives us opportunities to die with our problems daily so we can bring something new. We are always being delivered to death because there are things in your life and mine that needs to die for you and I to become effective. There are things in my life and your life that have to die for the life of Jesus to be seen. So the reality of God's presence is based on your death. Until the five senses die they will be more real to a Christian than God.

You can't fix sin with natural solutions. Only the Cross of Christ can fix sin.
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Yo! Haven't you noticed? God doesn't "fix sin." He kills it. And he condemns a myriad of people to hell for their sins. That new birth is spiritual, and you're just crazy enough to tell a woman to make it literal. No. Honest. God never said to stay in a marriage even if the spouse kills you, because (a little hippie dippie music with a dose of bluebirds twittering in the background while unicorns hopping over rainbows) "it's the spiritual thing to do." That's merely your fake god on an acid trip.

Catch a dose of reality before pretending you understand enough to advise.
 
Whassup said:
Excellent, excellent way to make him so mad he is willing to murder or assault her.
This is a very poor idea as he will view this as stealing and it's not legal to just take assets.

Best thing to do is find someone who can help you financially for a while while only taking personal items that are hers.

And, if she is in a state that allows it... a hand gun may be needed for self defense. I know that sounds bad, but Jesus did tell those He sent out to sell something and buy a weapon (Luke 22:36) which was obviously for self defense which would not be sinful to use deadly force if her life / physical well being was in danger.

Some states allow people to have a weapon without registering it or having a concealed handgun permit.

I know most of the ladies down south are armed so nutjobs think twice about assaulting them!
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And most people who use guns for self protection are killed by those guns. Speaking of stupid advice.

Jennifer, you'll also have to learn the difference between Christianity and conservatism posing as Christianity.
 
MessageOfTheCross said:
Why do Christians bypass the "Finished Work" i.e., "the Cross of Christ", to fix their problems that was created by their sin(s)? Is it that Christians do not understand the Cross or are refusing to live under the Cross? Disconnected from the Cross of Christ is disconnection from Gods power.
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Feel free to figure out what those Christams know that you obviously don't know on another post. A woman is scared and you flip it off to "For I determined not to know anything among you," without figuring out the rest of that verse.
 
Whassup said:
Yes, and do NOT feel bad for taking measures to ensure your physical safety. He's the one with the problem, so that does not mean you are obligated to become a victim.

Lots of men are so full of pride that a woman leaving them sends them over the edge, especially if they take a bunch of stuff with them when they leave.

There's got to be some friend or family member or even a Christian from the net that can provide some help by giving you a place to stay so you can wait and see if ol nutjob is going calm down or continue acting all crazy.

Sorry, but I grew up in a home where my step dad used to beat my mom and we were hunters with weapons in the house and at age 12 I came very close to blowing his brains out... and for some odd reason he quit hitting my mom. I guiess he figured something was up.
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Then God was very gracious to you, because most of the time that kind of thing happens the man shoots the kid and wife. The point I was making before. God's not always that gracious.
 
LanceA said:
Hi Jenn,

I think he is giving you another option besides a divorce solution. Yes, since he cheated on you then biblically you can divorce him. But if there is any chance to save the marriage I believe God would want that over divorce. I will give you a bit of my testimony here.

I wasn't abusive to my wife physically but I was emotionally because I cheated on her. I didn't have God in my life at the time and after she found out my world was getting torn apart. I was broken and I was angry at myself for tearing my wife apart as well. I finally turned to God and refused to let my relationship turn into another statistic.

Long story short I turned my life over to Christ and with lots of prayer and talking she stuck with me. Yes we still have trust issues because of what I did, but God saved our marriage and everyday I thank Him for giving me a second chance in multiple ways. Remember God works miracles and I have seen it first hand.

Just remember this is between you and God and if you truly feel this is the course God wants you to take then who am I to talk you out of it. Just remember you do have more options when the Lord is involved. God bless and will be praying for you.
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Jennifer has told the full story since she's been on this site. Feel free to check it out and then see if she's missed one thing for letting God intervene to keep this marriage.
 
jenniferand2 said:
I agree and I will pray for him until my last breath happens but i do not want my last breath to be because he finally snaps totally but i know you get that. Thank you I appreciate that you appreciate how long and hard I have tried. A few people think I am caving and taking the so called easy way out. Ha that is far from the truth as 20 years of this nonsense says other wise.. and if I can say one thing to any woman in my shoes it would be not to hang on for as long as I did I have been lucky that he has not snapped yet based on some of the things he has said to me which I will not get into.. Ladies in my shoes get out and run while you can do it properly and safely. Do not fear that God is going to deny you if you leave and abusive person no just God would want you to suffer or be killed just to follow s law about marriage.
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My husband was in your shoes. (First marriage. But she both cheated on him -- twice -- and tried to kill him often.) Don't underestimate what you've gone through. First. Daughter! Second, I would have never married a guy who gave up easily on the first marriage. You've got fortitude, a stubborn streak that says good things about you, and God.

David didn't go through all that crap with Saul and then his son for no good reason. God doesn't put us through these kinds of things for any bad reason or any wimpy reason. There is purpose -- good purpose -- even in this.
 
Remaining a victim in an abusive marriage is better than being set free via a divorce, said God, never.
 
CeileDe said:
I'll bow out. Keep giving unbiblical advice.
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Perhaps you can quote the chapter and verse where the Bible says abuse is ok and you need to stay and take it? Because according to the Bible if you do not treat your wife right God won't even here your prayers. Your advice is dangerous and beyond that not Biblical and plain stunned.
 
CeileDe said:
Lol ok. Have you called the cops? Have you filed for a restraining order? Have you gone to your pastor for help? 20 years is a long time to have done nothing
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Wow!!!

I have to bite my tongue really,really hard. Oh my,my. Help me.... That is the most unintelligent,condescending.... Hold on girl,breathe. I can't say what ought to be said to you. I'll say this,why don't you take your awful advice and move on? Are you ok with a woman being abused? You lol like its a funny thing?!!! Is her situation humorous to you? This person is sharing their deepest heart and fears and you lol that!! What do you mean 20yrs is a long time to do nothing?!!!!! What has she done,what has HE DONE!!!? What tripe!! Utter nonsense! This type attitude is what allows abuse of women to continue. It must be your fault,you didn't try hard enough. Nonsense!!!!
 
Jennifer, in all seriousness, I think you should take up Utah on his offer. He'll get you set up and settled down..
 
CeileDe said:
Ask God not me. How is your walk with the Lord?
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man this guy was a creeper...just creeping all over women...and dumping on them

sorry for his wife

you are not the only woman he made smarmy remarks at
 
blue_ladybug said:
Jennifer, in all seriousness, I think you should take up Utah on his offer. He'll get you set up and settled down..
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I will think on that for sure My only worry is my daughter I do not have custody of her she lives with her grandmother and if i go all far off it will be very difficult to see her.... she is 16 and she is at an age where i really need to be around her to guide her because her grandmother is about as useful as a rock in a garden.. Sorry to say that about my own mother... I do love the woman because God teaches me to love my enemies and to love one another.. But my mother is not a good mother or grandmother she cares more about herself then anything else... Oh dear that is a story all in its own lol I could probably write a book about my life and people would be like what... EIther way i worry about my daughter she has no supervision and has had none for several years and she is already very angry and acting out a bunch. SHe gets into these so called online relationships with boyfriends on the ps 4 and such and I need to be close to her to monitor her moves and keep an eye on her like a hawk unlike my mother who could care less what she does...
 
jenniferand2 said:
yes cops were called yes restraining order was filed yes to all the above i have not done nothing in 20 years I have done what i had to do i tried to make things work and better i forgave and forgave over and over. I am done forgiving i am done having him use me as a verbal punching back with a real hit here and there. I am tired of making excuses for his behavior I am tired of telling myself oh tomorrow will be the day he changes i am plain tired and I do not enjoy life anymore at all these days...
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I had one of those...but only gratified his narcissistic/ misogynistic personality for 9 years...he once said ALL women are b******...so picture that...of course that all came as a surprise after the honey moon...:p

you have nothing to feel any guilt over...for most of those 9 years, I would say things to myself like...I didn't get married to have a divorce and I can't divorce him...and blah blah blah

well, he was also a serial adulterer and I had every reason to divorce him but finally got the 'proof' I wanted to free me from my own circular thinking that I could not divorce cause I was a Christian (he was supposed to be)

I had dogs also...but I was able to go to my parents with them....a restraining order is hardly worth the paper it is written on which you prob know...I don't know why everyone encourages you to get one...anyway

I do not for one moment think God would wish you to stay in that mess!

you certainly have my full support!
 
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