What makes a marriage last?
- Thread starter Tinkerbell725
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Desretrose-"I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want."
THIS is so important for women to understand! Ladies, men have a tight filter on what your telling them. Most of what you say doesn't make it through to our brains. We are also not very intuitive, so if you don't tell us what you want, we probably aren't gonna figure it out on our own.
Although I've gotten MUCH better on both of those fronts over the years, I still screw up from time to time. Just tonight I bought the ice cream my wife can't stand. The label looked right, and I thought the flavor was kinda close. But salted caramel isn't the same as regular caramel!
You'd think after 25 yrs I'd know that. I offered to go back out, but got the "no if you don't know what I like by now...." routine. Years ago this gaffe would have resulted in a terrible fight. Now it was kinda funny cause she said "you know the kind I like" and I said "oh sure I do". So we laughed together and made mental notes that we're the same people who fell in love all those yrs ago.
THIS is so important for women to understand! Ladies, men have a tight filter on what your telling them. Most of what you say doesn't make it through to our brains. We are also not very intuitive, so if you don't tell us what you want, we probably aren't gonna figure it out on our own.
Although I've gotten MUCH better on both of those fronts over the years, I still screw up from time to time. Just tonight I bought the ice cream my wife can't stand. The label looked right, and I thought the flavor was kinda close. But salted caramel isn't the same as regular caramel!
You'd think after 25 yrs I'd know that. I offered to go back out, but got the "no if you don't know what I like by now...." routine. Years ago this gaffe would have resulted in a terrible fight. Now it was kinda funny cause she said "you know the kind I like" and I said "oh sure I do". So we laughed together and made mental notes that we're the same people who fell in love all those yrs ago.
Besides many of the things listed here, I think the secret to our marriage is realizing all those little things, that annoy the skittles out of me, are also part of what makes him the amazing dude I married (and vice versa). I don't love him in spite of those things, but BECAUSE of those things.
That.......and two bathrooms.
That.......and two bathrooms.
Hi Tinkerbell725,
This will probably sound too simple but true love, the kind found in the bible is the answer.
True love for one another doesn't set one or the other up on a pedestal. God is the one they worship. I had my husband on one and all he could do is fall, they will fall because only God is perfect.
As I think back, one of my difficulties was having unreal expectations of my husband. And also thinking that if he really loved me he'd do this or that. Well true love expects what's realistic and true love doesn't need him to do this or that to prove his love.
I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want.
On a positive note, I listened to him. I took an interest in his job and asked questions about his day. And he's probably had at least five different types of jobs so far, so I took an interest in each one, even if I knew little of what he did.
He also liked me going to town with him when he needed to go to AutoZone or Lowes, etc. It was important to him for me to be with him. It didn't say it verbally, it was just one of those things a wife knows about her husband.
So through prayer and anguish of heart, what I did with my high expectations is that I ended up lowering them. Also, one day I listed all the things I loved about my husband, the things I appreciated about him, the things that attract me to him.
After I made that list, I told myself I would not consider his negative qualities anymore. They were best left with God to deal with because He's the one that sees and knows everything about Him and only He has the power to change him, if change was indeed what was necessary. So when a negative thought came to mind I would think of his positives. And if it didn't happen right away, within a day or two I got passed the negative thoughts and continued to remember the great guy I married, warts and all.
I find it amazing at how awful our thoughts can be or the direction they can go in. Especially when coupled with anger at the forefront. Thank God for our new nature, for the power of the Holy Spirit who's active in our lives every moment of the day and that He can enable me to overcome the sinful thoughts that creep into our mind at times.
So I decided I would pray and give them (the negatives) to the Lord. That was a tool that the enemy always used to divide us. He loves to magnify sin and tempt us to become angry with one another. On my part, what I could do was to continue to dwell on all his good qualities and thank God for him and them every day; thank Him for who my husband is and what he accomplishes for me and our family. When we praise God we focus of the repairer of the heart; we take our minds off of the problem and put all our expectations of God for the solution.
I also want to backtrack and say that at our church they began a bible study for women and we read a book. The title was, How To Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband or something like that. I was so excited, I was out to conquer and have the perfect marriage.
I can't tell you how disappointed and somewhat upset I was. You see, I thought this book would help me to change my husband. But the book was all about changing ME! UGH!!!
So after I got over that tantrum, I accepted the challenge and said, "Okay, I'm going to worry about me and my walk with the Lord. I'll pray and allow God to change me, and ask Him to help my husband to change and grow."
Here is where the scriptures that talk about thinking of others more highly than you do yourself come into play. And do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And remove the log from your eye so you can help to remove the toothpick that's in their eye.
So today I thank God that my husband works. (That's love in action) I thank God that my husband provide me food and clothes, medical care and all the other necessities of life. (That's love in action) I thank God that he repairs my car or takes it in to be repaired. (That's love in action) When he mows, trims trees or bushes or replaces those water plugs for the automatic watering system, that's all showing how much he loves and cares for me, for us. He built a pergola out our back door and helped me put in a garden. He's a fantastic man! Those are all ways husbands show how much they love their wife and family.
Also, he comes home every night. He sits down in his recliner after a hard day at work and tells me how comfortable and quiet it is at home and is thanking me for making him feel like he's king in his castle. I usually have supper ready or almost ready when he walks in the door.
When I was much younger I longed for the romantic part of love, but that's not really the type of guy my husband is. So I learned to look at the fixed plumbing or the pergola as a sign of love instead of the bouquet of flowers. I've learned to see his love in a look or a touch. Those are more real that flowers that will be thrown away.
One day I mentioned that I didn't need flowers and that it would mean more to me for him to pick a wild flower from the side of the road and bring it home. And guess what, one day he did. I was so blessed over that little flower because he thought of me as he shifted into park, climbed out of his seat to stoop and pluck the flower from the field.
This will probably sound too simple but true love, the kind found in the bible is the answer.
True love for one another doesn't set one or the other up on a pedestal. God is the one they worship. I had my husband on one and all he could do is fall, they will fall because only God is perfect.
As I think back, one of my difficulties was having unreal expectations of my husband. And also thinking that if he really loved me he'd do this or that. Well true love expects what's realistic and true love doesn't need him to do this or that to prove his love.
I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want.
On a positive note, I listened to him. I took an interest in his job and asked questions about his day. And he's probably had at least five different types of jobs so far, so I took an interest in each one, even if I knew little of what he did.
He also liked me going to town with him when he needed to go to AutoZone or Lowes, etc. It was important to him for me to be with him. It didn't say it verbally, it was just one of those things a wife knows about her husband.
So through prayer and anguish of heart, what I did with my high expectations is that I ended up lowering them. Also, one day I listed all the things I loved about my husband, the things I appreciated about him, the things that attract me to him.
After I made that list, I told myself I would not consider his negative qualities anymore. They were best left with God to deal with because He's the one that sees and knows everything about Him and only He has the power to change him, if change was indeed what was necessary. So when a negative thought came to mind I would think of his positives. And if it didn't happen right away, within a day or two I got passed the negative thoughts and continued to remember the great guy I married, warts and all.
I find it amazing at how awful our thoughts can be or the direction they can go in. Especially when coupled with anger at the forefront. Thank God for our new nature, for the power of the Holy Spirit who's active in our lives every moment of the day and that He can enable me to overcome the sinful thoughts that creep into our mind at times.
So I decided I would pray and give them (the negatives) to the Lord. That was a tool that the enemy always used to divide us. He loves to magnify sin and tempt us to become angry with one another. On my part, what I could do was to continue to dwell on all his good qualities and thank God for him and them every day; thank Him for who my husband is and what he accomplishes for me and our family. When we praise God we focus of the repairer of the heart; we take our minds off of the problem and put all our expectations of God for the solution.
I also want to backtrack and say that at our church they began a bible study for women and we read a book. The title was, How To Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband or something like that. I was so excited, I was out to conquer and have the perfect marriage.
I can't tell you how disappointed and somewhat upset I was. You see, I thought this book would help me to change my husband. But the book was all about changing ME! UGH!!!
So after I got over that tantrum, I accepted the challenge and said, "Okay, I'm going to worry about me and my walk with the Lord. I'll pray and allow God to change me, and ask Him to help my husband to change and grow."
Here is where the scriptures that talk about thinking of others more highly than you do yourself come into play.
And do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And remove the log from your eye so you can help to remove the toothpick that's in their eye.So today I thank God that my husband works. (That's love in action) I thank God that my husband provide me food and clothes, medical care and all the other necessities of life. (That's love in action) I thank God that he repairs my car or takes it in to be repaired. (That's love in action) When he mows, trims trees or bushes or replaces those water plugs for the automatic watering system, that's all showing how much he loves and cares for me, for us. He built a pergola out our back door and helped me put in a garden. He's a fantastic man! Those are all ways husbands show how much they love their wife and family.
Also, he comes home every night. He sits down in his recliner after a hard day at work and tells me how comfortable and quiet it is at home and is thanking me for making him feel like he's king in his castle. I usually have supper ready or almost ready when he walks in the door.
When I was much younger I longed for the romantic part of love, but that's not really the type of guy my husband is. So I learned to look at the fixed plumbing or the pergola as a sign of love instead of the bouquet of flowers. I've learned to see his love in a look or a touch. Those are more real that flowers that will be thrown away.
One day I mentioned that I didn't need flowers and that it would mean more to me for him to pick a wild flower from the side of the road and bring it home. And guess what, one day he did. I was so blessed over that little flower because he thought of me as he shifted into park, climbed out of his seat to stoop and pluck the flower from the field.
L
Hi Tinkerbell725,
This will probably sound too simple but true love, the kind found in the bible is the answer.
True love for one another doesn't set one or the other up on a pedestal. God is the one they worship. I had my husband on one and all he could do is fall, they will fall because only God is perfect.
As I think back, one of my difficulties was having unreal expectations of my husband. And also thinking that if he really loved me he'd do this or that. Well true love expects what's realistic and true love doesn't need him to do this or that to prove his love.
I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want.
On a positive note, I listened to him. I took an interest in his job and asked questions about his day. And he's probably had at least five different types of jobs so far, so I took an interest in each one, even if I knew little of what he did.
He also liked me going to town with him when he needed to go to AutoZone or Lowes, etc. It was important to him for me to be with him. It didn't say it verbally, it was just one of those things a wife knows about her husband.
So through prayer and anguish of heart, what I did with my high expectations is that I ended up lowering them. Also, one day I listed all the things I loved about my husband, the things I appreciated about him, the things that attract me to him.
After I made that list, I told myself I would not consider his negative qualities anymore. They were best left with God to deal with because He's the one that sees and knows everything about Him and only He has the power to change him, if change was indeed what was necessary. So when a negative thought came to mind I would think of his positives. And if it didn't happen right away, within a day or two I got passed the negative thoughts and continued to remember the great guy I married, warts and all.
I find it amazing at how awful our thoughts can be or the direction they can go in. Especially when coupled with anger at the forefront. Thank God for our new nature, for the power of the Holy Spirit who's active in our lives every moment of the day and that He can enable me to overcome the sinful thoughts that creep into our mind at times.
So I decided I would pray and give them (the negatives) to the Lord. That was a tool that the enemy always used to divide us. He loves to magnify sin and tempt us to become angry with one another. On my part, what I could do was to continue to dwell on all his good qualities and thank God for him and them every day; thank Him for who my husband is and what he accomplishes for me and our family. When we praise God we focus of the repairer of the heart; we take our minds off of the problem and put all our expectations of God for the solution.
I also want to backtrack and say that at our church they began a bible study for women and we read a book. The title was, How To Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband or something like that. I was so excited, I was out to conquer and have the perfect marriage.
I can't tell you how disappointed and somewhat upset I was. You see, I thought this book would help me to change my husband. But the book was all about changing ME! UGH!!!
So after I got over that tantrum, I accepted the challenge and said, "Okay, I'm going to worry about me and my walk with the Lord. I'll pray and allow God to change me, and ask Him to help my husband to change and grow."
Here is where the scriptures that talk about thinking of others more highly than you do yourself come into play. And do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And remove the log from your eye so you can help to remove the toothpick that's in their eye.
So today I thank God that my husband works. (That's love in action) I thank God that my husband provide me food and clothes, medical care and all the other necessities of life. (That's love in action) I thank God that he repairs my car or takes it in to be repaired. (That's love in action) When he mows, trims trees or bushes or replaces those water plugs for the automatic watering system, that's all showing how much he loves and cares for me, for us. He built a pergola out our back door and helped me put in a garden. He's a fantastic man! Those are all ways husbands show how much they love their wife and family.
Also, he comes home every night. He sits down in his recliner after a hard day at work and tells me how comfortable and quiet it is at home and is thanking me for making him feel like he's king in his castle. I usually have supper ready or almost ready when he walks in the door.
When I was much younger I longed for the romantic part of love, but that's not really the type of guy my husband is. So I learned to look at the fixed plumbing or the pergola as a sign of love instead of the bouquet of flowers. I've learned to see his love in a look or a touch. Those are more real that flowers that will be thrown away.
One day I mentioned that I didn't need flowers and that it would mean more to me for him to pick a wild flower from the side of the road and bring it home. And guess what, one day he did. I was so blessed over that little flower because he thought of me as he shifted into park, climbed out of his seat to stoop and pluck the flower from the field.
This will probably sound too simple but true love, the kind found in the bible is the answer.
True love for one another doesn't set one or the other up on a pedestal. God is the one they worship. I had my husband on one and all he could do is fall, they will fall because only God is perfect.
As I think back, one of my difficulties was having unreal expectations of my husband. And also thinking that if he really loved me he'd do this or that. Well true love expects what's realistic and true love doesn't need him to do this or that to prove his love.
I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want.
On a positive note, I listened to him. I took an interest in his job and asked questions about his day. And he's probably had at least five different types of jobs so far, so I took an interest in each one, even if I knew little of what he did.
He also liked me going to town with him when he needed to go to AutoZone or Lowes, etc. It was important to him for me to be with him. It didn't say it verbally, it was just one of those things a wife knows about her husband.
So through prayer and anguish of heart, what I did with my high expectations is that I ended up lowering them. Also, one day I listed all the things I loved about my husband, the things I appreciated about him, the things that attract me to him.
After I made that list, I told myself I would not consider his negative qualities anymore. They were best left with God to deal with because He's the one that sees and knows everything about Him and only He has the power to change him, if change was indeed what was necessary. So when a negative thought came to mind I would think of his positives. And if it didn't happen right away, within a day or two I got passed the negative thoughts and continued to remember the great guy I married, warts and all.
I find it amazing at how awful our thoughts can be or the direction they can go in. Especially when coupled with anger at the forefront. Thank God for our new nature, for the power of the Holy Spirit who's active in our lives every moment of the day and that He can enable me to overcome the sinful thoughts that creep into our mind at times.
So I decided I would pray and give them (the negatives) to the Lord. That was a tool that the enemy always used to divide us. He loves to magnify sin and tempt us to become angry with one another. On my part, what I could do was to continue to dwell on all his good qualities and thank God for him and them every day; thank Him for who my husband is and what he accomplishes for me and our family. When we praise God we focus of the repairer of the heart; we take our minds off of the problem and put all our expectations of God for the solution.
I also want to backtrack and say that at our church they began a bible study for women and we read a book. The title was, How To Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband or something like that. I was so excited, I was out to conquer and have the perfect marriage.
I can't tell you how disappointed and somewhat upset I was. You see, I thought this book would help me to change my husband. But the book was all about changing ME! UGH!!!
So after I got over that tantrum, I accepted the challenge and said, "Okay, I'm going to worry about me and my walk with the Lord. I'll pray and allow God to change me, and ask Him to help my husband to change and grow."
Here is where the scriptures that talk about thinking of others more highly than you do yourself come into play.
And do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And remove the log from your eye so you can help to remove the toothpick that's in their eye.So today I thank God that my husband works. (That's love in action) I thank God that my husband provide me food and clothes, medical care and all the other necessities of life. (That's love in action) I thank God that he repairs my car or takes it in to be repaired. (That's love in action) When he mows, trims trees or bushes or replaces those water plugs for the automatic watering system, that's all showing how much he loves and cares for me, for us. He built a pergola out our back door and helped me put in a garden. He's a fantastic man! Those are all ways husbands show how much they love their wife and family.
Also, he comes home every night. He sits down in his recliner after a hard day at work and tells me how comfortable and quiet it is at home and is thanking me for making him feel like he's king in his castle. I usually have supper ready or almost ready when he walks in the door.
When I was much younger I longed for the romantic part of love, but that's not really the type of guy my husband is. So I learned to look at the fixed plumbing or the pergola as a sign of love instead of the bouquet of flowers. I've learned to see his love in a look or a touch. Those are more real that flowers that will be thrown away.
One day I mentioned that I didn't need flowers and that it would mean more to me for him to pick a wild flower from the side of the road and bring it home. And guess what, one day he did. I was so blessed over that little flower because he thought of me as he shifted into park, climbed out of his seat to stoop and pluck the flower from the field.
you are a wise and Godly woman!
D
God.
I made sure future-hubby knew what he was getting. I didn't clean the house before he came over. He got to see me at my very best, as-in, our second through fourth dates were him bringing me ginger ale, boxes of tissues (requested), and chicken soup (not requested), and then we spent the night watching Walking Tall movies while I honked, sniffed, and hacked up a few lungs.
God.
He told me what he wanted out of me. Clean the cat litter box more often, and the longer-hair cat had to go, or he was going. (He watched for the next 15 minutes while I silently thought that choice too.)
God.
I got who I wanted, not who I could change into what I wanted. I really liked him for who he was, so much so that he invited me into the bathroom the day he took off his beard so I would be sure he didn't change. Just his face changed.
God.
We accept miscommunications as part of this life and work on that. How could I know he hated the Jersey Shore as much as I did? Of course, he'd think I like the Jersey Shore. Jersey girls are supposed to be like that. Good thing we told each other that after our first vacation together. (Good thing he was willing to go to my favorite place to vacation. Canada. Great fishing, and he likes to fish more than I do. I wanted children because he lost his son to his divorce and I thought he wanted his legacy to continue as much as I did. He thought I wanted children because most young women want babies. Poor guy, got a vasectomy reversal to accommodate my desires. I admit it. We both cried when we thought I was pregnant for three days only to find out it was a false alarm. (Early pregnancy tests back then weren't as advanced.) It was okay because we were really doing it for the other person. We're still working on that communications thingy, but we've advanced. I give him things I think he'd love, and after he doesn't use them for months (or years lol), I'm the one to who then asks him if I can dump it. (He gives this embarrassed smile. It's so cute.)
God.
We both have a sense of humor. And we really laugh over most things. One day, when we were still dating, he called and asked if I could come to his place that night, because he got a concussion at work. That night, he showed me how the heater hit his head. Smacked it hard with the palm of his hand and I could almost see the stars spinning around his head. Took me two minutes to stop laughing while I'm asking him if he's alright. lol He cracked up laughing with the ER doctor when he broke his back and the doctor dubbed him Quasimoto. The name stuck until he got his back brace. When I got seriously depressed after waking up in agonizing pain and no one was willing to fix it -- all they wanted to do was give me more and more tests -- a friend sent me my teddy bear in a C.A.R.E. package. I took to sleeping with him. And I'd wake up first after our naps, go to the bathroom, and when I returned, the bear, (who has a very serious face), was standing on his head. Cracked me up, so it happened often. This last time in the hospital his first PT came into his room to help him sit up again. Hubby couldn't do it yet, nor could he talk, since he still had the vent. But his sign language is impeccable. He pointed with two fingers to his eyes and then pointed to the PT. I didn't get it. The PT got hysterical. Hubby told him, "You do it. I'll watch."
God.
We did change. Circumstances changed us, but we laugh easier. Life kept getting harder, but we kept getting to see God work stuff out that just couldn't be worked out. Kind of like going on a wild ride of wonder with your best buddy.
So, who can give it up, when it always comes back to...
God?
I made sure future-hubby knew what he was getting. I didn't clean the house before he came over. He got to see me at my very best, as-in, our second through fourth dates were him bringing me ginger ale, boxes of tissues (requested), and chicken soup (not requested), and then we spent the night watching Walking Tall movies while I honked, sniffed, and hacked up a few lungs.
God.
He told me what he wanted out of me. Clean the cat litter box more often, and the longer-hair cat had to go, or he was going. (He watched for the next 15 minutes while I silently thought that choice too.)
God.
I got who I wanted, not who I could change into what I wanted. I really liked him for who he was, so much so that he invited me into the bathroom the day he took off his beard so I would be sure he didn't change. Just his face changed.
God.
We accept miscommunications as part of this life and work on that. How could I know he hated the Jersey Shore as much as I did? Of course, he'd think I like the Jersey Shore. Jersey girls are supposed to be like that. Good thing we told each other that after our first vacation together. (Good thing he was willing to go to my favorite place to vacation. Canada. Great fishing, and he likes to fish more than I do. I wanted children because he lost his son to his divorce and I thought he wanted his legacy to continue as much as I did. He thought I wanted children because most young women want babies. Poor guy, got a vasectomy reversal to accommodate my desires. I admit it. We both cried when we thought I was pregnant for three days only to find out it was a false alarm. (Early pregnancy tests back then weren't as advanced.) It was okay because we were really doing it for the other person. We're still working on that communications thingy, but we've advanced. I give him things I think he'd love, and after he doesn't use them for months (or years lol), I'm the one to who then asks him if I can dump it. (He gives this embarrassed smile. It's so cute.)
God.
We both have a sense of humor. And we really laugh over most things. One day, when we were still dating, he called and asked if I could come to his place that night, because he got a concussion at work. That night, he showed me how the heater hit his head. Smacked it hard with the palm of his hand and I could almost see the stars spinning around his head. Took me two minutes to stop laughing while I'm asking him if he's alright. lol He cracked up laughing with the ER doctor when he broke his back and the doctor dubbed him Quasimoto. The name stuck until he got his back brace. When I got seriously depressed after waking up in agonizing pain and no one was willing to fix it -- all they wanted to do was give me more and more tests -- a friend sent me my teddy bear in a C.A.R.E. package. I took to sleeping with him. And I'd wake up first after our naps, go to the bathroom, and when I returned, the bear, (who has a very serious face), was standing on his head. Cracked me up, so it happened often. This last time in the hospital his first PT came into his room to help him sit up again. Hubby couldn't do it yet, nor could he talk, since he still had the vent. But his sign language is impeccable. He pointed with two fingers to his eyes and then pointed to the PT. I didn't get it. The PT got hysterical. Hubby told him, "You do it. I'll watch."
God.
We did change. Circumstances changed us, but we laugh easier. Life kept getting harder, but we kept getting to see God work stuff out that just couldn't be worked out. Kind of like going on a wild ride of wonder with your best buddy.
So, who can give it up, when it always comes back to...
God?
I got married the first time at the ripe age of 17 three months before I hit 18. From that marriage I learned what not to do...
Don't expect your husband to be a mind reader - He isn't.
Unfortunately for us we grew up and grew apart... We started out on the same page but our ideas changed as we got older and I woke up one day not wanting to be there anymore as we had stopped communicating and that is a BIG killer of marriages. If you don't talk and express your thoughts and feelings to one another it just doesn't work.
I thought our marriage was a perfect one I mean after all he was a preachers kid so God was there right? Wrong, we both made so many mistakes and I don't believe at times God was there in our hearts where He should have been invited to be, but I know He wasn't in mine and now I know that back then I didn't understand salvation and didn't get it until I was 56.... So if God isn't there you are hard pressed to having it work.
I believe we both had high expectations of each other that just didn't pan out because we were interested in what is in it for Me....and not how can I please and be a good mate to my spouse....
Divorced after 6 years of marriage and then I stayed single for 35 years....had a few relationships during that time but nothing stuck and I was terrified of commitment....
Until CC and Tourist... We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary couple of days ago and now I can tell you my changes and what makes our marriage work.
God is first and foremost and we spend time in church chat daily as we jokingly call it but truth is we want to spend time with God everyday so we read Bible together a devotional page of the day and a lesson study that our church puts out and pray together.
When I met Tourist and knew he was a bit interested in me I did everything you wouldn't normally do in a relationship. I told him everything I had done wrong in my life and the church I was affiliated with because our backgrounds are polar opposites so I knew that in a regular relationship it could cause a problem.
My parents weren't church people, but my Aunt took me to the Seventh-Day-Adventist church on Saturdays with her kids. Tourist was raised a Catholic.... - So I told him and asked if that would be a problem and he said no and it wasn't a problem for me either. Why? Because I knew we both understood the plan of salvation and isn't that the most important thing above any church doctrines? We both felt the same on that and moved to the next thing.
Which was telling him my wrongs I had done in life some of my different sins that had consequences and I felt after he knew what a sinner I had been that would be that and he would turn tail and run down the road in the opposite direction of the Blond...Well he didn't run and agreed that God had forgiven me so I figured Tourist was on that same forgiveness bandwagon. The strange thing that happened is because I was so honest with my past Tourist opened up about his past and we discovered that guess what? We are two flawed people who could live with the flaws we have and move on together...
I got to tell you it was refreshing not to have to play games and pretend to be someone I'm not and it was a feeling of freedom to really just be me and we accepted each other for who we are. I love it. No surprises and truth...I fell in love he did too.
This go round I understand more about unconditional love and am learning or have learned to get rid of high expectations that I had as a younger woman then I am pleasantly surprised at the ways Tourist shows love. He is like the other guy that was mentioned earlier not so much a flower giver although he has done that a few times as I look at 6 beautiful red roses for our anniversary he gave me a few days ago... But without me asking he has always done the dishes, takes out the trash, gets the mail and little things to make my life so much easier.
We have had some financial troubles as it isn't always easy for older folks to find jobs and in today's hiring world of internet applications there is probably a lot more age discrimination than any employer would honestly admit to so when things have gotten tight and worry starts to creep in I pray like crazy and thank God that our bills that are important are paid, that we haven't had late fees and aren't behind. I make sure and have said often whether you have a job or not does not effect if I love you. I love you period job has nothing to do with me loving you. Times can get tough and it isn't always our fault especially when the person is doing everything in their power and going through the internet process trying to get hired.
We have work right now and I also sell things on Ebay and we work together, stay and pray together and communicate most days....lol
My worry and this is only because of getting married at 59 is that we both stay alive to enjoy each other...We are both 61 now staring 62 in the face....He smokes and that is our point of contention. He wants to quit but not willing to go through the motions of doing it truth be told probably doesn't want to stop. I worry it is cutting time off his life.. So I fuss about his health. I have area I need to improve weight...also health related. But we keep going on and in spite of the smokes unconditional love is I love him anyway.
I am as happy today as the day we got married and I love him more as time goes on...this is until death does one of us part. Can we live forever? Cause I never want it to end.....
Don't expect your husband to be a mind reader - He isn't.
Unfortunately for us we grew up and grew apart... We started out on the same page but our ideas changed as we got older and I woke up one day not wanting to be there anymore as we had stopped communicating and that is a BIG killer of marriages. If you don't talk and express your thoughts and feelings to one another it just doesn't work.
I thought our marriage was a perfect one I mean after all he was a preachers kid so God was there right? Wrong, we both made so many mistakes and I don't believe at times God was there in our hearts where He should have been invited to be, but I know He wasn't in mine and now I know that back then I didn't understand salvation and didn't get it until I was 56.... So if God isn't there you are hard pressed to having it work.
I believe we both had high expectations of each other that just didn't pan out because we were interested in what is in it for Me....and not how can I please and be a good mate to my spouse....
Divorced after 6 years of marriage and then I stayed single for 35 years....had a few relationships during that time but nothing stuck and I was terrified of commitment....
Until CC and Tourist... We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary couple of days ago and now I can tell you my changes and what makes our marriage work.
God is first and foremost and we spend time in church chat daily as we jokingly call it but truth is we want to spend time with God everyday so we read Bible together a devotional page of the day and a lesson study that our church puts out and pray together.
When I met Tourist and knew he was a bit interested in me I did everything you wouldn't normally do in a relationship. I told him everything I had done wrong in my life and the church I was affiliated with because our backgrounds are polar opposites so I knew that in a regular relationship it could cause a problem.
My parents weren't church people, but my Aunt took me to the Seventh-Day-Adventist church on Saturdays with her kids. Tourist was raised a Catholic.... - So I told him and asked if that would be a problem and he said no and it wasn't a problem for me either. Why? Because I knew we both understood the plan of salvation and isn't that the most important thing above any church doctrines? We both felt the same on that and moved to the next thing.
Which was telling him my wrongs I had done in life some of my different sins that had consequences and I felt after he knew what a sinner I had been that would be that and he would turn tail and run down the road in the opposite direction of the Blond...Well he didn't run and agreed that God had forgiven me so I figured Tourist was on that same forgiveness bandwagon. The strange thing that happened is because I was so honest with my past Tourist opened up about his past and we discovered that guess what? We are two flawed people who could live with the flaws we have and move on together...
I got to tell you it was refreshing not to have to play games and pretend to be someone I'm not and it was a feeling of freedom to really just be me and we accepted each other for who we are. I love it. No surprises and truth...I fell in love he did too.
This go round I understand more about unconditional love and am learning or have learned to get rid of high expectations that I had as a younger woman then I am pleasantly surprised at the ways Tourist shows love. He is like the other guy that was mentioned earlier not so much a flower giver although he has done that a few times as I look at 6 beautiful red roses for our anniversary he gave me a few days ago... But without me asking he has always done the dishes, takes out the trash, gets the mail and little things to make my life so much easier.
We have had some financial troubles as it isn't always easy for older folks to find jobs and in today's hiring world of internet applications there is probably a lot more age discrimination than any employer would honestly admit to so when things have gotten tight and worry starts to creep in I pray like crazy and thank God that our bills that are important are paid, that we haven't had late fees and aren't behind. I make sure and have said often whether you have a job or not does not effect if I love you. I love you period job has nothing to do with me loving you. Times can get tough and it isn't always our fault especially when the person is doing everything in their power and going through the internet process trying to get hired.
We have work right now and I also sell things on Ebay and we work together, stay and pray together and communicate most days....lol
My worry and this is only because of getting married at 59 is that we both stay alive to enjoy each other...We are both 61 now staring 62 in the face....He smokes and that is our point of contention. He wants to quit but not willing to go through the motions of doing it truth be told probably doesn't want to stop. I worry it is cutting time off his life.. So I fuss about his health. I have area I need to improve weight...also health related. But we keep going on and in spite of the smokes unconditional love is I love him anyway.
I am as happy today as the day we got married and I love him more as time goes on...this is until death does one of us part. Can we live forever? Cause I never want it to end.....
J
What makes a marriage last? I will tell you: putting God first in your marriage. not jumping to conclusions with your spouse but having open communication. making sure your spouse knows daily that you love them and taking special time with them at least once a week...have a date night with them. God showed us how to love let's follow His example: serving the other, telling them and showing them how much you love them by spending time with them and sacrificing certain things for them.
If get married young, you both take good care of your health, avoid dangerous activities, and God grants you both a long life, and if you don't get a divorce, you should have a relatively long-lasting marriage.
If you want the marriage to feel like it lasts a long time, you could engage your partner in conversation and spend hours every night discussing everything about your partner that could be considered a fault. That might actual shorten your partner's life span, and therefore, the duration of the marriage, but it will feel like it lasts a long time.
If you want the marriage to feel like it lasts a long time, you could engage your partner in conversation and spend hours every night discussing everything about your partner that could be considered a fault. That might actual shorten your partner's life span, and therefore, the duration of the marriage, but it will feel like it lasts a long time.
