He says that he will leave if I don't support him and his children financially.....

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relatiosnhipdrama said:
i think the hardest part personally is that i've gotten to the point of begging HIM (which I know is insane) and he doesn't want me back.... i think enough people have told him that the relationship is toxic. But, it feels like such a hit to me.. he loves me SO MUCH - but he says he fears me ...because I was not afraid to get a restraining order etc...

I feel to blame for some of this -- but my reactions were based on his actions of anger etc.
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He does not love you. He claims to love you but he had you only as a milk cow. When your money slipped away, he made up a story about you cheating on him, so that he has a reason to leave you, and stay the good one, while you will be the bad one who ruined him. Do you really believe that somebody, who has said and done such a things to you, really loves you? Don't be blind. This is not the way he would act, if he really loved you.
 
relatiosnhipdrama said:
i think the hardest part personally is that i've gotten to the point of begging HIM (which I know is insane) and he doesn't want me back.... i think enough people have told him that the relationship is toxic. But, it feels like such a hit to me.. he loves me SO MUCH - but he says he fears me ...because I was not afraid to get a restraining order etc...

I feel to blame for some of this -- but my reactions were based on his actions of anger etc.
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There is no reconciling with this man. Its a mistake, through and through. There is no happy ending (so long as he doesn't come to Christ). You need to weigh the pros and cons of being with this person. The cons should easily outweigh any pros your mind could possibly come up with. The only pro that I've really seen you bring up is that he gave you a lavish lifestyle when he was doing better for himself. He isn't doing better now, and so what luxury he once offered isn't there anymore. You said it, he's broke.

So, beyond what he once offered you what now can you say he offers you? I know you're forty-one so for you to get back in some kind of dating scene is scary for you. However, is it not scarier being with this abuser than maybe striking it rich with a man that honors and respects you? VVould you not rather live your life in peace instead of pieces? The life he offers you is a shattered and broken existence. Seek better.
 
I realize now that money was the driving force of this relationship -- we both made good money but it was spent so fast. Now, he too is wondering how the house of cards fell so fast.... He says he is looking at jobs in other states that are actually salaried positions... instead of dealing with a business of his own.

I am scared mostly because I don't even want another man. I only want him. I have been praying and going to church and I think I am still so destroyed that I can't even function....

It's hard becuase I worry I will never recover emotionally from this. I just love him -- or maybe it is just the idea of him -- but I miss him.. so much. But, was he EVER even real?
 
Yeah, money was the driving force here, all right. YOUR money, along with his own. He doesn't love you and it's doubtful that he ever did. He loved YOUR MONEY. That's all. So no, he was never even real to begin with. Let him move away. Good riddance to bad rubbish. And you don't love him. You love who he was. That person is gone, he revealed his true colors to you long ago, and you're still foolishly trying to hang on to something that was never there.
 
What's confusing to me is when he first "invited me into his life" ... he had me quit my job and said that he would cover my expenses until I found a job. Well, I got something lined up asap so I was never making less than my own expenses. But, of course that grew quickly and he just kept demanding every dime.

But, he wasn't initially after me for money -- i think it was mainly control. He wanted to make sure that he was in charge of everything. But, he soon realized that he couldn't afford all the things he used to.

What scared the daylights out of me (and why I left him after a couple of weeks of moving in and begged for my job back) was that he was about to tell me that I couldn't pay anything for my child or my child support. He said if I wasn't making enough money to cover it ASAP that I should ask the court to give me a forbearance. I couldn't believe that anyone would do that to me -- after I quit a 160k year a job that I LEFT. I was not FIRED. I left -- and moved.

My conscious was so guilty because as selfish as I was acting, I could not leave my ex husband high and dry .. and not pay anything. I felt awful....

THAT was the first time I left him and he told me that I basically said FU to his "invitation into his life..."

He said that I needed to show commitment (we weren't even engaged at this point) in order to earn his trust...and running back to my former employer wasn't showing that level of commitment.

And the cycle continued over and over and over again.....

blue_ladybug said:
Yeah, money was the driving force here, all right. YOUR money, along with his own. He doesn't love you and it's doubtful that he ever did. He loved YOUR MONEY. That's all. So no, he was never even real to begin with. Let him move away. Good riddance to bad rubbish. And you don't love him. You love who he was. That person is gone, he revealed his true colors to you long ago, and you're still foolishly trying to hang on to something that was never there.
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Then break the cycle!! Cut off all contact with him. Change your phone number. Get rid of EVERYTHING he ever gave you. I tore up and burned all my ex's stuff he had ever given me. And I begged God to take him out of my heart and mind. And God did. :) I've only seen him once in the last ten years, and even then we only said "Hi". He went on to go back to jail again, and again and again. Only he never tried controlling me but he WAS a serial cheater.
 
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