Soft Christians and dating.
- Thread starter Dai3234
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J
JustWhoIAm
Guest
By too soft, I mean that I'm not forward with intentions, I'm not obvious in showing interest. I don't want to seem pushy. I don't want to seem cocky or too weak n timid. Confidence is not a problem really. It's just that confidence feels I'm being pushy or other. I mean I also have little to offer as most women in the whole country are not Christian, drink alot, have alot of bad habits/ words etc. So the pool is minuscule. If I even see a pool. Dating sites, I see good looking women and know they'll say no etc, because of lifestyle, looks, habits, experience etc. So I don't message people I know who will say no. I'm a Christian so my activities are limiting conversation on messaging as you can either not talk about God, which is what I do, not to seem like a Bible basher but have little else to ask or say. And no-one has messaged any profile with Christian on it. Before I was a Christian, I at least one message every 6 months. Now, nothing. Look to nice, boring, homely, brotherly, not date able attractive in , that way. Too nice.
*****Pray for God to have you meet the right girl----God has a way of breaking us out of our shells...
You mentioned you went on dating siites, were they christian dating sites or regular worldly dating sites.
Both, and the Christian sites are a joke for me as their all in foreign countries to the UK.
oh i see, well there are other guys who also feel their too nice & are pushed to the side for "bad boys". However that has nothing to do with you as far as anything being wrong with you. Many people unfortunately change who they are to apease other people. When they should remain as themselves so when someone does come along they will love you for you.
Sticking to your Christian standards and not wanting to be to pushy or show interest or be to forward are two different subjects. Unless you look something like the guy in my avatar, your going to have to show interest. Even if you look like him you still need to show interest.
Being to forward or pushy is a social skill. You can show interest without being pushy or overly forward. Recently I have been watching videos on YouTube about body language and eye contact. Not to meet woman, just I like to watch them. The body language videos can tell you how to get an idea if someone is lying, or if they are they are nervous,etc. But I am digressing. My point is I am sure there are videos about how to show interest without seeming inappropriately eager.
Personally, I like to know a man's intentions. If I don't know what he wants or how he feels, while I have a serious interest in him... it does bad goings for my mood. The looming fear that he has no intentions of anything past casual dating any time soon, or that he's playing with my emotions. So especially if the girl in question hasn't had much experience in dating, assurance is going to mean a lot. Just show that you care, not necessarily in a flamboyant or overbearing way, and it will have an unspeakably massive effect on the right girl.
D
DCrawshawJr
Guest
Yes on the faith and prayer first.
Now, I've said it before, if you like someone, and if there's an opportunity to do so, just ask that person out. Yes, tell the person how you feel (a simple, "I like you" will suffice, no need to go overboard (thanks again)), and have a small coffee date.
Now, I've said it before, if you like someone, and if there's an opportunity to do so, just ask that person out. Yes, tell the person how you feel (a simple, "I like you" will suffice, no need to go overboard (thanks again)), and have a small coffee date.
It may be presumptuous to know how the woman best for you would decide...
Unless, of course, the lady you hope to be your wife should expect that of her someday-maybe-spouse (you).
Ask God to grow quality and/or consistency, practice them on your part.
In that case, (pray about this),
"Am I practicing the things I want to do, so I may see/experience practical improvements?"
(See Romans 7:15; Romans 12)
As far as this post goes, (the one you are reading) it is non-judgmental.
Treat each area of your life as if you are presenting your life to God,
not as he will accept it only, but as He wants to "receive" the "blessing."
"Do everything as unto the Lord."
Trust that God graciously forgives.
Ask God to help her,
to accept your past.
And to accept a future with you,
as you cannot change the past and you are being transformed by God's Presence, through Christ.
Finally, ask God to help you to not write yourself off.
To limit what you can do is to limit what God has done.
"Lord, please help Dai to acknowledge any sin that needs confessed.
Give him a heart of humbleness to do this. But also give him discernment on when and with whom to share.
In the "lifestyle" matter, help him to begin or continue to take needed action, leaning on Your Understanding.
And bless the woman who will work best with him and he with her. Let them both love you above one another.
Of course, God, bring them together in the time most suitable for them both and to your Greater Plan.
Regardless of who or when, get the Glory, in Jesus' name, amen."
Unless, of course, the lady you hope to be your wife should expect that of her someday-maybe-spouse (you).
Ask God to grow quality and/or consistency, practice them on your part.
In that case, (pray about this),
"Am I practicing the things I want to do, so I may see/experience practical improvements?"
(See Romans 7:15; Romans 12)
As far as this post goes, (the one you are reading) it is non-judgmental.
Treat each area of your life as if you are presenting your life to God,
not as he will accept it only, but as He wants to "receive" the "blessing."
"Do everything as unto the Lord."
Trust that God graciously forgives.
Ask God to help her,
to accept your past.
And to accept a future with you,
as you cannot change the past and you are being transformed by God's Presence, through Christ.
Finally, ask God to help you to not write yourself off.
To limit what you can do is to limit what God has done.
"Lord, please help Dai to acknowledge any sin that needs confessed.
Give him a heart of humbleness to do this. But also give him discernment on when and with whom to share.
In the "lifestyle" matter, help him to begin or continue to take needed action, leaning on Your Understanding.
And bless the woman who will work best with him and he with her. Let them both love you above one another.
Of course, God, bring them together in the time most suitable for them both and to your Greater Plan.
Regardless of who or when, get the Glory, in Jesus' name, amen."
Yeah if you have standards the pool is smaller, that's not necessarily a bad thing just weeds out all the people who aren't worth dating because of the heartache and drama they will cause. Though if you have such high standards that no one can meet them, well then you're going to have to either re-evaluate your standards or go dateless. But from reading your posts it sounds like you pre-disqualify a whole lot of people without ever messaging them (heck at least make an interesting girl decide that she isn't interested in you, don't do that for her). Also if you really don't have anything to talk about except God, you need to perhaps expand your interests. I can definitely talk about God for a while, but even I would lose interest if that was the only topic of conversation. After all I know where I can find people to have those types of discussions with.
So bottom line, you're going to have to make your interest known (and seriously if you message every interesting woman if even 1 out of 20 answers you won't be missing the 19 who didn't answer very much) and be at least a bit personal when you do. "Hi, I like your profile" isn't going to cut it. And in communication, you're going to have to have enough of your own personality and interests and show them so that any woman who gives you a chance feels like she's genuinely getting to know you and not just with some guy who only wants a date or is very one dimensionally into church and nothing else.
Oh and one last thing. Before you put too much weight on my advice, you should know that I have absolutely 0 experience dating, but that hasn't stopped me from theorizing about what would work if people would match up to my blueprint of sensible and normal.
I understand that if I was not a Christian and still drank like most others on a night out on the weekends, I wouldn't have a problem with getting a date like I do now. Online women post what they do, where they live, if they drink, what they do for fun etc.
Most women here post something like. E,g.
Hello I'm a bit of a party girl, I like going out with friends and socialising on the weekends. I like going away and try to whenever I can. I'd like to meet someone who can treat me well and not a party pooper, with a sense of humour.
What date: a couple of drinks or similar.
Picture: dolled up, sometimes pouty.
These women, about 75% are not what are suitable. The other 25% are miles away, not attractive (20 stone, spotty or gangly etc) to me, seem like they're up themselves, or a bit gold digger ish. Not many left to pic from, and I'm not built like a rugby player with tattoos that most women seem to want in rugby country Wales UK.
Unless I move, god has to do more work than normal to get me a date. As you probably can tell, the standards are not that high.
Thanks for reading though.
U
Ugly
Guest
I'm a 41 year old, broke, with depression and various physical issues that prohibit me from getting around much. I live in my dads house, along with my older sister. I'm not outgoing, i'm somewhat shy at first. My look is not the kind that most women care for. Yet i'm talking with an amazing woman that knows all my problems and doesn't let that interfere. And i was dating another woman a year before that.
Because my situation kept getting worse, i began lowering my standards. Big regret. Raised them back up and i have met a woman that meets more of what i've looked for in a woman than any women i've ever known.
I'm a 33, 34 year old, living at home with my sister and parents with depression, never had a date, nearly broke, no friends, moved around a bit, in a country with only 4 million population. Living in a harbour village. Am I to wait until I'm 41? Feels like it.
U
Ugly
Guest
Maybe. I've known a few people who made to their early 40s before getting married. Never had the chance before that.
But while it may feel bad not dating, the thing that's easy to forget is you're also missing a lot of heartache. I've had my heart broken so many times that last time i had decided to give up. I was crushed. To the point where it changed me internally. I wanted nothing to do with serious relationships ever again. Planned on dying old and alone. Then this recent woman came along. She was interested in me, but i resisted. But eventually she got past all that pain and the walls i was building and won me over. I'd probably be a very bitter person if it weren't for her. But that bitterness came from years of dating and heartbreak. It sucks being single, but it sucks more to be hurt so much you want to shut down emotionally and to have your personality altered from it all.