Dealing with suicidal thoughts

[Camelot]

My wife and I separated end of last summer there was a lot going on around that time and she just totally turned her back on me at the time I needed her the most. She had me arrested on false accusations which I beat the charges, she spoke HORRIBLY about me to any and everyone for no reason at all. She was angry, she was bitter. And ultimately during the latter part of our separation she had multiple affairs. I mean it's disgusting and heartbreaking even thinking about it.

We recently began talking again trying to work things out and they were GREAT!
I've seen a huge increase in her respect towards me etc. My love for her has grown tremendously.
Then she revealed her multiple affairs.
As she knew of my 1 night stand over a year ago which was partly why we separated.

But I forgave the 1st, and then the 2nd but the more she opened up I don't have the will power. Yukk.

This has been rough on her though. She hates what she's done and doesn't know what came over her (she says)
I believe it, because my wife is NOT that type of person, she's always been faithful but during our breakup she connected to one female also married but seeing multiple men herself. Bringing them to the house etc. And we both believe a perverted spirit lived/lives in that home now.

Moving forward: She's begged me to stay, she even said I can go sleep with whoever as long as I come back to her. Then the unexpected happened.
A week ago she unfortunately tried to take her life after dealing with her guilt and regret and said that if I leave her that she'd kill herself because she didn't know how to take it.
I decided to stay around her to help get her professional help. But I guess not soon enough because that same weekend she really tried with pills and alcohol.

She's doing better but still so depressed as she lives now in a behavioral health clinic.

Today is our anniversary and it has her so depressed. I've been going to see her and don't plan on leaving her side because I seem to be her only comfort.

I really don't know what to do because it kills her to even think about me leaving her, but the thing is she left me a long time ago.

Please guys offer some advice or prayer. I love her still with every piece of my soul but am too devastated to give her myself as I once did because of everything she'd done in just the last 3 months alone.

I would love to stay with her and work it out and move away from everyone....but the past haunts me and the thing is I turned down great opportunities with beeeaautiful women who showed interest, all to save my marriage...I'm not the victim here by the way.

I'm just stuck.
Most of my family wants me to move on.
Her family wants me to forgive her and move on with with her.
Then I think about our son.

 

[PrynceNY]

I pray things get better for you and your wife. It's good she's getting professional help. Does she pray? Has she accepted Christ as the Lord of her life. If adultery keeps occurring she needs deliverance from those spirits that may be attached to her. She maybe still under their strongholds.

 

[mj007]

It sounds like a lot of water has gone under the bridge. Love doesn't always mean you have to be together, sometimes trying to be together can make things worse. Maybe if that is ever to happen again you need to go back to the beginning, to be the best of friends without the sexual infidelity of the past that comes to mind from being together. And that would require a lot of patience, but doesn't patience come from being willing to be patient for each other? Your son is of course the most important person here, he is growing up (not sure how old he is), and both of you should see the togetherness as you both being loving parents, whether it is together or not, that you are two loving parents not two people with problems between each other. While your wife feels the way she does and doesn't know what she would do without you, it is still emotional turmoil in herself, how would she be when she is happy and at peace again? By that time maybe you will be the one in turmoil because you don't know whether you made a right decision in anything, because your feelings were overridden by someone else's emotions. And you know that both of you are equally to blame. Be unconditionally loving towards her, but do not be swayed by turbulent emotions. Love to be together when things are great, feel like escaping, love to be together all happy, feel like running away - does this ring any bells? Maybe you both need to feel free, or practise finding that place, peace within, putting the focus on God, bringing God as a 3rd person in your relationship, without getting sucked into an unhealthy freedom.

These are just my thoughts in the moment, and may not be entirely accurate but if there is anything to learn from what I have said then I'm glad to have inspired.

God bless you and I hope things work out for all of you the way they should, in peace and light. You cannot force God's nature, only let it be, as sure as the grass grows, and which way the trees lean.

 

[Magenta]

You cheated on your wife and then say she was angry for no reason at all?

 

[Depleted]

My wife and I separated end of last summer there was a lot going on around that time and she just totally turned her back on me at the time I needed her the most. She had me arrested on false accusations which I beat the charges, she spoke HORRIBLY about me to any and everyone for no reason at all. She was angry, she was bitter. And ultimately during the latter part of our separation she had multiple affairs. I mean it's disgusting and heartbreaking even thinking about it.

We recently began talking again trying to work things out and they were GREAT!
I've seen a huge increase in her respect towards me etc. My love for her has grown tremendously.
Then she revealed her multiple affairs.
As she knew of my 1 night stand over a year ago which was partly why we separated.

But I forgave the 1st, and then the 2nd but the more she opened up I don't have the will power. Yukk.

This has been rough on her though. She hates what she's done and doesn't know what came over her (she says)
I believe it, because my wife is NOT that type of person, she's always been faithful but during our breakup she connected to one female also married but seeing multiple men herself. Bringing them to the house etc. And we both believe a perverted spirit lived/lives in that home now.

Moving forward: She's begged me to stay, she even said I can go sleep with whoever as long as I come back to her. Then the unexpected happened.
A week ago she unfortunately tried to take her life after dealing with her guilt and regret and said that if I leave her that she'd kill herself because she didn't know how to take it.
I decided to stay around her to help get her professional help. But I guess not soon enough because that same weekend she really tried with pills and alcohol.

She's doing better but still so depressed as she lives now in a behavioral health clinic.

Today is our anniversary and it has her so depressed. I've been going to see her and don't plan on leaving her side because I seem to be her only comfort.

I really don't know what to do because it kills her to even think about me leaving her, but the thing is she left me a long time ago.

Please guys offer some advice or prayer. I love her still with every piece of my soul but am too devastated to give her myself as I once did because of everything she'd done in just the last 3 months alone.

I would love to stay with her and work it out and move away from everyone....but the past haunts me and the thing is I turned down great opportunities with beeeaautiful women who showed interest, all to save my marriage...I'm not the victim here by the way.

I'm just stuck.
Most of my family wants me to move on.
Her family wants me to forgive her and move on with with her.
Then I think about our son.

My husband's first wife (so you know how that story ended) was homicidal at one point. He was able to get her into a psychiatric hospital. Your wife sounds in bad enough shape to need that kind of help too.

This isn't something you can fix just by sticking around her. If it was, she wouldn't keep trying to kill herself. So get her committed. At least. That's the beginning of the rest of your story. (I'm saying I don't know how your story ends. You are not my husband's story.)

 

[Camelot]

It sounds like a lot of water has gone under the bridge. Love doesn't always mean you have to be together, sometimes trying to be together can make things worse. Maybe if that is ever to happen again you need to go back to the beginning, to be the best of friends without the sexual infidelity of the past that comes to mind from being together. And that would require a lot of patience, but doesn't patience come from being willing to be patient for each other? Your son is of course the most important person here, he is growing up (not sure how old he is), and both of you should see the togetherness as you both being loving parents, whether it is together or not, that you are two loving parents not two people with problems between each other. While your wife feels the way she does and doesn't know what she would do without you, it is still emotional turmoil in herself, how would she be when she is happy and at peace again? By that time maybe you will be the one in turmoil because you don't know whether you made a right decision in anything, because your feelings were overridden by someone else's emotions. And you know that both of you are equally to blame. Be unconditionally loving towards her, but do not be swayed by turbulent emotions. Love to be together when things are great, feel like escaping, love to be together all happy, feel like running away - does this ring any bells? Maybe you both need to feel free, or practise finding that place, peace within, putting the focus on God, bringing God as a 3rd person in your relationship, without getting sucked into an unhealthy freedom.

These are just my thoughts in the moment, and may not be entirely accurate but if there is anything to learn from what I have said then I'm glad to have inspired.

God bless you and I hope things work out for all of you the way they should, in peace and light. You cannot force God's nature, only let it be, as sure as the grass grows, and which way the trees lean.

Wow. Thank you. That was very inspiring.

 

[Camelot]

You cheated on your wife and then say she was angry for no reason at all?

That's what you focused on out of everything said huh? Don't comment on my stuff anymore because that wasn't my point when I said that. But what I meant by that statement was she would randomly discuss me and lie on to whomever she felt the need to, rather they asked or not...that's what I was trying to say.

 

[Camelot]

My husband's first wife (so you know how that story ended) was homicidal at one point. He was able to get her into a psychiatric hospital. Your wife sounds in bad enough shape to need that kind of help too.

This isn't something you can fix just by sticking around her. If it was, she wouldn't keep trying to kill herself. So get her committed. At least. That's the beginning of the rest of your story. (I'm saying I don't know how your story ends. You are not my husband's story.)

Yes thank you. She is currently in a psychiatric facility until they release her.

 

[blue_ladybug]

You can't be her fall-back guy when they DO release her. You can't be her shield, or soft spot to land on. She needs to depend on GOD and not you, to get her through this time..

Yes thank you. She is currently in a psychiatric facility until they release her.

 

[Depleted]

Yes thank you. She is currently in a psychiatric facility until they release her.

Ah, different words. I thought the behavioral health clinic was like a daycare/outpatient.

As it stands now, she's literally not in her right mind. Until she gets her mind back, I have no idea how you can make any decisions about the future. I do recommend praying, except I suspect you're already doing that.

I've also found studying the word helps calm down my many moods and emotions to help me focus more on what God wants, instead of staying stuck on what I want.

 

[Camelot]

Ah, different words. I thought the behavioral health clinic was like a daycare/outpatient.

As it stands now, she's literally not in her right mind. Until she gets her mind back, I have no idea how you can make any decisions about the future. I do recommend praying, except I suspect you're already doing that.

I've also found studying the word helps calm down my many moods and emotions to help me focus more on what God wants, instead of staying stuck on what I want.

Okay I am so sorry I'm just confusing the crap out of you..I thought the two were the same. She is in a Behavioral health facility. I'm so sorry for the confusion. Bless u.

 

[Camelot]

Ah, different words. I thought the behavioral health clinic was like a daycare/outpatient.

As it stands now, she's literally not in her right mind. Until she gets her mind back, I have no idea how you can make any decisions about the future. I do recommend praying, except I suspect you're already doing that.

I've also found studying the word helps calm down my many moods and emotions to help me focus more on what God wants, instead of staying stuck on what I want.

And I hear you.

 

[littlestarsmum]

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. My heart ached as I read your post. I know how devastating it must be for you right now. It’s pretty obvious that you love your wife and want to have a happy marriage. I just said a prayer for you and your wife, and I hope that God will provide the wisdom, strength and help you need at this time. Do you think it would help to speak with a counselor? A caring qualified professional would be in an excellent position to offer solid guidance. Your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. Sending blessings & prayers your way!

 

[Ugly]

My wife and I separated end of last summer there was a lot going on around that time and she just totally turned her back on me at the time I needed her the most. She had me arrested on false accusations which I beat the charges, she spoke HORRIBLY about me to any and everyone for no reason at all. She was angry, she was bitter. And ultimately during the latter part of our separation she had multiple affairs. I mean it's disgusting and heartbreaking even thinking about it.

We recently began talking again trying to work things out and they were GREAT!
I've seen a huge increase in her respect towards me etc. My love for her has grown tremendously.
Then she revealed her multiple affairs.
As she knew of my 1 night stand over a year ago which was partly why we separated.

But I forgave the 1st, and then the 2nd but the more she opened up I don't have the will power. Yukk.

This has been rough on her though. She hates what she's done and doesn't know what came over her (she says)
I believe it, because my wife is NOT that type of person, she's always been faithful but during our breakup she connected to one female also married but seeing multiple men herself. Bringing them to the house etc. And we both believe a perverted spirit lived/lives in that home now.

Moving forward: She's begged me to stay, she even said I can go sleep with whoever as long as I come back to her. Then the unexpected happened.
A week ago she unfortunately tried to take her life after dealing with her guilt and regret and said that if I leave her that she'd kill herself because she didn't know how to take it.
I decided to stay around her to help get her professional help. But I guess not soon enough because that same weekend she really tried with pills and alcohol.

She's doing better but still so depressed as she lives now in a behavioral health clinic.

Today is our anniversary and it has her so depressed. I've been going to see her and don't plan on leaving her side because I seem to be her only comfort.

I really don't know what to do because it kills her to even think about me leaving her, but the thing is she left me a long time ago.

Please guys offer some advice or prayer. I love her still with every piece of my soul but am too devastated to give her myself as I once did because of everything she'd done in just the last 3 months alone.

I would love to stay with her and work it out and move away from everyone....but the past haunts me and the thing is I turned down great opportunities with beeeaautiful women who showed interest, all to save my marriage...I'm not the victim here by the way.

I'm just stuck.
Most of my family wants me to move on.
Her family wants me to forgive her and move on with with her.
Then I think about our son.

That's really rough, sorry to hear all this.
My suggestion right now is forget about deciding about staying with her or not. Focus on helping her get better. You obviously love her, despite what has been done. So use that love, for now, to stay with her. NOT because of the threat of suicide, which is a manipulation that should bear no weight on your choice, but because you love her and she's in need.

This gives you time to heal and slow down and think and pray more thoroughly about what you should do. And to seek better counsel than strangers on the internet or family members who have their own personal motives. Perhaps during this time God will move you in one direction or another.

It does sound, though, as if there's more going on than just guilt. My 'guess' is she retaliated against you for your cheating, and thought the more she cheated, the more it would punish you, but instead she only punished herself. But for her to take things this hard suggests there's more going on in her life than just the guilt over cheating. It's not really a common reaction to go so extreme. Particularly if this behavior is the opposite of her norm. And that she encourage you to cheat suggests some deep spiritual issues as well. She will likely need some counseling to dig into the deeper issues. And it may benefit you to get some separately.

 

[joaniemarie]

When people are hurt, they do very stupid or rather "irrational" things to find some kind of solace. satan comes in and since he hates God's loved humanity, the covenant of marriage, and hates the family., he takes advantage of people at their weakest times and his goal is to demolish a whole family so he can torture them for years with even more emotional pain. Divorce is 'the gift that keeps on giving' for years and years to come.

When it comes to marriage the emotional stakes are higher because many of us have put our whole lives "in" with our spouse. (as we should) but when the house falls, it's a giant crumbling and it shows where we really are in our relationship with Christ more than where we are in our relationship with our spouse.

Since you love your wife and she needs and wants you., I don't understand what is wrong with standing by her especially and being an example at this time of what Christ is to His bride the church. Forgiveness on both sides is needed and for sure counseling to find where you both are thinking irrationally. Lot's of self protecting sets in when people have hurt one another in a marriage. It is shocking to see 2 people who once loved one another and had children together fight in court to get what is due them. They turn into totally different people.

Jesus is the great Physician and for sure can mend broken hearts. When a woman feels hopeless and lost and without security from her husband it can be traumatic for some woman more than others.

Many woman have had affairs looking for the security and safety they thought they lost with their husbands. There is for sure anger because of major losses of things she was sure of in her life. It's like a drowning victim grabbing on to whoever will help them.

Hurting people hurt other people. And confusion is always part of this scenario. Is there anything that is not forgivable? I guess we each have to answer that question for ourselves in light of what Jesus has done for us.

 

[Magenta]

That's what you focused on out of everything said huh? Don't comment on my stuff anymore because that wasn't my point when I said that. But what I meant by that statement was she would randomly discuss me and lie on to whomever she felt the need to, rather they asked or not...that's what I was trying to say.

You separated at the end of last summer following an affair you had a year ago, but you say your wife was was angry and bitter, turned her back on you when you needed her most, and spoke horribly of you for no reason at all. I think that deserves more attention than you are willing to give it. She does sound like a very disturbed person, but you seem to want us to believe that your affair had nothing to do with her subsequent meltdown. I am sorry you don't like what I have to say. If my husband abandoned me when I needed him most and then came on a public forum and spoke horribly of me when I was suffering more than I had ever suffered in my life, I would be glad to have someone have some compassion for me.

 

[JustinDVW]

I understand that she must be vary mentally Ill. So pray to Jesus and start going to church with her. My dads wife went through years of manic depression then after she started going to chuch and constantly asking God to bring her out of this depression it was gone one day. Some of gods blessings can take time and patience if you love her I'm sure it will work out, just like another person said seek God for help and attend a local church and keep going there.

I myself have manic depression among other things and it is not easy to deal with I have Bi Polar schizophrenia also. and I take medicine to keep my emotions at ease. Make sure she takes her medication that will help, it also is a battle with some people with her illness so make sure she takes her pills or gets her monthly shot to keep the illness from taking a further toll on her body. If it were not for my own pills I think I would be dead already, I got a really bad sickness so If you need any advice please Ask me.

 

[MomLeslieM]

My wife and I separated end of last summer there was a lot going on around that time and she just totally turned her back on me at the time I needed her the most. She had me arrested on false accusations which I beat the charges, she spoke HORRIBLY about me to any and everyone for no reason at all. She was angry, she was bitter. And ultimately during the latter part of our separation she had multiple affairs. I mean it's disgusting and heartbreaking even thinking about it.

We recently began talking again trying to work things out and they were GREAT!
I've seen a huge increase in her respect towards me etc. My love for her has grown tremendously.
Then she revealed her multiple affairs.
As she knew of my 1 night stand over a year ago which was partly why we separated.

But I forgave the 1st, and then the 2nd but the more she opened up I don't have the will power. Yukk.

This has been rough on her though. She hates what she's done and doesn't know what came over her (she says)
I believe it, because my wife is NOT that type of person, she's always been faithful but during our breakup she connected to one female also married but seeing multiple men herself. Bringing them to the house etc. And we both believe a perverted spirit lived/lives in that home now.

Moving forward: She's begged me to stay, she even said I can go sleep with whoever as long as I come back to her. Then the unexpected happened.
A week ago she unfortunately tried to take her life after dealing with her guilt and regret and said that if I leave her that she'd kill herself because she didn't know how to take it.
I decided to stay around her to help get her professional help. But I guess not soon enough because that same weekend she really tried with pills and alcohol.

She's doing better but still so depressed as she lives now in a behavioral health clinic.

Today is our anniversary and it has her so depressed. I've been going to see her and don't plan on leaving her side because I seem to be her only comfort.

I really don't know what to do because it kills her to even think about me leaving her, but the thing is she left me a long time ago.

Please guys offer some advice or prayer. I love her still with every piece of my soul but am too devastated to give her myself as I once did because of everything she'd done in just the last 3 months alone.

I would love to stay with her and work it out and move away from everyone....but the past haunts me and the thing is I turned down great opportunities with beeeaautiful women who showed interest, all to save my marriage...I'm not the victim here by the way.

I'm just stuck.
Most of my family wants me to move on.
Her family wants me to forgive her and move on with with her.
Then I think about our son.[/QUOTE/]

I am so sorry to hear all this but she is in the best place right now because she can get the intense therapy she needs right now. I would encourage you to find a Christian Marriage Therapist to help you work things out -- [FONT=&quot]If you would like to call 855-382-5433, Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor and provide a referral for you for when you are ready. I would suggest individual counseling for you too - again preferably with a Christian counselor and Focus on the Family can help you with that too- and other resources.

Praying for you.
[/FONT]

 

[ROSSELLA]

My wife and I separated end of last summer there was a lot going on around that time and she just totally turned her back on me at the time I needed her the most. She had me arrested on false accusations which I beat the charges, she spoke HORRIBLY about me to any and everyone for no reason at all. She was angry, she was bitter. And ultimately during the latter part of our separation she had multiple affairs. I mean it's disgusting and heartbreaking even thinking about it.

We recently began talking again trying to work things out and they were GREAT!
I've seen a huge increase in her respect towards me etc. My love for her has grown tremendously.
Then she revealed her multiple affairs.
As she knew of my 1 night stand over a year ago which was partly why we separated.

But I forgave the 1st, and then the 2nd but the more she opened up I don't have the will power. Yukk.

This has been rough on her though. She hates what she's done and doesn't know what came over her (she says)
I believe it, because my wife is NOT that type of person, she's always been faithful but during our breakup she connected to one female also married but seeing multiple men herself. Bringing them to the house etc. And we both believe a perverted spirit lived/lives in that home now.

Moving forward: She's begged me to stay, she even said I can go sleep with whoever as long as I come back to her. Then the unexpected happened.
A week ago she unfortunately tried to take her life after dealing with her guilt and regret and said that if I leave her that she'd kill herself because she didn't know how to take it.
I decided to stay around her to help get her professional help. But I guess not soon enough because that same weekend she really tried with pills and alcohol.

She's doing better but still so depressed as she lives now in a behavioral health clinic.

Today is our anniversary and it has her so depressed. I've been going to see her and don't plan on leaving her side because I seem to be her only comfort.

I really don't know what to do because it kills her to even think about me leaving her, but the thing is she left me a long time ago.

Please guys offer some advice or prayer. I love her still with every piece of my soul but am too devastated to give her myself as I once did because of everything she'd done in just the last 3 months alone.

I would love to stay with her and work it out and move away from everyone....but the past haunts me and the thing is I turned down great opportunities with beeeaautiful women who showed interest, all to save my marriage...I'm not the victim here by the way.

I'm just stuck.
Most of my family wants me to move on.
Her family wants me to forgive her and move on with with her.
Then I think about our son.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I will definitely pray for you. That's a tough situation and one that only God can guide you through. I don't know what you should do for sure, but one thing I do know: If you stay with her, don't do so because you're afraid she'll kill herself if you leave. She needs help from God and doctors, and lots of love. But if someone says he/she'll kill him/herself if you leave him/her, that's a dangerous situation to be in. You're not responsible for her decision to live or die, and someone who threatens suicide if you leave could also turn homicidal, as well.

 

[Silverwings]

That's really rough, sorry to hear all this.
My suggestion right now is forget about deciding about staying with her or not. Focus on helping her get better. You obviously love her, despite what has been done. So use that love, for now, to stay with her. NOT because of the threat of suicide, which is a manipulation that should bear no weight on your choice, but because you love her and she's in need.

This gives you time to heal and slow down and think and pray more thoroughly about what you should do. And to seek better counsel than strangers on the internet or family members who have their own personal motives. Perhaps during this time God will move you in one direction or another.

It does sound, though, as if there's more going on than just guilt. My 'guess' is she retaliated against you for your cheating, and thought the more she cheated, the more it would punish you, but instead she only punished herself. But for her to take things this hard suggests there's more going on in her life than just the guilt over cheating. It's not really a common reaction to go so extreme. Particularly if this behavior is the opposite of her norm. And that she encourage you to cheat suggests some deep spiritual issues as well. She will likely need some counseling to dig into the deeper issues. And it may benefit you to get some separately.

NOT because of the threat of suicide, which is a manipulation

It could be occasionally , but certainly not always, rather, it is a cry for help.