Struggling

[treatso]

Hello,

I've been just feeling really sad lately. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I have been depressed and unjoyful for a long time. I also have so many negative feelings towards people, and I hate that about myself. It's like I have to try really hard to be nice. But the bad thoughts are always there.

In the past, I used a ouija board and found out that demons actually exist. I started getting "sleep paralysis" and some of them would be really intense. I went to church for the 1st time, and received Christ as the one who died for me. The attacks continued, and would scare me a lot. My latest attack was earlier today.

To escape from all the depression and obsessive thoughts I have, I go to porn. I started when I was in grade 6. I have tried my very best to stop, after believing that there really was a God and that Jesus died for me. It took a lot of courage to tell a church member about my struggle. They prayed for me and they also told my pastor that I am having this struggle. I called my pastor as well, but he said that he would meet me in a week. He never called me, and never asked me about my struggle. I felt let down. That was a few years ago, and I just don't want to confess it again. I also confessed to a pastor from a different evangelical church, and he told me that God doesn't care whether I masturbate. This pastor didn't seem to care that much about my well-being. I just feel that there is no point in resisting anymore, or telling anyone else.

With the depression, obsessive intrusive thoughts, sleep paralysis, and porn bondage, I just hate life. I know that I'm displeasing to Christ. My family is not Christian as well. It's like I want to get some terminal illness and just be done with life. I get sad when I wake up and have to face another day. I just don't get how on earth Jesus will not say to me, "I never knew you" to me. And that scares me. Does anybody have any insight or suggestions for me? Because I feel like my walk with Christ is non-existent.

 

[88]

Hello,

I've been just feeling really sad lately. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I have been depressed and unjoyful for a long time. I also have so many negative feelings towards people, and I hate that about myself. It's like I have to try really hard to be nice. But the bad thoughts are always there.

In the past, I used a ouija board and found out that demons actually exist. I started getting "sleep paralysis" and some of them would be really intense. I went to church for the 1st time, and received Christ as the one who died for me. The attacks continued, and would scare me a lot. My latest attack was earlier today.

To escape from all the depression and obsessive thoughts I have, I go to porn. I started when I was in grade 6. I have tried my very best to stop, after believing that there really was a God and that Jesus died for me. It took a lot of courage to tell a church member about my struggle. They prayed for me and they also told my pastor that I am having this struggle. I called my pastor as well, but he said that he would meet me in a week. He never called me, and never asked me about my struggle. I felt let down. That was a few years ago, and I just don't want to confess it again. I also confessed to a pastor from a different evangelical church, and he told me that God doesn't care whether I masturbate. This pastor didn't seem to care that much about my well-being. I just feel that there is no point in resisting anymore, or telling anyone else.

With the depression, obsessive intrusive thoughts, sleep paralysis, and porn bondage, I just hate life. I know that I'm displeasing to Christ. My family is not Christian as well. It's like I want to get some terminal illness and just be done with life. I get sad when I wake up and have to face another day. I just don't get how on earth Jesus will not say to me, "I never knew you" to me. And that scares me. Does anybody have any insight or suggestions for me? Because I feel like my walk with Christ is non-existent.

**** first you might go to a doctor for depression---he could check out other symptoms too-----get rid if porn---and find other believers that will support you to be living joyfully...

 

[treatso]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I actually have gone to see a doctor in the past, and the medication he gave only made things worse; I suffered from the side effects of the medication, and it did nothing for my symptoms. I could see a different doctor I guess.

 

[88]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I actually have gone to see a doctor in the past, and the medication he gave only made things worse; I suffered from the side effects of the medication, and it did nothing for my symptoms. I could see a different doctor I guess.

**** sometimes a new medicine will work...

 

[treatso]

Yes, I know that there are a few antidepressants that I can try.

 

[PennEd]

Hello,

I've been just feeling really sad lately. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I have been depressed and unjoyful for a long time. I also have so many negative feelings towards people, and I hate that about myself. It's like I have to try really hard to be nice. But the bad thoughts are always there.

In the past, I used a ouija board and found out that demons actually exist. I started getting "sleep paralysis" and some of them would be really intense. I went to church for the 1st time, and received Christ as the one who died for me. The attacks continued, and would scare me a lot. My latest attack was earlier today.

To escape from all the depression and obsessive thoughts I have, I go to porn. I started when I was in grade 6. I have tried my very best to stop, after believing that there really was a God and that Jesus died for me. It took a lot of courage to tell a church member about my struggle. They prayed for me and they also told my pastor that I am having this struggle. I called my pastor as well, but he said that he would meet me in a week. He never called me, and never asked me about my struggle. I felt let down. That was a few years ago, and I just don't want to confess it again. I also confessed to a pastor from a different evangelical church, and he told me that God doesn't care whether I masturbate. This pastor didn't seem to care that much about my well-being. I just feel that there is no point in resisting anymore, or telling anyone else.

With the depression, obsessive intrusive thoughts, sleep paralysis, and porn bondage, I just hate life. I know that I'm displeasing to Christ. My family is not Christian as well. It's like I want to get some terminal illness and just be done with life. I get sad when I wake up and have to face another day. I just don't get how on earth Jesus will not say to me, "I never knew you" to me. And that scares me. Does anybody have any insight or suggestions for me? Because I feel like my walk with Christ is non-existent.

The attacks of the enemy intensifies because of his hatred of you and that you have accepted Jesus and are now His.

Recognize that. The enemy's plan now is to so depress you, and to keep you so focused on your sin, and away from Jesus, that you become completely ineffective in bringing others to Christ.

Holy Father in heaven, please give this young man revelation about who he is NOW, instruct him on how to put on Your full Armor, so that all the attacks of the enemy fall to nothing.

In Jesus sweet Name I pray.

 

[treatso]

aw thank you so very much You have no idea how much I appreciate your prayer. Bless you my friend. The enemy is certainly very effective in his tactics.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Please read my depression thread, and check out my faithbook. Go to the Blog tab in my profile to read the depression thread, and I'll put the link to my faith book here. And feel free to PM me..

http://christianchat.com/miscellaneous/97926-my-cc-faith-book.html

 

[mariner845]

The strength to fight these battles does not come from us, it comes from God. In our weakness God is our strength. Set time aside for Him. Pray, read his word, watch some online preachers, listen to christian music and worship often. We cannot serve two masters, as we begin to serve Christ and keep our mind focused on Him the desires of the flesh will lose their hold on our lives. I was in a similar place once, the enemy wants you to give up but Gods mercy and love for us knows no bounds. Fervently seek Him in all parts of your life and He will break those addictions in your life. The more of Christ we feed into our hearts and minds and spirit the more sin will be pushed out of our lives. Ive been there, I know what he can do brother, do not lose faith in Gods love for us

 

[treatso]

Thank you so much for the link to your faith book! I will have a look at it

 

[treatso]

Hi Mariner845, I really have tried to give Christ 1st place in my life. I've taken some major risks at points in my life, putting my trust in Christ. And I saw him show me just how he is able to protect me. I just don't get that when it comes to this addiction, why it's just so difficult. I wonder what else I can do. I've tried doing what the Bible said to do, which was to confess my sin to others. I also just wonder why we don't see healing like we see in the New Testament. I like to listen some online preachers, on youtube. There are days where I pray in the morning, and I think and feel that yes this is going to be a successful day...but then 7-8 hours later I give into the porn temptation. I've even tried going to a SAA group, but I don't think I entirely agreed with their philosophy. But I totally understand what you're saying, and you are absolutely right about all you said. I feel that much of my issues most likely have a demonic root, especially seeing how a demon communicated through the ouija board. I did get rid of the board though. In the last couple of sleep paralysis attacks, it seems like the demonic spirit was giving me a choice to call to allah (the Muslim god) for help or continue to call to Jesus. It's always been Jesus, so I cried out to him, and the attack stopped. I know God's there. And I want a close relationship with him more than anything. I'm glad you've gotten out of the similar place that you were in. Although going through it is no fun, it certainly does allow me to know and understand what an addiction feels like and what it can feel like to have no hope.

 

[BenFTW]

Sin seems to do that, it makes death feel like the best option but you have to realize that God has plans for your life. Just for that alone, there is reason to live. I so easily understand you when you speak of death and how simple it would be instead of living life, but then you would miss out on this blessing that we only get to experience once. It is a gift of God, life. So then, lets experience it in love. To love God and others.

Your struggle with porn can have a lot of different roots, but ultimately if you look at how God sees romantic love (read the Song of Solomon) you'll see what God intended for sexual expression. It is meant to be an intimacy between husband and wife. I don't know your relationship status but maybe you should see what the Lord has for you in that area. Of course that relationship will be so much more than intercourse, and so in that way it'll also be that much more fulfilling that what momentary pleasure porn offers you.

There is more to life than feeding that addiction, and its called purpose. Live with purpose in mind, especially God's purpose for your life. Occupy your time with things that are pure, holy, and good. Surround yourself an in environment of love and in prayer. Spend time with God, be in His presence, and allow Him to sanctify and chastise you into the person He has made you to be.

 

[treatso]

Yes, thank you very much. Life certainly is a gift from God, even though it may not feel like it at many times. I have a great family, but are not Christian, so I don't really have much support in my Christian walk. I have no Christian friends in my close circle. So I just feel like I'm trying to follow Christ alone. Being in school and working also really cuts down my free time to join a Christian group. I do agree with you though about God having a plan. And there is just so much to experience in life. I do hope to get married one day, but that day may or may never come. Sex in marriage will definitely be more fulfilling, and I'd feel less guilty lol Thank you again for your comment. Have a good night

 

[Swiftintent]

Have you looked into talking with a Christian counselor? You're never to far from God, you just have to take that step back to Him and repent. Once you accept the Lord as your savior, you cannot be unsaved. There are programs out there that you can reach out to like a celebrate recovery which deals with a whole bunch of life issues as well as places like Focus on the Family. Have you ever looked at a movie called chasing the cardboard butterfly? Look it up and see if it's something that speaks to you. Prayers that you will come through this, just cling tight to your faith and pray, lots of prayer and let the Lord take control of your life and the next step in it. Remember, even though it feels like you are alone, you never are. Don't give up hope.

 

[treatso]

Hi Swiftintent, I have wanted to see a Christian counselor. I just haven't been able to find one locally. I have called in to prayer phone lines about my struggle, so they counseled me a bit. Also, the other issue would be since I don't have a good source of income yet, I wouldn't be able to pay for counseling services I may be able to try groups like celebrate recovery once I get off school. I've never heard of chasing the cardboard butterfly, but I will definitely look it up. Honestly, I think I just don't take my faith seriously, and I don't take sin seriously. And I know that's a problem that I need to address. Thank you very much for your comment; I'll take a look at that movie. Bless you

 

[Desertsrose]

Hi treatso,

I just want you to know how sad I was to read your post. But like Ben said, it's the enemy that's after you big time.

When I was a young believer, I had a thought that would keep attacking me and I knew it was the enemy. So every time it would happen, I deliberately thought of other things and put my mind on what was holy.

Reading scripture helps when the enemy attacks because he's lying. So reading truth is what helps to reject the enemies lies. And prayer always helps too.

I have FM and OA and other health issues. Lack of sleep is always something I deal with as well. As an example I might say silently to myself or even out loud to myself, "Oh great, another wasted day." I would say this because I'd be a walking zombie from lack of sleep and couldn't do a thing that day. I even wondered of what value I am because of all I go though and the fact that there's not a whole lot I can do. But again, that's the voice of the enemy.

So out loud I will either read God's word and find passages that speak the opposite of the thoughts coming my way and pray and I'll say, "Thank you Lord for this beautiful day that's yours and mine to enjoy and I will rejoice and be glad in it." Or I might just say, "This is not a wasted day." I want my ears to hear His truth because that always contradicts the lies and gives me God's power to overcome the lies and confidently walk in His truth.

And many times when I do this, the day that was going to be a wasted day was one of the best days even though I'm in pain or in a lack of sleep fog. God is mighty and powerful. Take what belongs to you in Christ and not what the enemy is offering you on a silver platter.

Also, I think you need to look around for a church that can help you, to pray with you and come along side of you to help hold you accountable to God and His word and His will for your life. It helps when someone else is in your corner.

Keep looking until you find a church that will help you. Get connected and get into a bible study. Make it your priority to live the new life in Christ.

Plug in and begin to serve God in some capacity as He leads you. You may not realize it, but we all have a gift to give to the body of Christ. These are all things will help you. Get busy finding out what God wants for your life and what He wants you to do with your life because it's not what you're doing now that is pleasing in His sight.

And I don't say that to be mean at all. I'm grieving with you because I know what depression is. But I say it to help snap you out of what you're going through. Your surrounded by unbelievers and you need to find fellowship with Christians because you will begin to experience the joy of the Lord as you get together with God's people and begin studying His word to renew your mind that will transform your way of thinking from being worldly to thinking Godly. Walk in the light of Christ and you'll begin to have that joy and peace you so desire.

You can do this, treatso. With God, all things are possible. Step into God's world, abide in Christ and leave the old behind.

 

[treatso]

Hi Desertsrose, from reading your post I could tell you have a genuine concern for me, and I thank you for sharing your experiences. I can guarantee that you have it much more difficult than me, but yet you've kept such a strong faith and desire for Jesus, and I admire that so much.

My ultimate goal has been, or I guess used to be, to make Christ the priority of my life. I went to church today for the first time since last month, and I just felt so depressed after leaving church. I have no idea why, but I felt like I should've not gone to church, and I was just regretting to have gone to church. Also last night, I had 2 sleep paralysis attacks. I then played Christian music on the radio during the night, and after that there were no more attacks.

I really desire to walk in the light of Christ. I imagine myself one day being a godly man, serving Christ with such heart. I just don't know how to get to that dream. I do think I am slowly falling away. In order to reverse the trend, I think I have to do what you have said, which is to read the Bible and to speak the verses that contradict my thought patterns.

Thank you so much for your advice and concern. I really appreciate it

 

[AuntSilly]

[FONT=&quot] I encourage you to shrink your view - instead of looking at your life as a whole including past, present, and future, try to just focus on today - one minute at a time. Try to start your day off tomorrow by talking to God and just thanking Him that you were given another day and ask Him to help you to be consciously aware that you are in His presence, moment by moment. Tell Him you want to know Him better and ask Him to help you to seek Him out above all else. When you find yourself dealing with temptation, make a conscious choice to redirect your focus to God. Talk to Him, listen to a Christrian radio station, or turn on the Christian television station in your area, or just pick up your Bible and start reading. Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of my favorites and it says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." I'm glad you found ChristianChat! [/FONT]

 

[treatso]

That is really great advice. Taking it one step at a time, one day at a time, and to just have an authentic walk with God. When temptation strikes, sometimes I do try to consciously decide to focus on God, and sometimes it works. But then the temptation comes back only a few mins later. The sexual thoughts never leave me. It's just that at times my resistance becomes lower than normal, due to depression, and then the temptation and sexual thoughts intensify. And I know that porn has been a poison to my Christian life. I will use all that advice you have given me, and to get back on track, before it's too late. I love that verse from proverbs too. It's one of the few verses I have memorized lol I'm glad I found ChristianChat too

 

[AuntSilly]

Remember that each day is a new beginning with a clean slate. Don't let yesterday's failures drag you down today. Be in the present and remember who you are in Christ. Hold on to those verses in Proverbs that you have memorized and stored in your heart. Recall them as often as necessary! The Holy Spirit is your Helper - rely on Him! He will never let you down! You were never meant to do this all on your own...but with His help every step of the way.