Infidelity

[Beebecky]

My husband is dating an older woman and before I knew anything about it they had gone really far. We were living apart but not separated and he comes home every week but this reduced when he met this older lady. When I got to know about the affair I kicked off and decided to end the relationship which clearly he doesnt want cos at that point he came back home fully and apologised sincerely promising that the affair had ended. Early in Feb I got to know that they are still talking and when I asked him he denied, I then heard some voicemails from this lady on his phone and I decided to call her; she was very aggressive towards me and cursed me, she sent text messages of abusive nature to me and my parents, she told me that my husband loves her to bits and that he is lying to me, she mentioned things only my husband could have told her but asking him about it, he denied... I was spoken to by friends and family then and I carried on with him. He kept telling me is over btw them and that it was last year's affair only for me to discover that he still calls this lady and that the lady still calls him intimate names on text messages... I asked and he denied telling me all sorts of stories about how his phone dialled this ladys no without him knowing (a call that lasted over 5 mins).
I am at a breaking point as this man has never been truthful about anything, I want out but he keeps insisting he cannot leave me and at the same time keeping this other woman aside. I feel betrayed by him telling bad stuffs about me to this woman and yet he claims he loves me and that I am the only one he loves; I dont know how I can believe that with all the lies. I really want to move on with my life but seems really difficult cos relatives cant really understand what am going tru, I am been emotionally abused and most times blackmailed by this man. We have 3 lovely boys together and I am only reluctant to leave cos of them, but at this point I dont think I can stand him and his lies anymore. My story is a lot more and my bitter experiences with this man but I know its a long story already so Il stop here.... is anyone in or has gone tru this type of treatment? I need advice on what to do please...

 

[CLee622]

Wow bless you. I'm going through struggles in marriage, not infidelity (pornography yes which is a form of infidelity but still... it pains me to read your story) but mostly I deal with abuse (mostly verbal, increasingly physical) and despondency. I know we can only say so much on a thread, when so much more is in our hearts.

Know that adultery is grounds for divorce. However, as someone currently in a state of praying hope for a marriage, I cannot encourage divorce (as God hates it) ... our behavior and mannerisms affect our husbands more than we may realize at the time. It is hard. It is painful. But if God is convincing you to stay, love that man. With a love he does not "deserve" because none of us "deserve" God's love, yet He gives it. If you want to talk more you can message me anytime.

 

[PrynceNY]

Biblically speaking you have the right to divorce & from what I see he is not displaying the love you deserve. God will honor whatever decision you make. If you feel like things won't change you would be better off getting a divorce & moving on with your life. God doesn't want your marriage life to be filled with misery. I pray things get better for you. I also hope your husband repents because the Lord sees all the things he's doing & he will be judged for it.

 

[Beebecky]

Thank you soo much, I love the man soo much but he clearly doesnt love me or he might think that life and emotions are games of some sorts, because if hes not having an affair, he will either be doing something behind my back or escalating small issues, his affair with this lady tops it all and the most annoying thing is that he keeps lying to me and expect me to believe him and also to my amazement, he acts as if he is telling me the thruth which we both know is not

Wow bless you. I'm going through struggles in marriage, not infidelity (pornography yes which is a form of infidelity but still... it pains me to read your story) but mostly I deal with abuse (mostly verbal, increasingly physical) and despondency. I know we can only say so much on a thread, when so much more is in our hearts.

Know that adultery is grounds for divorce. However, as someone currently in a state of praying hope for a marriage, I cannot encourage divorce (as God hates it) ... our behavior and mannerisms affect our husbands more than we may realize at the time. It is hard. It is painful. But if God is convincing you to stay, love that man. With a love he does not "deserve" because none of us "deserve" God's love, yet He gives it. If you want to talk more you can message me anytime.

 

[Beebecky]

Thanks Prynce, I am so happy I found this site and believe me your comments has helped a lot! I hope he repents too cos I am not sure if he knows hes on the wrong path. He lies and acts the lies as if they were true.... I am seeking Gods face on what to do. Thank you

 

[blue_ladybug]

Stop enabling him to make a fool out of you. He lies, he's STILL cheating, he's guilt-tripping you into staying because he wants both you AND his little side dish. :/ Get yourself tested for STD's. He ain't gonna stop cheating on you, cheaters never stop. Change the locks while he's gone, and take some action to move on with your life. He's made it crystal clear he doesn't love you anymore. And without love and trust in a marriage, you don't have anything. He's a selfish, manipulative cheating player, and you deserve better.

 

[Beebecky]

Thanks a lot, changing the lock might be somewhere to start the process. Thanks

Stop enabling him to make a fool out of you. He lies, he's STILL cheating, he's guilt-tripping you into staying because he wants both you AND his little side dish. :/ Get yourself tested for STD's. He ain't gonna stop cheating on you, cheaters never stop. Change the locks while he's gone, and take some action to move on with your life. He's made it crystal clear he doesn't love you anymore. And without love and trust in a marriage, you don't have anything. He's a selfish, manipulative cheating player, and you deserve better.

 

[blue_ladybug]

You're welcome.. good luck..

Thanks a lot, changing the lock might be somewhere to start the process. Thanks

 

[Hungry]

So many possible paths to take. I think it is obvious that his ego needs be satisfied by being desired by more than one woman. I think the key here is disappointment is a result of expectation. You are hurt because you expect him to behave with your morality, and he does not. He cheats and he lies. What kind of dad is he? What kind of dad would he be if you left? If you leave, what kind of life will have? Either way your life will have suffering. I'm not saying stay, I'm not saying go. People usually make big decisions based on how they feel. Feelings change with the weather. Big decisions could impact many people over the course of their lives. I'm not in this situation but if it was me I would stay married, hope for change but expect it to stay the same. I would remove trust and emotion from the relationship. If he wants that back, he would have to earn it. Focus on your children now, and get joy from God. People will always disappoint us. If he is physically abusive, definitely leave. Words only have the power we give them.

 

[Ariel82]

Maybe it's me, but I would record what he says about her (nanny cam or just push record on your phone) and then send it to the older woman.

Then separate/ fill for divorce. Maybe hire a private investigator to document infidelity and get all rights to the kids and the house.

Trust is very important for marriage to work and you know he is lying and just stringing both you and the older woman along.

Why would a man trash talk his wife to his mistress, yet still stay with her?

Anyway I would leave not because of emotion, but because you deserve respect and love as a child of God.

Adultery is grounds for divorce according to the Bible.

 

[sojames]

where r u from and what is his name

 

[Beebecky]

Lol.... im from Nigeria but I dont want to mention names here

where r u from and what is his name

 

[sojames]

where r u from

 

[sojames]

what part give me the initials pls

 

[sojames]

can we talk privately

 

[blue_ladybug]

Does it matter what part? She's in the same country that you're in..

 

[sojames]

excuse me i am am not talking to you, dont reply my post ok, bless you

 

[blue_ladybug]

You're excused. However, this IS a public forum, and people can reply to whomever they want to. Why do you seem so hostile?

excuse me i am am not talking to you, dont reply my post ok, bless you

 

[Hungry]

Maybe it's me, but I would record what he says about her (nanny cam or just push record on your phone) and then send it to the older woman.

Then separate/ fill for divorce. Maybe hire a private investigator to document infidelity and get all rights to the kids and the house.

Trust is very important for marriage to work and you know he is lying and just stringing both you and the older woman along.

Why would a man trash talk his wife to his mistress, yet still stay with her?

Anyway I would leave not because of emotion, but because you deserve respect and love as a child of God.

Adultery is grounds for divorce according to the Bible.

I don't want to distract from the reason that this lady started this thread but trying to fit our situations today into The Law and revisions is not correct. The woman can leave any time she wants if she is not married to a believer, remarrying is the adulterous part. Christ said that to men of His day. Men were allowed multiple wives and were divorcing the ones they didn't want and marrying other women. He wouldn't have been adulterous. She, because they couldn't just go get a job and support herself and the kids, would be kicked out and the kids probably stayed with the father if he wanted them. Most likely just to live, she would have to sell herself into slavery, as a prostitute or take another husband forcing her to commit adultery. If she cheated on her husband then she would already be an adulterous and would basically have brought it on herself. I didn't make the rules, I just have a hard time letting it go when people misrepresent them.

 

[Beebecky]

Thanks a lot! My God comes first then my children now and everything else, Ive had so many set backs cos of dufferent issues in this relationship. I really want to stay and build a proper hime for my kids but I only wish this man can just change which I dont think is possible without Gods intervention..... mind you, I have prayed and fasted for his soul on several occassions.